My Little Person: The Strange Case of Lyle Hartman

by Fernin

Suspension of Disbelief

“Lyra? Oh, Celestia, I’m sorry… Lyra! Please wake up… I’m not mad at you or anything, you stupid, crazy mare… Lyra Heartstrings! Wake up!” Someone was shaking me awake. Why was whoever-it-was calling me Lyra? My name was Lyle, and… I opened my eyes. Oh. Right. Make that somepony was shaking me awake. Moaning a bit, I sat up.

Everything felt wrong. I looked down and felt my jaw drop. My hands! In place of the normal five-digit appendages, my arms were tipped with wide hooves, just as green as the rest of me seemed to be. I struggled upwards until I was standing unsteadily on all fours. Good lord. No wonder Bon Bon had confused me with Lyra. This wasn’t my body at all! “Oh god, this can’t be happening…”

Instead of the expected baritone, my words came out in a soft, feminine tenor. Before I could recover from that shock, I received the next as a horrible thought occurred to me—had my voice actually sounded any different from when I had first spoken to Bon Bon in the living room? When precisely had I gone from ‘me’ to, well, this?

Concentrating, I played back my meager memories of the morning. Had I ever actually looked in a mirror? Stared at my hands? Anything like that? No. I hadn’t even been paying attention to that much besides the lingering headache and sense of nausea when I’d hit the bathroom a half hour before. There was no way I could put my finger—er… whatever—on precisely when the transition had occurred. Maybe even before I woke up. Definitely before I’d gotten into a conversation with Bon Bon, but…

My imagination began working overtime to conjure up near hysterical mental images of myself trotting to work at Delphi Software, oblivious to the fact that I was wearing the body of a little green unicorn pony. I could see it now, like a bizarre version of that old chestnut, the ‘show up at school / work without your pants’ dream. Co-workers rolled their eyes. Stan and Ralph snickered and complimented my flanks with leering grins on their faces. Ugh…

If I kept imagining bizarre things like this, I was going to send myself straight off the deep end. Desperate to distract myself, I looked around the room and out the kitchen window. The sky was a perfect blue, without a single visible cloud. This definitely wasn’t western Washington State, then. Not at this time of year. As I watched, a bright speck of color—a distant pegasus pony no doubt—zoomed by and started pushing a small cloud out of view.

Bon Bon had been right about one thing, at least... She wasn’t on Earth; I was in Equestria. Somehow, my entire house had been transported here, leaving nothing behind… nothing save for a little thing I like to call MY BODY.

I examined myself again, craning my neck to look back at the green-furred pony whose form was now mine. Soon I was turning in a circle almost like a dog chasing its tail until I caught sight of a golden lyre on my—on the body’s—flank. So it was true, then. Somehow I looked like Lyra. Or maybe my mind was in her body. Or… or something. I found myself swaying a bit, dizzy from the realization.

Bon Bon was next to me in an instant. The earth pony let me lean against her for support, her warm, gentle strength keeping me upright. She nuzzled me affectionately, sending a thrill up my spine as she whispered into my ear, her voice full of anxiety. “I’m sorry… I thought that would snap you out of it. Um… Are you all right, Lyra?”

The gesture was strangely comforting. Bon Bon seemed genuinely concerned… maybe even more than a friend would be. Was the so-called ‘fanon’ right about the off-white earth pony and her mint green unicorn friend? Hah, well I was certainly in a good position to find out, now...

But even if I looked like Lyra, I couldn’t let Bon Bon treat me like I was Lyra. I sighed and stepped away. “It’s okay. Um. Please, Bon Bon, don’t call me that. I... wow. This is awkward. Could you please call me Lyle? This may be hard to understand, but I’m not Lyra. I’m… I think I’m in her body or something, but I’m not her.”

Hooray, this was going swimmingly. The morning had started out well enough even with the hangover, but now I was nearly making Bon Bon cry trying to explain something that seemed more ridiculous than the plot of the first fanfic I’d written (what? Yes, I've written fanfics. So sue me). What could I possibly say to make this less awkward? Heck, I would have been happy to think of something to say that would have made it more awkward at that point; it would mean I hadn’t done the worst possible job breaking the news to the blue-maned mare.

