Dadonequus Discord (Book 1)

by CrazedLaughter

Chapter 249 - Flim Flam Future Arc

Author's Note:

Tonight!
Anon gets surprised.
Rainbow Dash becomes less of a cunt.
And Trixie has an aneurysm.

The drive took awhile, but you were back in Flimsville and Flamsville within the hour. The cab driver kept to himself, he didn't seem too happy that he wasn't getting paid. But dems the rules. You thought about leaving him some bits. But you could hear him grumbling to himself about having to drive around a "dumb kid".

When you arrive in town, you ask the cab driver to take you to Pinkie's. But unfortunately, he had no idea who that is. Holy fuck, you had no idea where she fucking lived! GODDAMMIT! WHY DO CHARACTERS TELL PEOPLE TO SWING BY AND YET NEVER TELL THEM WHERE THEY LIVE HALF THE TIME!?

You then tell the cab driver to stay put. He tries to argue with you that he has other things to do. But your gold card shuts him up. Huh, it seems having a gold card was a pretty high honor. Or rather, would get you in trouble if you fucked with it's holder.

You step out, and look around. It seems he had decided to stop near a theater, a fire station, and a couple of unmarked buildings along a T street. You see many ponies walking by, fuck....this wasn't going to work. But you try asking some if they had ever heard of a cheery pink pony named Pinkie Pie, or if they had heard of a Maud Pie, Blinkie Pie, Inkie Pie....a Pie. No answer. They either ignored you or just told you to step aside.

"Having trouble there kid?" You hear a voice coming from above you...dammit, you already knew who it was.

"Rainbow Dash?" You look up, she was hovering above you.

"Yep, that's pretty cool how you memorized my name you..er.....you" She couldn't quite remember

Goddammit, well. You shouldn't be surprised that she forgot your name. "It's Anon, also. What are you doing? I haven't done anything wrong."

Rainbow Dash shook her head at you, and landed at your side as she adjusted her chief's hat. "I know, but it is kinda suspicious that you're back in town so soon. Did ya already make a deal with the kings?"

Like you would, egh. She was annoying you already just with that question. But, maybe it wasn't bad that she showed up. She might know where Pinkie is. "No, I haven't made a deal yet. They gave me this gold card so I could enjoy their land before coming to a decision." You flash the gold card at her. "I mean, that's not the first time you've seen a pony with a gold card around. Right?"

"Uh, actually it is. Usually ponies with gold cards hang out in Canterlot. Now I'm super suspicious..." Rainbow Dash squints her eyes at you, bringing her face directly in front of yours "You aren't up to any trouble, are ya?"

You raise an eyebrow at her, was she seriously asking that?...well, actually. You were plotting against her kings. But still! "Is that anyway to address a prince?"

Rainbow Dash also seemed to have forgotten that fact. And backs off. "Woah woah, ok ok. Sorry, I forgot you were a prince of...something. Ok, look, I get the hint. You aren't doing anything wrong. I guess I'll go patrol the south side of the city an-"

You stop her right there, you had to, you didn't want her just darting off. "Actually, hold on! I need your help actually. I'm looking for a pony named Pinkie Pie, she's a pony with a cotton candy like pink mane. Have you seen her? Do you know her? I need to speak to her. And as the honorable and great police chief, I thought you might know"

Rainbow Dash rubbed under her chin as she thought about it. "Pinkie Pie, Pinkie Pie....Pinkie Pie. I Can't say I ever heard of her. But your description does fit a pony some of my officers had arrested. She had blue eyes right?"

.......

"YOU ARRESTED PINKIE PIE?!" You brought your hooves upon Rainbow Dashes ears with a hop and pulled her head down as you looked into her eyes angrily. "WHY WOULD YOU ARREST PINKIE PIE?! WHAT DID SHE EVEN DO?!"

Pinkie didn't lie..did she? No, she couldn't have. Chrysalis said she didn't...unless Chrysalis lied..

"W-woah! hey! calm down!" Rainbow Dash backed off into a pole and fell on her butt as she had to struggled to get you off her ears. "Get off, Anon! What's with you!? Sheesh!" She had to shake her head and give you a shove to get you off, knocking you flat on your ass. "I should have you arrested for that! Seriously! My gosh!" Rainbow Dash dusted off her uniform and straightened her hat. "Look, I'll let you off with a warning, k? Because that usually gets you up the river for sure."

Dammit, you lost your cool there. Why? Pinkie was almost an acquaintance at this point. Even in your world. But, she was one of your favorites regardless. You did originally want to try to woo her. It never really left it seemed. What was odder, was Rainbow Dash not throwing you in prison for assaulting her. You thought for sure she went full on asshole. "S-sorry, I just. lost my head. A-are we cool?"

