Unicorns and Dragon Eggs (or Ember’s Mother Conspiracy)

by Lise

Ember’s Mother Conspiracy

“I’ll never understand you ponies,” Ember shook her head. “The hugging and the feelings, I somehow understand. But putting food into food.” She sighed. “That’s just... YOU?!” Ember shouted, flames coming out of her mouth as she pointed at the other end of the hall.

Everyone looked in that direction only to see a very surprised Trixie making her way into the map room. Upon seeing Ember the magician’s ears shot up. Her eyes widened in a combination of surprise and terror, as she slowly took a step back.

“Finally I’ve found you!” Ember spun her wings, crossing half the distance. “This time I won’t let you run away!”

“Err, Trixie can explain?” The magician offered a nervous smile as droplets of sweat coursed down her face.

“Ember, don’t!” Twilight teleported in between Trixie and the dragon. “Please don’t do anything rash. Remember all the friendship lessons I’ve been sending you—“

“No!” Ember pushed her away without a moment’s hesitation. “This time we’re going to have a serious talk—”

“Ember, please! Whatever it is I’m sure—“ Twilight tried to intervene only to be completely ignored.

“—Mother!” Ember crossed her arms.

“I bet it’s all a misunderstand—“ Twilight stopped mid-word. “What?” She stared at Trixie.

Silence filled the hall. Six ponies and and a dragon stared at the Ember-Trixie exchange, speechless. Only Fluttershy allowed herself a slight smile that she quickly covered with a hoof.

“Trixie said she can explain,” the magician repeated, slight annoyance in her voice. “It happened long ago. Trixie was young and naive, and believed she was the most great and powerful being in Equestria.”

“Not much has changed since then I reckon,” Applejack whispered.

“But, but... your mother?” Twilight’s wings shot up in shock.

“Oh, trust me, I’m not too thrilled about it either.” Ember narrowed her eyes. “From the tales my father told me I thought she was this powerful unicorn who left the Dragonlands in pursuit of new lands to conquer shortly after I was born. Turned out she went to on a show tour.”

“Trixie went in pursuit of new audiences,” the magician grumbled, her ears flopping halfway.

“But... Stop!” Twilight shouted. “How is it even possible? You’re a dragon and Trixie’s a pony! There’s no way she could be your mother. Right?” Twilight moved her face to an inch from Ember. “Right?!” She turned to Trixie, grabbing her with both forehooves.

“Why are you freaking out?” Ember raised a brow. “Is that a pony thing?” She turned to Spike.

“Freaking out? FREAKING OUT?” Twilight shouted. “How am I supposed to react?! Trixie... she’s... how can she be your mother?!”

“Why couldn’t Trixie be her mother?” The magician pushed Twilight off her with an indignant stare. “Are you suggesting Trixie isn’t good enough? Trixie will have you know that she was a prodigy in her youth!” The blue unicorn raised her chin with a humph.

“Dragon!” Twilight pointed to Ember. “Pony!” She then moved her hoof towards Trixie. “Dragon! Pony! Dragon! Pony!”

Twilight stopped, her chest expanding and contracting as a pair of giant bellows. No one dared speak a word, looking at her quietly as if she were a volcano about to explode. Even Trixie forgot her faux outrage.

“What?” The Princess of friendship asked, aware she had become the new target of everyone’s stares. “I’m absolutely, a hundred percent, undoubtedly right! It just isn’t possible!” She stomped her hoof on the marble floor.

“My hatching mother.” Ember rolled her eyes. “Of course she isn’t my real mother.”

“Hatching mother?” Twilight blinked.

“Err, the unicorn that hatches the egg,” Spike whispered. “You know, like you did during your magic exam?”

“What?!”

“Come on, Twi!” Rainbow Dash smirked. “You should know this! You know everything, right?”

“What in Equestria are you talking about?” Sweat started to form on the alicorn’s forehead. Spike slapped his face. “What?!”

