Author of the Homecoming series, occasional contributor to Bodyguard!AU, and food aficionado.
While on her way to visit Zecora, Twilight comes across a Pegasus with no memory, a broken wing, and scorches where her cutie marks should be. Twilight decides to help her regain her memories, whatever they might be.
Continuity: Equestria 616
Cover Art by Totallynotabrony
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Huh, needs to be finished. Too early to say anything other than sheer potental.
But why was Sunset there?
8463572
It's the continuation of Red and Gold and Eventide.
In the first paragraph of the first chapter, I'm not sure how you get clip-clop noises from wet ground.
Random capitalization or not of pegasus.
I like a good mystery. Let's see where this goes.
8463743
I do understand leaving that out of the description not to turn away potential readers, but it does help to understand a plot point that won't be explained in the story, it seems.
8464106
From the story description
I include the Continuity list and rough timeline for my stories in the descriptions. This one is still a little rough since I don't have a lot of stories in this reality just yet.
another lovely chapter
11/10
I await more.
nice chapter
another good chapter looking forward to more
another lovely chapter looking forward to more
Good story, just wish the chapters were longer.
8464174
how many equestria's are there?
lovely chapter
8520092
Dunno. I'm afraid to step through and find out.
8521286
i can see that they are all probably maintained by pinkie pie
awesome chapter looking forward to more
very nice chapter looking forward to more
Ahhh, so it's something like this, is it? Interesting, and also familiar. I look forward to seeing what she did - or thinks she did.
8554665
*evil grin*
What's a Tabula Rasa? It sounds familiar...
8578585
Latin for Blank Slate. It’s also explained earlier in the story.
8578591
Dagnabbit, I was hoping nobody had said it yet.
I wanted to be the one to say it!
8615133
You’re much too late for that, all that remains of originality in comments are mere irrelevant references.
At least, in this fic.
8615232
Well, I could throw in some irreverent references...not that they’d make a lot of sense, of course.
But I’m glad the story is being enjoyed st least.
8615239
St? What?
I think you mean at.
8615246
Yes. Typing on a phone with a hair trigger keyboard has a few drawbacks.
8615257
As a frequent iOS user, I feel you.
more must have more
Continuity reference. Nice.
Chapter is serviceable but very rudimentary and doesn't make a strong first impression. Your basic skills seem fine, but you should work on giving your narrative more substance.
Capitalizing the pony genera (like "Pegasus") looks really odd to me, though it's not technically wrong and somewhat supported by official sources, so I guess that's a matter of taste and habit.
However, if you capitalize Pegasus then you should definitely capitalize Alicorn as well. (And the other two, of course.) Consistency is important.
Note that this is passive voice. You want to get into the habit of using active voice instead. ("Fluttershy whispered soothing words...") It generally results in clearer and more concise sentences.
Your chapters are extremely short. Now, word count is not actually a high priority, but narrative structure is. The purpose of chapters is not to cut the plot up into smaller pieces but rather to arrange it into a sequence of events that brings the story forward. You are still mostly establishing premise here, and for that purpose they would have worked better as one single chapter: "Twilight finds injured mystery pony and becomes concerned about the circumstances of her accident."
At any rate, never end a chapter arbitrarily - it causes distracting breaks in the story-line. A chapter should end once it has established a plot point that sets up the circumstances for the next one. Take your time to make them as long as they need to be: It will result in a story that flows much better.
Nice. Want to see where this little pair will take their destiny to, now.
Only a natural twenty is needed.
8810170
Strangely enough, in 2nd AD&D, you could only hit it with a botch because of an oft debated typo. It had an insane armor class and THAC0
Aww. That confession at the end. Hopefully Twilight hears it soon.
The ship has sailed!
Honestly, great story and the monsters faced in the dream realm. Though each separate chapter was too short with most being less than a thousand words each.
They sure got quite the mystery that solve.
A space required after the first sentence.
Well, at least from Starlight we know the theory was correct.
There's a period and " missing at the end of the sentence.
Ngl, I'm liking the name Twilight choose over Starlight. Even if it might cause a little bit of trouble later.
Good luck you two.
They're in trouble now!
That confession at the end... I did not see coming!
Glad to see they're getting somewhere in the dream.
There's a huge space flowing "other"
Well, glad to know the mystery is getting solved but is different than I thought it be.
Wow... Tabula tried to do suicide!!!
Wow, can't believe Tab- I mean Serene is accepting this, but still I'm hoping Luna is ok.
Ngl, I wasn't so sure I'd like this story, but all in all, I did.