Tree Sap Need Not Apply
“So what do you want to do today girls?” asked the orange filly behind the podium of the tree house as she gazed upon her fellow crusaders, wings flapping in excitement as she balanced on her hind legs.
“The same thing we do every day Scootaloo, try and make our cutie marks appear!” bellowed the hyperactive white filly seated in front of the podium, voice cracking in excitement.
“Well duh!” dismissed Scootalo with a roll of her magenta eyes. “I mean how are we going to try to get them this time?”
“Oh. Right, sorry,” said Sweetie Belle, looking a little abashed and pawing at the floorboards of the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ tree house.
The trilling of colorful jays perched on the branches outside and the dust motes in the air illuminated by the rays of light peeking through the shudders were the crusaders’ only companions as they pondered over what their special talents could be. Or, in the case of Scootaloo, what could possibly be awesome enough to compare with Dash’s cutie mark.
“How about Cutie Mark Crusaders Master Bakers?” asked Applebloom.
“Don’t you remember the last time we tried something at Sugarcube Corner, ‘Bloom?” heaved Scootaloo with a heavy sigh as she trotted in front of the podium to join her fellow crusaders sitting on the clubhouse floor. “The cakes won’t even let us near the kitchen after the taffy incident. What we need is something exciting, something awesome.” The dangerous glint in her eyes escaped neither Sweetie Belle nor Applebloom, memories of lion taming and skydiving fresh in their minds.
The other two Cutie Mark Crusaders shared a look, an eye roll, and a simultaneous sigh after hearing Scootaloo’s newest attempt at something ‘awesome.’ “Ah know how much ya want ta be awesome like Dash is an all,” drawled Applebloom, a slight bit of exasperation seeping into her voice. “But the last five times ya had us do somthin’ ‘awesome’ we ended up covered in tree sap.”
At the mention of tree sap, all three fillies gave an involuntary shudder. “Fine, fine. Nothing involving trees or sap this time, promise,” grunted Scootaloo, her displeasure at avoiding something awesome plain on her face. “If my idea and Applebloom’s idea are no good, what about you Sweetie Belle? You must have something, right?” the pegasus filly practically pleaded.
After starting up at the wooden ceiling and frowning at the woodwork, brow furrowed in concentration, Sweetie Belle finally nodded once and returned her gaze to the other Crusaders. “Well…there is one thing I thought about that we haven’t tried yet. But, I dunno Scoots. Last time we did something like this we got in big trouble for it.”
“Come on, Sweetie Belle. We’ve gotta get our cutie marks soon, we’ve just gotta,” said Applebloom, preparing the puppy dog eyes if she needed them. “We’ll never hear tha end of it if we’re tha last in our grade to get them.”
An eye roll and a resigned sigh later Sweetie acquiesced. “Fine, Applebloom. But if we get in trouble I’m blaming you.” Raising a hoof to point at a newspaper clipping on the wall, “You two remember when we pretended to be Gabby Gums, right?”
“How could we forget that?” Scootaloo practically spat. “Ugh, we had to apologize to the whole town. Worse, Dash wouldn’t talk to me for a whole week after that. A whole week, girls! Do you have any idea what it’s like to not talk with dash for an entire week?” Squawked the orange filly, wing feathers ruffling in agitation.
“Anyways,” began Sweetie, trying to get the conversation back on track. “Well, everypony seemed to really enjoy our writing before we, uh, started to make stuff up that was hurtful,” said Sweetie Belle, making eye contact with both Scootaloo and Applebloom to make sure they were following. She continued after getting a nod from both. “I thought we could write something everypony knew was fake to start with, that way nopony could get mad.
“Sweetie Bell, you want us to write a book?” asked Scootaloo, mouth hanging open and eyebrows raising in disbelief. Awesome and books just did not belong in the same sentence.
“Um, yes?” replied the white filly, a sheepish expression on her face as she rubbed the front of her right foreleg with her left.
“Boooooring!” retorted Scootalo in an impression that would have made Pinkie Pie proud.
“Hey, that’s just not true Scoots,” said Applebloom. “Even Rainbow Dash reads those Daring Do books. Ah think we should give Sweetie’s idea a shot.”
