(The next day, Starlight dips her quill in the ink and writes down the title of her next journal entry, while Trixie watches from the table beside her. They are both in Twilight's kitchen)
(Trixie yawns as she lays her head down on the table. She asks Starlight "So...why am I here again?")
(Starlight looks over at her with a smile. "Because, this next recipe is meant to be shared between friends. Plus, you were the one who was dying to see this Book Of Friendship after I told you about it.")
(Trixie looks defensive. "Okay, so I may have said that, but I didn't think I would have to sit here and just watch you write things! I want to write something too, If I'm apart of all this now!")
(Starlight rolls her eyes as she grins. "Fine.")
Starlight's Journal: Plum Loco Cocoa
Okay, so this next recipe will involve me and my best friend Trixie-
(Trixie's quill appears from nowhere as it hastily scribbles underneath Starlight's words, in dark blue ink)
That's, THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE, Starlight.
Ugh, right, The Great And Powerful Trixie....to help me prepare this next recipe which is listed in the book as:
Recipe II: Plum Loco Cocoa
By: Queen Omnipotence and Eclipsa
According to the book, Plum Loco Cocoa is a smooth, thick, richly purple hot drink, that gives off a delicious smell of chocolate and plums. It's meant to be enjoyed with friends around Hearth's Warming, when its cold and snowing outside.
But today, were going to make and enjoy some when its about....I wanna say, 75 degrees out. Makes sense.
(Starlight sets the quill down and turns to Trixie to list off the recipe for Plum Loco Cocoa. Trixie ignores her as she takes her own quill and just copies the recipe from the book into Starlight's journal. Starlight watches in surprise as Trixie writes)
Ingredients
- 1-4 plums (chopped)
- 3/4 cups white sugar
- 3/4 teaspoons vanilla extract
- 1/3 cup boiling water
- 1/3 cup of unsweetened cocoa powder
- 3 1/2 cups milk
- A pinch of cinnamon
(Starlight politely questions her. "Um...what are you doing?")
(Trixie simply shrugs. "I'm writing down the recipe...duh!")
(Starlight raises an eyebrow. "But you can't just copy down the recipe from the book!")
(Trixie looks at her confused. "Well how is anypony else going to know how to make it?)
(Starlight sighs. "We are just testing the recipe itself, not writing a cookbook!")
(Trixie sets her quill down and gives Starlight a clever look. "Then how will we be able to sustain the ancient and long lost customs of The Alicorn Empire, by keeping a record of their recipes so that those who read your journal about your discovery, will be able to recreate that splendor of cuisine that the Alicorns did over 100,000 years ago, and perhaps even be inspired to create their own takes on them?")
(Starlight stares at Trixie with awestruck eyes."Umm....okay, fine. Sure.")
(Trixie smiles, satisfied, as she finishes writing down the recipe.)
Combine the cocoa and sugar in a saucepan. Mix in boiling water, and stir. Bring this mixture to an easy boil while you stir. Simmer and stir for about 2 minutes. Watch that it doesn't scorch. Stir in 3 1/2 cups of milk, cinnamon and chopped plums and heat until very hot, but do not boil! Remove from heat and add vanilla extract. Divide between 4 mugs. You can add cream to the mugs of cocoa to cool it to drinking temperature.
(Starlight sighs as she writes down below the completed recipe)
Okay, so...there's the recipe I guess. If you want it.
Now we just have to make it!
(Starlight and Trixie follow the recipe to make the drink. When its done they pour some into mugs, let it cool then drink)
Huh. It's a bit too rich for my tastes, but it's still REALLY good.
(Starlight asks what Trixie thought of it, but Trixie ignores her as she continues to drink her cocoa, completely entranced by it's deliciousness.)
Uh...okay. Well, I'd say that's a good place to stop for right now. I might check into more of these recipes a little later one, but for now...
Until my-
Our.
...Our, next entry!
This reads a bit too much like a script or lorebook; I feel it's doing a lot more "telling" than "showing", and it's in a rather odd tense which I'm not sure works here, i.e. present tense vs past tense.
Props for smashing it out in WriMo, and I sense a kindred love of world-building at the core of this, but it's going to need a bit of work to shine. Particularly the early chapters, because that's where people form their thoughts on the fic -- even if it gets better later on, nobody will know if readers write it off and stop within the first few chapters.
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I understand completely. To be honest, this is one story I didn't make to shine. This was the story that won me my first NaPoWriMo win. I felt she deserved to be published, mistakes and all. Although I do appreciate such a respected observation and advice! I will see about making some changes when I have time. I AM still working on it after all. It's not a story in a normal sense, if at all. It's meant to tell things from perspectives with a little improvisation thrown in. It tells you things, rather then shows it. At least for the first few chapters. A little adventure you observe through Starlight and Trixie's interactions.
I apologize that its so crazy. I'll work on it though!
Thank you again!
By the time you read this comment, I'll have read at least up to chapter 16, so my opinion might change, but so far, it's actually a pretty entertaining read.
When you said it was "pure randomness given form", I thought you meant the whole story was just one REALLY long crackfic, which it's not, at least not in any kind of exhausting way.