I Need to be Honest With You

by applepiedash

Chapter 4

Applejack ran into the furthest stall from the door, slammed the door, locked it, put the lid of the toilet down and sat on it. She burst into tears. She tried to keep it silent, which only added to the pain she was already feeling in her chest; the emotional pain was so strong it often became physical at times. She hoped no one could hear her. She hoped she was alone. Except she didn’t want to be alone. She wanted to be with someone. She wanted to tell someone everything she was feeling. She just wanted someone to understand.

The bathroom door opened. Applejack had expected for people to be going in and out, after all, she was in a school bathroom, but what she wasn’t expecting was to hear her friend call out her name.

“Applejack, are you here?” Rainbow called out

“Um, yeah...”

“You okay?”

“Yeah,”

“Why are you in here?”

“What d’you think? I needed to pee,” Applejack tried to get herself to actually go to convince Rainbow Dash that that was what the real reason why she was in there, but she couldn’t, so she flushed instead and tried to dry her eyes as best she could.

“So... You gonna come out,”

Applejack emerged from the stall, hoping that she had managed to make herself look like she hadn’t been crying. She walked over to the sink to wash her hands to keep up the charade she was acting out.

“Are you really okay?” Dash asked, knowing that she probably wouldn’t get a truthful answer. “You haven’t been yourself recently.”

“How many times do I gotta say it? I’m sick. I ain’t been feeling well for a few days now. “

“You’re not sick. I’ve known you long enough to know what you’re like when you’re sick”

“Well, I’m sorry if this time doesn’t fit my usual ways of being sick,”

“’Cause you’re not!” Dash really didn’t want to get annoyed with Applejack, but she just wished she would tell her what was going on. “AJ, please just tell me what’s going on with you. I’m worried. “

“Why can’t y’all just believe me? There ain’t nothing going on”

“’Cause I know it’s not nothing. You can trust me; we’ve been friends for years.”

“I can’t. I just can’t. Not here anyway.” Applejack started to get choked up. She couldn’t back out of telling Dash now.

“Do you wanna come over to mine after school? I’m gonna be home alone for a while,”

“Uh-huh,” Applejack nodded. She couldn’t get anything else out. She felt like she was going to cry again.

Rainbow Dash leant in and gave Applejack a tight hug. “Tell me whatever you need to, I won’t judge, I promise.” Applejack sniffed as she looked at her friend and smiled.

***

Dash kept looking over towards Applejack. She could see that she was miles away, not doing any work and looking like she’d rather be anywhere, but sitting in a classroom. Rainbow was also unable to concentrate. She was worried about her friend. She couldn’t stop thinking about what Applejack was going to tell her. She wanted to be there for her, but she had no idea how she was going to react; she couldn’t even begin to imagine what was going on.

Every possible thought was running through Applejack’s mind. She was trying to think of the perfect way to tell Rainbow Dash. There was no perfect way. Nothing about this was perfect; it couldn’t have been any further away from that.

What if she doesn’t understand? What if she doesn’t believe me? What if she hates me for lying to her for this long? I can’t do this. I can’t tell her. I don’t want to hurt her. She ain’t gonna understand. Nobody will understand. I don’t understand. How am I supposed to tell her? How do I start the conversation?

She couldn’t stop thinking. She knew she was probably overreacting. They’d been friends for over ten years, it wasn’t like Dash was actually going to hate her, but it’s all that she could think of. No matter how hard she tried to get rid of these thoughts, she couldn’t. They were always there.

The sound of the bell took Applejack out of her mind and back into the real world. She packed away her stuff and waited for Dash outside the classroom.

"I don’t think I can do this,” she said as Rainbow walked out the door, hoping that she wouldn’t have to tell her.

“I get it’s going to be hard for you, but I know something’s wrong. I want to help,” she grabbed Applejack’s arm as she spoke and then hugged her. “I’m here for you.”

“…Thanks,” Applejack forced a smile as she and Dash started walking.

Comments

[Fishfingers-and-custard]

Is this fic dead?

[applepiedash]

8712511
Definitely not. I’ve written most of chapter five and hope to have it up soon. I’ve just been having a hard time with my mental health at the moment and I was going to finish the chapter a couple weeks ago, but my laptop stopped working so it was also put on hold because of that, but no, it’s not dead, I really want to finish it.

[Fishfingers-and-custard]

8712594
Oh I'm so glad it isn't dead. I know you've probably heard it before, but speaking to others will really help. Mental illness is a real thing, I'm sure you're friends and family will understand. My grandfather was mentally ill - bipolar disorder or something- and he didn't tell. I can tell you, that didn't end well. Remember, you are beautiful. Sadness isn't a weakness, sadness is beautiful, sadness makes us human, don't be afraid to cry because it's how you let that sadness out and allow a space for the happiness. The good bronies of this fandom will stick by you until the very end. Don't be afraid because you are not alone. Also it always makes me feel better when I listen to this

[applepiedash]

8712655
Thanks. my family don’t really care and I’ve not had a great experience with the fandom either, but I’m still trying my best to get better. One of the reasons I wanted to write this story was to try and raise awareness of mental health/illness. Almost everything that has happened and that will happen has happened to me, so it’s very personal.. I just wish people would tell me if they like it or not because that’s kinda keeping me from continuing with it too