Another Angry Morning
Uhg, his head was ringing and felt like he'd been launched head first through a chaos dreadnought again, only this time his armor didn't feel like it had been crushed like a cheap can of recaf. Alright Fubar, what did you do last night? Let's see slight ache in most of the body, but not the ache of exertion or exercise, no this had the wrong flavor, seems more like stiffness from not having moved for too long. Maybe he had somehow found a substance strong enough to actually get him drunk, not likely but it did sort of remind him of getting hung over all those millennia back when he was actually human.
Might as well get up and try- *clink* Wait, why was he absolute fuck was he wrapped in chains? *clink* Really thick chain at that. When he opened his eyes there better be a little spunk gobbler ready to exposition at him or he was going to fucking find one and twist them until they expositied at him enough to satisfy his emperah damned curiosity.
Fubar Jac'ass opened his eyes causing the glaring red eye on his helm to light up in a dull red glow as he slowly observed his surroundings through the auto-senses of his armor. Small empty room with stone walls, no light other than the tiny bit shining under the thick wooden doorway, chains thick enough to pull a ship into a harbor were wrapped around him and embossed with small runes. In fact the floor around him was covered with gay ass little runes. Fubar's internal belligerence engine roared to life as he looked at the little scribbles around him. "THE FUCK? WHAT SORT OF RETARDED EXCUSE OF A LIMP ASS FUCK SORCERER WENT AND PUT ME IN THEIR EMPERAH FORSAKEN FUNGEON OF FAGGOTRY!? SOMEONE FIRE UP THE GRILL CAUSE I'VE GOT SUM SLAANESHI COCK LICKERS TO FRY!"
Fubar threw his massive weight and monstrous strength against the chains binding him with a thunderous boom as he began one of his favorite prolonged and violent litanies insulting the ancestry of the chains binding him and the various unpleasant ways they had been forged along with the many horrible ways they'd meet their end. However he didn't get far as he heard something that made him stop and fall silent. "Ah great, it sounds like he was right and the angry guy's awake. Wait why is he suddenly so quiet? Uh, Twilight, could you go check on him please?"
"Why does she have to go check on that monster?" another voice asked, "You're perfectly capable of doing so yourself."
"It's not like I'm scared of it or anything," the first started.
"GUESS I'LL HAVE TO FIX THAT YOU HERETICAL FLESH SUPPOSITORY!" Fubar threw himself against his restraints again noticing the beginnings of the floor his chains were connected to failing as he resumed his struggles.
"Okay maybe a bit, but you heard the guy it has to be Twilight." the first finished.
"Don't rightly seem fair she should have to deal with that bag full of ornery wet cats with a bad hair day."
"It's okay Applejack," a new third voice said full of nervous authority, "I'm sure this will go over well, what's the worst that could happen?"
"He could actually do to you what he tried to do to Cadence?" the first voice offered.
"He could do what he actually did to all those poor guards?" the second supplied.
"I was actually thinking he might break free more powerful than ever and kill everypony on the planet but really that's not too likely to happen right?" the third voice laughed nervously. Fubar chose to fill their silence with an eager snarl of a chuckle throwing himself to the left and making the cracks in the floor widen. "Well anyway, best get this over with."
The door was thrown open with a slam and Fubar beheld a rather confusing sight that actually made him stop struggling and halt his latest poetic stream of violent profaning. He had been expecting some deranged cultist, or maybe a pansy ass knife eared head up ass Eldar cunt, he most certainly was not expecting a purple unicorn with wings an eighth his size wearing what kind of looked like an Inquisitor's robe and hat. Quiet frankly Fubar was excited, he wasn't sure he'd ever been this angry before, he might even just explode.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT YOU REPULSIVE PIECE OF WANNABE INQUISITORIAL SHIT, XENO?" Fubar rumbled like a volcano just before it erupted.
The inquisitor xeno scowled and adjusted the two weapons that Fubar and many other angry marines had taken to calling 'power toothpicks' that seemed to be favored by the higher ranks of commissars and some Inquisitors. He had to at least admit the hideous xeno creature did at least have the right general idea about how to arm itself. "I would personally think that you would speak better of your commanding officer marine."
Despite Fubar not having psychic powers or connection to the warp, the temperature in the room dropped several degrees with an audible thud that echoed around the room as Fubar growled, "What?"
"I put in a request with your chapter's Chaplins for a single marine to aid me in my mission and they chose to send me you Captain Jac'ass." The mare levitated a single scroll out from under her coat identifying the xeno as a psyker as well as an Inquisitor. Fubar was fairly sure he could not hate the triple fag before him any more unless it pulled out the sign of chaos undivided and spat on a picture of the emperah. "He gave me this in case you proved to be troublesome."
