Celestia feels as though she isn't as intimidating or helpful in a fight as she once was, and neither is her sister, so she devises a plan to become formidable again. The four Princesses will train intensely for six months, and Rainbow Dash of all ponies will be in charge of the whole thing, the powers of some of the greatest ponies in history at her hooves, including a former commander of the Storm King's army and the great sorcerer Starswirl the Bearded. What could possibly go wrong?
(Due to the scope of this story it focuses on a lot more characters than are tagged.)
[[FEATURED on May 13th, 2018! My thanks to all of you!]]
Chapters (6)
This certainly has potential. I look forward to more.
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Many thanks! Total War: Warhammer 2 keeps crashing on me so I guess I can just go to work and write fanfiction. It's actually been really motivating to put my less productive hobbies aside and focus on writing.
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I need to do that. I've spent so much time reading stories on this site that I've let my own works wallow. I have flash drive full of half finished first chapters that I've never gotten around to editing or posting here.
8538402
I recently released a few chapters of a Zootopia story that I'd been sitting on for several months and it felt great to finally put it out there. If you have stories to tell you should definitely tell them.
I really like this. Please continue it. I have a few suggestions.
ing powerful. Like Fluttershy, Rarity, the CMC (especially Sweetie Belle), and Derpy.
1. Each chapter focuses on a different teacher/trainer/mentor (each chapter has a different character teaching/training the princesses a different thing)
it would be even better if you did characters that everypony underestimates but are actually really f
2. This one is more of a wishful command than a suggestion, but do your research unlike practically everybody I meet. PLEASE!!!
That's all. This is a good idea.
Signing out, VShuffler42
8538880
I tried to buy the digital version of the prequel comics but surprise surprise the website wouldn't let me make the purchase. The person who designed IDW's site should be demoted. Anyway, I bought the physical copy and it's in the mail. I've watched every generation of My Little Pony, and I've read a few of the comics. Rest easy on the research thing.
Also, Rarity will turn out to be a great fencer and that'll definitely be a big deal.
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Yes thank you. Rarity as a fencer sounds awesome and actually plausible. Her levitation/telekinetic magic surpasses even Twilight, so I wouldnt be surprised if she learned how to fence using that ability. And if you think I'm lying (which I am not accusing you), one of my favorites hobbies is to research, analyze, observe, and list all of a certain character's abilities and powers. For example, I spent 3 Months to do ALL of Pinkie Pie's. I like to do research, so I'll know what is wrong or right. As such, if you ever need help, I'll be here at least most of the time.
Rarity as a fencer sounds awesome, really. I mean, now I have the headcanon that rarity is a fencer and a crystal bender. I will be willing to help any way I can.
Signing out, VShuffler42
This is glorious!!! I recommend a bonus chapter desribing what excruciating training happens to the wonderbolts after their failure. I also advise that you allow background ponies to train too.
Please please, have a surprise during the battle, where Rarity turns out to also be the best Crystal Bender in the world. Or something of a the sort. That is my major headcanon for Rarity's power. Add that to having 3 black belts and being the reigning fencing champion in Ponyville, Manehattan, and Camelot, and finally combine it with her canon rocking out from "Honest Apple" and her hairstyle from "This Isn't the Mane Things About You" and you got a pretty badass version of Rarity.
Sorry, I just am excited that finally, FINALLY somepony doesn't think Rarity is super weak. I hate it when people don't do their f
ing research.
By the way, Rarity is no where near my favorite character, but I still like her. My Favorite character slot goes to Pinkie Pie. Speaking of Pinkie Pie, when is she going to teach the princesses? Can she? I mean, with all her abilities, it might not be fair for the princesses no matter what they did.
Please continue the story, and I will still offer my advice so ... yeah.
Signing out, VShuffler42
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Can I ask you to please put spoiler tags around your future comments about what might happen in a fight? You keep guessing correctly!
