• Published 16th Nov 2017
  • 3,407 Views, 145 Comments

Beyond Achlys - Snuffy



Three millions years ago, at very dawn of the starfaring era, the daughter of a powerful noble heads out into the galaxy. Ready to uncover the mysteries of the Milky Way, but she never expected her greatest discovery would be hidden inside a nebulae.

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Insanity

The door to the meeting room closed behind Twilight Sparkle, and she watched as the human approached the floating orb. She didn’t know what Celestia planned by bringing Helena here, and could only assume it was a gamble to attain answers. The artifact from Keeper’s vault hadn’t said a word since it emerged at the beginning of the great disaster, but maybe the alien knew how to converse with the strange golem.

Still, something was off. Twilight had been told of the orb’s warnings about a potential invasion, and the only appearance since then was Helena and her ship.

Twilight held her breath as Helena paused at the edge of the table, casually placing one of her slender hands at the top of the orb’s surface. There was no telling what might happen next, and sweat formed on Twilight’s temple in anticipation.

The orb said nothing, nor did Helena. Twilight inched forward and strained her ears, but the first sign of activity from the artifact was when it hovered away from Helena without a word uttered between the two.

Twilight turned to watch as the orb floated past her and Celestia.

”Wait? That’s it?”

Twilight quickly realized something else was happening. Helena’s posture shifted, and her otherwise unreadable expression morphed into a maniacal grin. She then made a pirouette that swung her dress high up in the air, before eventually stopping to stare at one of the exits.

Sweet Celestia, she’s lost it.

The thought was instinctive, but even Twilight’s weary mind couldn’t misinterpret the signs. A loud bang returned her to the present, finding the human was missing and the doors were lying broken on the floor, followed by loud yells from the hallway outside.

”Twilight, follow me,” Celestia said, before galloping after Helena.

Twilight cursed her slow reaction and inability to act in time, then followed on shaky legs through the broken doors and into chaos. The hallway was littered with broken wood, various pieces of decorations, and Royal Guards clutching the walls for safety.

Twilight saw Celestia take to the air at the narrow end. Twilight, together with some of the more quick-witted guards, followed close by.

A momentary glance at the royal garden was all Twilight needed, and she landed haphazardly next to Celestia along with the pegasus guards. The human stood tall in the clearing, dress and mane blowing in the wind, and looked down at the remnants of a broken statue.

Is she searching for Discord?

The mere thought was borderline delusional. The draconequus couldn’t organize or build a house of cards straight, much less be the creator of all living things. Still, as much stress as Discord caused Twilight on a weekly basis, he was her friend.

”Where is he?” Helena said.

Twilight and Celestia exchanged a quick glance, long enough to communicate who would take the lead.

”Discord is not here,” Celestia began. ”We might be able to arrange a meeting if you promise not to resort to violence.”

Twilight straightened her back and leveled her head in anticipation of whatever action Celestia’s words might provoke. The human wasn’t mentally well, and when Helena’s wild expression remained, the lack of any other responses made each second of silence feel like an eternity. The suspense, mixed in with an unhealthy amount of fatigue, was enough to make the hair on her neck stand on end, and all her instinct screamed that something was about to go wrong.

A magical surge then burst from Helena, surrounding and probing every fiber of Twilight's being, as if the ambient magic had attained a consciousness of its own and sought to peer into her soul. There was little Twilight could do but hold still and keep breathing, and by Celestia’s and the guards' look of surprise, they were equally affected.

Helena did not move, and her dull eyes stared out into nothingness.

As suddenly as it began, the spell disappeared, and Twilight turned to Celestia for guidance. But Celestia only watched with wide eyes as Helena slowly raised the arm she favored, stretched it out in front of her, then opened her hand as if she was about to grab something invisible out of the air.

Then Helena vanished in a flash of light.


“...if you promise not to resort to violence.”

Helena stopped time at the end of the sentence. The princesses might be able to aid her in finding Discord, but the search needed to end soon. Her ship was ready for battle and would fire its weapons if it detected any incoming attack, and the machines activating near the outer rim of the solar system likely wouldn’t wait for her to attempt the diplomatic approach.

In the pony library, there had been numerous descriptions and speculations on the origin of the Chaos Realm, and most agreed that it was located within a pocket dimension only a select few could enter. Helena knew there existed no such things as travel between dimensions, and concluded there must be a hidden area somewhere within the planet. Since her ship couldn’t find it with sensors, it was likely a similar design to the covert construction facilities hiding in the depths of space.

