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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I feel that their arrival to pony populated areas was a little too quick for my taste as I feel their should have been more of a build up between when they land, in an isolated area and make their way to the princesses all the while exploring the inhabitants reactions. I would have though they would be more surprised that they can still understand what they are saying after all theres centuries away.
8706936 Why would they land in an isolated area? They want to be seen, to be accepted. Sneaking in the back door does not really help with that.
Oh, but I like this.
8706940
I just feel that there needed more of a build up to when they finally meed Twilight or the princesses. And I am surprised that they knew so much about the Mane six, even if they had read their friendship book sense they weren't personally acquainted with them in the first place and the story didn't suggested anything that said otherwise before they left their planet.
So let me get this straight:
Applejack is a dryad
Fluttershy is a different type of dryad
Rainbow Dash is... I'm not sure
Rarity is magicer
Twilight is Alicorn
And Pinkie is Pinkie...r
8706990 They have met the mane6 on several occasions, and they were members of Canterlot's elite, of course they would know about the mane6.
8706995 Close. I didn't want to go with "and they all became alicorns."
Applejack is a dryad
Fluttershy is a druid
Rainbow Dash is a weather spirit (akin to a good windigo)
Rarity is muse
Twilight is Alicorn
And Pinkie is Pinkie
8706976 Thanks!
8707008
Well close is better than wrong
Author: 1.5
Me: .5
Well, I suppose it is fitting that I find this story. You have my attention.
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They should have at least taken an orbital ship escort in case the usual @&$” happens.
By which I mean a disaster of petty proportions.
Hyper advanced machines, sure, but they certainly suck at planing
Forgeting to pay attention to the fact that they do need a common language to be able to communicate is certainly a faux pas diplomacy wise
8707108 To be fair, the machines themselves had no idea on diplomacy. It was all down to Upper Crust and Jet Set to carry the ball.
Ah, the superhero/villain landing. Always a great way to make a first impression, provided the ground is solid enough to support you on impact.
My personal favourite interpretation of Pinkie is that she is an Elder One. Pinkie Fftagn.
One thing I've noticed is that you have a tendency to use potentially confusing action beats in your dialogues. Example above. The speech at the beginning and end belong to Upper Crust, and there's an action by Jet Set in between them, but they're all still in the same paragraph.
I've had to pause and re-read parts like this quite a few times throughout the story to straighten out who said what in my head.
If I may, I'd suggest either splitting them into separate paragraphs:
Or changing the action beat to belong to the speaker if you prefer to keep it all together in one paragraph:
8707151 Hrmm, yeah. I see what you mean. First person can get tricky like that. Thanks!
Woohoo! It's time for some "first contact" shenanigans!
This is an amazing story! So glad I found it. Looking forward to seeing how the contact goes.
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8707184
Thanks!
And Jet sticks the landing! Literally!
So their chassis is fifty percent larger than the new standard, which was half the size of a standard pony... So they're basically slightly larger than a teen?
It's nice that the language hasn't morphed too much. We worried they might have devolved to l33t 5p3@k. and writing! Though if worse came to worst pictures would do.
Silly Rainbow, there are no robot ponies on the moon! They're from another planet! And they want to speak to your leader! Well, tomorrow anyways.
Hmm, now that they've returned to an ambient magic environment, think their horns will stay charged up indefinitely? Their efficiency has vastly improved after all.
Ponyville City. We're pondering if that sounds better or worse than Ponycity....
To Pinkie: how are your plans for the Welcome Back to Equs party coming along?
Keep going! ;)
8707854 Language hasn't drifted mostly because of what happened after they left. And you are being silly, robots don't live on planets, they live in Dyson swarms.
Also, there haven't been any character questions in this one. I would have done them, but for most of the early days Jet couldn't speak at all, so it would have been hard to justify it. And now he prefers speaking a mix of a million-character-alphabet machine language with accents and emotions tossed in for good measure. I am sure the Unicode committee would adore it.
8707875
Which is why we addressed Pinkie, Shirley she could feel it permeated through the fourth wall!
Well I'm hungry for more.
8708572 More is coming.
I love this story! I binge-read all 31 chapters over 24 hours. I'm so glad to see something original that hasn't been done a dozen times already. Nerdy/accurate sci-fi stories that go into detail about how things work (and don't just techno-babble) are amazing.
They're
Well... if you consider the chassis a suit then she's not wrong. Though things are going to get awkward if the ponies ask the PONI to take off their 'helmets' so they can talk face to face. I can't wait for the ponies to find out that a) the PONI are cyborgs and b) the spaceship they came in is also a PONI.
Hmm... I wonder if Upper and Jet have any living relatives in Equestria. That would be an interesting family reunion. "Would you like to see some pictures of your 70 billion cousins?"
8710231 Thanks! All typos will be crushed!
I hadn't actually gotten to relatives yet, and while I consider Jet to be an only child, I have decent headcanon for Upper Crust being one girl in a big family.
i suppose this is the part where Pinkie says "bah-weep-grana-weep-niny-bong..."
8711108 Something like that. Just think, over 700 birthday parties to make up for, and billions of foal showers...
Wait wait wait I ran out of chapters now?! Now of all places? Oh come on!
8715687 New chapter in about 18 hours.
Well Twilight is going to be adorable once she processes the fact that she gets to make friends with a race of interstellar aliens. The whole "cyber-conversion" bit might be a bit of a roadblock though, that's going to be hard to explain to organics who are still so attached to their squishy bits.