Most of the characters in the show have pretty spectacular abilities and I made this story primarily because I saw them being under-utilized for plot reasons a lot, both in the show and in several fan fics. Since this plot is all about their abilities I can show off all manner of interesting scenes between the characters both in and out of combat.
EDIT: Oh, and super important this: thank you for reading! It pleases me to see someone enjoying my story so much.
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Okay I'll do that. I forgot about it the previous times. Thanks for reminding me.
Oh and here's proof that rarity is a master of levitation/ telekinetic magic even better then twilight:
The Song, "Art of the Dress"
Retrieving Mistmane's Flower
Not including the daily uses and activities
Flurry Heart can be a cheerleader to help out.
I love watching ponies being badass, particularly Twilight, but I do have some nitpicks.
"almost" implies less than. It's supposedly exactly 1000 years between Luna going Nightmare and the pilot episode. I'm not sure how long the period between Discord and Luna's banishment was, and I'm not sure how old Twilight is, but I'd be rather surprised if there was actually less than 1000 years between Discord's takedown and Twilgiht's birth.
On top of that, "millennia" is plural and you spelled it wrong. If you are talking about a single 1000 year period, then it should be "a millennium" .
20 milliseconds is a very small period of time and a very precise value. This section is mostly from Cadance's POV and it seems odd that she (or anybody watching) would be able to pick out that time value that precisely. Some thing like "a nose-length" behind" or similar language would feel more natural.
Here's my speculation in spoilers: Rarity fights dirty.
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Thanks for pointing out the millennium thing. You're right, I meant to use the singular. "Less than" was intentional because Celestia was referring to how long it took for Twilight to be born, not so much how long it took her to start fighting Nightmare Moon. Twilight was upwards of 20 years old at the start of the series if her extensive education is anything to judge by, and I honestly don't think Discord's reign lasted that long. When Celestia and Luna are on the war path they strike quickly rather than planning out long campaigns, which may be contributing to their recent losses against well-prepared foes.
Then again, the Princess Pair may have been fillies when Discord first took over and then it definitely would have lasted quite a long time.
EDIT: It has since been edited to read "That it took over a millennium..." etc.
I'm liking this story, though including non-mlp forms of magic (Earth, Water, etc...) was enough to briefly break the mood.
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The show doesn't dive into specifics much, but Twilight has canonically shown an aptitude for manipulating water in the alicorn amulet episode. This story will more explicitly explore several types of magic, since a bunch of magic duels without any rules wouldn't be very engaging moving forward.
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An MLP unicorn's levitation of rocks, water, or any other material is not "Earth Magic" or "Water Magic." It's MLP's unicorn magic.
They pick things up and carry them around with their magic, just as we do with our hands. Scooping up a palm-full of water or picking up a stone don't make me a water mage or an earth mage, and the same is true of an MLP unicorn.
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vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/d/db/Twilight_training_bubbles_S3E5.png/revision/latest?cb=20121210211327
Twilight standing on water with the help of a zebra's teachings seems to imply that magic is a lot more complicated than we're shown. I respect your perspective on the matter, but I want several chapters of ponies fighting each other to be more complicated than a series of telekinetic "arm wrestling" matches.
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The plot you've laid out is a good one. The Princesses want to train for battle. Here's the thing: You don't train troops for battle by setting them to fighting with each other one-on-one, because then you end up with wounded or dead trainees. You get your trainees to work as a team, you get them into physical condition, then you train them in the use of their weaponry and unarmed combat.
Only then can you start teaching them the more complex and dangerous skills.
However, it seems you just want to describe Dragon Ball style fights. Good luck with that.
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That's a fair point, but Rainbow is just putting them through a pretest phase right now. I don't want to spoil the specifics, but I find the comparison to DBZ frankly insulting. I'd like to establish more concrete rules for magic specifically to avoid that. It may be an unpopular opinion, but I absolutely despise DBZ.
