• Published 8th Nov 2017
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Broken Cookie Cutters - Jake Witt



You know how most ponies retain a copied shape? And how stories are supposed to have decent grammar? Here’s some shorts about the lives of ponies that broke the mold.

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Booty-ful 1/2

Author's Note:

Coin Toss Result: Tails.

Crystal Pony wins.

I made it. I finally made it to a real theatre! Though, the stages of my youth are nothing compared to the stages of today. Sure I wasted more of my life to return to my glory but School is better than the mines.

Tomorrow is the big performance of a play based on a script, inspired by Princess Luna’s gaming obsession with elements of the writer’s initially failed story about two friends who play games. “Four Furious Friends Play Fallout Equestria 4” which is stupid title but I have to start small to get bigger.

“Alright, we need frozen Mrs. Ugly Mug to be lifted over Floor Matt’s head,” the director announced.

I cartwheeled and froze into my “cryogenic stasis” position in the hooves of Scribble Script.

“Hold it!” The director stormed onto the stage, “Center Stage, why aren’t you shining?!”

“Me or literal center stage?” I ask, the common misconception never fixed. Scribble let me down and I removed my ugly mare mask.

“YOU!”

“Well I’m stressed which negates my love-based sheen-“

“If you want a stallion; I have a stallion.” He whistles, “Bucket, baby, get over here!”

“Correction: my positive emotion based shine. Your solution would’ve made the stress worse and I would need to be replaced with a crystal pony with the same problem and the play will fail and I will lose my job-“

“Woah nelly!” Midnight Hoot, our Pat Back, shoved the butt of his prop gun on my lips. “Now y’all just calm yerselves now, ya hear? How about we continue the scene until she gets the idea and build confidence.”

I nodded.

The Director hopped down, “Places! Places!”

I got ready for Scribble Script to pick me up and steady my body. The thought of Midnight Hoot having my back again got me to crystallize, giving my blue body that ice appearance. I put on my mask and prepared for my fall.

“Action!”

The raider cowered under Floor Matt and my combined shadow. Floor Matt looked down on him, “I am the strongest.”

Pat Back held out his hoof, “Woah, dude, that’s your wife!”

The raider pulled himself behind the debree prop next to my landing mat, holding a prop arm. Scribble tossed me down on the mat and two crashing noises echoed in the empty theater.

Something felt wrong. The second shattering noise came from the sound system... but what was the first crash? I tried getting up but nothing happened. I tried again. I then decided my mask obscured enough of my vision and tried to take it off to no result.

“Oh Celestia! Oh Celestia’s mane, what did I do?!” Scribble Script shouted.

I heard several hooves around me.

I heard the Director shout, “Guys! Guys! Give her- Oh, she’s not walking away from this one.”

“What?! What’s going on?!” I shouted, followed by collective screams. I felt my head straighten up but my neck had an unfamiliar feeling. My mask was pulled off, letting me see the cast and crew around me. “Take a picture; it will... last... longer?” My eyes fell to what was undoubtedly my cutie mark of a director’s chair with a spotlight... on my prosterior on the floor with nothing above it intact. Out of the corner of my eye to my right is my detached hoof losing its shine and looking more of a dull stone than crystal. “WHAT IS GOING ON?! I CANNOT MOVE MY HEAD!”


The show went on without me. A few weeks have passed... probably a month. I really don’t care nor do I think my nurse does. I’ve been firing gumballs at the call button for an hour now and there’s no response.

“Our story today follows the guard chase with Broken Heart, a pony involved with hate crimes and hospitalization towards Crystal Ponies, including one Center Stage.” The news mare of the magic box had a smile that pierced my soul. Almost like she was laughing at my pain. The fact the magic box had color made her smiling face more infuriating as she kept pointing me out, having me take a back seat in a report about an evil mare.

The doctor came in with the specialist from the Crystal Empire to look at me, the startled jump he did was slowly draining some hope.

“Hello Ms. Stage, my name is Doctor Stunning Jasper,” he introduced himself, reaching out a hoof before quickly pulling it back down. “How are you feeling?”

“Angry. Angry that a simple mixup ruined my life and stole my dream. Maybe a bit livid that I’m running out of gumballs to shoot at the call button and I’m sure the nurses heard me. I’m pretty sure the glass is almost empty.”

Dr. Jasper nodded his head as he took notes before sighing. “In all honesty, if we were still back a thousand years ago; you would be screwed but today there’s a science that studies gems and a method to growing gems. Almost all my patients went through the experimental procedure.” He smiled, “Everyone of them regrew their lost body parts. It’s not a perfect process as it will take a year at most for you... assuming... um...”

I frowned at the catch. Nothing is free... except for the hospital room. The director is paying for that.

“Your hind quarters seem to be in mint condition, if you will.” He tugged on his collar, “Out of all my patients, I’ve never seen one shatter like this. Either their back half is gone or their back half is the only thing left and it’s donated to a pony that needs it. Your head and... uh... bottom seem to be-“

“Give it to me straight, Doc! Am I a lost cause or not?!” I shouted, nearly falling off my stand.

“No but if you want to regrow your lost parts; we might have to attach your head to the only working part of you and hope for the best.”

The other doctor gasped, “You’re not suggesting-!”

Dr. Jasper coughed in his hoof and fixed his composure, “Center Stage would be the first test subject for this unique gem growth. We will attach her head to her hip and require she returns every month for adjustments. If things get worse, she’ll have to be moved back to the Crystal Empire.”