• Member Since 1st Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

Admiral Biscuit


Axe Body Spray: Confounding ponies since 1983.

T

An odd quirk of Equestrian law is that the mayor of an Earth Pony town can be challenged to a fertility contest to prove that she's fit for office.

Night Flower thinks she's got a chance.

Mayor Mare isn't going to give up without a fight, though.


pre-read by metallusionismagic

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 75 )

Groan

Good and silly. I enjoyed it.

Dan
Dan #2 · Nov 1st, 2017 · · ·

Rather predictable punchline, methinks.

Yeah, saw the punchline coming, but still pretty good

8522743 8522744
Yeah, the punchline is really only a surprise to Night Flower. I figure most readers will figure it out by the first break.

8522733

Good and silly. I enjoyed it.

:heart:

i was hoping for a kid-in-me pun oh well

8522797
Oh, that would have been a good one.

8522811
not to late to add it

8522815
Done. We'll see if anybody notices.

8522825
quick delet the comments to prevent spoils

8522830
Eh, anybody who reads them will groan. It's all good (plus, my readers know by now to expect spoilers in the comments).

8522836
good to know plus when they read it it will be like wait a second then they reread it to find the pun haha

8522845
Exactly!

FWIW, I had considered an "I didn't see it coming" joke.

She's going to cause such a scandal at the next plowing contest...

8522884
maybe you can make a sequel to the story more focused on the foals and the mother as she tries again this time in the correct form of the contest (they really should change the name to prevent another incident like that tho)

8522890
Hmm, that would be an interesting story. She'd probably lose, though; unicorns suck at growing stuff.

Plus, by next spring she'll have two foals.

8522899
you could have it have a slice of life that follows the children

Is it bad I saw the twist ending from just reading the blurb?

8522907

Is it bad I saw the twist ending from just reading the blurb?

You've read enough of my comedies with twist endings. I'm not surprised at all.

That was just perfect earth pony humor! I wish someone would draw Night Flower when Applejack tells her she didn't win. That look would be priceless.
I should have picked up on the idea when everyone was planting flowers. I got it when the Mayors office was full of vegetables!
Great story, Biscuit!

The best part is, I bet she stays in ponyville to raise her daughters because she gets to love the place, and becomes an exemplar member of the community.
And also an extremely loving mother that doesn't regret it for even one second :twilightsmile:

Golden harvest was mean, though. It's an honest profession, after all!

Silly Night Flower.

8522885

She's going to cause such a scandal at the next plowing contest...

Yeah, that won't go well for her. It probably will go well for the unattached stallions in the crowd, though.

8522996

That was just perfect earth pony humor! I wish someone would draw Night Flower when Applejack tells her she didn't win. That look would be priceless.

Poor Night Flower. She thought she had it all figured out. . . .

I should have picked up on the idea when everyone was planting flowers. I got it when the Mayors office was full of vegetables!
Great story, Biscuit!

Thanks!

8523000

The best part is, I bet she stays in ponyville to raise her daughters because she gets to love the place, and becomes an exemplar member of the community.

Well, of course. Once you get used to a small town, you never want to leave it.

And also an extremely loving mother that doesn't regret it for even one second :twilightsmile:

If she spends a couple of days shadowing Mayor Mare--perhaps after a monster attack and the paperwork that surely goes with that--she might count her blessings that she didn't wind up winning.

Golden harvest was mean, though. It's an honest profession, after all!

And it's the oldest profession.

8523003

Silly Night Flower.

This is the reason why lawbooks cite case law, and why a pony needs to understand the context and intent of the law, rather than simply the words on the page.

8522909 You should've lampshaded that by having a random Twist show up at the end.

Double twist ending:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tXJAUFyvh2ts7TuOp3AmHD2v0N6flJiHra3FYqkj0jM/edit?usp=sharing

Put behind that link because I got too silly with it and it got too long. Though it does bring up really the only issue I have with this fic, and that IS the wording of the law.

I find it kind of hard to swallow that it'd be written in such a way. If it's meant to be a contest of veggies, plants and stuff then wouldn't it be called a 'garden' contest and not a freaking fertility contest!?

Of course I know little about 'law' so my 'twist ending' there probably wouldn't work, but I think it'd make a funny sequel. XD

:pinkiegasp: :rainbowlaugh: :facehoof: :trollestia:

Is all I have to say.

Can't say I saw much in terms of comedy here, but plenty of daawww. :twilightsmile:
Loved it, and Night flower is someone I'd like to hear more about one day. Your version of Equestria is just such a, for want of a better word, real place. How very pony and how very Ponyville.

8523263

You should've lampshaded that by having a random Twist show up at the end.

Like Applejack, Golden Harvest, and Roma all being Mayor Mare's daughters? Along with Night Flower?