I appreciate you avoiding the dislike button for now. The story is still new and I haven't really gotten into the meat of the plot yet. If you're displeased by what's coming then feel free to make your opinion known as more chapters are released. As passionate and incendiary as this comment chain has been, it has helped me to come to a decision about the next chapter that will (hopefully) give the story some of the grounding you're looking for.
Looks like we're getting some antagonists
Story keeps getting better and better!
My guess for the conspirators and their purpose:
Luna and Celestia are trying to prod Twilight into some sort of new stage, mentally, magically, socially, politically, or something else.
Something that may come up and possibly should come up: As much as I like stories about ponies being badass, most of her major victories aren't the result of wining a fight. They are a result of reaching out to others, as pointed out in the season 7 finale. Having her become more inclined to deliver beatdowns might turn out to be counter productive.
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Oh yes indeed. What would a story focused on advanced combat techniques be without some proper foes?
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I'm glad you're enjoying it!
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Your prediction as to the negative effect this could have on dear Twilight is already evident in her very first fight. We'll have to find out together if she can manage to meet the challenges of the training program and still remain true to herself.
Good luck with the job hunt mate!
Oooh. THIS WAS AWESOME!
-1) Rarity was awesome.
-2) Capper's act of kindness towards Rarity at the end of the fight was adorable.
-3) (To Spike) I know the feeling, Spike. Though I must congratulate you on your memorization skills of Twilight's castle. I think only Twilight herself (and maybe Moondancer, after a couple of weeks) could do better.
Okay now that is done. Let's get to the advice.
1)Rarity needs to improve herself. Yes, Rarity did go against Luna of all Princesses. And Luna is very powerful. But it seems as if Rarity was constantly at a disadvantage and that the only reason she won was because of the multiple tricks and abilities up her sleeve. That irks me just a little because Rarity is shown to be more powerful than most characters in the field of levitation and telekinetic magic. We can't say the Princesses are more powerful in that field because we don't know if they are using levitation to raise the sun and moon. They could be using some sort of Celestial and Lunar Magic to raise them. The closest thing we have of power is Twilight levitating the Ursa Minor and even if Rarity can't levitate something of that size, she makes up for that with accuracy, precision, and the amount of objects she can levitate. You went over this a little. Rarity precisely blocking all of the attacks in a barrage. But it felt undermined.
Even with that, the fight was great.
2) Have different types of fights for different ponies.
Luna is a warrior princess. She is obviously more powerful than Celestia in combat, even if not in magical abilities. She held her own (but still lost) against Rarity who probably has more martial arts training then Luna, but less magical abilities. Rarity's crystal-bending was her Ace in the hole. If it wasn't for that, Rarity probably would have lost.
Celestia is probably just more of a magic user then combat. Against RD, speed and agility, She lost because she couldn't focus. How would do against somepony who still has explosive magic but has the combat training of an army commander a.k.a. Fizzlepop Berrytwist a.k.a. Tempest Shadow? Would her magic overcome Tempest or will Fizzlepop's m massive combat training defeat the Solar Princess?
What about Pinkie Pie? She would most likely play with them; not use all her power, but truly be able to defeat immediately if she wanted to. How would she fight like?
It seems you already know this, just reminding. Good Job so far.
3) I don't think I need to say this but judging from the ending, please don't go down the super cliché route. Have some plot twists, whether they be big or small, about the two conspirators and who they are. I am not going to say who I think they are as of right now because I don't want to ruin the story for me or anyone else.
4) Secret Agent Sweetie Drops. Where is she? If she is in Ponyville, I noticed she seemed to have replied to the previous section (the conspirators). Having said that I also noticed that you said
If she is in Ponyville, that means that the conspirators would have started planning this a little while back if they are already in a position to attack. Canterlot: same issue.
5) please explain: The Way of the Breeze, Open Hoof, The Way of the Prance.
