• Member Since 18th Jun, 2014
  • offline last seen Last Wednesday

PonySage86


E

On a day like any other, Princess Twilight Sparkle goes about her business in her typical fashion, though with a weight on the back of her mind throughout the day. And it's not long before she needs to confront it. With a heavy heart, Twilight prepares to close a chapter in her life.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 5 )

Well, this was certainly a nice little read. Initially, I thought it was Twilight saying good-bye to the last of her pony friends--but I guess I wasn't that far off.

Kinda curious as to who all Melrose and Quicknote are descended from. Quicknote I was getting some Starlight, Sunburst, and Rainbow Dash (didn't even think Twilight). Melrose I figured is from Applejack on her dad's side, but can't quite make out her mom.

As to Tanks age, holy crap that tortoise is old! Wikipedia shows them living from anywhere from 150 to 250, 300 if generous. Of course, it varies by species.

On a mechanical note, might want to go over it again. You've got a few minor grammatical errors (to vs. too).

8555459
Yeah, I was thinking of making Quick note Starlight's descendant at first and in fact that's actually something I'm still debating myself on. I may even rewrite the last bit of the story and change who she is related to but I haven't decided.

Also I'm not surprised you didn't get Twilight from Quicknote. There is a reason though, since this is quite a ways into the future her and Melrose are not direct descendants, their the main six's grandchildren or more accurately their great great grandchildren or even further. so the resemblance won't be spot on.

8555673
Going back, yeah, I can see a little bit of Twilight in Quicknote. Though, on first reading, I was looking more on inherent traits rather than learned. Quicknote could have just been that detailed and organized.

I wonder if you could further hint at their relationship if Twilight expressed some sort of pained emotion every time Quicknote addressed her.

If you do intend them to be great great grandmother and daughter, then they're still close enough to have a strong familial bond. If Twilight is so saddened at losing the last remnants of her original friends, then it would stand to reason that she would want to make close ties with her descendants. For Quicknote to be so formal to her great great grandmother (or closer) would be crushing. If there were more generations between them, then this may not be an issue.

Also, if we consider Twilight's long lifespan, it is quite possible for her to be Quicknote's grandmother proper.

Anyway, that's just one possible option. You need to find what's best for your story.

As a bit of a writing tip: if you find yourself undecided about something, give yourself some time away to mull it over and weigh your different options. Or, find someone to bounce things off of.

8555845
Thank you for your input, I really appreciate it. I'm going to be thinking about this story for awhile to sort out how I feel about it. I'll probably leave it as it is for a day or two until I decide how I want to change it around.

This was a good one for me to read, loss is something that is always interpreted vastly different ways. Seeing it written like this was a bit refreshing for me, as I'm well accustomed to the term.

Login or register to comment