“Dragon eggs can’t hatch on their own,” Ember began. “The shell is too hard for even a baby dragon to break and resistant to dragonfire. It can only be cracked by unicorn magic. What did you think? That Trixie is actually my birth mother? That would be stupid.”

“Huh? What? Huh?” Twilight eyes and ears twitched. “Are you saying that all dragons were hatched by unicorns?”

“Actually—“

“This is insane! It’s ludicrous! Impossible! Unbelievable!” Twilight’s breath hastened, stopping a hair short of hyperventilation. “I refuse to believe it! Dragon egg hatching has been part of the entrance exam for the S.G.U. for generations. That’s what it is! An exam! It has nothing to do with natural! Spike!” Twilight turned towards the dragon. “You’ve never thought of me as your mother.”

“That’s because you always treated me like a younger brother.” The dragon sighed. “Celestia only told me a few years ago, and I knew how much you’d freak out if I suddenly started calling you “Mom”.”

“What?!”

“See what I mean?”

“But, but—“

“Excuse me, maybe I can try and explain things.” Rarity stepped forward, waving her mane as she did. “Twilight, darling, you believe in sound logic, is that not true?” Timidly, Twilight nodded. “Wonderful. As you said yourself, dragon hatching has been part of the entrance exam to Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, going back generations. Is that correct?”

“Uh-Huh?”

“And is it fair to say that everypony who has been admitted has succeeded in hatching a dragon egg?”

“Yes?” Twilight tilted her head.

“In that case where do all the hatched dragons go?” Rarity smiled. “They aren’t in Canterlot, and surely the school isn’t reusing the same eggs for generations.”

“Yes, But—“ Twilight raised her hoof. Several moments passed in silence. “Surely—“ she stopped again. Utter silence filled the room. “I would have known! It would have been written somewhere! Surely! Besides, there are hundreds of thousands of dragons! A simple calculation would show that there aren’t nearly enough S.G.U. alumni to have hatched all those!”

“Hmpth!” Trixie grumbled. “Of course, the Princess would only consider unicorns from her elite school capable of hatching dragon eggs. It doesn’t matter that at that age Trixie had a job, neigh, a career! But no, only stuck up book unicorns could hatch dragon eggs!”

“Hey! My Mom might not be the best mom—” Ember began to which Trixie humphed again “—but she’s my Mom! And I won’t have you insult her like this! Good job writing all those friendship lessons if you don’t even follow them!”

“But, but...” Twilight swallowed. “Every unicorn can hatch dragons?” She looked around. “Every unicorn has hatched dragons?!”

“Well, it wasn’t my proudest moment, darling.” Rarity adjusted her mane. “Not to mention the complete ruffian my daughter has become. Belching and swearing...” she covered her face with a hoof. “It’s just too much for a mother to take.”

“Somepony hatched Garble?” Twilight asked in disbelief.

“Amethyst did, silly.” Pinkie Pie hopped joyfully. “Why else do you think she’d send an envelope of gems to the dragonlands every week?”

“Crackle?” Twilight’s ears drooped.

“Lyra Heartstrings.” Rarity nodded. “She always had a certain artistic flare.”

“Dragon Lord Torch?!?” Twilight turned to Spike, hey eyes begging for support. “Please tell me Princess Celestia didn’t hatch him!”

“Nah!” The dragon whelp waved. “Luna. The thing about that is that—“

“No!” Twilight shouted, interrupting him mid sentence. “No! No! No! No!” She charged out of the the hall galloping down the corridor towards the castle library.

Still and silent, the entire group watched the princess disappear out of view. Once the echo of her hooftseps faded away, they looked at each other. It was clear beyond a shadow of a doubt that Twilight hadn’t taken it well. If the last was any indication she would probably barricade herself with her books where she’d spend the next few weeks in furious reading until she finally calmed down.

“Umm, do you think we went too far?” Ember asked. “I mean, she seemed a bit upset.”