Which human martial arts do they compare to? Karate, Kung Fu, Judo, etc...?
The story is great. Keep Going!
Signing out, VShuffler42
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"Miles away, but not many" is both intentionally vague and a reference to Homestuck. As for point 5, most pony martial arts don't have direct analogues in human martial arts in my headcanon, and rely on the unique physiology and capabilities of the different pony subraces. If you don't mind sexual content, see Xenophilia for further examples of what I mean.
As for point 1, Luna vastly outclasses Rarity in the raw power department, but she still lost to Rarity's skill and resourcefulness. That's the entire premise of the fic, since we see skillful villains defeat Celestia and Luna all the time. If Luna learns from Rarity and the rest of the training she should be nigh unbeatable in one on one combat with any unicorn.
Fighting isn't the only focal point of the fic. Largely the premise is good for bringing a cast of characters together into a particular type of environment, so from here the action will mellow down somewhat and slowly increase in intensity until the end, with character interaction and some mystery elements in between.
This seems like an interesting premise that I can totally see happening after all the defeats the princesses have endured
Celestia at the end seemed a little too weak and inexperienced to my liking, but I still want to know how will the training continue
This has been a very enjoyable chapter
I really liked the battle sequence between Twilight and Starswirl, as well as the race through the air. That stallions were a really funny and unexpected touch! 
You do really well with pacing here most of the time, using short sentences to emphasize the action. However, sometimes you have there a runaway longer sentence, just like this one:
Now this one isn’t too long to disrupt the flow of the story, but it’s still noticeable. Just so you know about it...
This one just caught my eye and I’m simply curious. May I know more of your headcanon there?
I agree, the tree shows only three marks, which could predict three princesses. However, what about Cadance? Is she not an Equestrian princess?
Furthermore, I have to applaud your portrayal of Rarity, really in character!
PS: I have noticed a few minor grammar slip-ups. Do you want them pointed out via PM or do you prefer to let the chapter be as it is?
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You can PM me anything you like, and I'm dedicated to correcting mistakes in grammar! Thank you for your feedback, it's already inspired me to get back to work on this. I sometimes insert longer sentences much like Lovecraft did, but I want them to be grammatically sound long sentences.
My headcanon where Cadance is concerned is that she's technically a foreign power now that she has taken ownership of the Crystal Empire. She is an honorary Equestrian Princess, but her true title is Empress of the Crystal Empire.
Sorry for taking so long to respond. I was quite busy yesterday.
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You're welcome! And no problem, no one says you have to reply immediately, after all.
I see what you mean, interesting
Well, that’s would I’d call a hooking ending. Also, lots of lore and explanations in this chapter, I like that!
And of course, the training of the best princess. By the way, i it just me or was it inspired by The Fall of Crystal Empire?
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I'd say this fic was inspired largely by things like it. Some of the crazy stuff from Gen 1 and fan theories about how historical events occurred made the world of Equestria seem volatile and dangerous, but eventually the show addressed some of these events more directly. I preferred when they implied that full-on wars had taken place. That was a few seasons ago, though, and lately the show has increased the magnitude of the calamity we are allowed to see. We've now had actual pony war displayed on screen multiple times, so I feel that now is the perfect time to address those historical battles once more. This fic doesn't address these directly on its own, but it will rely on those ideas, which I may explore in a fic called The Great Cataclysm some time in the future.
The greatest inspiration for that particular story and the villain in this one was actually Little Sunshine by Ink Rose.
8660493
Interesting, thank you for letting me know
Dragon Ball Z
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Okay, you guys win. This is basically DBZ, even if I don’t watch it.
It’s my head cannon that pinkie is basically the pinnacle of earth pony magic. What with her crazy speed, strength, and pinkie sense. I the only other pony with a sense like pinkie’s is cheese sandwich, and he’s also an earth pony, so I believe it is an earth pony thing. Combine that with the fact that twilight has said on multiple equations “friendship is magic”, and pinkie is friends with all of ponyville, which has either hundreds or thousands of citizens, it makes sense that pinkie’s magic is leagues beyond everyone else’s.