Given enough time, finding and extracting the base with conventional methods was a feasible and practical solution, but the library hinted at another way to gain entrance.

Magic.

Helena dropped all barriers repelling the ambient magic, allowing it to surge through her limbs and into her mind’s innermost sanctum. It was the first time in countless years she permitted something completely foreign to gain a modicum of control over her consciousness.

The process was terrifying to witness, as every method of self-preservation she possessed warned her to stop before it was too late. But she sensed no hostility from the magic itself, only complete, neutral willingness to form itself according to Helena's will. When she established the final connection, the surrounding magic felt to her like an extra transparent layer of skin.

The magic she controlled became much like a mycelial network that grew exponentially in size, and when her sphere of influence reached twenty feet, it entirely enveloped a royal guard stallion frozen above her while in the motion of flapping its wings.

She sensed every aspect of him, from the subtle way he manipulated the magic in the air for extra lift, to the magic flowing within his bloodstream. The guard was a healthy male at twenty-eight years of age, and by his pulse, he was both thrilled and genuinely concerned. The information and conclusions she could extract from his life were unprecedented. His worries were related to his family and their future, suggesting he was a recent father, and yet exhilarated by the dramatic, world-changing events unfolding before him. The pony no doubt sensed her intrusion, and even with time diluted to such an extent, she knew that her presence was not welcome.

The amount of raw information Helena attained from one pony alone would undoubtedly overwhelm any unenhanced mind. She, however, continued expanding her influence until the magic under her control reached into the streets of the city. Helena sensed the lives of its inhabitants at the train station, the fish in the ponds, the heartbeat of a unicorn commander leading scores of silver armored guards trotting towards the palace, and even the worms crawling deep in the earth.

The sheer amount of information Helena received began to strain even her capabilities, though she knew a way to circumvent the issue. Helena established a direct connection with her ship and used its vast capacity to process information, even going so far as to purge old data banks containing knowledge from the earliest age of humanity to make available space for what she intended.

With the aid of her ship, the reach of her magic exploded. Within seconds, the rate of conversion neared the speed of light, stretching beyond the edge of Equestria’s borders and eventually enveloping the entire world. From a Zebra foal playing on the savannah to the great dragons sleeping in the mountains. For a brief moment, they all felt her presence.

But there were still no signs of Discord, and there was no way a human would be able to hide from the scrutiny she imposed on the world. The magic under her control was then given a single command, to expand the search downward into the planet's crust.

She found Discord’s lair below the ocean at the edge of the mantle, a realm of chaos as it was described in the books. Magic was continually twisting and bending the laws of physics, and within this hollowed out realm, she sensed a small house with a human inside.

Faced with an uncontrollable urge, Helena made another decision she never believed she would make. She reached out with her uninjured arm into the air and opened her palm, then teleported.

The method was even more terrifying than merely admitting magic into herself, as the magic began to dematerialize and reconstruct her physical body. All of her defenses believed her to be dying, and there was a strong sense of loss as her mind slipped away.

Then she appeared inside the house, her outstretched hand clutching down hard around a lizard’s neck.

”Do-” Discord began.

But Helena had already frozen time. Much like with her encounter with the orb, her defenses clashed with his in a struggle for dominance. Discord’s capabilities nearly matched hers in technology, but his defense was disorganized and twisted, almost as if the pretentious mantle of 'chaos god' extended to his human contraptions.

It did not take long for her to overwhelm her foe and gain access, though what she found was difficult to piece together. It was never an exact science, trying to use machine intelligence to extract memories from a living person, and Discord’s mind was nothing if not a jumbled mess.

For those who lived long lives, it inevitably becomes a necessity to store your earliest memories elsewhere with the aid of technology, splitting the mind between the new and the old.

Discord’s mind was a mismatch between the two, fusing his memories into a warped maelstrom that barely functioned as intended. His memories were mixed and blended, but the deeper Helena delved, the more the secrets of this world were laid out to her, and one thing became clear:

Discord no longer knew who he had once been.

The old memories were still there, but they were so fragmented that they would never make any sense to him, like a person from a medieval society with strange dreams of traveling between the stars. His mind rejected his old self but was never able to forget it. Helena centered in on those thoughts.

Helena’s mind simulated standing on a lush jungle world with three moons, and next to her stood Discord’s former self, sporting the same goatee as before. In front of them was a massive space vessel designed for interstellar construction on a planetary scale; Helena could date the design to roughly one million years ago.

