This proves even the mentally challenged can write MLP fanfiction

Oh God.

Erm... I don't know what to say. Hang on, I may need to look it up in the dictionary- Wait! I just remembered something that sums this up!

Fail.

Why this? Multiple reasons. Now, before anyone gets on my case, yes; this author wrote a trollfic and I acknowledge that. But, one of my complaints is that it's a piss-poor attempt at one. The piece of shit was hardly legible, and most troll-fics don't utterly hinder the reading; only the understanding. This though, I couldn't comprehend half of the dialogue, because the fail-troll decided that 'who needs quotations marks herp derp'.

To be honest, I can't vote on this. It's terrible trying to vote for troll fics a majority of the time. Either they take likes as a sign of doing good, or they take the dislikes as 'mission accomplished'. Right now is an example of me slamming my head in an odd interpretation of a 'face-keyboard' while trying to make this civil.

But the author's a troll. So why even bother?

(One final thing: If by some improbable chance this is a legitimate fic, well then... Oi. Take a few more English courses, and try again.

Maybe...)

Been a while since I've had to use this.

farm2.staticflickr.com/1171/894713719_9799b811e4_z.jpg

Good job at destroying pony literature.

Wait, this... this was serious? This wasn't a trollfic? ._. Okay, uh... dudeperson who wrote this. Please, before you write anything else, look up some rules on fanfiction submission. Guidelines, but honestly some of them should be rules.

knowyourmeme.com/photos/276881-x-is-bad-and-you-should-feel-bad
*Sees fic on main page*
*Clickys on it for the luls*
*Opens 'one'*
*Sees everything*
LOLNOPE
*Dislike*
Trollfics are no excuse for being terrible.

981508 I think i just lost a braincell.

Wow I don't think I've ever seen a story with a 0-24 Like/Dislike ratio in some time. I'm not sure whether to say good job or something else.

media.giantbomb.com/uploads/6/60302/1507619-halolz_dot_com_teamfortress2_nope.avi_obama_poster_large.jpg

[youtube=yg2u_De8j5o]

lol

981567 There are things I wanna say to all 11 of you, but this one is most prominent in my thoughts:
FUCK OFF.
Don't like the story? Dislike it and move on, don't be a humoungus douche about it.

Appleshort, i'm unsure of your motives and weather or not you're in fact...well, 14.
I'm not going to downright chastise you, just give some neighborly advice.
Well, for starters, try to add quotations when characters are talking, nopony likes it when they can't tell when a specific character is 'speaking'.
I'm glad you're taking an interest in writing and hope you learn from your mistakes.
P.S. Hope this comment wasn't for naught, i'd hate for you to be like twenty or something and laugh at wisdom.

Best of luck improving (I hope)
~Obyvious

981600
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/200/420/BRTky.jpg?1321408042

Welcome to the internet, never short of hate and incompetence.

It is garbage and you know it. It would almost be criminal not to insult this...

981610 THAT'S your excuse, "Everyone else is doing it"?
Well, what has THAT been associated with over the years?
*Drug use
*Unprotected sex of the '60's
*Hippie movement
*Smoking Cigarettes in the '50's onward

AND MANY MORE!

Look, here's your chance to break the mold, Distrance, to become something better, to give CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM instead of DIVEBOMBING a story with hate.

981610>>981603 Like, THIS GUY, for example.

981619

Your so revolutionary buddy. I'd never think to give constructive criticism, only to have them spit in back in my face and waste my god-damn time typing it down. Don't over-analyze this so much...

Apple short, you wants some advice? First, pass the 4th grade. Second, read some of the featured fanfictions and take note at what they are going RIGHT. The grammar, the punctuation, the spacing, the plot.

981600 So you WANT to say that to me or you ARE saying that to me?

981628 Pretty good, except for "Pass the 4th grade".

981640 Not just you, all of these guys who just bitch about the story, but never offer ideas on how to improve.
Sorry if it seemed I targeted YOU, your trollface just caught my eye, it was aimed toward EVERYPONY.

981647 Well in that case Ima do a barrel roll and tell you to fuck off as well. Fight fire with fire and all that.

I might have given constructive criticism or even disliked the story, but I haven't read it. I just came for the comments and to comment on the like/dislike ratio.

