• Published 1st Oct 2017
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Just a Little Batty - I Thought I Was Toast



The first day of school always sucks. It's particularly sucky when you're normally nocturnal.

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Frostbitten, Twice Shy

Screeheeheeheehee!”

I stood atop the battlements and laughed in the face of death. Ordinance whipped past me as our enemies laid siege to our mighty bastion—our pitiful foes blinded to the true glory of our crusade.

“Uhh… Night?” Apple Bloom poked me in a most insubordinate fashion. “Y’alright there? You’ve kinda just been cackling for the last five minutes without throwing a single shot.”

“You dare question your thestral overlord!!” I looked down just in time for a snowball to pass right through where my head had been. Flecks of snow and ice flaked off it, hitting the back of my neck.

“The enemy is at the gates! Send them back, my minions, back to whence they came!” I bared my fangs in a manic grin before standing up once more.

Screeheehee-heeep!”

I was dragged into the trenches as a barrage of snowballs came right at me.

“Oi, ya batty mare! Will you be quiet, already!” The distinctive accent of Pipsqueak came out from the enemy fortifications. “We love ya ta pieces, lass, but yer making our bloody ears bleed!”

“Heh…” I grinned at Apple Bloom, kneading the snow in front of me as she scowled at me. “It was psychological warfare?”

“Don’t give me no guard mumbo jumbo.” Apple Bloom stuck her tongue out at me. “Yer lucky I wasn’t throwing snowballs at you too.”

“Right, well….” I began to pack the snow at my feet into fine frozen ammo. “I guess it’s time to get to it, then.”

Finishing my work, I sat still—ears twitching—and the soft thwumping of snowballs hitting the barricades washed over me. Occasionally a pony would giggle after a successful hit, while their target would squeak from the cold. Beneath it all, however, I was trying to find a certain sound. If I could just find the soft shuffling from—

There!

I peeked over our fortifications and whipped a snowball towards an empty spot in the enemy line. Just as a colt popped up to throw his own missile, my own smacked him in the face.

Score! I popped back down before anypony could take advantage of me poking above our defenses.

“How did you…” Apple Bloom looked between me and the enemy—peering through one of the arrow slits I’d insisted on including.

“I heard him start to stand up, so I stood up and fired first!” I waggled my ears. “Dad’ll be so proud!”

“Well, that’s nifty.” Apple Bloom blinked. “You just keep doing that, then.”

She craned her head around. “Hey, Scoots! How are you and Sweetie holding up?!

“We’re wet, but good!” Scootaloo hollered back. “One of the walls kinda collapsed on us, but at least we won’t run out of snow for snowballs anytime soon!”

“Well, we’re not!” Diamond wailed. “Half the class is focusing me and Silver! We’re sitting ducks here!”

“You got this front?” I looked to Apple Bloom.

“Well, it ain’t like you’ve been doing much.” Apple Bloom waved her hoof.

Nodding to her, I hunkered down and began to crawl through the trenches to one of the other barricades. They were narrow passages—hastily made due to time constraints—but I could wiggle through unseen and safe if I kept low. I had to wiggle more at some times than others, as the passage would occasionally lean in from improper packing, but it wasn’t so—

I shivered as both walls of ice scraped at my wings and barrel.

Alright, maybe it was bad at times. The others really needed to learn how to build a proper snow fort.

Extra narrow trenches. Collapsing walls. Next they’d be telling me the citadel housed an abandoned secret tunnel to the school house or some such nonsense—something our foes could use to sneak inside and wreck havoc from within.

I poked my head into the Diamond Brigade’s barricade, only to be yoinked into an icy embrace.

“Oh, thank Celestia. We’re saved!” Diamond squeezed me with the grip of Death herself—her coat dripping with slush.

“She can’t save us if you choke her, Diamond.” Silver failed to hide a small smile. “I’ve… uh, never seen you hug another pony so tightly.”

“Oh… sorry.” Diamond dropped me.

“It’s alright.” I resisted the urge to shake myself dry. “Now report the situation.”

There was a rapid thwumping as a series of snowballs slammed into the walls.

“That! That’s our problem!” Diamond huddled into me. “Like half the school set up their bases on our end, and they’ve been pelting us nonstop!”

The thwumping continued steadily.

“They ruined my mane, my coat, and even my hooficure!” Diamond shoved her hoof in my face. “Look! I used extra waterproof hoof polish today and they still managed to ruin it!”