She learned that Discord had attained vast wealth through his long life, much like Helena after her journey’s start. They shared many similarities, especially with their grand goal in life, though their methods varied. While she wanted to find intelligent beings that had blossomed on their own, Discord aimed to create them with his ingenuity.

Discord believed there was a way. Magic, an all-encompassing cloud of self-replicating nanites, with a particular set of commands, was his answer.

He had attempted this experiment on his homeworld. Though most human worlds often remained peaceful for long periods of time, it soon became apparent that his research was impossible due to time constraints. The machines needed hundreds of generations and tens of thousands of years to guide animals into the required evolutionary path, and with the constant flux of empires and technology present in the galaxy, his research would inevitably be interrupted before it could finish.

Discord's only choice had been to find a secluded space among the stars. He had found the dark nebula after traveling for a long time. The nearby planets were still uninhabited, and it would take millennia before they were suitable for colonization, so he had plenty of time to set himself up in secrecy.

Through great lengths of time, there wasn’t much for Helena to see. Discord had relied solely on automated machines to do his bidding and spent most of the time during the early stages in cryostasis, only waking up once every ten thousand years to check in on the progress. With the hidden solar system completed and suitable for his needs, Discord seeded a barren world with fauna and flora, then added his cloud of machines to aid in its progress.

Discord then returned to check in every hundred years and was pleased with the results. Life flourished on the world he named Equus, evolving at a steady pace, with the animals presenting a more profound understanding of their surroundings. Nearly all creatures used magic with or without realizing it, while others attained new limbs to help mold it into what they now called spells.

When the experiment had proven successful, Discord made an insane move.

Helena found herself in the beginning stages of Equus's development, next to Discord on a green hill at night. High up in the atmosphere, his construction ship hovered, and then it exploded in a massive ball of fire that lit up the sky.

Purposefully stranding himself on the planet, Discord forced himself to take a more active role in its development. The self-sustaining weapons in orbit were no longer under his control, and without access to the cryostasis, he could no longer skip ahead through time.

It was all for a single purpose: to make sure he remained and guided the world. There would inevitably be a conflict between the many newly born species, and his presence would guarantee that there was peace long enough for all of them to prosper.

But Discord soon learned that he had made a grave miscalculation about the current rate of evolution. The animals originating from Earth and other worlds did show the early signs of possessing a higher cognition, but Discord’s plan to walk among his creations had been carried out too early.

It would take hundreds of years before the animal developed a language of their own. Immortal, trapped, and alone, Discord wandered aimlessly through the thriving nature of his creation, resulting in the slow degradation of his sanity.

When the first ponies began to formulate a language of their own, Discord wasn’t the same man as he once had been. His draconequus shape was a result of countless years of tampering with magic, first and foremost his heavy reliance on teleportation. To more speedily see the results of his plan, he’d teleported himself all over the world, and the excessive use of teleportation was dangerous. You could easily start losing parts of yourself without realizing it, and Discord had done millions of teleportations.

Helena returned to the present.

”-n’t hurt me,” Discord said, squirming in Helena’s grip. He tried to wrestle control of the ambient magic from her by snapping his fingers, and when that accomplished nothing, he snapped them again and again.

”Why won’t it work?”

Helena stared blankly at Discord's mismatched face.

”W-why are you doing this to me?” he demanded to know.

There was no longer any point in chasing him; she released the grip around his throat. The draconequus, surprised at having been let go, shuffled away to huddle in one of the corners.

“Why aren’t you saying anything?” he continued when a minute passed.

In truth, Helena was in a state of shock. Not because she had learned the true origins of this world, or how such intelligence was able to evolve for the first time in the galaxies’ history since humanity took their first steps.

There was another reason.

The similarities between Discord and herself were uncanny. In witnessing Discord’s descent into madness, Helena saw her inevitable demise, a path she’d unwittingly walked for a very long time.

Was this how she would end? As a deranged god stuck on some backwater world: a danger to everyone around her?

Helena glimpsed back at her past. The interactions she had had with the worlds she claimed to help. The people who always treated her with reverence and would thank her for the knowledge she had donated to help better their societies.

But was that the truth? The polite smiles and bows she received, were they the signs of gratitude, or of fear that she might unleash the fury of an unstable god upon their worlds?

Helena delved backward into her old memories to try and find where it all went wrong. And eventually, she noticed something, an event nearly half her lifetime ago.