"That's a lot to ask kid, we aren't even friends. But like I said, I'll just let you off with a warning. Sheesh, what does she even mean to you? She was arrested for stealing y'know. Being friends with a thief makes you super suspicious. So I'm just gonna guess she must have fooled you, pretty darn hard actually for you to react like that" Rainbow Dash said as she pulled out a notepad and looked at it. "Yup, big time stealing. She's probably gonna go away for a long long time"

Stealing?....Pinkie..no...why? Your ears droop, as you look down in shame of what you have done. You got tricked pretty damn good. "...Oh..."

"Sorry Anon, but she should have thought about what would happen when she stole an entire collection of old style bits." Rainbow Dash tapped her chin with her notepad. "Wonder where she got em"

"Yeah......wait" Old style bits....OLD STYLE BITS?! "Those were MY bits!" You say with an angry yell after making the realization that she was arrested for nothing.

"Oh....hey, that makes sense. You did have a lot on you" Rainbow Dash felt a little dumb not realizing that, then shook her head at the shame of Pinkie being a thief. "tsk tsk, stealing from a prince. Now she's super duper done. Yikes, why would anypony do anything stupid like that?"

Your eye twitched...GODDAMMIT BLUE CUNT! "SHE DIDN'T STEAL THEM! I GAVE THEM TO HER! HOLY CRAP! DID YOU DO ANY INVESTIGATING AT ALL?!"

Rainbow Dash was taken aback. In fact, you were surprised at how stunned she really seemed. Like she actually cared about the mistake. "W-what?! You gave them to her?!"

You growled, you didn't care if you got arrested. How the fuck do you screw that up? "Yes! Duh! That didn't click when I said I was looking for her or was surprised when she got arrested?! What kind of police work do you even do?!"

Rainbow Dash gulped as she tried to calm you down. In her head, this was two things; One, she pissed off a guest of the kings, and two, that meant her job...or worse. But, surprisingly enough, it was the fact that someone who was actually innocent got arrested that seemed to get to her. "Anon, hey, look. I'm gonna say it right now, as the chief of police of both Flimsville and Flamsville, I'm super sorry, but I didn't even arrest her. I was out at Ghastly Gorge dealing with some weird monster sighting. Didn't even find it despite that rep from whatevermare incorporated saying she saw some scary clone of herself. Pinkie was arrested while I was out and she's probably in court right now"

Court?! NOW?! BUT YOU SAW HER YESTERDAY! "Court?! THAT QUICK?!"

Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Hey, justice works fast here. Our prosecutor has a one hundred percent conviction record."

Oh no, in a world like this, it probably wasn't long before she was given the guilty verdict. You had to move fast. Without a word, you try to get back into the cab. But Rainbow Dash stops you, holding your tail with her hoof.

"LET ME GO! I HAVE TO GET TO THAT COURT HOUSE!" You cry out

"Hey! R-relax!" Rainbow Dash tugged at your tail to pull you back. "You can't just go to the courthouse and say you have proof that she didn't do it. There's rules!"

"I DON'T CARE! LET ME GO! I'LL FIGURE OUT A WAY!"

Rainbow Dash pulls harder, making you fall on your tummy. "There's already a way!" Rainbow Dash sighs as she helps you up and dusts you off. "Look, I'm sorry. I should have investigated into it myself. But I was just so darn busy. but look, there is a way. We have a rule that the chief of police can present new evidence during a trial. It can be submitted to either side, This goes for witnesses too. Also, you won't ever make it on time with traffic the way it is. You're flying Air Dash! Got it?"

Wut?....she was now...helping you? "Woah, woah woah....woah woah woah. Hold on. You're actually helping me? Why? You actually care that an innocent pony got arrested for no reason?"

Rainbow Dash rolls her eyes at you. "Duuuuuh, that's not right, Anon. I'm the chief of police, it's my job to be loyal to the citizens of both towns by doing my job right and protecting them...even if a lot of them are jerks."

But, there was still the fact she herself stole bits. "What about the bits you took from me?"

Rainbow Dash flinched, and looked to the side as she rubbed the back of her head. "Yeeeeaaahhh that was actually Gilda, I probably should have said something. But she's my friend. Y'know?"

.....

You cross your front hooves as you sit on your bum and give her a mean look. "And Fluttershy?"

Rainbow Dash sighed at that one. She didn't seem very proud to hear THAT name. "...Geez, you're pretty nosy for a colt. Erm...Why even bring her up?"

