- Member Since 26th May, 2012
- offline last seen March 26th
Inferno demon Dash
Showing you the darker, more realistic side of MLP in my writing. Smoking, swearing and being a bastard, but that's nothing new with me. Got a cigarette?
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Ooh la la, this was a fun read
8500856
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
These run on sentences are really, really, bad. Please tone it down with the commas and remember to use full stops. The pit about Discord filling Pinkie up sounded like it was actually happening rather than a thought. And theres no explanation given to why Pinkie is mad, but and oddly out of place paragraph about how calling a mare fat is bad. Was that meant to imply that's what he did? All in all this needs to be looked over completely with just about every part of it in need of improvements.
"Cupid herself, once, the Goddess of Love" It's weird to hear a well known god randomley be regendered. Cupid has always been a boy.
8501058
I'll be the first to admit my stories are not perfect. No story is. But I sincerely thank you for your honestly and bluntness, it's been a very long time since I had an in depth review of a story. Although my editor is amazing at what he does, he is not perfect. None of us are. But my story is not the worst there is, believe me I've read train wrecks of stories before and I say that all in all my story is rather decent compared to many others. Still, thanks for being honest.