• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 21,780 Views, 3,537 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 186 - Twilight Week Arc

Author's Note:

Tonight!
Cadance makes a Royal Order.
Anon has feelings.
And Twilight has some lasagna.

"Ok, so...you just...want me to go over to her, and ask her out on a date?"

Cadance nods "Yes"

"And, that's it? nothing else besides the usual prep work?"

Cadance nods again "Yes"

"And say the date goes well, I just take her home and drop her off, right?"

Cadance nods a third time "Yes"

...This was eerily familiar. "What if she wants to sleep over?"

Cadance almost had an inkling that you meant something more to that last question. But nahhh, you couldn't mean anything more than something innocent. "Well, aslong as she has her parents' permission and you don't mind. Then let her sleep over. And then drop her off in the morning, or if you both have school. Go to school together. "

"Princess Cadance" Sweetie Belle looked to her, Sweetie Belle wanted to ask a question since this seemed to be more adultish than she expected. "What if she wants to kiss Anon right on the muzzle?"

You step back in surprise. "WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT?!"

Sweetie Belle shrugged, she was genuinely curious "I just wanna know. It's a very important question. Two ponies who really like each other kiss all the time. I just want to make sure you're ready for it. And since Cadance is an adult, she'd know the best advice for it. See? Pretty logical huh?"

...greeee..dammit. "Mnn...fine..ok, so, what happens if she decides to...err...kiss me."

Cadance seemed a little hesitant on this one. There was just something about you that now struck her as odd. But she couldn't figure out what it was. "Well...Anon, kissing is a very natural act between two ponies that like eachother. But only if they both want to kiss, so as long as one of you isn't forcing the other, then it should be fine. If you don't want to kiss her, just, let her know." And Cadance reasoned if that was the case then eventually things would settle down, like all schoolyard crushes do. Though she did find it cute that it was blooming at all. The only thing nagging her was just...you...something about you

You planted your face gently to the bed. Well then, it seemed you were destined to at least take up trying to date her. Goddammit, and you knew that with her, you we're nearly mary sue levels of her liking you. Hell, you MUST BE a mary sue at this point when it came to her. You ask her out on a date and you could bet she was gonna jump right at you screaming "YES!" multiple times.

"Ok...t-thanks, I think I know what to do now" You really did, not only on dating. But...you had to watch yourself from being a colossal asshole. Women are always super sensitive when on a date.

Cadance put on a sweet smile and looked over to Sweetie Belle. "Sweetie Belle, I'm going to give you a royal task. a task that if you complete, I will grant you one royal wish."

"Woooooah, really!" Sweetie Belle's eyes grew wide and she began to hop about excitingly. "What is it!? what is it?!"

"I want you to make sure Anon is ready for his eventual date. Furthermore, I want you to write to me if he acts "out of place", so to speak" Cadance speaks as if she was making a royal decree. It irked you.

"So you want me to train him?" Sweetie Belle was now especially excited "Because I think I can do that! But, I thought you just wanted me to give him some pointers."

"Changed my mind, Anon's going to need a full education on how fillies are." Cadance felt that one of the things that was irking her. That somehow your inexperience with fillies was well beyond your own years.

Wuuuuut. You raise your head, looking at her with a confused and near belligerent look. "woah woah woah woah woah! what?! Now that's insulting. Are you saying I don't know how to act at all around a filly?!"

Cadance gave a single nod "Yes, that's why I decided you're going to need more than a few tips. In fact Anon, by my power as the Princess of Love, I ORDER you to let Sweetie Belle educate you." Cadance then lowers her head enough to be at your eye level. "Got it?"

What?! "Y-you can't just-"

"I just did. Of course..." Cadance looks to Sweetie Belle "That doesn't mean you can go overboard either"

"Hey, I got it. Trust me, I promise everything will go" Sweetie Belle stopped for a moment, and then prepped up her mane with her hoof "Everything will go splendidly, darling" She does her best to mimic her sister, despite the squeaky voice.

"Well, then there's nothing to worry about then. I know the both of you will do absolutely fine." Cadance felt pretty confident about it.

You didn't, you just put your head back down and groaned. "..I don't know about this anymore" You didn't. You already had it in your head the possibilities of a screw up. What did Sweetie Belle know that you didn't?