"She's your friend..or was. What did she do for you to abandon her like that, huh?"

Rainbow Dash gulped, she was feeling a shitton of guilt right now. But she also felt some of it wasn't her fault. "Look, Fluttershy is still sorta my friend. At least, I'd like her to be. When Flim and Flam became King and started making those deals and gave everypony their share of bits. I suggested to her that we all pull in to try to get a better deal. But when they started demolishing the Everfree forest, she dropped out and joined a bunch of hippies. And I'm not talking regular hippies Anon, these guys are violent. During the day they act like pacifists, but they attack other ponies at night or rob them or blow stuff up in the name of "Nature". Fluttershy has never been a part of their night raids, I know because when we got a bigger force and started stopping their raids she was never with them. She doesn't even know. I've tried to get her to leave, but she won't listen to me, she thinks I became a bad pony. But I'm not! I became chief to make sure ponies got a fair deal! Could you imagine what would happen if some punk became chief? Things would be a lot worse! Even if the ponies of the town became jerks. I'd rather protect them then hurt them. But..."

Rainbow Dash sighed. "I also want my old best friend back. I mean, geez, with the way things are, I kinda wish things went back to the way things were. To tell you the truth, Wonderbolts were a cooler idea anyway. Look..." Rainbow Dash stood up and spread her wings. "We can't stay here chatting all day, we gotta go and get your friend out of there"

Rainbow Dash...christ. You misjudged her. You thought she was a colossal cunt, when really she was just a slight one. One with a big heart who was internally suffering due to the world change. It made you wonder if you were wrong about Rarity and Twilight. You approach Rainbow Dash, with a newfound respect for her. "Yeah, let's go...and thanks Chief..."

You get on Rainbow Dash's back as she darts into the air, heading from one town to the other. You had a question for her, since now it seemed Pinkie Pie wasn't the only pony you could invite. Even at the speeds she was moving at, your resolve remained strong. You've moved at speeds similar before. You had grown used to it. "Rainbow Dash, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure! what is it?"

"After we're done getting Pinkie out, can you come with me back to Canterlot? I want you to meet somepony...please?"

Rainbow Dash said nothing at first, then she looked to you with a smirk. "Eh, why not? I have some vacation time anyway. Besides, I have to make it up to you since I screwed up so bad, right?"

You almost tear up at that, this plan was now going better than you could have hoped for. Celestia was going to be so happy. "Yeah....." You hug onto her gently for the rest of the ride, you didn't know if she picked up on the affection. But you felt like giving her a hug for this. "..Thanks Rainbow Dash."

It didn't take long to arrive at the courthouse at all. Without a moment's hesitation, Rainbow Dash leads you into the building and straight to the courtroom. The courtroom was rather grandiose in size. Though there wasn't many ponies attending. You could see an old pony as a judge, a few ponies on the seats, including, given you recognized Maud the most, Pinkie's family.

Then you heard it. "The great and powerful prosecution rests their case, your honor. I have established that this penniless pony could not have possibly have come upon those bits on her own. She must be put away before she becomes a menace to other innocent citizens of our fair town. This, the great and powerful Trixie, decrees!" Holy gods, Trixie was the prosecution?!

"I'LL MENACE YOUR FACE! MY SISTER WOULDN'T DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT, YOU HEAR ME? YOU WANNA PROSECUTE SO BAD? HOW ABOUT YOU PROSECUTE OVER MY CASE AFTER I TURN YOU TO MINCE MEAT!" A menacing, grey, yet golden eyed pony yelled out from the Pie group. Was that Inkie?...or Blinkie?..you forget.

"Order, Order in the court! I will not tolerate threats young lady! Please sit down, this doesn't help the defendant at all!" The judge points his gavel at her.

She just growls and sits down, she looked like she wanted to tear someone apart. you've never seen such raw anger.

"And what say you, Benu Wrote?" The Judge looks to a peach colored pony with a mane that spiked backwards in a familiar looking fashion. just..flattop with spikes at the back. He also had on a blue suit with a red tie and a little yellow lawyer's badge. "I say HOLD IT! Everything the Prosecutor has said is all conjecture and hearsay! There's no actual proof my client did it! How do we know somepony didn't slip those coins on her?"

Pinkie was on the stand, she seemed semi ignorant on what was going on, she just raised her hoof up to explain in a confused speech. "Well, actually, I did take the coins from a foal named Nonny, but I like to call him Anon....But I didn't steal them. Honest!"

"There see!" Trixie points to Pinkie with an "aha!". "She admits to taking them, and since we haven't found this..."Nonny"...then it's very possible she did away with him as well. She admits it!"