“Okay.” I wrapped my wings around her until she stopped shivering. “Here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to wait for them to run out of ammo, and then we’re going to pop up and hit them right before they begin firing again. You got that?”

They both nodded.

“Good.” I bared my fangs in a grin. “Now follow my lead.”

I sat—back to the wall—and began packing snowballs until they were extra firm. They wouldn’t cause any real harm, but nopony focused down my troops and got away with it.

Passing them out to Diamond and Silver, I motioned for them to wait. Together we waited for the thwumping to end. And then, when it finally did—

All enemy fire ceased, and I strained my ears to the limits.

Wait for it….

Wait for it….

There!

“Fire!”

I popped up and threw with all my strength. Diamond and Silver did likewise, throwing their snowballs right towards where I’d thrown my own. Then, right on cue, a group of unicorn fillies popped up to throw, and my shot hit one squarely in the face.

“Eeep!” She jumped in shock and went right into the path of Diamond and Silver’s shots—Diamond’s hitting her right on the horn.

“Ahh!”

There went the gathering of snowballs she’d been levitating, right onto her friends—causing them to drop their snowballs. They were probably as wet, if not wetter, than Diamond and Silver now.

“Score!” I squeaked.

Unfortunately, I savored victory for too long. The combined firepower from the other forts turned on me before I could get back down, and blasted me to the back of our battlements. There I dripped on the ground, stars swirling around my head as Diamond and Silver ran up to me.

“Why didn’t you duck?” Diamond nudged me.

“Even we knew to duck.” Silver pulled me to my hooves.

“Oh. It. Is. So. On.” I stumbled a bit, shaking my head, before grinning like a loon under moon. “Do either of you girls have anything that’ll work as ear plugs in your bags?”

“I have earmuffs?” Diamond offered.

“Not good enough on their own.” I pulled at their scarves. “These might work if we mix them with earmuffs, though.”

“What are you going to do?” Diamond cocked her head to the side as I began wrapping the scarf around her ears.

“I’m going on a frontal assault!” The thwumping of snowballs momentarily ceased as my shout carried over the schoolyard.

“Pardon my Pip, but you’re absolutely batty!” Diamond stomped a hoof. “You’re crazy if you think that will work.” She stood fuming for a few seconds before Silver snickered.

“Batty, Diamond?”

“What?” Diamond sniffed, pointing her snoot upwards. “It’s just a turn of phrase.”

“Trust me, girls.” I giggled. “Now, can one of you empty your bags for me? Mine are back with Apple Bloom, and it’ll waste precious time to go back and get them.”

“My hoof-crafted designer saddle bags?!” Diamond scoffed.

Silver sighed. “Here. Take mine. I stopped bringing anything fancy with me awhile ago. Too hard to get all the tree sap out.”

“Thanks!” I emptied Silver’s stuff into Diamond’s bag, and then started loading the bags with snowballs. “You ready?”

“What?!”

I looked up to see the two of them—heads wrapped in scarves and earmuffs clamped down. Sighing, I gestured for them to briefly remove the ear wear.

“You ready? I’m going to need cover fire.”

“Ma’am, yes, ma’am!” They snapped their earmuffs back in place and saluted.

“I’m not a—” I shook my head. “Doesn’t matter. Can’t hear me.”

“What?!” They shouted and I sighed.

After waiting for the massive hail of snowy ordinance to falter once more, I signaled Diamond and Silver and jumped over the battlements.

Screeeee!” I screeched as everypony pulled up to throw their next salvo. Nearly everypony flinched, and the ones who didn’t lost their aim, throwing wide. Unicorn telekinesis faltered—failing completely as Diamond and Silver began to lay into the enemy’s ranks.

No horn shots necessary. I was just that loud.

I rushed across the field, continuing my auditory assault, and leaped behind the nearest enemy fort.

“Horseapples!” A colt swore, letting go of his ears to scramble for a snowball. “Rumble! Pip! We’re under—”

Snowball to the snoot!

I pelted him and his partner mercilessly until they ran up and out of their hidey-hole. After they were gone, I stopped to catch my breath, ears flicking to catch any sound of their return. Restocking from their snowball collection, I took a deep breath before leaping from concealment.

Instantly, a barrage of snowballs hurtled toward me.

Screeeee! Revenge is a dish best served cold!”

Most faltered as they threw again, but several stayed on target. I was forced to dodge and weave, propelling myself in great leaps as I flapped my wings. Each thrust kicked up billowing snow clouds to further block me from sight as my ears tracked the positions of enemy fortifications from their panicked shrieks.

