• Member Since 8th Mar, 2016
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

RuinQueenofOblivion


Dashite forever!

Sequels1

E

When Scootaloo admits to her aunts that she has a crush on one of her classmates, she isn't sure about whether or not she should tell them. So her aunt Holiday tells her the story of how the two of them first met and fell in love.


Cover image belongs to PixelKitties

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 33 )

Love your Holiday and Lofty fics, hope you make more :twilightsmile:

Awwww... It's nice to get a possible idea of how Holiday and Lofty might have met...

The relationship was too rushed. It was like, "this girl is pretty, I'll invite her to dinner with my folks after I just met her, oh she likes girls...yay we're a couple now!"

And then there's this.

I paused a moment, was it possible that she felt the same way about me? I felt like I should say something but I just kept getting nervous and flustered when I tried to say something.

A random moment of first person perspective in a third person story.

8504704 Okay, I admit I'm not that good at romance... as for the first person thing, well, see I sometimes accidentally kept going into first person perspective and I thought I caught all of them... oops.

I have to agree with 8504704, this is way too rushed. Although since Holiday is the real focal character, I think the criticism would be better phrased like this 'this mare I just met today had for no reason agreed to model for me asks me to dinner with her folks, and she likes me likes me, guess it's totes official, I am a lesbian and I have a girlfriend~':ajbemused:
Seriously, I've read poorer received FlashLight clopfics with more credible build up. Buck, them having a random one night stand makes more sense than this 'we just met, and you want me to meet your folks... I am totes in~~ and just because I haven't met a stallion that meets my needs and you seem to like me... I'm totes gay~~~!':ajbemused:
Transitions! X many days later, y many dates, stuff like that, if it's the first meeting then stick to it, and end with a 'little did I (or we) know what that steching session would lead to.'

Never thought of Scootaloo asking her aunts for love advice. :scootangel:

8504774 Okay, you're right, I should've spaced it out better, sorry.

8504774

8504704

Okay, I went back and changed it so there was a week between the initial meeting and the dinner, does that help any?

8504787 Hey, why not right? Her aunts are happily married, they might have some good advice for her.

8504789
It's not just you, it's also everyone who upvoted this, I wrote a blog a while back hereherehere, in it while mostly on heterosexual ships, the points still stand, there are people letting you get by with so much in this simply because this is a Holiday-Lofty shipfic, yet if anyone were to write the same plot with say a FlashLight story it would break the site's dislike record, Flash-haters aside because of how poorly executed the story is. And to be clear if anyone wrote a FlashLight or MarbleMac fic with the basic plot being,'hey we just met, wanna meet my folks for dinner'
'Sure'
Near disaster during dinner
Make-out session
'We tote's a couple'.. I'd dislike the story all the same.
I am not holding your hooves to the fire because I don't like this ship, I am holding them there because you have shown to be better at writting in earlier stories you have written and there is reason for this being so rushed.

8504835 Right, sorry... I went back and edited it like I said, hopefully that will make it better.

8504846 Thanks, I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking with that.

8504847
You were so excited with the concept and wanted to get the story out as soon as possible, and in your excitement, your mind didn't register any mistake/problem with the text until it was published and pointed out. Well, that's my working hypothesis, but I don't profess to know how your mind works.

8504869 Makes as much sense as anything, plus I may have been a bit tired.

Another good fic about the aunts' past, but I can't read the title without thinking of this:

:raritywink:

8504897 I admit, titles are not always my strong suit.

8504909
It's okay, the content is the most important part, and you hardly let us down on that score yet... :duck:

You should totally do a follow up chapter of Scootaloo asking Sweetie Belle out.

8505216 Maybe I will, I could always use more ScootaBelle love.

8505220
You could turn this into several chapters that would be good. Asking, consideration, accepting, first date, reveal, prejudice, family, you see where this is going.

8505288 The only real problem I see is the prejudice one, I personally have my doubts that homophobia would be an issue in Equestria and especially not among the Mane Six and CMC.

8505780
I wasn't thinking the mane 6 or any family but rather Spoiled Rich.

8506625 Oh good, we have the same idea then, I've actually figured out how its going to work already and had figured out that it would be Spoiled Rich. I have something interesting planned for that, so look forward to it.

8506640
Does this mean you're going to continue this ScootaBelle story?

8506664 Well, its gonna be a sequel to this, but yeah, gonna do that.

Cute, though somewhat generic. It feels like you could have done more with this. One thing I noticed is that the entire flashback is from Holiday's perspective, implying she is the one telling the story. If they were both telling it together, you could have used that for amusing effect, like having them remember the events slightly differently.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Holiday said before she finally managed to get the words out, kind of. "Would you like to, mate me?"

Was that meant to be 'date me'?

9159217 Yes, it was a deliberate slip of the tongue on her part not a typo.

9159262
Oh right, thanks for the clarification

I have reviewed this here.

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