I was about to beg Bon Bon not to hate me, but to my surprise I found it wasn’t necessary. With a deep sigh, the earth pony nodded. I couldn’t tell whether she believed me or was just humoring me; all I could see was the look of concern in those big, blue eyes and the deepening creases of worry lines on her face. “You… All right, Lyra… ‘Lyle,’ I mean.”

Bon Bon trailed off for a moment, leaving a pause just as awkward as our earlier furtive attempts at conversation. She bit her lip and searched my face nervously. Finally she nodded and stomped one hoof emphatically. “Right! Did you still want some breakfast? The toast is done.”

Although I started to shake my head, but my stomach—or Lyra’s stomach—growled with flawless dramatic timing. Thinking better of it, I nodded and slid gratefully into a chair at the kitchen table where our interrupted breakfast still steamed. Bon Bon joined me, hopping up to a neighboring seat and tucking in without a moment’s hesitation.

I found myself watching Bon Bon eat with a slight smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. As she munched on the toast, she seemed to lose some of the worried lines that had marked her face. Chowing down hungrily, the earth pony was almost cute… and more to the point, I would need to watch her to figure out how to do any eating myself.

After a moment Bon Bon noticed that she was the only one eating and shot me an exasperated look. “Come on, ‘Lyle.’ Aren’t you hungry?”

“Sorry, just thinking about all this, er…” I shrugged, gesturing distractedly with one forehoof.

Bon Bon saw through me immediately and laughed. It felt good to see a bit of a smile on her face. “If you’re worried about how to pick things up, just try it without thinking so much about it. You’re a unicorn pony, remember?”

“I’m not a unicorn, I’m—oh. Right.” I looked down at the toast. There was a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach as I looked at my breakfast. The toasted bread was cut diagonally, with the crusts off. Just how I liked it. I hesitated a moment to consider this, but I was far too hungry to mull it over for long. Instead, I concentrated on the slice of toast and tried to imagine how a unicorn might use telekinesis.

Perhaps there was some mental chant or exercise that unicorn ponies had to use? Or maybe I had to perfectly visualize the toast and—

Interrupting my train of thought, Bon Bon slammed a hoof down on the table. “For Celestia’s sake, stop staring at your toast and pick it up!”

Taken aback, I did so. To my surprise, I found the toast slice I’d been thinking about floating in the air, right next to my muzzle. Huh. It had worked! Experimentally, I picked up a glass of juice as well. It seemed like as long as I didn’t concentrate specifically on what I was doing long enough to realize how impossible it was, telekinesis was almost second nature.

I took a bite of the toasted bread. Instead of the expected humdrum taste of buttered toast, the slice was packed with sweet… tangy… nutty… words failed me. Suffice to say, it was delicious. I washed it down with some of the juice and shoveled another piece of toast into my mouth, eating as though I hadn’t seen food in a week. Between gulping bites I managed to gasp out, “Hey, this is really good!”

A pleased smile graced Bon Bon’s cream-colored muzzle. “You really like it? I had some leftover spices and such from the last batch of truffles, and so I was trying something new with some compound butter…”

I nodded. “It’s amazing!.. So your cutie mark really does mean that you work with candies? Everybody thought so, but it’s nice to know for sure. Um…”

Bon Bon was looking at me like I had a horn growing out of my—okay, bad choice of words there. I realized after a beat that I had referenced my fellow My Little Pony fans. Whooops. I’d been so pleased that we’d powered through the initial embarrassment of ‘sorry I seem to have woken up in the wrong body’ that I’d failed to bug check my words before compiling my sentence. Fortunately, the mare seemed just to write it off as another weird Lyle-ism and didn’t press me for further explanation. Eager to avoid any further dimension-traveling faux pas I focused on the rest of my toast and juice.

Like me, Bon Bon ate in silence for the rest of the meal. Despite the delicious food, the entire situation was amazingly uncomfortable. Every time I looked up to see what she was doing, she was very specifically not watching me… but her pretty face was once again marked with concern, and I could feel her eyes on me when I wasn't looking. Fortunately for both our sakes, finishing breakfast didn’t take very long.