Or do you mean, literally, Twist?

images6.fanpop.com/image/polls/1324000/1324434_1388699897008_full.png

8523339
Wow, that's a rather long response. :rainbowlaugh:

If it's over 1k, you ought to publish it as an alternate ending. Even if it is silly.

Though it does bring up really the only issue I have with this fic, and that IS the wording of the law.
I find it kind of hard to swallow that it'd be written in such a way. <spoiler>
Of course I know little about 'law' so my 'twist ending' there probably wouldn't work, but I think it'd make a funny sequel. XD

Well, there are cases where the actual written law doesn't exactly make sense as written (which is one of the reasons that we have courts to interpret what they actually mean). For example, the English Salmon Act of 1986 makes it illegal to handle salmon in a suspicious manner.

What they apparently meant was that it was not only illegal to poach salmon, but also illegal to possess a poached salmon, even if you weren't the one who did the poaching. But apparently the original wording of the law left something to be desired.

8523417

Can't say I saw much in terms of comedy here, but plenty of daawww. :twilightsmile:

:heart:

Loved it, and Night flower is someone I'd like to hear more about one day. Your version of Equestria is just such a, for want of a better word, real place. How very pony and how very Ponyville.

It would be a great place to live, wouldn't it? And Night Flower did turn out as a pretty cool character, even if she isn't all that smart when it comes to law.

What possessed you to write this?

8524982

What possessed you to write this?

I dunno. I had the idea when I was thinking about weird laws, and then thought that maybe to be mayor of an Earth Pony town you had to be able to prove you could grow stuff, and then I thought about how that might be misinterpreted by somepony who thought she could oust the mayor by producing foals, and it kind of went from there.

Oh, wait, you probably weren't asking why I got the idea. Well, the most direct answer to that question is probably poor impulse control.

8524619
Um word count is 1062.

Given it's a silly response to a story YOU wrote, I give you permission to do something with it if you want. Could just add it here.

If I published it as it's own story/alternate ending. I wouldn't feel right.
A: There's no guarantee that readers of this story would ever find it or read it.
B: It'd probably lead to 'please continue this!' comments, which I couldn't do right now.

...

I raise my eyebrow at you, sir.

8525507

I raise my eyebrow at you, sir.

At least you're not biting your thumb.

8525164

Given it's a silly response to a story YOU wrote, I give you permission to do something with it if you want. Could just add it here.

Hmm. I'm not sure that would actually be the appropriate place, although I don't know what the general fanon consensus on that is. Some writers do put omakes with the main story, and others have them published separately. The ones that I've done (at least one, maybe more) have been published on my account, with a link to the original.

If I published it as it's own story/alternate ending. I wouldn't feel right.
A: There's no guarantee that readers of this story would ever find it or read it.

Well, if you did publish it, I would certainly blog about it and put a link in this story to it, for readers who wanted the alternate ending. I can't guarantee that people would read it, of course, but then I can't guarantee that people will read my own stuff, either.

B: It'd probably lead to 'please continue this!' comments, which I couldn't do right now.

Heh, you wouldn't be alone in that. I just replied to three "please continue this" comments on another story, and there's a few of them for this one, too.


I'll think about it. I don't think I'd feel right making it another chapter to this story, but I could potentially publish it on my account in one of my other catchalls, or make it its own separate story (although I'd have to ask a mod about that).

8526927
Hmm, well you could just label it as: "Non-canon Bonus" maybe.

If you really don't mind my publishing it, then with your permission I'll touch it up and do so and just let you know so you can blog link to it. If you have anything you think would be neat to add, let me know. Who knows, maybe I'll find the time to write more of it after all. ^_^

that's like in school where you write a 20 page essay on how oxygen effects the world but it was supposed to be a quick answer on how oxygen takes up space...

just me?

8527175

If you really don't mind my publishing it, then with your permission I'll touch it up and do so and just let you know so you can blog link to it. If you have anything you think would be neat to add, let me know. Who knows, maybe I'll find the time to write more of it after all. ^_^

Yeah, it's probably better published on your account, 'cause that way you've got control over it if you need to make edits or whatever, plus then you get all the accolades for your work.

You're totally free to publish it. Obviously, put a link in to this story so people know what the context is, and when you've got it published, send me a PM and I'll put a note on this story, and make a blog post about it.

8527264

that's like in school where you write a 20 page essay on how oxygen effects the world but it was supposed to be a quick answer on how oxygen takes up space...

just me?

I wrote a several page essay on the seagull in O Pioneers. And a 70 page balanced budget proposal for government in high school. Granted, a lot of that 70 pages was numbers and graphs. . . .

she ran on a platform of dental hygiene and helper monkeys for every citizen of Ponyville.

I see what you did there. :moustache:


8532329
In school I wrote an essay about a Tupperware not realising that and oomblik was supposed to mean moment.

8545542
I see what you did there. :moustache:
:heart:

In school I wrote an essay about a Tupperware not realising that and oomblik was supposed to mean moment.

Huh?

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