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Thank you! That's been how I've seen it too. Too often Pinkie's abilities are written off as "lol she so random", but they do have a rhyme and reason and you've spelled it out perfectly! In this story and any others I write she will be taken seriously by the narrative, even though some of her closest friends treat her as flippantly as some writers do.
Pinkie was awesome. Applejack was believable, even the strongest have trouble with obstacle courses. I like how you made Twilight more analytical than the others.
Just like the other chapters, I will give my suggestions and recommendations.
Have her more of a wrestling technique teacher.
Twilight - Have her go into a battle blindfolded, so her analytical skills are weakened. She just has to know where to strike and block.
Pinkie - You are already building her up to be extremely powerful. Why not go farther? Have her break the fourth wall at some point and be practically teleporting around the battlefield.
Fluttershy - Wrestling. When are you going to mention Fluttershy wrestling bears for crying out loud!?
Thank you so much for updating! I think you are doing a great job so far. You don't have to do these ideas, they're just stuff I would like to happen.
Waiting for more, VShuffler42
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Ok time for actual recommendations:
- Twilight greatest strength is her analytical mind. Her greatest weakness is probably over thinking. She needs to find the balance between analyzing and over thinking. In order to do this, it might be good for her to be put in a situation where she just has to know exactly where and how to block and strike without much thinking at all. Let her body do the easy work for her, leave her mind for the harder stuff.
-Celestia needs to go through the process of digging up the lost power inside her that has been buried for so so long.
-Celestia is more of a magical princess. Raising both sun and moon for a thousand years, while almost no feats physically. Luna is a warrior princess. While there are no real shown feats, from her personality, her appearances as Nightmare Moon and in other episodes, and her protection over dreams, makes it obvious she was more of a warrior than a magical. Cadance is the peace-maker, the pacifist. She would the damsel in distress, if not for the fact she can hold her own, she just doesn't have a lot of experience doing so. For example, she was able to hold on in a crystal dungeon for who-knows-how long probably starving and her actions during Sombra's attack. Also the Taltzworm. Twilight has been a princess for so little time it is hard to tell what kind of princess she is yet.
-How are you going to show Pinkie's true potential? There are multiple ways to do this but some ways are better than others. Do you even know her full potential? If not, I can help.
-Fluttershy can defend herself. She just doesn't. She is versatile. She's strong (wrestling bears), can use the Stare (to the point of outstaring a Cockatrice), can fly, has fangs (See ending of 'Bats'), and she's down right terrifying when she's angry. I hope you integrate this into the story.
-Um. Did you see what Applejack did in the season 7 finale? A giant boulder was falling... and it fell on her hind hooves, and horses normally don't have the foreleg strength to hold the bucking position for long, and she bucked it into the air far away with only minimal effort. She wasn't even winded!
-The foals. The CMC have superhuman durability, Featherweight has super stealth, Snails is a zen/meditation master (see 'Buckball Season'), Lily Longsocks lifted the end of the schoolhouse and even had her super strength called out on. I know that you are probably not going to use them in the story, but dang. If these are foals' feats, then how does that scale to the adults?
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Even though I don't think the cause for her abilities is just earth pony magic, I do agree that her abilities are not completely random. I mean, they are random because she's random, but I do think there is an order to at least some of her powers. Nice Headcanon though.
That's enough of my rambling. Good job so far. And oh god it took me over 45 minutes to write this.
Signing out, VShuffler42
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I'm totes down with your feedback here, but I do have to respond to your point about AJ's awesome feat of strength in season 7. Normally she isn't even winded doing that, but she was a little tired after doing it in my story because she had just finished an otherwise already tiring obstacle course. She was still able to do it so easily that she just bucked it back to get it out of her way, meaning she did it twice in a row for the sake of convenience. She's definitely one of the toughest and strongest ponies alive, but she also designed the course with Pinkie Pie and it's rough enough to challenge even her. I hope that sufficiently explains her portrayal here.