With a snarl Fubar tore his left arm free, uprooting two of the chains binding him as his arm snapped out and snatched to scroll out of the air. The inquisitor xeno stumbled back in shock, but was largely ignored as Fubar read the words put to scroll by none other than the great and holy Reclusiarch Mofo. Quit bitchen you lil bitch and do what the damned xeno witch tells you to. The Emperah demands it.
With all the calm and grace of one of the Angry Marines oldest and most experienced Captains, Fubar displayed his displeasure, "THAT MOTHER FUCKING PIECE OF ABSOLUTE EMPERAH BLOWING SHIT FUCK!" Fubar surged to his feet uprooting most of the rest of his chains in the process, "WHAT SORT OF TRIPLE STRENGTH WARP ENDUCED MIND FUCKERY RETARDATION HAS POSSESS THAT FART SNIFFING COCK SUCKER TO SEND AN EMPERAH BELOVED CAPTAIN TO BABYSIT A HERESY FILLED WARP CONDOM INQUISITOR INSTEAD OF SOME RANDOM NUMBER OR NAMED TROOPER!?" He calmly asked while taking his displeasure out on a nearby wall which was rapidly being reduced to powder, "WHEN I GET MY HAND ON HIM I'M GOING TO SHOVE HIS CROZIUS' WHOLE FUCKING FIST SO FAR UP HIS OWN ASS THAT HE'LL BE ABLE TO PICK HIS NOSE AND SCRATCH HIS ASS WITH IT AT THE SAME DAMN TIME." He whirled to face the tiny purple horse, the eyes on his helm seeming almost aflame as he glared down at the teny tiny alien equine. "WELL WHAT FUCK ARE YOU WAITING FOR DUMBASS? THA FUCK IS OUR MISSION ON THIS STUPID EMPERAH FORGOTTEN WORLD?"
The Inquisitor seemed too stunned to respond for a second before she shook her head, "Ah yes, I am Inquisitor Twilight Sparkle of Ordo Here-"
"I DIDN'T ASK THAT YOU DEAF AS FUCK RETARDED XENO CUNT!" Fubar roared doubling over to better shout in the alien's face, "I DEMANDED TO KNOW WHAT THA FUCK OUR MISSION IS?"
"Yes, quiet." the littlest Inquisitor grumbled rubbing her folded ears with a hoof, "Seeing as my species has applied to join the Imperium willingly I of course was personally chosen and tested-" Fubar growled like a revving motorcycle, "Fine, the short version is that you, my team, and I are to begin investigating the population for any signs of heresy before being made an-."
"FAN-FUCKEN-TASTIC!" Fubar roared approaching the wall that shared the doorway. With one mighty kick he booted a massive hole in the wall, a hole he expanded by simply walking through the damaged wall into the darkened hallway beyond without breaking his stride. There was two other of the tiny xeno equines in the hall that looked up at him in dumbstruck horror. Why Fubar couldn't be certain beyond the faint possibility that for some reason the xenos might view something three times taller than you, wrapped in thick yellow armor and lightly glowing chains, glowing red eyes, and a helm designed to depict a perpetually furious expression, that simply walked through a stone wall like it wasn't even there as frightening. If so, pussies. "YOU TWO SHITSTAINS ON THE FACE OF THE EMPERAH WITH THE INQUISITOR?" The two simply nodded slowly with open mouthed terror. "WELL AIN'T THAT JUST FUCKEN PEACHY, WE GOT HERETICS TO FIND AND SPLATTER."
Oh god please no.
Fubar stiffened with a feral snarl, gripped his own head like he planned to crush it and roared "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD!" the roar echoed through the hall several times before he released his head and snarled, "CHAOS FAGS."
He began to trudge up the dark dungeon's hall only to pause as he was surrounded in a magenta aura which weakly tugged him, almost like it was struggling to lift him. It did eventually succeed in doing so before rotating him to look back at the visibly struggling Inquisitor, what was it again Twit Sparks? "Not, so fast, Captain Jac'ass." The Inquisitor released the marine letting him land on the ground with a heavy crash. "Me and several other members of the Imperium have worked long and hard to warm the citizenry to the idea of joining rather than remaining independent. As such you are not to take any actions I have not directly ordered or been given to you by a member of my squad. That includes killing heretics."
"WHAT!?"
"The citizenry here has many cultural differences between themselves and the Imperium, so things you might think heretical have already been declared as anything but by myself and several other fully fledged Inquisitors. So I don't want you running off and causing a scene every time you see somepony," Fubar twitched, "walking around wearing too revealing clothing. The last thing I want is for you to drive my people to joining the Tau or Emperor forbid the Eldar. Am I understood."