Benu just put his hooves on the side of his head and looked down, admitting defeat. "...Oh no..."

Pinkie looked around with a frown. "Was it something I said?..."

The judge nodded and raised his gavel. "Well, it seems clear to me, with all that evidence, what the verdict is. And that verdict is" The judge prepares to bring down his gavel......oh god.....the autism on what you were about to do.

You point out with your hoof, determination in your eyes, and yell out "OBJECTION!".

Everyone stops, and looks up towards the door to see both you and Rainbow Dash.

"What is the meaning of this?! You are not needed this time Chief Dash, the great and powerful Trixie has already won this case on her own." Trixie smirks, then turns away to give evil eyes at Pinkie.

"Sorry Trixie, but this time. I have evidence that protects the defendant." Rainbow states to her

"WHAT?! HOW DARE YOU! THAT'S A JOKE RIGHT!? SURELY HAVING ANY EVIDENCE FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE...U-UNLESS...THAT COLT WITH YOU....oh no" Trixie could already feel her perfect record slipping away from her hooves, apparently, it was super important to her.

"That's right! I'm Nonny! And I.....have an authentic gold card! And!..." You take off your saddle bag and tip it over, spilling over a pile of bits, surprising everyone in the courtroom. "These bits, the same kind you all are accusing my friend there of stealing."

"W-what?! that can't be! Chief...this is a joke right? TELL ME IT'S A JOKE!" Trixie was starting to panic.

"It's not a joke, it's justice." Rainbow Dash turns to the judge. "Your honor! I allow this pony as a witness and his items as evidence for the defense"

Benu, raises his head. and smirks at Trixie as he sees his chance. He smacks his table and points his hoof, waggling it a little. "And I submit the evidence. Your honor, if this was allowed by the Chief, then this must be the foal we were looking for. And I bet those bits will match the same bits my client was caught with!"

"I see! Interesting. In all my years, I don't think I've ever seen the kind of evidence brought forth that actually helps the defense. Just the same, miss Trixie.." The judge says, intrigued with all that was going on

Trixie snaps and points at the judge as she uses her magic to bring the bits over to match with Pinkie's. "THAT'S THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE TO YOU!"

The judge was taken aback by that, but, like a familiar judge from someplace you knew. He just sort of takes it and apologizes. "O-oh, yes, sorry. I forget that you get upset if we refer to you any different."

You look over to Benu, he seemed to have some thoughts on his mind as he just seemed to have found the judge's reaction very cringeworthy. Trixie was looking back and forth between the coins. testing them, looking, staring, even licking and trying to bend them. She did every test she thought she could do, and with every second, her blue coat started to turn white. Until eventually, some of the coins she kept aloft in the air fell to the ground as she just stared forward, blankness in her eyes. ".....It's real. It matches.....that can't be...that means"

"That's right! Your honor! given the prosecutions reaction and the official word of the chief. No further testimony or evidence is needed. My client is innocent." Benu announces

The judge just sat there, thinking for a moment, then he took a breath, and calmly looked at you. "..........." You started to sweat, hell, everyone was on edge. What was he going to say? "......Excuse me young colt. Nonny, as you are called. I just need clarification. You are defending the young miss, are you not? I just am a little confused since nopony outright said it. I'm a little old you see and I sometimes feel I miss a few things."

You could feel it, everyone in the room wanting to fall over from the judge not realizing that it was pretty clear it was submitted to help Pinkie. But, he did seem kind of nice, and he also held Pinkie's fate. So, you answered in a calm and respectful manner. "It's to clear her, sir"

"Well then, it is clear to me that with the evidence and the "victim" brought forth that I have my answer. I declare the defendant....NOT GUILTY" The judge pounds his gavel.

Part of the ceiling opens up, but it just lets out a puff of dust and very old and deteriorated confetti. The judge just looks up, and then titters to himself. "Oh, excuse me. We've never had a not guilty verdict. I completely forgot that was supposed to happen."

"I....just can't believe I won." Benu was surprised as hell. It was his first day as a defense lawyer. And he managed to win. Though, not through his own merit.

"Does that mean I can step down from this stand sir?" Pinkie looked up at the judge.