“I don’t know.” Spike scratched his head. “I’ve seen her worse, but... nah. I’ll tell her it’s a joke in about a week. She’ll run out of books by then anyway.”

“If you all would excuse me, Trixie has an appointment at the spa,” the magician said, adjusting her hat. “You know where to find Trixie when it’s time for the next one.” She trotted down the hall.

“Yeah, about that, what will we do next week?” Spike asked, turning to Pinkie Pie. “It’ll be pretty difficult topping this.”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Pinkie looked innocently at the ceiling. “If Thorax manages to make it, I think I have something planned. I call it ‘The hills have eyes.’”

Comments

[Themaskedferret]

*laughs and slowclaps* Bravo.

[FanOfMostEverything]

It's changelings all the way down, Twilight.

While this sort of story always strikes me as a bad idea Watsonianly—do not taunt Happy Fun Demigoddess—the audacity of this one still made for a hilarious read. Thank you for it.

[Hillbe]

cool one great one

pre00.deviantart.net/e9a1/th/pre/i/2015/268/0/e/spike3_by_hillbe-d9awxo3.jpg

[Xenoguyver]

............................Okay, THAT is a rather funny prank to pull on Twilight. Bravo. I can EASILY see her in the "Clock Is Ticking!" phase from this.

[Modmyths]

This is absolutely evil...

I love it!

[RK_Striker_JK_5]

Oh, that was fucking evil! You have no idea how much I loved seeing Twilight being had like that.

[John Tannius]

Gas lighting is illegal... but funny as hell. Thumbs up.

[MagicLover2128]

You sir, are a genius at pranking Twilight.

[Scyphi]

“Nah!” The dragon whelp waved. “Luna. The thing about that is that—“

That sounded like the start of an excellent story (made-up or not)!

The awesome thing about the whole deal though was that, it was just plausible enough to seem actually real.

[OmniFox]

Next thing you know Spike would be dating a griffin.

[Level Dasher]

Well that was friggin' hilarious. Pranked Twilight is funniest Twilight.

[DragonRaiderX9]

Oh, I thought you were serious at first. Good job, this was fun.

[ClawHeart]

I caught the one hint near the beginning that something was going on, but it didn't ruin the surprise at all. Bravo. Bravo indeed.

[Cross Lament]

With friends like these, Twilight...

8512375
At least they didn't trick her into thinking she'd laid an egg...

[abronie]

This was kinda funny. Nice job dude.
------------------------

hatch on their own,” Embar began. “The shell is too hard for 

*Ember

[Lise]

8512372
Yay :)))

8512375
O:) Just needed to write something silly O:)

8512419
Oh, Hillbe. :P

8512422
8512594
I blame Pinkie! O:)

8512430
8512546
8512585
...I also blame Trixie!

8512687
8512908
Well, I considered if it coukd be real... or maybe it is? Where DO the hatched dragons from the magic test go? O.o

8512851
Funny you should mention that...

8512864
8513437
Thankee :))) Also, fixed ;)

8513300
Well, they did it to RD :P

[Not so New Brony]

That's a whole lot of trouble for a prank, though considering what the entire town pulled to get back at Rainbow Dash...

[Raugos]

Oh boy, I haven't seen one of these in a while.

There's a whole bunch of stories involving Twilight having her perception of reality shattered, like in My Brother, The Tooth and Twilight Sparkle Lays an Egg.

I'm pretty sure there's a lot more, but I can't recall right now.

[Lord Of Dorkness]

Must admit I'd personally found this story funnier if it been played completely straight, and dragons and unicorns really did have this odd but rather sweet symbiotic relationship nopony thought to tell Twilight abouth...

But all in all, a good story. Ending felt a bit too mean-spirited, but not bad enough to ruin the rest, and I got a couple of chuckles from it.