The time-dilating serum.

The serum had been given to her as a gift, courtesy of one of the most advanced human empires to ever rise to dominance, an event nearly one and a half million years ago. Like all civilizations, the empire eventually faded away in the whirlpool of time, their technological achievements nothing but faint echoes carried by those who lived within the annals of deep time.

There was no doubt that this augmentation began her unknowing and slow descent into madness. The usefulness of the time-serum eliminated any need for interactions with others, as every conversation became redundant when she could effortlessly predict its outcome.

Helena blinked and looked around at Discord’s house. A volcano hung upside down from the ceiling, and in the kitchen area dishes and plates were washing themselves dirtier.

Helena closed her eyes and teleported.

Fresh morning air and strong winds greeted her as the teleport brought her to the top of one of Canterlot’s many spirals. The roof above the palace gave her enough room to sit and observe the pony city. The trains were still evacuating the inhabitants, and she saw her ship in the distance through the mostly transparent shield around the city.

Helena watched for a few minutes, then laid down on her back against the tiled roof.

With eyes closed, she thought about what needed to be done.

While probing Discord’s mind, she learned that the defense platforms above were programmed never to fire on the planet or anything leaving its surface, and gained a few clues on where to find the hidden construction bases. In effect, the crisis was averted and the mysteries solved, and there was only one thing remaining.

She needed to go away.

Helena herself was the only remaining threat to this world. She could no longer trust her sanity and needed a long time to contemplate who she was.

Then she decided to do something she should have done a long time ago. She reached in and focused on her mind with the aid of magic, using it to not only deactivate her time-dilation serum but also destroy it beyond repair.

Helena opened her eyes and let out a long breath. Without the serum, she felt incredibly vulnerable, and yet also surprisingly free as the world became exciting and unpredictable again.

She waited atop the spiral until a pegasus guard wearing silver armor flew by. Letting out a loud whistle, she got his attention. The pegasus stallion at first seemed ready to bolt when he saw who made the noise, but she managed to coax him closer with a welcoming wave of her hand.

“Tell your leaders I wish to meet with them in the throne room in one hour,” Helena said as soon as the pegasus came within earshot. The stallion didn’t need any further motivation and quickly flew away towards the palace.


Celestia paced back and forth in front of the throne, desperately trying to understand the events that transpired. The human wanted to meet with them again, and Discord still refused to answer her summons.

At least some things were going their way. There was a marked improvement in her sister’s depression, as Luna showed a slight smirk at watching Celestia prance about like a fish out of water.

The only other noise besides the echoes of her hooves was Princess Twilight’s loud snores. Her apprentice had taken a seat at the secretary's desk, planning to use its supplies to take notes of the meeting, then briskly fallen asleep with her head on the counter while drooling all over the paper.

“Is there something wrong with Twily?” Shining Armor asked while looking down at his slumped sister.

“It’s been a long day,” Celestia explained.

Shining Armor shrugged and joined the other princesses.

“The human is late,” Luna complained.

Celestia stopped to address her sister, standing on the side of the long carpet leading to the throne. “Are you sure you’re well enough for this, Luna?” The bulge on the left side of Luna’s face did appear less swollen.

“Hmpf, I’ll be fine.” Luna stretched her head to the right and left, and the loudly creaking bones seemed contrary to her earlier statement. “I heard Lady Rarity found our missing patrol.”

“Yes, Spike informed me that they showed up at Twilight’s campsite after sunrise.” Celestia resumed her pacing. “Soarin was reportedly in good spirits with a healthy appetite, but I ordered him and his team admitted to the infirmary anyway.”

”I seem to have missed a lot,” Shining Armor noted.

“And what are going to do about that hulking ship outside?” Luna motioned her head in the direction of the plateau behind the throne. “It either terrifies our ponies or draws them in like a foal to a Hearth's Warming present.”

“What can we do?” Celestia asked, increasing the speed of her pacing.

“We could begin with asking the alien to park it somewhere out of sight,” Luna said. “So long as it remains airborne, I doubt we can convince the citizenry to return to Canterlot.”

One of Celestia’s eyes twitched. “Luna, this is no time to be making jokes.”

Luna frowned theatrically.

The doors then opened, and a Royal Guard's head peeked in. Celestia and Luna both stiffened, but nodded at the guard to allow Helena inside.

The human was like a completely different person when she entered through the doors. The strange and ominous ripples around her were gone completely, and to Celestia, she appeared less threatening, though she couldn’t pinpoint precisely why.