After swallowing one last bite of food, I pushed away from the table. I stood up, patting my bulging stomach appreciatively with one forehoof and nodding my thanks to the mare who’d made it all possible. “Thank you very much, Bon Bon. That was excellent. I’m just glad I don’t have someone like you to cook for me every day, ha ha… I’d end up needing a new pair of pants in no time flat.”

One glance from Bon Bon told me I’d just pushed the knife deeper and twisted it a bit. I could see tears welling up in her eyes. Good god. Open mouth, insert hoof. Here I was, basically prancing around in her fillyfriend’s, or wife’s or whatever’s body, and I wasn’t missing a single opportunity to remind her about it. “Oh, Bon Bon… I’m sorry. I… Look, this is Ponyville that my—that this house is in, right?”

“Last time I checked.” Bon Bon wiped her muzzle and hopped out of her chair to start with the washing up. She seemed to be concentrating on the work to take her mind off… other things. Like the problems I was probably causing her.

I set my jaw and clapped my forehooves in what I hoped was a decisive gesture. “All right, then. Come on, we shouldn’t just hang around here all day. Let’s see Twilight Sparkle about getting me home… and Lyra back for you. We can leave the washing until later.”

“‘Back..?’” Bon Bon stopped clearing the table and gaped in disbelief. “You mean you want to go out there and tell everypony that you’re convinced you’re Lyle Hartman?”

“Er, no. Not everyone…. Wait. Bon Bon, how did you know my surname?” I examined the mare suspiciously. That was odd. I didn’t remember telling her my last name. My mind was still a bit scrambled, but I was pretty sure I hadn’t… had I?

Bon Bon pressed one hoof to her face in a gesture of tired acceptance. “Just—never mind, Lyle. You’re right. I was going to go get Twilight Sparkle, but it would be faster just to go to her. Maybe she can do something for you.”

Well, that had been easier than I anticipated. I smiled and headed for the door. Another tricky problem solved by Lyle Hartman’s amazing personal skills! Or something. Bon Bon’s voice caught me up short. “…And Lyle?”

“Yes?” I turned to see her disapproving frown.

The cream colored pony waved a hoof, indicating my bipedal stance. “Could you… Could you walk on four legs when we’re outside, please? Everypony’s already seen you sitting like, well, like you do, but…”

I bit my lip nervously and shifted from hoof to hoof. “I’m not actually sure how to walk on all fours…”

“You were doing it just fine before breakfast. Try for me. Please?” Bon Bon’s pleading glance was all the excuse I needed. With a sigh, I dropped again to all fours and took a few experimental steps.

When I somehow failed to tumble forward onto my face or otherwise to activate my excellent Delphi Software dental plan, I nodded to the waiting earth pony. “Okay Bon Bon, I think I’m ready.”

“I don’t think anypony is ready for this,” the mare muttered as she led the way out the door and into the streets of Ponyville.

---

Author’s Notes: Goodness, so many comments on chapter one! Believe it or not I actually do have a plan here, so hopefully it all becomes clear within the next few chapters… I just hope I don’t pace it too slowly for everyone’s tastes. Don’t worry, I plan to take this from soup to nuts in about five chapters total.

Comments

[Zobeid]

I like how this is shaping up. And don't worry about the slow pace. I much prefer a story that takes the time to develop fully instead of rushing it.

Also: Bon-bon has the patience of a saint. She needs a hug.

Please continue! This is fun read.

[Suomibrony]

A new chapter? This living organism is very pleased, and likes the slow pace.

[PPFW Combo Breaker]

Enjoyment containers at critical, adorable overload in progress!

[Banksyt]

To slow? To SLOW?!? something this hilarious can't ever go "slow".
i'm really liking this concept... keep it up!

[ThatBastard]

Ooh... I see Bon-bon brought up the time when Lyra was sitting on the park bench in a human position. Time to put that office of conspiracy theorists to work

Very interesting concept. When's the next chapter coming?

[Corona Blaze]

I find it adorably hilarious.

and the slow pace is fitting.

also, what's Lyra up too?
I'mma guess she's in Lyle's body back on earth?

[Insane]

Lyle and lyra even you are same person mentel becasuse SCHIZOPHRENIC, YOU

[tsaukpaetra]

Interesting. Like this has come up before but never before had BonBon truly felt the need to involve Twilight? Certainly she senses something is different now...