• Member Since 12th Sep, 2017
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Old Goat Abadeer


Old goat man Living in woods. Obsessed with pairing cartoon ponies. Mostly StarTrix, Tempestlight & Fluttorcord. Also good with Sunny&SciTwi


T

Tempest has had a rough life. Losing her horn, her fillyhood friends abandoning her, spending years traveling the harsh deserts and harsher cities of the lands beyond Equestria and becoming a servent of the Storm King and doing horrible things in his name. But now thanks to Princess Twilight Sparkle she is free of The Storm King's grasp as well as the obsession of restoring her horn. She has been given a second chance, but will she be able to make the most out of life as Twilight's Royal Guardspony, or will old wounds be opened up once more?

Chapters (9)
Comments ( 50 )

You've gotten past the "awkward diction" phase for speech to where it reads realistically and have decent background descriptions, both situational and observational, that flesh out a scene, but I think it could use a little more. It really lets the reader visualize the scene in their mind. Also, minor/mid level grammar/punctuation issues. Nothing that interferes with the flow of the story or so frequent it's glaring, but there are several instances and it's the small things that really polish a story. I don't know how long you intend the completed story to be, but the pacing seems like a lot is happening per number of words. If you plan for a longer story, I'd slow down the pacing a little. The upside of slowing pacing being that more and deeper details become possible.

So far, I think this is the only Tempest fic so far where Grubber plays a major role. I think it's a good road to explore.

Overall, I like what you've written thus far and look forward to future updates.

*Giant floating head voice* I LIKE WHAT U GOT GOOD JOB!

Ok I'm sorry but I got to say this have you copied my idea because seriously this plot is pretty much the exact same as mine literally go check my Storys and yes it has been written differently but the plot ideas are same as mine

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@Omega Given I came up with the idea after I saw the movie and have been forming the story in my head for days... that would be a NO. Honestly its a pretty common reaction given Tempest was introduced as a warrior in the movie.

@Cory: Thanks for reading. I will continue to try to improve on expanding detail/ lessening errors in the future

There's a few spelling mistakes,but otherwise it's good

No hate but I think that Twy is supposed to be written like this: Twi.

Also nice story. I'll follow along.

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@Shadowminx
Aww yea, we gonna get Scwifty in here! :rainbowlaugh:

@all
Thanks for the replies. I will continue to do my best and work on lessining grammatical/technical errors as the story goes on.

The grammar is... Slightly above average, the interactions are good, and diolouge is NOT cheesy. That's all I can really ask for in a story sooo...
8/10 writing style,
(Criticism without malice)
(P.S, I'm looking forward to the next chapter)

Yes... Tempest obsession... glad I don't have that...

*searches for plushies of pony totally not obsessed with*

Hymn ... something smells fowl ... her parents doing that after searching so long. I'm betting whoever the acting mayor was did it. I mean there gone for awhile leaving a mansion .. someone was probably like hot damn this is the life. They come back and is like f that I'm not giving this up fight breaks out stuff happens. Officially stating after watching movie tempest/twi my new favorite ship.

Good for you I have a Tempest obsession as well so I'll join the ride intently.

Shits going to hit the fan! Looking forward to it! :rainbowkiss:

Great story. I really enjoyed reading it. Please continue

But before she could become a guard, she had to clear her training at the academy

which means showing the royal guard how to be a royal guard. I always have to laugh when I read that she still has to learn it, maybe the theory of actually "helping" instead of conquering, but not the fighting.

Other/additional noted: Allergic to annoying ponies/creatures. Pretty sure being stuck with Grubber is my real punishment.

Oh thank you that you let her keep some of her spunk.

"Now follow ol Flash Sentry over there and he'll take you to your room." He said pointing at the yellow pegasus in crytal guard attire.

kill him with your horn.....sorry force of habbit.

This is probably gonna be a super long one, so please bear with me as I get my Tempest obsession out of my system in the coming months!

hopefully not, because I'm still joining the hype about her too.