The change was at least a welcome one. Maybe Celestia could yet solve this debacle without any more incidents. Then she remembered what happened the last time Luna and Helena met.

Helena stopped a few feet from Luna, who stood defiantly to the side of the carpet. They shared a long glance at each other, and Celestia feared that they were about to start a rematch right then and there.

But the two appeared to come to an unspoken agreement, and Helena walked past Luna without saying a word, though Celestia noted a brief smirk on both their faces.

“May I introduce, Prince Shining Armor of the Crystal Empire,” Celestia said, motioning with a hoof at Shining Armor.

“Charmed,” Helena said, briskly before focusing on Celestia. “I am leaving your world.”

“I see,” Celestia wasn’t entirely surprised. “But why tell us?”

“I wish to make a deal.”

There was a loud snort from Luna. “Why would we make any dealings with you after all the hardship you’ve brought on our ponies?”

“Luna!” Celestia nearly lost her composure. Whether it was the truth or not, this wasn’t the time for needless provocation. “What my sister means is that in any deals there needs to be trust between both parties."

Helena seemed more amused than offended. “Don’t worry; you can decide if you wish to keep your end of the bargain when the time comes.”

“Tell us about this deal,” Shining Armor said.

“I promise to take my ship and leave, and not interfere with your world in any meaningful way,” Helena began and paused to look at each pony in turn. “In return, when the time comes for the residents of this planet to travel among the stars, you will allow me to serve as their guide. I will help introduce them to my kind.”

Celestia didn’t know what to make of this. If the human promised to go away, it would be much easier to restore order, but Celestia couldn't understand the implications of her part of the bargain. Space travel only existed in a foal’s bedtime story, and though they now knew it was feasible, how many thousands of years would it take them to construct a working prototype?

Since there was little to no drawback, Celestia was tempted to say yes automatically, but with her long life, she’d learned to take the long approach. “I cannot agree without more insight.”

“You don’t have to,” Helena replied. “You or your successors can choose to accept my deal or not when the time comes.”

“That’s not much of a deal,” Shining Armor noted. The stallion turned to Celestia. ”Uh, shouldn’t we wake up Twily for this?”

“You said yourselves that deals needed trust,” Helena interrupted. “This is my way to foster it, and I can guarantee that my kind leaves your world alone until you’re ready.”

Celestia turned to Luna, who nodded as confirmation. “Very well, we accept.”

Helena seemed satisfied. “Good, then I will take my leave.”

“I have a question,” Celestia said. “What is your connection with Discord?”

“There is none. I simply wished to meet with him.”

Celestia wasn’t convinced. “Did you?”

“Yes.” Helena must have seen Celestia’s worried expression. “Do not worry; I only startled him briefly.”

Celestia didn’t quite believe that either, though chose not to press any further.

Helena turned to leave.

“Wait,” Celestia said before the human reached the doors. “What’s it like out there, and will my ponies be safe among your kind?”

“Most of humankind lives long, fulfilling, and peaceful lives.” Helena gave Celestia a knowing smile. “I am certain they will accept ponies quicker than you might think.”

The throne room entrance closed behind the human, and the silence that followed was broken by a snort from Twilight waking up from her nap.

She groaned audibly and tried to see through bleary eyes. “Did I miss anything?”


Helena ordered one of her unmanned shuttles to come to pick her up in the palace garden. Guards followed her all the way to the landing area, and she noted how the ones wearing silver were friendlier than their golden cousins. She supposed it showcased the importance of a good first impression.

There was an unexpected issue with the city shield. The unmanned shuttle was stuck outside of its boundaries, and Helena needed to use magic to open a wide enough entrance for the smaller ship to enter the city.

The group of Royal Guards stayed far away when it landed, and she unceremoniously entered the craft through the cargo door. Once inside the cockpit, she thought about what more needed to be done.

First and foremost, she needed to take control of Discord’s defense platforms and disarm their weapons. There would need to be another way to keep others from discovering this world, and she possessed methods in her ship beyond the technology that Discord had used.

Discord had relied on beacons to secretly steer the ships that blindly traversed the nebula into an ambush, and Helena believed it possible to reverse the effect to make ships veer clear instead. It likely wouldn’t fool vessels of her caliber, but those were a rarity in the galaxy. If all else failed, she’d step in and convince them to leave.

