• Member Since 3rd Aug, 2011
  • offline last seen May 19th

Wheller


Surprise!

Sequels1

T

A new pony wanders into town early one morning, and is quickly befriended by all, but when this new pony is quickly and unfairly taken from them, it sends Twilight Sparkle on a downward, gilt ridden slope, and Pinkie Pie completely off the deep end.

Chapters (9)
Comments ( 55 )

lol you had to put in doctor who love it

It isn't all that strange that Twi tended to focus on the rest of the Mane Six when toting up the ponies recovering from all of this; that's because she tends to not notice Derpy except when she does something silly. My guess is that in a follow-on, the others are going to make a habit of asking Ms Hooves when she got out of hospital.

Dam......this IS dark, I might even cry if I read the rest of this :applecry:

1771

Hell mate I cried when I wrote this. You wouldn't be the only.

Wonderful story. I enjoyed reading it.

thas not nice celly :( tsk tsk tsk killing things is not the way to get yourself loved

holyyyy sheep shit lucky twilight

Really good story i hope still wrote more storys like this.:twilightsmile:

Overdrive

The Pony Version Of Sephiroth:pinkiegasp:

I Know What To Do CALL CLOUD!!!

I started reading this series due to Sea Pony Lyra. ...and now I have so much backlog to get through it almost isn't funny. ...not funny, just like Ditzy Doo getting blown up by a FREAKING mail bomb! Poor Ditty Doo...:fluttercry:

So, he was shot in the back a week later? :trollestia:

Monty died TWICE?!? Now that's just GrimDark for the sake of being GrimDark! :raritycry:

*Glances at story ticker at top* ...and you've just posted ANOTHER new arc in this series? I'm going to have trouble getting caught up at this rate... :twilightoops:

I remember reading this earlier off fanfiction before I even found out about fimfiction. I'm much farther in the series you have going right now.

This was a great read, and this part of your series works as a good standalone fic in itself. It's perfect. It really invoked the emotion of fear and ramped up the suspense when Overdrive started to gain more control of the situation. Additionally, there was a lot of sadness to be found throughout the whole thing with how badly the odds were stacked against the Elements of Harmony. And the ending was amazing.

So kudos to you for writing this. Definitely one of my favorite fics.

The beginning of a very long and amazing fanfiction series. This gets my heartfelt stamp of approval.

I agree... Dying twice... Although it doesn't seem sad to me some reason...


Anyway great fic...

Relatively late, and i do plan on reading the rest of your series, so maybe things change... but anyway:
Overall i thought it was good. The only problem laying on capturing the ponies' true character. Like rainbow dash, "“Maybe we overwhelmed her by being here all at once,” Rainbow Dash said. “I mean, I know, it’s hard to meet someone as cool as me.”" I dont think thats what she would have said. Also, i dont believe Luna would have been so shy. Thinking back to Luna's episode, she only wanted friends. Although i can see why you made Luna shy, not being able to make friends in Canterlot.
Capturing the ponies' true personalities is a difficult thing, i think. I havent written and FIM fics yet, but i've thought about them. I find it to be a main part of a fic.

278787

Do keep in mind that this was written in late June of 2011. Long before Season 2 even premiered.

you..... you killed derpy? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!:derpyderp2:
oh..... ok...... :twilightblush:

Captured the characters very well. Big improvement. Good job!

278819
Oh well, that changes everything. Then i have no criticism for you.

For some reason I imagine "Floppy Disk" as somewhat fast talker.

She doesn't see him again? That's so sad and you'd better make a liar out of yourself

-"Sugarcube Corner exploded"- Not the gumdrop buttons!!!!!:applecry:

This fic is broken... There's no real emotional attachment for me.

So I wanted to read Parliament of Dreams. That story looked really interesting. Then I saw the table of contents and how far it was down the list. Oh boy... Lots of reading to do.

But now? If every other story along the way is as solid as this one seems to be, I don't think I'll mind reading all those stories.