[Ebonysdagger]

Well that was a rather unnecessarily hateful prank to play on Twilight by her 'friends'. Obviously they are making it up or ponies would know far more about dragons and have been able to help with Spike back during the whole dragon greed incident. That alone makes it rather obvious only Twilight has ever hatched a dragon egg in recent memory after all. Even if it was only the students at Celestia's school there would be far more dragons living in pony lands and they would know more about them.

[The Great Derpsby]

But if it were true, at least in general, it would explain why he's such an utterly nasty bully.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/2/6/822419__safe_artist-colon-punzil504_garble_sunset+shimmer_alternate+universe_baby+dragon_dragon_pony_simple+background_transparent+background_unicorn_v.png
Having your hatching mother leave you behind because she wants more power the easy way could mess anyone up.

[Lurks-no-More]

Ooh, that was a good one.

[Icarus_Con_Queso]

8513606
Yeah, pony pranks, at least the best ones, are like children. It takes a village...

[PonyDragon]

8513300
About that...

Good story, Lise Eclaire!
(Is the short version of your name rather Lise or Eclaire or do you don't have one?)

[khatre]

8514136
I Loved that story. Now I get to read it again.

[Tracelander]

No! I want a sequel!!!!!!!

[Enigmatic Otaku]

Despite the joke, i do like the theory.

[Wacky]

8513511
You have done well, Madam, you have done well!

[OmniFox]

8513511
Do tell!

[Freewing Alchemist P]

This was a funny story you just earn a place in the Library.

[MorningRose]

awesome and hilarious story didn't expect it to be a prank. way to cool difinitly one of my top 10 hilarious stories faves on here

[Biker_Dash]

Pure Comedy Gold

[Cryosite]

I think Rarity's expression in the cover art sums it up best.

Wasn't worth a downvote, nor an upvote. It's a thing that exists. It isn't really funny, but it is at least a distant cousin to funny.

It's a "story" that is really just one joke. It tries to do that one joke pretty well, and the overal setup is fine. I just don't really buy into Twilight Sparkle reacting that way. I feel like she would wind up more curious than... whatever it was you were going for in this. Something between "appalled" and "extremely disconcerted." I feel when Twilight is presented with "Thing I don't know" her reaction is "I want to learn about this!" Rather than... this whatever. I guess this is kind of sort of "Twilight in Feeling Pinkie Keen" sort of characterization, which was out of character for her then, and a terrible episode for it.

But, hey. It was just trying to be silly and absurd. That's plenty for most folks, right?

[Midknight Defender]

After reading this, I can only imagine Trollestia's face when she hears about it.

I mean it. That's the only image I can hold in my head right now.

[Astrarian]

Worked for me!

[CommanderBigMac]

This was...not what I was expecting. Bravo on a well played prank girls

[Nyerguds]

“Hatching mother?” Twilight blinked.

“Err, the unicorn that hatches the egg,” Spike whispered. “You know, like you did during your magic exam?”

So, Spike considers Twilight his mom, then. That's gonna make some waves

“See what I mean?”

Yes

“Crackle?” Twilight’s ears drooped.

“Lyra Heartstrings.” Rarity nodded. “She always had a certain artistic flare.”

Oh come on

I did not go into this thinking it'd be a crackfic

“I’ll tell her it’s a joke in about a week. She’ll run out of books by then anyway.”

Goddammit

Well played, author. Well played indeed.

[Philo Hippos]

Any ADULT unicorn can hatch a dragon egg but Celestia only take those who can do it as a child. Seems legit.

[PresentPerfect]

Amazing. XD

[Noctis Prism]

Priceless!

[Mossy Pages]

Nice...Very pleasing!
DANG I NEED A LUNA EMOJI.

[Nightflight406]

Is it real and Spike will just lie to her. I kind of hope so.

[MixMassBasher]

Now that was a mindfuck and a half

[Kikio3000]

Wow, impressive. Poor Twi though, and I want to know what Spike was gonna say about Luna hatching Lord Torch lol.

[TheOneAJ]