Chrysalis never anticipated that she would live a nomadic lifestyle. Nevertheless, scavenging for berries, water, and maybe the occasional drops of love were her only options in an unpredictable world. Everything feels rather lonely during her travels, but she refuses to imagine a world where she forgave Starlight Glimmer, Twilight Sparkle, and their friends. She's more focused on siphoning love, not finding pathways toward what some call redemption.
During her travels, Chrysalis discovers an suspicious town nestled between a forest and a desert. The populace is nothing like she anticipated, and despite the lack of camaraderie between the villagers, snacking on their love seems like a viable option. Of course, that depends on whether she could get love from a village where shady business and treachery are the norms.
Thanks to FerociousCreation for editing.
Can't wait to read this!
8578151
Thank you for agreeing to check out the story. Chrysalis is definitely a fun and interesting character to write, especially since she stands out from the other major villains in MLP, and I'm often curious as to where writers in fanfics or the show itself take her character.
Glad to see the story uploaded and not delayed by me anymore D:
8578229
No worries, and thank you so much for helping with the story. I couldn't have done it without your wonderful advice!
8578232 Maybe an "edited by" in the discription for me #shamelesssuggeation
8578238
Sounds like a great idea! I'll be sure to add that to the description!
Interesting. Chrysalis is as scary as she's known and she quickly asserts herself over petty criminals. However I see that the subtuelty part goes out the window quick. Not to mention that I feel like this fic needed to be longer. Lots of your fics needed to be longer if you ask me.
That's not to say they're bad I just think many of these need more time to simply space out what's happening. They certainly have the potential to be something more.
Anyway have a like, hope you continue to write stuff!
8578270
Yeah, I've always struggled with crafting longer stories, though I'll be sure to seek improvement on those areas and more going forward. Perhaps additional scenes could've helped in this regard, though there's always the difficulty of striking a balance between too short and too long. Anyway, thank you for the checking out the story and the detailed critique. I'll keep trying my best as usual!
There's a distinct lack of You-know-who doing You-know-what. It's a shame.
8578291
Yeah, there's always a need for more Granny Smith.
8578279
Well at least you write ((compared to a lazy ass like me)). And it's not a matter of writing more events. Here's an example that comes to me right now.
Dramatization of emotions.
Allow me to use your fic as an example. Let's see... Chrysalis feels betrayed by her changelings and that they've gone soft eh? How about you use this to create a sort of clash between the idealism of ponies and the cynical viewpoint of Chrysalis?
She sees for example how easily they all betrayed her. Perhaps she wonders "Why were you so ungrateful for the things I did? The monsters I protected you? The fools that would take advantage of you?". She could be EVEN MORE vengeful and be cursing them for breaking her heart, for not even one of them followed her.
"Curse you! Let the ground you walk on turn to ice! Let your wishes bring only disaster! And when the cold embrace of Tartarus comes for you... REMEMBER MY INFERNAL RAGE!"
One thing I should mention is that I rarely write evil Chrysalis but had to for a recent collab by Cleverpun. The thing I found was that it's VERY entertaining and easy to write Chrysalis hammed up. See your fic for example. You mention at the end that "You tried to cheat a changeling". Now THAT is a moment that can pretty much be hammed up. In fact let me give you my example
"Did you really think you could cheaters a changeling? Especially me? The QUEEN of cheaters?! Insolent whelps! Now fall!"
Meh I can do better. Just saying that villains, especially the Chrysalis kind, seem to want to overdramatise their presence. Chrysalis herself clearly thinks of herself as important. So dramatise that. Stretch it. In fact stretch everything she has and watch her do stuff.
Let, her, loose.
As you can see I clearly enjoy this villain in every way and I have thought a lot about her. I usually try to think as they do, and passionately so. If you ever write about her again don't hesitate to ask for my input.
Your story got featured :D
Okay, now that... was scary. That's Queen Chrysalis, in all of her glory right there, man. Great work, Mana. This fic was everything you built it up to be!
8578579
That's part of what makes Chrysalis such a fascinating character in my opinion. She's definitely creepy, yet there's also something about her demeanor that invites curiosity. Anyway, thank you very much for checking out the story and for commenting. I highly appreciate it!
All right, I'm hooked. I now need to read a story about an exiled chrysalis starting out small and becoming a mob boss. Please make a sequel for this, or, if not, would you mind me writing a story based around this concept?
8578592
Hey, no prob man.
8578601
I don't have plans for a sequel, as this was primarily designed as it's own story, but you're more than welcome to play with that idea. There's always room for unique and interesting story concepts in my opinion. Anyway, thank you for checking out the story and for commenting.
8578607 You can also tag Diamond Dogs to your story
It's good, but it seems more like the start of a story than a completed one. It ended too soon.
8578941
i know just from the description alone you would thing its be a full story
8578293
8578291
So when can I expect GrannyxChysalis from one of you two?
8580254
That honestly sounds like one of those "crazy enough to work" ideas. That being said, I'm sure someone in the community has thought about it.
8580256
This calls for research.
It MUST be done, right Mana?
See, people, this is what happens when you fuck with Chryssie and don't have a bullshit ex machina to save you.
Great story. Needs moooooooore!