"I, I don't know what to say Ms. Rarity, its, its perfection." Tempest awed

It strange how much I want her to actually feel not very confortable with the dress or the present, because of how often I had seen it before.

Twilight said it was fine and levitated the remaining contents back into their bags and handed them to Spike.

couldn't she still carry them?

Next they went to the convenient store where Tempest ran into and tripped over a display of canned pumpkins in the middle of the isle due to the fact she had been preoccupied talking to Grubber

That doesn't seems like her being herself today.

Thankfully it seemed the group was given a brief respite as the comic shop did turn out to be an enjoyable outing. The young fillies and colts were in awe at Tempest and asked if she was cosplaying as some new anti-hero, and even more amazed to find out she was a actual royal guard. Meanwhile Grubber was playing a game of ogres & obulettes with a group of ponies at the table in the back and Spike and Twilight were busy looking through the Power Ponies & Daring-Do comics.

That was quite nice.

"HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO MY FRIEND!" The voice wailed

The three Pegasi looked to see Princess Twilight her eyes glowing pure white her horn eminating a powerful glow. The three bullies froze where they stood.

somehow that made me feel bad for Tempest, is it because she had a bad day, or is it because of her different training, that she didn't just put an end to this?

"FIZZLEPOP BERRYTWIST YOU BE QUITE RIGHT NOW!!" Twilight boomed in her royal voice.

I'm just curious, but has she actually really done this already?, in the show I mean.

Tempest absorbed Twilight's words like a sponge. She was right, as long as she had Twilight she had purpose. Twilight was all that mattered now, Twilight was her world.

It would be quite funny if this would turn out into a obsession, making Twilight feel uncomfortable befor the actually romance happens.

I'm not trying to turn this into something psychological, but you give me just the right stuff for that. I somehow image Cadance using that to make Twilight try giving dating a chance...... (making her nervous in return, because honestly I had enough of Twilight acting like an old expert during her first dates and everything)........ and this in return would cause Tempest to realize what she was doing actually being quite suprised about the new idea Twilight has.
Oh just to be sure you understand this right, in my example I doesn't think of Cadance actually believing Tempest loves her already, no I just meant obsession because of what happened and everything. I still prefer the cadance that just sees potential romance or the version that actually only sees something like "soulmates" in ponies which they interpret as best wife/husband possible.

Some of the ways Cadance power shows in stories is a bit to much to me, like some mind reading love detector which wouldn't be so bad if she wouldn'T force ponies to act on their feelings the way she often does instead of giving calm speeches or small hints that still make it look like they do that because they wanted to at the moment.
Then I remember a moment in which someone seems to have written she feelt that Twilight was in love or something and that probably across several countries.


Well nice story so far, but I can't wait till she can show them that she can do it before she get's to be the laughing stock.

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@Pinkie Pie: Yes & No. It will get there later on, but right now it's more about exploring a reformed Tempest and of course how the experiences both good & bad can still impact one psychologically.

It's gonna be a long road though.

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I think that's perfect. Have to figure yourself out before you can explore other people in a possible lifetime commitment.

This shall join the tens of other fics I've yet to read.

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Okay thanks, I needed to know for the group I am in. I'm in charge of organization.

Hhhhmm it can mean something bad for the, but it doesn't have to, those voices in her head I mean.

Tempest's heart just skipped a beat as a wave of happiness washed over her and in the back of her mind a small filly cheered exclaiming "Yay, Mama's home!"

I suddenly want her to be kind of schizophrenic, nothing that couldn't get healed, but something that actually makes sense to them if Twilight should notice that she might actually thinks of her as a mother or has three personalities right now.
The mother thing could turn into real love when they hit a certain point I guess.