"Anon, it'll be ok..." Cadance lifts you up with her magic so she can look you in the eye again. "And even if something does go wrong, you can come here and ask for more advice. I already know you can get here without a problem. And if you need anything just ask my husband. He knows a thing or two about wooing a mare" Cadance let's out a cute giggle

"Mmm" You just hung there, her smile was a little comforting. But still, it's more success that made you worry. Not failure. "What if I succeed? I don't think I could handle a relationship right now. I'm staying with Twilight for a week and then there's school and Dad.....and Dad..."

Cadance gently puts you down, her tone turning to that of a more motherly tone. "Anon, you don't have to take this so seriously. I promise you this is the kind of relationship that will work just fine with whatever schedule you have. If there's moments you won't be able to spend time with her. Then I'm sure you'll understand. Same with her. There's no need to be nervous. You have the support of your family....mostly Fluttershy. And I know that if you decide to date Diamond Tiara during your time with Twilight, then I'm sure she will support you too....oh wait, speaking of which..."

Cadance nearly forgot you were staying with Twilight. "Anon, Anon. I just realized something..oh no" Cadance was suddenly reacting in a negative way, she was stressing about something.

"W-what's wrong?" What the hell could get her so worried? What did Twilight do? This instantly made you tense.

"Did Twilight know you were going to be here this long?" Cadance asked, she was already having it in her head that Twilight might sperg out, fearing that something could have happened to you.

"Actually, she didn't even know I...we'd be here. I told Spike where I'd be. But I don't think I told them the rest of my friends would be here" .......oh wait...that could be a problem.

"Yeah, she's going to worry herself sick. When the rest of your friends arrive, you should all get going. And make sure, if Twilight does ask...which she will… that you were talking with me and that everything is fine. Ok?"

You nod. Yeah, hey, that should be good enough for Twilight. Geez christ, how could you forget about her? That whole chase, and this whole love thing really made you forget about Twilight. Sweetie Belle understood too. Though not directly affected, she was wondering if Rarity was going to be worried about her whereabouts.

And then, as if on cue. There was a knock on the door. Oh shit...was that the press? Or..was it.. "Princess Cadance, the two fillies that accompanied the colt are here" A voice said from the other side of the door. "Shall I let them in?"

"Yes, let them in." Cadance replied.

The door slowly opened. And Applebloom and Scootaloo stepped in. Excited as can be. "Princess Cadance! Hey!" Scootaloo greeted, excited to be in the company of a princess.


Applebloom however, took notice of you and Sweetie Belle. "Sweetie Belle, why didn't ya get us sooner?"

Sweetie Belle shrugged "I didn't know where you were. I was taken to Princess Cadance the moment I said we were here to see her. Then I...kinda forget to ask her about you guys until there was a commotion."


As soon as Applebloom and Scootaloo arrived. All the conversations came to a halt to more of a relaxed casual shift. Namely, princess worship, how everyone's day was, lots and LOTS of wonders about the baby, and talks of aspirations and dreams. Even Cadance stealthily asking Applebloom a few relationship related questions. Which, it seemed Applebloom had very little interest in that anymore. Seemed anyway. You could sense something was amiss. But you'd hold off for now.

After that was done. Cadance hurried the four of you along to go home. Of course, you had to ask to use the bathroom to make a portal back home. Luckily, she seemed to have already known about the map. And to your major luck, your room was still empty...though the amount of pictures on the dresser had increased even further than before.

By the time you all got back to Ponyville via the town hall portal. It was already getting dark. Fuck, well..you had been there for awhile. And that chase must have spanned nearly half the castle or so. You knew Cadance still had time to hide if Twilight failed however. It must take the train forever to get to the Crystal Empire. Maybe...hopefully.

Everyone rushed back home with goodbyes and happiness in their hearts that nothing went wrong. The only ones who hung back was you and Sweetie Belle. Sweetie Belle hung back with you to set up a day for you and her to spend some time together. So she can help you. "So, tomorrow Anon?"

"Err...you mean the whole "date" help thing?" Of course she meant that. But, eggghh...Sweetie Belle, really? Could she really do anything?

"Yup! I'm going to make you into an actual Gentlecolt." Sweetie Belle felt pretty confident, arrogantly so "I'm gonna read all of Rarity's magazines tonight to get ready for tomorrow, so you better be ready"

You had to stop and think for a moment. enough so that Sweetie Belle's arrogance turned to worry. "Anon?"

