Darkness Reborn
The darkness surrounding him faded to light and Shadow found himself floating in what looked like a ball of blue energy, His only companion being a figure he saw walking towards him from the distance. He could not speak a word as the figure slowly formed in the shape of Somepony he knew well, Somepony who was never to come back.....
Shadow sat up and looked around him, his eyes glowing a light blue as he took in his surroundings. A dark room seemingly made of stone, and shackles on each hoof, made up his first impression. "Oh sweet Luna, not again...", His voice trailed off as he saw a dead raven in front of him, and his eyes flashed gold as his wings reappeared, and the raven turned into a fine dust. As his transformation occured, Shadow quickly caught the ring that fell from his now non-existent horn, and he held it to his chains until they cracked and he bucked them off. The sound echoed through the room, and he glanced nervously at the bars that blocked his way.
"Hello?..." A guards voice came from down the hall, clearly scared of what might be in the deepest dungeons in Canterlot. Shadow didn't answer as he trotted silently to the bars, and focused on the only objects blocking his escape from the world he was just a part of. A large crackling noise sounded before the bars disintegrated, and some of the stone with it.
"Oh great...." Shadow whispered as he stepped through the now-open cell and slipped towards the torch-light.
"Hello down there, are you ok-" The guard was cut off as Shadow simply disabled him with a quick buck to the temple. Shadow Storm slipped on the armor, and looked around as he slipped the guard into the shadows.
"Sorry, but business is business", Shadow slipped out the nearest window, and was out into the courtyard in under a minute. As Shadow paused, he scanned the grounds, before running and leaping the wall.
A stallion and a colt were leaning against barrels outside of Ponyville as a dark shadow flew overhead, almost hitting them from above as they spoke.
"Hey, do you hear something?", The stallion leaning against the barrel tilted his head, then nodded no.
"I haven't heard anything other than your yapping mouth going on and on about ghosts in the night". As the stallion spoke he looked around before huffing and sitting down on his haunches. "I would bet it was nothing more than a bat just flying around".
The colt nodded as he looked around one more time nervously, and leaned back on the barrel beside him, "Yeah, just worried about the threats from that snottie family threatening our Cider....."
The older stallion just laughed as he patted the young Colts head, "It's fine son, they wouldn't dare mess with anypony from the Apple family.
The colt smiled and leaned into his father, "Okay Dad, I believe you". The colt yawned, and fell asleep as the Stallion kept his eyes peeled, just in case.....
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So... I will say again... Wut? Not “what?”, but “wut?” that is the level of confusion I am at. So... I guess that is little big Mac, and his father? Or some visiting Apple relatives? Changelings aren't that rare so... No clue on what he is.
I don't even know what is going on anymore. I... Wut?
Let's... Let's work on one thing at a time here. Try to get better at writing, not just the what, but the how things are happening. I already gave an example in my first comment and... Well, I'm off to do stuff. See you later.
8581705
Welp, not changeling, and I'm fixing all three right now
Didn't notice any changes here. Still don't know what he is, I have a couple guesses more than I did when I first read this yesterday, but both would have plotholes out the wazoo if it was the case, so... Not a clue.
...Okay, the short description actually got me hooked. If I didn't see this story before, and came across that, I honestly might have looked into it. That said, just keep doing what you did there, just in the actual story.
8598340
Got it, and fixing still XD it's hard work!!!!
8604145
Noted.
Honestly, this goes far to fast. You barely spend a few hundred words on any one scene.
I'd advise reading more, and I mean professional works, or at least really good, non one shot fanfics. You could get to know how stories are usually paced, and the like. Then read some of this, and compare it.
Hard to know how to improve, if you don't know what counts as good.