Well, I have lots of reading to do. Cheers :twilightsmile:

>Floppy Disk, FLOPPY DISK! YOU WALKED HERE FOR TWO MONTHS, AND THE BEST YOU COULD COME UP WITH WAS FLOPPY DISK!
:rainbowlaugh:

I am terribly confused. The part where Floppy died didn't make much sense. There seems to be something going on here. And since this is part of a large series, I'm going to assume that things will be explained as the series progresses.

Although I will agree somewhat with ProBrony. When Floppy died, I didn't feel much other than confusion regarding his final thoughts. At the same time, though, I'm not sure if I was supposed to feel much.

I'm so very confused...

>She never saw Roy Melbourne again.

Awww... :fluttershysad:

Ahhh! It looks like we're finally getting some answers.

And now we have ourselves a plotline to follow. I am thoroughly intrigued.

Welp, I'm confused again :unsuresweetie:

This was a very interesting story. I enjoyed all the way through, though parts of it leave me wondering and a little confused. Well, confused might be the wrong word. I guess wanting to know more about the history of Overdrive and the Ulhans is a better way to put it. Also, I hope we see more of Monty. I guess I'll have to just read and find out, won't I? :twilightsmile:

It's unfortunate but this chapter was pretty bad. Death dealing feels REALLY OC for Celestia, dragon or not. Floppy's death felt pointless and bland as I didn't really have much attachment to him yet. I suppose his final thoughts and possibly his past life were respectable enough but the lack of character development meant that this had only a fraction of the impact it should have had. Hope it gets better.

Well... It wasn't horrible. You need to work on being a little less obvious all the time. There are occasions where you want people to know "This happened because of this" but it doesn't hurt to make things a little vague and set events in motion then keep quite about them until they come out of no where later on. The few things I did miss is because I wasn't expecting you to be so obvious like Luna's mind break being so instantaneous. Twilight's little "walk about" was pretty plain on what was going to happen though I had no way of knowing who was going to find her. that's the thing about new OC characters, they literally come out of no where story wise. Celestia's little journey with twilight to give her that dream was unexpected because I honestly wouldn't have thought she would have gone about it in such an indirect way. Twilight practically worships her and a little advice from her mentor would have reassured her right away. That and it's commonly accepted that Celestia is less of a direct manipulator though she might tell her student flat out to do something and then let her figure out the reasons as things are happening.

I also hate how useless you made Luna. It's not that I dislike not see her as all powerful or anything, it's just that she didn't even try to intervene with most the events that happened. She's an alicorn princess. her issues were not fear of danger, her issues were fear of rejection and being the object of others hate. A cannon Luna would have had a high probability of using her somewhat considerable power to help in Ponyville's defense, or at least the evacuation efforts. Actually, probably the defense as evacuation effort would have meant dealing with other ponies that she is afraid of being judged by.

Also dislike how freely you just offed your OC. never really liked pointless deaths...

1150606

This fic was written pre-Series 2, before the introduction of any real personality for canon Luna, she is also not at full power yet after returning from exile.

Monty Ulan's death is most certainly not pointless, it ties back later in the other fics in the series.

... I suppose this is an adequate reason for the outdated canon. I still hope things get a little less obvious in the foreshadowing department. The moment that alicorn told derpy he wanted to send a package, I knew it was a bomb. After he told derpy to be careful, I pretty much wrote derpy off as soon to be grievously injured via IED.

Easy to spot things like that are the problems I had with this fic. Thankfully, not much else got to me

doctor who?
es muy bueno.

also,
twas a good read.

Random love interest initiated!

Is that THE Doctor, the definate article, or Time Turner Hooves?

Wow. This WAS dark and tragic!!!

Well am re-reading this master piece of a series. It sucks that it was never finished. They're still so many questions left to answer.


BTW have you ever thought having some one finishing for you?

DERPY NOOOOOOOOOOOO!:pinkiesad2::applecry::fluttercry::raritycry::fluttershbad:

It was still rather early; the clock had only just struck 0830

08:30 AM is early?! Oh My God! What time did you go to school?

893271 So do I mate, so do I

Best name EVER:trollestia:

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