- Member Since 10th Oct, 2017
- offline last seen Jun 11th, 2022
CrystalCrayon
Just here to make some clopfics for others to enjoy.
CrystalCrayon
Joined 10th Oct, 2017 ·
Offline
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I'm just going to leave a red thumb. A better writer than I could probably make this worth reading.
8518244
Aw that's too bad. Thanks for the feedback either way.
owo scrambles to thumbs up button
8529409
Thank you for the detailed feedback, I highly appreciate it.
I actually did want there to be some feeling of confusion, to make the reader feel a bit lost in its non-linear narrative, but there's no doubt I could have executed it better. As far as convoluted and jarring goes, that's just me being a bad writer I guess, hehe. The fluttershy part at the end makes the story loop back into self, creating a sort of paradox; I suppose I could have executed that better as well.
I think I was just trying to do too much with a short story. Had this story been 20,000 words and had proper pacing, it would have worked much better. As a just-over-3000 words short story, the non-linear elements might feel like constant jumping around more so than anything else.
8519348
Smashes the Favorites button shamelessly
I feel like the story changes perspective a lot. It kinda throws me off when trying to keep track of what is going on, but its still a good story.
8886757
I can see that.
But it really gets dark when you start to think that the perspective never changes
This is boarder line pedophilia.
(Correct me if I'm wrong)
10965325
No your not wrong. Because of what filly's are it clearly is. But that's what we most of us came here to see. It's forbidden ever alluring detailed lewd, kinky and taboo storytelling
11543217
I respect that.
PS. It’s not my intention to call anyone here out.
I was just making an observation on something I wasn’t really too sure about.