I love psychological stuff and the idea that this could turn into a real romance, that it might wasn't her intention, but that those feelings turn into real love. Of course I would ask you to let them actually mention it or if just Twilight notice those signs alone, then just a thought in the story?
I just mean that if the whole main six should see it, then I would prefer it if they mention it to everyone instead of letting her be viewed as a weird pony.
Long story short, after hearing her old self talk, I really get the feeling that Tempest is mostly weak for the moment, because of her new chance at life and probably all the rules she know has to act upon, instead of just doing it the way she is used to do it.

Beyond that, maybe see what Fizzypop's Fillyhood friends have been up to. Maybe they were never quite as innocent as they seemed.

Nice thought, I also would like to see Twilights parents more than once, when they should make their romance official.

How did I miss this update? I swear I put it in my updates list.

thank you for thiswell written and fun story! it truly is a great read.

Comment posted by Dusk Melody deleted October 13th

You should'nt be so disrespectful to her
She is our princess." Tempest's voice echoed. "Yea, don't be mean to mama!" The young filly Fizzypop chimmed in. "Oh be quite you two." The commander huffed. "I already told you, i'm the one incharge today. Now sitback and see how a real warrior protects royalty." The Commander cackled, taunting her other two selves.

yyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssss, I can't wait to see little Tempest.

Rainbow Dash fell asleep listening to all the rules and regulations regarding thr proper ways to fly alongside a princess being woken-up by a zap from Tempest's stub of a horn and Fluttershy was in shock when the guardspony dropkicked and beat-up Discord quicker then even the lord of chaos could react.

:pinkiehappy:

:heart:

Is starlight together with Trixie there or did I missunderstood something.

Good morning princess." Tempest cheered. Her voice a bit more high pitched then usual. "Ready to play?" The unicorn asked in happy upbeat tone

aaawww I hoped you would really use momma

Then there was an akward moment where Twilight couldn't pry Tempest away from a toy store window as she stared wide-eyed at a cutesy Songbird Serenade plush that Twilight eventually caved and ended-up buying her.

It is maybe strange, but that is what I think can be pretty funny.

Next time a brief interlude, then back to the split-personality goodness!

Nice, but I'm never to sure what interlude means, I mean I have an idea, but I need to translate it again to be sure.

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@Texus: Yes Startrix is cannon in this fic. Their fun was deffinitly not safe for fillies, good thing the commander was in control that day.


Don't worry Filly Fizzle will slip up eventually. But can't just let your friend/boss/mama know yea got three versions of yourself competing for control quite yet. :rainbowlaugh:

Interlude is kind of like a break gonna take a chapter to see what the trio Fizzy hung out with as a filly are up to now. And yes it will bleed back into the main story later on.

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@Texus: Yes Startrix is cannon in this fic. Their fun was deffinitly not safe for fillies, good thing the commander was in control that day.

okay I don't mind that, I just didn't knew what to think for a second.

Don't worry Filly Fizzle will slip up eventually. But can't just let your friend/boss/mama know yea got three versions of yourself competing for control quite yet. :rainbowlaugh:

yes your right.

I actually hope her three versions are just her being crazy at the moment and nothing "Nightmare moon level like."

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I could see filly tempest explaining to twilight how Trixie was beating up starlight so she tried to stop it by blasting trixie.

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I proably only find it funny because it was two ponies I really like and a shipping I can support, but nice one:heart:

"There's more too it then that, the royals are trying to cover it up, but the invasion, it was led by a unicorn." Glitter replied in a panic. "And not just any unicorn, it was her, it was Fizzlepop, she's alive Lemon. Godess help us she's alive!" Glitter cried as she began to hyperventilate.

that's so good.

I'm not quite understanding about which Colt/Stallion they were talking about, I thought something about her parents, but then I thought they were little back then, so I'm not sure how to understand it.

To be honest, what reason did that Thestral had to tackle her down?, even if she ran away, what do they thing she had done?
DOn'T take it so seriously, I'm just reacting on what the characters are doing or how I would view it morally vise, but that doesn'T means I want you to change it.

