Trapped forever in the pages of a storybook.
A new creature, completely unknown and unheard of in the world has arrived upon the land of Equestria. Seeing as the new creature is sapient and disoriented, Celestia offers the strange man, as he is called, a place to stay away from public view at Canterlot Castle. As the man struggles to regain his memory, the two soon find themselves becoming close to one another, enjoying time in sharing their pains, desires and pleasures and what its like to raise a family.
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not a bad start
Keep goin, cause i'm tracking the story right now
Why is the picture a centaur?
9412891
There are centaurs in the story.
This seems like an intresting premise, and it shows many signs of being a good story, however there are a few bits that seem off.
Celestia and Luna speak very formally with each other, which seems odd considering they're sisters. Nicknames or something else to show more informality could help with that.
There are certain errors in the text that could be easily fixed with the help of an editor. There are many groups on Fimfiction for that exact purpose, and having and editor would greatly help your writting.
Lastly, the description of the centaur in this chapter seemed lacking, as it failed to mention his horse half, only referencing his 'hairless ape' half.
Otherwise, keep up the good work! I'm interested to see where this goes.
9417863
Thank you for your comment! It's very much appreciated! As for the centaur part, I decided to make the gentleman a regular person. Any references to his horse part is a mistake on my part that was probably left over from my original draft which I probably didn't notice upon reviewing the chapter.
9417863
....I'll make him a centaur. I think it will be better that way. Its been lingering on my mind ever since then. lol
So he isn't human?
9541574
haha, nope.
Question: Why do you keep saying "Queen Celestia" and not "Princess Celestia"?
9593527
I found it weird to refer to her as "princess" instead of "queen" considering she would be having offspring in the future of the fic. Having characters refer to Celestia as "princess Celestia" and her offspring as "princess so and so" would just be confusing to me and nonsensical.
You're mixing bodies and gender specific clothing. Blouses are generally used by women. You say in the summary that he's human, but when he's crossing the bridge he has a hoof and fur. Please be careful with things like this.
Anyway, other than this, it's a good start. I hope it gets better.
I'm a bit confused over the MC's appearance. You've mentioned that he has hands and other human features, but everytime you talk about his legs, both this and the last chapter, you've said he has hooves. This chapter the ponies called him a centaur, which has four legs and two arms, making me even more confused as to how he was laying down. What is he?