Fubar turned back to the destroyed wall and with a roar tore into it to such a degree that he actually tore a hole into the neighboring cell revealing its occupant, some form of ancient forgotten evil, doing its absolute damnedest to try and hide under something despite being trapped in an empty room inside of a spell circle. "FINE EMPERAH DAMN IT!"
"Keep in mind should you decide to act on your own that I will report you to your chapter master so he may, and I quote, 'stick his fist so far down your throat that he can grab your asshole and turn you inside out so he can find all the places your stupid took root and rip it out with his chain fist'." Fubar said nothing, simply vibrating in place, his helm seeming somehow to have become even angrier as Twilight delivered her message. "You may wait for us down the hall with the rest of my escort while I speak to these two."
The three meter tall three thousand pounds of death in yellow astartes power armor turned and stormed down the hall with the sound of cracking stone and rattling chains leaving the three ponies alone in the hall. They were silent for nearly a full minute before a distant , "FUUUUU~" began to echo down the hall.
"Whew whe, I thought for sure he was going to kill us all there at the end. Great acting Twi, you dern near had me convinced at times."
"Thanks Applejack," Twilight whimpered finally allowing herself to collapse, her legs turned to jelly and sweat dotting her coat, "You don't mind if I sit here and pass out for a minute do you? I don't think I've been this stressed since Tirek."
"Well I say you've got until that yellow wrecking ball finishes that swear he's shouting at the moment," Rainbow said patting her friend on the back, "... Which could be a while based on how long he held it while we were attempting to restrain him."
"Yep, real glad we didn't have ta fight him again, once was enough and ah don't reckon the rest of the princesses are feeling good enough to help us again yet. Never woulda thought that all that mumbo jumbo that sad feller told us would actually work, but hard to argue with results."
"Yep, and now I only need to continue deceiving the unstoppable incarnation of anger and violence for the next, how long did he say they lived again?"
"I think he said that these space marine monsters might be immortal outside of outright killing them, but over a thousand years for sure." Rainbow offered.
"Great~." Twilight groaned looking very much like she wanted to cry.
"Oh don't worry yourself too much Twi, I'm sure that with a little effort we'll be able to mellow the big guy out and be able to drop the act in no time." Applejack offered. An awkward silence tried to follow the statement but the persistent shout of '~UUUUUUUUU~' prevented any true silence from forming and forcing the orange farm pony to amend her statement, "Or at the very least we'll figure out some way ta contain or distract the darn varmint."
Twilight sighed, "Come on girls, best get this over with."
Stats
Page generated in 0.018 seconds
Total duration
719 users online
759,378 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
ALWAYS ANGRY!!! ALL THE TIME!!! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK YYYOOOOOOUUUUUUU!!!!!
Tell me, honestly, is this too much?
8826638
Honestly... Perhaps not enough.
why do I feel like this guy would be best pals with tree hugger
8826858
Maybe that whole "Yin-Yang Total Opposites" thing?
8827057
maybe
Reminds me of myself on a good morning. That is until Luna slaps the hell outta me.
Hahahahaha, WTF?
Tracking it, this is gonna be funny
I may not know enough about the 40k universe, but I know enough to know that this will be a good time... for me, as a reader.
ALWYAS ANGERY ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Great start! Angry Marines are (from my experience anyway) usually the subject if crack fics and shit posts, but you, at least in this chapter, have made them into an actual (if hilarious) Chapter of Astartes just through giving them actual names and not giving them 'super OP do anything I want with the power of anger' powers.
If your readers have to google stuff, you might lose them. It's the internet, it's full of distracting stuff.
Your readers might never come back.
Don't make them work.
Explain stuff to them so they continue reading your story.
This chapter seems fine to me but I've had lots of exposure to Warhammer 40k stuff.
What's the Tua?
Do you mean Tau?
Other than these minor issues, you've done well.
Yeah... about that
https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Angry_Marine-Bomb
They literally have a standard procedure for that
I was laughing the entire time, and half of it I was just making noises, going like ‘eeh’.
BREAKING NEWS: MAN LITERALLY TO ANGRY TO DIE
8828658
*The sound of Desperate and Mouth Frothing Anger Incarnate*
Holy crap! Someone who actually read the Tau lore enough to realize they're evil! I never thought I'd see the day. Oh, and it's "Imperium" of Man, you dammed heretic! *BLAM!*
Jesus christ, not even all the way through the chapter and I was sold on this story.
Ah angry marines, the mythical result of what happens when you push a lamentor beyond his breaking point.
BROTHER THESE HERETICS MUST BE PURGED FOR THE EMPEROR *external screaming intensifies *
Fimfic: we stride to be a nice site for pones, :D
this story: WELL F U C K THAT NOISE.
XD
9182539
*RABID DOG BARKS* XD