Was there a reason to be hesitant? She liked you, you liked her. And it's not like you were human anymore. You weren't. You haven't felt human in awhile either. The only thing that stuck from the "old" days was your knowledge and mind. Cadance was right...Chrysalis was right. Decisions were already made. There was no use in fighting it.

You look to Sweetie Belle and apologize before looking at her with determination. "Sorry, I was just thinking. But yeah, I'll be ready tomorrow. Thanks for the help by the way."

Sweetie Belle nodded, then nudged your chest with her hoof "Don't mention it, but uhhh....you're gonna name one of your foals after me right?"

WHAT THE… "WHAT?!"

Sweetie Belle nearly fell over laughing from your sudden spaz, after a few giggles, she looked at you with a coy smile and said "Just kidding...but yeah, tomorrow, be ready."

Ugh, you almost felt your stomach drop with that one.. "Yeah, got it...eheh..." Egh, that wasn't funny. Oh lordy, please, don't let this be a bad decision.

And with that, you and Sweetie Belle say goodbye and go your separate ways. As you walk over to Twilight's castle. You..actually began to wonder about kids again. A little Anon, just like you. But..what if it was a girl? A cute little filly who looks up to you. Oh good lord, what if she ends up like DT? What if she falls for a colt? What if that colt turns out to be an asshole? Fuck, you now try to get that out of your head. Thinking of kids was already getting worrisome and in need of some asshole colt touching your future daughter getting an assbeating.

Then, as you approached the castle, something really worrisome hit your mind. You started to imagine an older Diamond Tiara, teenage years, With the dedication she had now. You began to imagine her coming to you one night, laying on her back as she looks at you with her slanted bedroom eyes, a black laceband on her left hindleg. It was so inviting, you could imagine an older you, ready to make her the happ- "OOMPH"

You smash your head at the front doors of the castle and fall backwards. "Aggh...geez, dammit..."

Well, that's what you get for imagining lewd thoughts. But ergh..it was so good, her mane was sprawled all along the bed...and NOPE..stop. you don't want to hurt yourself again. You get up, rubbing your head with your hoof, and go to knock on the door.

No answer

Hmmnn.....you could only guess.. Yup, you give the door a nudge and it opens. Of course.

You step into the main hall, gathering your thoughts as you walk over to the next set of doors.

Twilight was probably going to scold you, she was probably exhausted and stressed. Oh man....

It didn't matter though. Cadance was right. Just...take your lumps, apologize, and try to get through the evening.

You open the doors to the chamber with the cutie map. But....Twilight wasn't there. Well of course, she'd probably not wait up for you either. But what was on the table of the map is what caught your eye. There was a pile of colored....things.

You go up for a closer look. Upon further investigation. these were.. "Jigsaw puzzle pieces? Geez!" You look slightly up. there was a mountain of them. "What's all this then? Did she get bored?"

You say to yourself. you thought Twilight would be panicking. Not doing jigsaw. Though, it looks like the puzzle hadn't been started yet.

"I see you're back"

You jump forward. nearly hitting your head on the table. "Gyah...ugh..T-twilight?!"

You flip around. It was indeed Twilight. She had a large plate of..lasagna? Well, it was odd looking. Probably had something else in place of the meat. there was also two empty plates. and two cups..and....was that a bottle of apple juice? What is going on? Why isn't she angry?

"That's my name" Twilight said with a smile....why is she smiling?

She placed the plates, food, and drink on the table of the cutie map and looked over to the pile of puzzle pieces. "That's going to take me awhile to get it all together. Do you want to help Anon?"

Wuuuut? what is this creepy as shit vibe she's giving off? "Twilight..umm, can we talk, please?"

Twilight simply nodded. She used her magic to separate a piece of lasagna for herself and you on two separate plates. "Of course we can, are you hungry Anon? We got lasagnnaaaaa, Spike made it" She says in a sing song way. Did....did her mind break?

Your ear twitched from the caution you planned to take. You stepped one single step towards her, curious..and cautious. "Twilight, aren't you angry with me?"

Twilight lets out a sigh and frowns. Seems she was trying to keep up some sort of front. Or....errr...you couldn't figure it out. "Anon, I was. I was very upset with everything that happened. Even after managing to get those two to go back where they came from. I couldn't get over the fact that you just blurted out that my sister-in-law was pregnant...."

And you were sorry for that. if you didn't get so high strung… "I'm sorry that I did that. I really am.."

You look down, letting in the humility of your actions. Though, you had a feeling those two didn't actually go back. And instead tricked her. You weren't going to make any mention of it though. You were sure Cadance had it covered.