"In the name of the sisters what fresh madness is this?" The thestral asked as she walked up to the now unconcious mare, looking down at Glitter, Lavender just stared and wondered. "What could make a unicorn so scared that they would resort to using a mind scrambling spell on themselves?"

What I was trying to say is, I didn't exactly liked how he choose to do it, to tackle her down and he would have probably tried to force an answer out of her, denying her of all her rights.
That kind of reminds me of Luna demanding that she get's what she wants sometimes and Celestia too, even if nothing was mentioned in this chapter.

I liked this chapter.

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Apologies. I guess for some added clarification. The town of Pranceton still existed long after Tempest left. The three childhood friends were early teens when they left years later. (Going of the mindset of all characters are currently ambiguous 20 somethings cause reasons.)

-yes the other thing and the mysterious stalliion do involve the parents and why the town got abandoned. More on that down the line.

-Lavender's initial findings had a shaky timeline at best, thus the reason she's gone off on her own to investigate further, get more accurate intel.

But yea, thanks for reading.

8489325
okay but I'm still not sure if I understood everything you just told me.
Can we, from what you have writte, already guess what happened that made them so affraid?, at first I got the idea she had sleept with Tempest father or something strange like that, that is why I asked for the age to see what exactly was the bad thing that happened.

Sorry it doesn't happens that often that I'm hardly understanding it, but this time my english is either not enough or it is just a little bit difficult to understand right now.

8489485
Yes you should be able to put most of the pieces together on your own. But again everything will be revealed in full by stories end. So don't worry too much. I'm sure your English is fine. :twilightsmile:

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I'm not trying to sound mean, but I'm sure how that can sound, but are you one of those that are affraid to give some sort of spoiler or something?, I would like it if you could just give me that one answer if you haven't done it already, I hate those kind of riddles.

It is not needed for me to enjoy the story, but I kind of hate to missunderstand something and kind of getting dissapointed later.
I have looked at the one piece again that said that Glitter?, was "that guys" Marefriend, but I'm still not sure if they talked about a kid or Tempests father, as if her father might had a secret affair. To be honest he would go lower in my favourite pony ranking if he did that, but at least I would know how to view it.

The town of Pranceton still existed long after Tempest left. The three childhood friends were early teens when they left years later. (Going of the mindset of all characters are currently ambiguous 20 somethings cause reasons.)

so in this chapter they are twenty yes?

More on that down the line.

you mean in the chapter or your giving out that information next time?

-Lavender's initial findings had a shaky timeline at best, thus the reason she's gone off on her own to investigate further, get more accurate intel.

okay now I understand that part, she was a thestral mare not a stallion and I understood that she wanted more information, I just didn't liked that she kind of attacked her or would have forced an answer out of her instead of allowing her to leave.

so I'm only unsure about the boyfriend thing. I hope you planned to write a longer story, which makes me hating the idea to wait twenty chapters for an answer that I maybe were supposed to already get in this chapter. Just tell me if it was supposed to be vague at least.

Sorry, I have sleept pretty badly and am a bit moody to add it to that little frustrated feeling.

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Lemon was dating Spring. The mysterious colt that was part of the same group of friends as her Glitter & Fizzle when they were kids. Again more on him and the others later after we get past the split personality arc in the mane story. This was just a set-up for the next act.

So no Tempest's dad wasn't cheating on his wife. Again not being cryptic just don't want to completly spoil the rest of my story. But to help clear things up...

Glitter Drops= Green Unicorn from Tempest's Flashback in the movie. Name taken from the prequel novel/gameloft game.

Lemon Crescent=Yellow Unicorn that friends replaced Fizzlepop with in movie Flashback, just made-up the name.

Spring Rain= Blue Unicorn colt from movie flashback. Some secondary sources portray him as a mare but movie shows him as a colt so i'm going with the character as a male for story purposes. Name taken from gameloft game.

Lavender Nightsbane= Female batpony OC just for this story.


