• Member Since 24th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

GasmaskBrony


It's so hard to write when one is trying not to starve.

T

Ninth Captain Fubar Jac'ass is a very good Angry Marine, he shouts his profanities, he kills the enemies of his Emprah real good, and he don't take no shit from no thrice damned Ultrasmurf. So why in the name of Terra has he been assigned to aid a little purple xeno Inquisitor that keeps having him do the most mundane things?

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I don't own the title art, Warhammer 40k, or My Little Pony Frindship is Magic. Rated teen for lots of angry profanity and potential for bloody happenings.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 19 )

ALWAYS ANGRY!!! ALL THE TIME!!! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK YYYOOOOOOUUUUUUU!!!!!

Tell me, honestly, is this too much?

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Honestly... Perhaps not enough.

why do I feel like this guy would be best pals with tree hugger

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Maybe that whole "Yin-Yang Total Opposites" thing?

Reminds me of myself on a good morning. That is until Luna slaps the hell outta me.

Hahahahaha, WTF?

Tracking it, this is gonna be funny :rainbowlaugh:

I may not know enough about the 40k universe, but I know enough to know that this will be a good time... for me, as a reader.

ALWYAS ANGERY ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you know what i ship him with tree huger their is no way tree huger would commit heresy

Hm. Who's the 'quieter' guy that keeps being mentioned?

Comment posted by GasmaskBrony deleted March 31st

Great start! Angry Marines are (from my experience anyway) usually the subject if crack fics and shit posts, but you, at least in this chapter, have made them into an actual (if hilarious) Chapter of Astartes just through giving them actual names and not giving them 'super OP do anything I want with the power of anger' powers.

A little disappointed you gave him Hammerspace, giving them 'super OP do anything I want cause anger' powers makes a story kinda boring and lessens the character usually. Despite that the story is still interesting, although I will reserve future judgements for the next chapter.

An interesting development to he sure, and it is good to see that he isn't becoming a Gary-Stu, as I feared before... I look forward to the next chapter!

Thankfully most questions can be answered with a quick google search and there will be a lot less 40k terminology from here out so don't let that distract you from this story that I'm basically writing for myself.

If your readers have to google stuff, you might lose them. It's the internet, it's full of distracting stuff.
Your readers might never come back.
Don't make them work.
Explain stuff to them so they continue reading your story.

This chapter seems fine to me but I've had lots of exposure to Warhammer 40k stuff.

What's the Tua?
Do you mean Tau?

Other than these minor issues, you've done well.

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