A new school year has started at Canterlot High, among the new students there is Loving Blossom, a girl who may appear shy and weak, but who is actually the user of a rather strong Stand, which she calls Gutterflower. As the year passes by, things in Canterlot, both the town and the high school, don't seem normal, so Blossom has to unite with other Stand users to defeat an evil figure looming over this place.
This story is an indirect crossover with the manga and anime Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, mainly inspired by part 4, Diamond is Unbreakable (Because of the high school setting and murder mystery stuff)
[Rated T for some violence and occasional bloodshed]
Chapters (6)
I'm very interested in this story, Stands are an excellent way to make a fight unique, and I'm always excited when they show up.
However, there are some problems with this chapter, the big one is pacing. In Blossom's introductory paragraph, she was established as a bit of a wallflower. Not 500 words later she's starting a fight. A character changing their demeanor when provoked isn't a bad thing, but when a character has a 'OOC' moment right after that 'C' was established can make it difficult for the reader to find either believable. You need to give the characters a little room to breathe.
8513239
Yeah, I see where you're coming from, for some reason i thought that Chrysalis starting the fight out of nowhere would've been "weird" or something, even though I wrote her as the bully and that's the kind of stuff she would do.
I used to think that I wasn't good with writing preexisting characters, apparently what I'm bad at is writing a good OC that doesn't seem like a dumb mary sue or something.
I guess the excuse could be that she just wanted to be nice because neither her or Sunset liked what Chrysalis said, to each their own reason, but that's probably as flimsy as what actually came out on the chapter, which was vague and, as you said, just kinda out of character.
Anyways, I'm writing chapter 2, where the first Stand battle starts, let's hope I don't mess up horribly again and Blossom just becomes yet another different character, heheh.
EDIT: I'm surprised you didn't mention the last scene with Chrysalis meeting the guy who is totally not the main villain feeling like filler or padding, because it really just is, I couldn't think of how else to end it and I wanted to make sure I hit the 1000 word quota.
8513826
I actually didn't notice that at all.
Is it Dio?
8549933
No, the meme vampire isn't here, if you're trying to guess who the main villain is gonna be... I'm afraid I can't really give you any hints out-of-story, can I? Sorry about that.
I love the jojo series! I never thought that someone would make a cross over with it, and yet here it is! Keep up the good work
8550588
Uhh, other people have made Jojo crossovers before, my story isn't that special, but thanks anyway.
This would be more interesting if she had a hair-trigger (pun not intended) like josuke, as well as previous knowledge of what a stand is