Again, hope that help clears things up. Think of this chapter as a set-up/teaser for the next arc, but the next chapter will be back to Tempest & Twy.

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Blue Unicorn colt from movie flashback. Some secondary sources portray him as a mare but movie shows him as a colt so i'm going with the character as a male for story purposes. Name taken from gameloft game.

hhhhmm I think I saw three fillies, but maybe I haven't looked hard enough or concentrated on the wrong one.

Again, hope that help clears things up. Think of this chapter as a set-up/teaser for the next arc, but the next chapter will be back to Tempest & Twy.

Yes thank you, like I said I think I just have a bad day

The story just keeps getting better with each update can't wait for the next one. :pinkiehappy:

"When the sun rises so must a princess."

It's a favourite joke of mine to think that Celestia only wanted her little slave.

"Not for you little one, tommorow is my turn." The commander sneered. "B, but playtime!?" The filly cried. "Hush you two!" Tempest whispered. "We'll work something out, just be quite."

:applecry:

Next time: Something bad happens.

After That: Enter Princess Luna

yes yes yes, however I'm not sure if I want the simple "Luna screames at the too stubborn Tempests and makes everything better solution if it'S meant like that. I actually hope that either Luna can't simply solve the matter but maybe get an idea, or that Tempest get's some sort of little freakout, something like a fit in front of her friends, only being able to concentrate on herself and maybe Twilight or someone from the main six if she get's really upset.

Dream walking doesn't exactly makes her a psychologist in my eyes, I wanted to say that if that should have been your plan.

So Ms. Berrytwist, you don't know your own age or name of your home town? You don't have any family to add as emergency contacts? No other friends?

There should be quotation marks right here otherwise I
couldn’t find anything else that was incorrect



Good start, would like to see this continue

I love the Grubber abuse

Ok. New chapter is up. Its admitingly a bit rough around the edges but i'll go in and try to smooth things out later on. Thanks for your patience and hope you enjoy.

Awesome chapter! Loving this story so far and can't wait for the next update!

thank you for such a powerful chapter in this fine story!

I like it, I like it a lot!
The three personalities are a really interesting idea, and LOVE how much they interplay with each other. I was a bit worried at first that the whole, "one dominant personality per day" schtick would keep going for some time, but I'm so glad to see all three butting in, it makes Tempest so much more investing!
The only thing I didn't really like about this was, at first, the grammar, but it's notably improved as the chapters have gone on, and it's not even noticeable now, good-on-you!
I just can't wait to read about Twi and Luna poking around in this bizarre tri-formed kind of Tempest's. (Of course I can actually wait, you write, and you write very well, I can't imagine begrudging you any period of time to write a chapter.)

The id and the superego... both complete nuisances relying on a well balanced ego to keep oneself sane.

Psychology is a fascinating when you get to see what goes wrong.

HHhhmm could have been a little bit better, but thank you for that chapter.

Tempest just looked at it as it slowly began to crawl towards her and froze.

She could probably win, but I guess she has no energy left.

"P, princess, I..." But before Tempest could finish Twilight just turned around and hugged her as tightly as she had ever been so in her life. "Don't ever scare me like that again." Twilight sobbed.

Tempest too began to sob as she returned the princess's embrace. "Princess, no, Twilight. I, i think there's something wrong with me. I, i think I need help." She stated as they both continued to sob as they continued to embrace one another.

I honestly hoped her situation would cause Filly Tempest to get the upperhand for a short moment, that it was only a sentence was a bit sobering.

However the story of course is still nice, it was just the outcome that I would have prefered.

I had read about Luna and well...while I like her powers more than Cadances, sometimes I can still see something difficult in her powers too.
I'm not sure if I would want them to ask Tempest before they invade "her dreams" (yep in my eyes princess of the night doesn't means she owns the dreams. That she always did it in the past is not a good reason either, but I guess in her state Tempest would be happy o just accept help.

Praise the overgoat, for he has blessed us with another chapter!

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