Helena’s shuttle flew in the direction of her ship and landed in its hangar bay, and that’s when she realized something.

The ship was a complete mess.

Almost every corridor Helena walked through on the way to her quarters was falling apart in one way or another. Doors hung loose, and sometimes there were gaping holes straight through the roof and down several floors below. The lights around her kept flickering, and likely large swaths of the ship would depressurize once they left the atmosphere.

She vaguely remembered ordering the ship to focus its repairs on the propulsion, weapons, and exterior hull before escaping in the stealth pod. In hindsight, she should have made sure it was airtight at least.

Opening the doors to her living quarters, she realized it wouldn’t have done much good. The room where she’d stored most of her personal belongings was not there anymore. Instead, she felt fresh winds blow her hair as she gazed out at the Equestrian countryside through a long tunnel. A missile must have buried itself deep and taken out a fair portion when it exploded.

Helena let out a short sigh. She’d grown tired of the white dress. It was a stark reminder of how she nearly lost her sanity and would’ve preferred to wear a sensible uniform like most spacefarers fancied. Fortunately, there were other rooms dedicated to social matters, and most were outfitted with clothes from at least a hundred different worlds.

She could have asked the ship to bring one to her, though she decided to keep limiting her interactions unless it was of vital importance. Her lounging area was nearby and probably had something that would fit.

On her way, Helena noticed the signs of ponies for the first time. There were visible hoof prints all along a dusty corridor, and an abandoned helmet lay on the floor next to a wall. She was about to pick it up and examine the armor more closely when she heard one of her drones in the distance. It drove straight past her, carrying a tray with several empty glasses. Strangely, its cylindrical body was marked with three balloons and a paper party hat on its top. Helena shook her head and hoped it wasn’t her mind playing tricks.

The door to her recreation center appeared undamaged, and when she pressed the button, a giant orange ball flew towards her at high velocity. Without the ability to manipulate time, her reflexes were insufficient to avoid the impact, and the projectile struck her face dead-center.

The force was enough to send Helena tumbling backward, and her back hit the floor with a loud thud. A few moments went by as she laid staring up at the roof, listening to the ball rolling away and feeling a light streak of blood flow from a broken nose.

“Uh, hello?” a raspy voice said in Equestrian from the newly opened room. The voice then turned away. “I think we found the alien. You guys think Twilight will be mad that we accidentally knocked it unconscious?”

“I thought you said you could catch it!” another mare shouted from further into the room. “Is the alien alright?”

“Uh, maybe?” the raspy voice called back, followed by the sound of hooves approaching.

Helena remained where she laid, and eventually, her view of the roof was blocked by a blue mare with a rainbow-haired mane.

“It looks... alright?” The rainbow mare squinted closer. “Its eyes are open, and it’s making a weird smile. Sweet Celestia.”

The last word was a reaction to Helena deciding to sit up straight, causing the rainbow mare to pull away in surprise. In front of Helena stood a pink earth pony mare, waving with a guilty expression. Next to her was a stallion dressed in black, whose saddlebags and robe bulged with various kitchen appliances, and finally, there were two armored earth pony Royal Guards, jaws hanging open as if they'd just witnessed the beginnings of an interstellar war.

“Can’t you talk to it, Keeper?” the pink one said. “I think it might have hit its head hard.”

The pink mare began to mouth words slowly before the one named Keeper could respond.

“I… am… sorry… that… Dashie… can’t… catch… a… ball…”

“Hey, you threw the ball far to the side on purpose,” the blue mare objected.

Helena's response to the situation was unexpected, even to her. Falling on her back again, she began to laugh. It wasn’t the chuckles of finding something new and exciting, but pure, unadulterated joy at experiencing something so dumb and thoroughly bizarre. Her old self would never have been caught so unaware, and yet it felt like the best thing to happen to her in a long time.

“I think we might have caused some loose screws to fall out,” the blue mare said.

“I wouldn’t advise talking to it with such disrespect,” the robed stallion said. By the rustling coming from his direction inside the room, he was hurriedly trying to return the stolen kitchenware.

“Why?” the rainbow mare replied. “It’s not like the crazy alien can understand what we’re saying.”

Helena decided that was the cue to return to business. She slowly rose up to stand at full height, dwarfing the ponies that stepped back at seeing her broken nose and bruised face.

The rainbow maned mare gulped and the ponies seemingly by instinct huddled together into a tight group.

Helena gave them her most sincere expression and said:

“I believe it’s time you all return to your homes.”