"I'm sorry too Anon, I didn't really think Princess Celestia's request over enough. You're not here to be babysat, and I shouldn't be the one to scold or discipline you at all, in any way, shape, or form. We are supposed to be here together, as if we were equals. As if you had already grown up. So...I realized we need to start over. I'd like to do this puzzle with you. It's my favorite one. But, if you don't want to. I'd understand." Her voice was so serene. Calmed yet with a tinge of sorrow.

Oh man..you knew what was going on now. Just like how you got told how you were fucking up, Twilight must have realized her own fuck ups when it came to you. And even though she wanted to try to fix it personally, she wanted to give you your own space to let you think and relax, even if it broke the point of you being there. Even willing to look past your blurting of Cadance's pregnancy. Maybe she really did believe she got rid of those two. And was able to calm down due to that belief.

You hop up on a nearby chair, it being Applejack's. And reach over to the pieces, you touch them, but you had no idea what this was or how to get it together. The amount of pieces was ridiculous. All you knew that it was a jigsaw puzzle.

You also, now understanding what was going on, didn't want to leave Twilight alone. You wanted to follow through with what Celestia wanted. You wanted to try not being as much as a douche as you have been, and most importantly. You wanted to be friends with the purple horse. For all the shit she has done, she also has been adorkable and always tries to be friends with everyone. You could still give it another shot.

"No..no, I don't mind. I like these kinds of puzzles. And you know, I don't hate you right? It's just...y'know...I'm not exactly what you'd call "happy go lucky". I have a more realistic view of things. I kinda have to, you know, staying with Dad and all. It isn't easy"

Twilight's ears perked up with hope. But she wasn't smiling quite yet. "I can only imagine. I never put too much thought into it but it must be pretty crazy being his son. I'm guessing he never acts "normal" around you, right?"

You let out a weak chuckle. "Y-yeah, he's always up to something. And yeah, sometimes it's something mean. And...I'll admit. sometimes being a part of it is fun. But he also does a lot of nice things. I don't think I could have done much of anything without him. Of course, unless it's for his benefit, he'd never admit to doing any good."

Twilight passes you a plate of lasagna with her magic as she starts organizing the jigsaw pieces while looking for edge pieces. "Well, I have to admit. He's been doing a very good job raising you. I'm sure you've heard this a million times already. But, you're...no, I want to say this instead. You're very intriguing. I don't know anypony, from anytime, that has ever come close to having a personality like yours. And the things you do? I never would have thought anypony could stand Discord's company for so long, much less be able just do what you did with Starlight. And then it makes me think. It's no wonder Discord adopted you. You're not part of the norm, you're very VERY unique. To the point that even your cutie mark shows it. And you're just a colt too. I can only imagine how you'll be when you grow up. And.....and....erm..."

Twilight started tapping her hoof on the table "I know I had a point, but" She laughs, she relaxes, and lets out a cute laugh "But I can't remember what it is. I guess my mind is still a little strung up, good thing we have this one hundred thousand piece puzzle to help get both our thoughts together, huh?"

Holy fucking shit, is she serious?! That many pieces?! Still, even without a point. You could tell Twilight was trying to accept not only you, but Discord as well. Well, she already accepted you. She just didn't accept how you were.

You start munching on some of the lasagna and looks over the pieces. "Yeah, sooooo. What's the puzzle gonna look like when we're done?"

Twilight shrugged, still smiling as she slides over your apple juice. "I don't remember, it's been so long. That's why I can't wait to get this done! This used to be my favorite puzzle when I was younger. It managed to survive, well..." Twilight looks up at her tree trunk chandelier of memories. "Ahrm...mmnn..well, I just want to get it all together to see what it is. And, I'm glad you're here to help me. I don't think I ever asked any of the girls to help me with a jigsaw puzzle before." Twilight lets out a small giggle "Not like Rainbow Dash would have the patience for something like this." Twilight's tone was kind of snarky with that last one

That made you smirk. You could imagine Rainbow Dash smacking the entire pile in rage from not even being able to find...hey! There's a corner piece. "Twilight, look!" You put your hoof on it and slide it close to you. "I found one of the corner pieces!"

"Good work Anon! the corners of a jigsaw puzzle are an important foundation to build from. We'll be done in no time now! Especially if we can find the other three corners."

...That praise, even though it was simple, it actually felt pretty good.

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