Happy that she had Applebloom on board, Sweetie Belle kept pushing her friend, hoping to convince the more daredevil pegasus to try something safe for a change. “Come on Scoots. I’ve seen Rarity reading some books she must have really been enjoying. She was reading it aloud, practically moaning as she held her forehooves around herself on the bed. If reading can be that good, why, writing must be even better!”
“Really? Ah’ve never seen Dash or Twilight act like that when they read,” said Appleboom, right eyebrow rising in a show of skepticism.
“Yeah. Are you sure that isn’t just your sister, Sweetie Belle?” asked Scootalo. “I mean, this is Rairty we’re talking about. We all know how dramatic she can be. She even has a couch just to faint on!”
“Of course I am! And it’s not a couch, it’s a chaise lounge!”
“Yeah, yeah. Just go on with your idea you dictionary.”
“You just haven’t seen them read the right kind of books. Rarity only does that when she reads one of the books she keeps in her room on top of her bookshelf that she thinks I don’t know about. She always looked like she was having a really good time when I saw her those few times. And even if I didn’t always see her, she certainly sounded like she was having a good time. The adults must just be hiding all the good stuff, probably something about understanding when we’re older, or not for fillies and colts or something else lame like that.”
“Now that ya mention it Sweetie,” began Applebloom as she got up to pace the inside of the tree house as she thought. “Ah do remember goin’ with mah sis last week ta visit Twi and get a book on the way to set up our stall in tha market. Twi made me wait downstairs as she and mah sis went up to where she lives and sis wouldn’t show me the book she got either. It musta been one of those books like Rarity has that she got.”
“That settles it girls. You know what this means?” asked Scootalo with a determined grin on her face.
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS ADULT ONLY BOOK AUTHORS YAY!” Shouted the three fillies in unison, shaking the very rafters of the tree house, more than a few birds fleeing for their lives from the branches.
“All right girls, let’s split up. Sweetie, you go get some of those books from your sister. ‘Bloom, you go get some from yours. I’ll go see if the most awesome pegasus around has any.” By this point, the orange filly was practically hovering with excitement. Soon after three fillies could be seen retreating from chaos central, eager to gather materials for their latest scheme.
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CMC write a clopfic? Absolutely nothing could go wrong with situation.
fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/343/f/8/liarjack_animated__gif_by_kyrospawn-d4ao49a.gif
OH GOD.
Fifty Shades of Neigh.
932207
You nailed it.
(haha see what I did there?)
_
There is no way this story isn't going to be great...
Keep going. I love the Pinkie and the Brain reference in the first two paragraphs
Oh no. This will not end well.
Hmmmmmm, I see one problem already: Scootaloo can't fly. So she can't get to Dash's cloud house. Thus she can't try and see if Dash has any of THOSE sort of books.
Oh dear, this will surely end hysterically. Fave.
932139 Dishonest! WOOPIEE!!!!!!! Love her...she's the dark side of....well...Applejack of course and part of the Dark Elements. Anyway a CMC fic, shit...sign me up, this has humor written all over it LOL.
Pinkie and the Brain reference noted.
Have you by chance read A Clopfic by....Spike?!?
932207
Soon(tm). More is coming.
932874
I included that for a friend to see if they would notice. I'm glad a you and a few others noticed. I was afraid that it was a bit too subtle if you didn't know what to look for but it seems not.
933062
Oh don't worry. I'm sure Scoots will think of something
936160
I actually have read that one and quite enjoyed it. It's not what inspired me to write this, but he certainly came to mind when I was working out who I wanted to be the author(s).
Oh CMC is there anything you won't try? Can't wait, probably will have exaggerated stereotypes of all of ponyville in it.
939602
I'm 99% sure you knew this, but the way you wrote that response makes me wonder if you knew Sweetie Belle wrote the fic, not Spike. That's what made me think this was somehow related, as it could make your story a prequel sort of thing in my head canon for this ficverse.
I've had this on my read later list for a couple days, but just got around to reading it, and let me just say I love it. I like CMC stories, and this one seems like its going to be good. Can't wait to see their reactions when they find out what is in those books.
I'm really looking forward to an update, this has potential to be one of the best stories ever.
No good can come of this.