A dark path

by Kunama Windrider

4

Rainbow Dash was sad. She wanted to tell Fluttershy about this, who wouldn't react dramatically. But she couldn't, not unless she wanted Ahuizotl after her skin. Her heart slowed, and when she looked up, she was different. For some reason, she was so very thirsty for evil. And that wasn't the only difference. A major change had come over. She looked down and saw silver shoes studded with dazzling, yet evil-looking, rubies. Her hair was longer, and limp and curly. And when she looked in the mirror, her eyes were stuck between pink and red. Just as I am, they're forced to fit in, thought Rainbow. But if I picked a side... I would fit in with whatever side I chose! But I feel, maybe, um, how do you say? Oh yeah, evil and manical, wahahaha!!! Suddenly, there was a flash of light and Rainbow Dash was gone. All that was left was Thunder Dash.

---

Twilight Sparkle looked out of the window. It was a dark, stormy day. and she hoped it would pass soon. A bolt of lightning streaked past, but the weird thing was it was HORIZONTAL! How is this possible? thought Twilight. I'd better record it in my storm journal. She hurried over to the journal and opened it to a blank page. She began to write.
Lightning
Lightning is usually vertical or slightly diagonal, however, today I saw horizontal lightning. It was static, but I couldn't...

---

Fluttershy heard a knock at the door. She opened it and what looked like Rainbow Dash came in. Fluttershy screamed and hid under her bed. Hoofsteps came up the stairs and searched for her.

"Fluttershy? Come out..."

---

Twilight heard a scream from Fluttershy's cottage. She finished her sentence and sped off to get the rest of the girls. They were all so widely spread that it took her quite a while to reach Fluttershy's cottage.

"Okay girls, Fluttershy is in trouble."

"Ah "eard 'er scream from Swait Apple Acres," commented Apple Jack. The others followed suit.

"Where's Rainbow?" asked Twilight. The girls shrugged, confused. "We'll just have to go without her." Little did they know that the problem was Rainbow Dash.

---

They were too late. Fluttershy was gone.

"Who took her?" asked Rarity. They didn't know. Not a clue.

Comments

[Danvs3]

OK so probably one of the shortest stories i have ever read... needless to say rather confusing, but interesting. I wonder what happens next and what happened to Flutters.

[Kunama Windrider]

Hi!!! Hope you enjoy this story, really sorry if its not that good...

[Kunama Windrider]

8513381
Thanks for the positive feedback, I'll try to make it better for my next story.

[EverfreePony]

Hmm... to be honest, I don’t know what to make of this. The standalone parts are mostly solid in grammar and usually have quite nice descriptions with an eye for detail. However, each of these parts feels as if you just took a story and cut out a small portion of the text from it. What I mean is, the chapters have something in common, but there is a lot, and I stress a lot, of context missing. For example, the biggest question is; why is Rainbow Ahuizotl’s student?

I think you are throwing darts in the right direction, you just need to slow down and let the story unfurl, not throw the reader in the middle of it. If there is anything you’d need help with, feel free to send me a PM