Thanks again for the thoughtful comment and suggestions!
Technically, Twilight should have a big advantage in this.
She is the smallest of them all, not too much different from how her body has been for most of her life.
Not too used to doing anything too different yet.
And also the lightest by far and thus should be able to make more of her earth pony magic.
Also, running around as the errant mare of equestria and beyond should have made her somewhat fit.
8924916
Since I based large portions of the Chipped Hoof on Navy and Marine obstacle courses I ran with the assumption that it would be challenging even for Twilight, and even though I agree that Twilight is a better action mare than the other Princesses at present both in this story and in current canon I don't want to overstate that disparity. I also think there are advantages and disadvantages to being exceptionally tall during a course like this and did my best to convey that.
As for Twilight tapping into earth pony magic more easily than the others, I did try to imply that by having her handle the monkey bars properly first, make the highest jump up the vertical wall, and take to bucking the massive boulder instead of slowly pushing it like the others had to.
Thanks for the feedback!
Story seems good, (though I haven't read it yet) but I wasn't aware Starswirl knew anything about fighting.
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Considering that the Pony of Shadows makes a quip that Twilight Sparkle is "almost as strong as" Starswirl after he clashes with her in Shadow Play implies that the remainder of the Pillars had many battles with Stygian after his fall before they resorted to banishment. Prior to this they fought the Sirens, and Starswirl went on multiverse travelling adventures with a young Celestia in the comics before the Pillars were formed. Given that information we can conclude that Starswirl is canonically a capable battle mage.
I like this story there are little bits here and there that I think are just far enough out of place to not fit but they are few and far between. Can't wait for the next chapter.
So much tease, so many humor!
This was brilliant! Something tells me that Cadance is going to find a way to make Twilight admit her feelings. Twilight x Fizzle pop FTW!!!
Daring Do appeared! Which reminds me, I want a lasso-ing competition between AJ and Daring.
And I have a feeling RD is going to get in big trouble soon. Let's wait and see!
Signing out, VShuffler42
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Is it the characterization, the action sequences, the extrapolated lore, or some combination that you feel is sometimes too much? Regardless I'm glad that you can enjoy most of the story. I can't hope for much more than that.
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Considering they're only just finishing the first week, Cadance has plenty of time to metaphorically work her love magic. If she tried to literally use her love magic then Twilight would notice and there'd be Tartarus to pay. Of course, Moondancer might be trying to admit something similar to herself right now, but this won't be your typical love triangle. Things are bound to get a lot more complicated before the dust settles.
Daring Do has a formidable set of skills, and it would be hard for the other Princesses to argue against her inclusion, but the real reason she's here is because Twilight Sparkle, massive Daring Do dork, put together the list of trainers. It's the perfect excuse to spend several months with a friend she
fantasizes aboutrarely gets to see.Dash might be tackling a lot of responsibilities with admirable poise, but she is still a prankster, and harmlessly messing with her friends is potent stress-relief for her. Since she's under a lot of pressure, and was a bit drunk besides, she's going for a big prank on one of the ponies she knows can take that sort of thing. AJ could certainly press charges for something like this, but they're best friends and have borrowed things from each other without asking plenty of times before. There'll certainly be a spectacular confrontation, but it's all in good fun.
So, let me take a guess. Celestia is still lame.
Or this story going to surprise me?
So, I’m finally catching up, after a few months. I hope to get to the new chapters sooner
Anyway, I really enjoyed the Chipped Hoof chapter, flowed really nicely. As for this chapter, it was not as great. It contained some interesting bits of lore, but the concept of loosely connected, episodic events filled with mood swings just didn’t work for me.
Thx for the update