981647 YOU have given no constructive criticism, just bitched about other people.

981654 Eeyup, I used to do that once. You know what happens when you fight fire with fire? EVERYTHING goes up in flames, and I'm not gonna do that to you.

Have a good day! *tips hat, and walks off*

981671 True, quite true. I shall read it right now.

981673 Good, now I can get back to life. Good day, sir.

Here is some great advice for the authour,

Don't write fanfiction.

A couple words, and, MY GOD, you're all right.
Advice:
Er, if you wanna make a good love story, look at this:
Serenade, by TheBandBrony

981681 Here's some advice for the author:
GET BETTER at fanfiction.

lol wow I have second chapter but it appears i suck. im sorry to everyone i will try to read others and get better hopefully my next fic wont be like this. still id ont think its as bad as u all are makenig it.

Just to troll everyone else, I'm gonna thumbs up the story. But really, it's awful.

goanimate.com/files/thumbnails/asset/1668/3412668/102324626.jpg

This is bad. This is a horrible story and you should feel horrible.

981703 It's okay champ, we all start somewhere
Just remember: It's not the heat of the fire that makes a good sword, but the technique of the artisan.
Now go forth and learn child, the day is still early and the future is yet to be determined.
~Obyvious

981717 my comment wasnt aimed at u or anyone i just feel terrible about it lol judging from the comments i have a long way to go before i even make an ok fic

static.fjcdn.com/pictures/That_6934bd_864413.jpg
Okay, condescension aside, please learn how to spell, punctuate, capitalize, and format. Google each of those words and you'll find tutorials. And please don't take English class for granted if/when you return to school next.

981740 will do

Um. Apple short, I'm not a hater nor a troll, but I do have some questions for you:
a) What is your native language? AKA where you from?
b) If the answer to a) is "English": How old are you?

If this REALLY isn't meant to be a troll fic, then I have do admire your determination in trying to contribute to the fandom, and I wish you luck in the future!

ah ah lol
ahem...
TO TEH MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON
dl.dropbox.com/u/73642280/Pics/to_teh_moon.png

now u are thiking with portles =).

981703

You should post that second chapter. I'm entranced by this expanding plot.

10/10

In opposite world...

dislike just because twilight is my wifu

This is a pain to even look at, but as I skimmed over this story REALLY fast, my brain highlighted enough for me to understand this to some extent. Either this is a trollfic, you should never let that "editor" help you again, or you should stop writing for now and read other fan fictions here first. By reading over 1000 fan fictions, your grammar will passively absorb some of the grammar that is used in the stories you read, you will get some advices on what most people seem to like, and you will read some fan fiction. Trust me on this, it helped me a lot. It will help you too.

Also, as I skimmed over the story, my brain mostly highlighted swears, and that in the end you wrote something about that this is your first time writing sex, meaning that this may me some kind of clop. ALL stories that have sex in them, are supposed to be marked MATURE, with the SEX tag along with it. NO EXCEPTIONS. Even if I'm wrong and it doesn't have sex in it, the amount of swears in this warrants for a MATURE tag. The TEEN tag is supposed to be used with mild adult humor, and with the amount of swears in it, you have no excuse to not push the MATURE tag.

dislike just because twilight is my wifu , ever heard of "this" or:
this , like you know the white space when you begin a new paragraph, how about comas they help a lot bro. And so i would rather read about some epic conflict of epic fantasy than some half baked romance with ma wifu.
hope you learn something my faith full student

4.bp.blogspot.com/_HHU05_zo3Pw/S0eLRGE-vbI/AAAAAAAAAnE/2HzMn6slGgM/s400/552.jpg

So read the title. Knew it was going to be awful. Clicked anyway.

24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lq924kjRC91qj0zk3o1_250.gif

You think it was hard for all of you to read?
I myself feel bad for the moderator (WandererD I think, I could be wrong) for having to read it in all it horribleness...and then have to release it to he public.

cdn.derpiboo.ru/media/BAhbBlsHOgZmSSJEMjAxMi8wNy8xMy8yMl8yMl81MF85NjlfNDMwNTZfX3NhZmVfcmFpbmJvd19kYXNoX3JlYWN0aW9uX2ltYWdlBjoGRVQ/43056__safe_rainbow-dash_reaction-image.png

981925

There are more mods. But no one bothered actually reading it, or else they would have noticed that this actually breaks the rules and shouldn't have been allowed for submission.