The judge nods. "You may young miss, the trial is over. You're free to go"

Pinkie said nothing, instead, she smiled as she began to shake. And like some kind of volcanic eruption. She let out a "YAYYYYYYY!" as she rocketed upwards. landed in front of you. And grabbed you, hugging you as tightly as a snake. "ANON! YOU SAVED ME AGAIN! YOU ACTUALLY CAME BACK TO SEE ME LIKE YOU SAID YOU WOULD!" Pinkie stops hugging you for a moment as you breathe deeply and fast. Sheesh, she suffocated you with that one. "Which is weird because I thought we'd meet again for dinner or something....but" Before you could do anything else. She pulled you back into her snake like death hug. "BUT I'M SO SO SO SO SO HAPPY THAT YOU CAME ANYWAY! YOU'RE THE BESTEST BEST NEW FRIEND EVER!"

Rainbow Dash was snickering the entire way, finding it both cute and hilarious at the same time.

When Pinkie let you go, you were wobbling left and right, your coat was a few colors lighter, and you were dizzy and wheezing. "dsfsdsss...ohhnnngggg...ww-whhyy?...mnngghh"

"Woah there squirt, don't fall over. hehe, she got you good huh? I don't think I've ever seen a pony hug like that before. Could be a good maneuver to teach the troops" Rainbow Dash catches you and holds you steady until your senses and breath returned.

"And Mr. Wrote, you did a good job too! You really stuck it the whole way through!" Pinkie said with a beaming smile as she shook the hoof of her defense attorney.

"It's no problem miss Pie, I just wish I had more time to prepare. I may have been able to do this without help, not that I don't appreciate it, but a defense attorney's best asset is being able to help a pony through their own skill. I'll have to do a little more training before I take another case. For now though, I'm just gonna go home and enjoy some noodles." Benu did a small bow, and took his leave. Huh, he seemed so familiar. You were sure that in someway, you've met him before.

"I feel kinda bad for Trixie though. She's not a bad prosecutor. Her only real problem is she doesn't seem to care who she gets convicted and...oh boy.." Rainbow Dash points over to her. "I take that back, now I REALLY feel sorry for her."

Both you and Pinkie cringe immediately upon gazing at Trixie. Who was slamming her head so hard on her table that it snapped in half. And when it did, she started slamming it on the floor. creating a crack. Holy shit, and you thought your head was made of titanium. "MY PERRRRFFFFFFFFEEEEECCCCCTTTTTTT REECCCCCOOOOORRRRRDDD" She screeched as she continued to smash her head.

"B-bailiff...c-can you get an ambulance here post haste? And tell them it's for an aneurysm. I fear her mind might actually fail before her head breaks." The judge says, fearful of Trixie's health.

With that out of the way, Pinkie's family arose from their seats to speak and share their relief with her. They looked relieved as hell that she got the innocent verdict. All except for Maud, but that's to be expected.

You and Rainbow Dash stepped back to give the family some space. Both of you smiling at the touching moment. "Wow, it's been so long since I've seen such a happy family. I forgot what it looked like."

"Yeah, that's why I think everything should go back to how it was when Celestia ruled. Everypony was happier, they got along, and...uhhh" You look over to Trixie, who was still screeching and smashing her head. "..They didn't care about putting ponies in jail for a stupid record"

Rainbow Dash was watching Pinkie "calm" Maud. Despite Maud never hopping around or changing her stoic expression, she was apparently acting the most "excited and happy". "Yeah, I can really see that now. Y'know, if I could fly around super fast, like ultra mega fast, so fast that I could turn back time. I'd go so far back that I'd kick both our kings in the butt for even thinking of wanting to be kings. There's no point in being a police chief if most of the ponies you're protecting are bad anyway."

That was good to hear, super good to hear, because you intended on bringing everything back the way it was. "Same here, but one thing at a time, huh? Are you still coming with me to Canterlot?"

Comments

[Unending Suffering]

8796804
Nice! that means even less sleep!

[Remnant Viscera]

Y'know, I thought I wouldn't like this whole other world stuff. But this setting is actually pretty engaging, good job. You're keeping me checking back every time there's a new chapter.

[Hein des Nisseroi]

Was that Inkie?...or Blinkie?..you forget.

Or Clyde?

[CrazedLaughter]

8799397

heh, all the readers when this was originally written were pissed when I did the flim flam timeline. They wanted the usual popular choices. But I felt Flim and Flam would have the most potential for an adventure plot that didn't go through the usual cliche rounds

[RemareShadows]

Yep when cout hit I was already thinking bout phoenix

[Matrixster]

I’m guessing Benu is from another crossover?

[CrazedLaughter]

9721354
no, he's just an OC to fill in a plot role.

[Zake]

8799799
i like it it and when you think about it the Flim Flam time line is a lot worse then the others aside from red centaur guy and the dust one

[LightningStrike34]

Turnabout Storm Reference?

[Luckyfanisaac]

And Trixie has an aneurysm.

Pahaha