“Hit her! Hit her before she gets here!”

“Where even is she?! I can’t see her!”

“D-did she retreat?!”

I snickered under my breath before leaping over the next barricade to repeat my ruthless assault.

“Ahh! Snow demon!” One of the fillies didn’t even wait before bolting, and her friends didn’t take much more convincing.

Rinse and repeat. I slowly worked my way through the enemy encampment surrounding us.

“The horror! The horror!”

“Run for your lives! There’s no stopping her!”

“Stand your ground and fight! It’s just one filly!”

“Ahh! No! I take it back! This filly is nuts! Anywhere but there! Eeep!”

Screeeeee!

For the rest of recess, I hunted them all mercilessly. No remorse. No regret. No—

Brrrring!

“Oh, cool! Recess is done!” I chirped. Popping out of the little bunker I was currently hiding in, I ran for the school house. “See you all inside!”

Everypony else—sans the crusaders, who stared at me with their mouths agape—continued to lie there, groaning and shivering.

“It’s so cold….”

“I can’t feel my frogs….”

“What is she, a windigo?”

“Guys?” I looked back at the rest of the class, cocking my head. “Guys? Are you alright?” I kneaded the snow with one hoof. “I know I kinda went all commando on you, but—”

One last snowball hit me square in the face. My glasses ripped free from the force, and I immediately resisted the urge to blink the snow from my eyes. Having seen how much moonlight the snow could reflect back in Canterlot, I shivered at the thought of glimpsing a snowy field as the sun glared down upon us.

“My glasses! My glasses!” I hunkered down, sending out small clicks as I scrambled for the familiar plastic. My ears flicked as they picked up the returning echoes of my voice, but the results were muddied from the soft, powdery snow.

“Real smooth, Rumble,” Diamond Tiara growled somewhere off to my side—the crunching of snow signaling the crusaders’ approach. “What are you trying to do? Blind her?!” There was a loud huff, and I could just imagine the new heights her muzzle was reaching.

“Aww, don’t be that way, Diamond. I’m sure he didn’t mean it. Right?” I could hear Apple Bloom’s brow creaking upward as it arched.

“No, I didn’t. Sor—”

“Sorry don’t cut it!” Scoots buzzed her wings. “Everypony else managed to avoid her glasses!”

I was pulled—half-roughly, half-gently—to my hooves.

“Here….” Sweetie settled my glasses back on my head. “Better?”

I hesitantly opened my eyes to see Sweetie Belle beaming at me. Honestly, the sun paled in comparison. “Yes?”

“Good.” I twitched at the cheery voice that suddenly came from right behind me. “I’d hate for one of my students to be hurt, after all. Now is everypony coming inside?”

“Yes, Miss Cherilee…” most of the class groaned from their spots on the ground.

“Umm…” I hesitated, licking my lips, “...Miss Cheerilee? How long have you been there?”

“Oh, I’ve been watching since your little snow war began!” she giggled. “I didn’t really have anything to grade today.”

“So you saw everything?” I gulped, shuffling from hoof to hoof.

“Mhmm.” She nodded.

“So you know about the screeching?” My eyes were locked on my hooves, still dripping from outside.

“There might have been some ponies in Manehattan that didn’t hear you, Nightingale.”

“And what did Dad tell you about it?” I squirmed.

“That it was to be used for emergencies only.” She patted my withers. “I’d say being outnumbered four to one counts as an emergency, though. Wouldn’t you?”

“What?” I sneaked a peak upward to see her beaming down at me.

“I can’t begrudge you a little fun.” Cheerilee winked with a little smirk. “But it won’t be my fault if news gets back to your parents anyways. You were quite loud.”

“Heh…” I kicked the ground. “Sorry?”

“Oh, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for, Night.” She chimed with that special cheer all teachers seemed to possess. “Now, inside you go! All the others are waiting!”

I quickly ran inside, a small smile on my face.

The girls and I ran into Sugarcube Corner and began to shake ourselves dry.

“Brrrr! That wind’s cold!” Apple Bloom’s bow drooped with dampness.

“It’s not that bad.” Scootaloo flicked slush everywhere.

“Eeep!” Diamond squealed as Scoots sprinkled on her. “Aim it somewhere that’s not on us, featherbrain!”

“Please do,” Silver deadpanned. “Also, pegasi cheat. It’s not that bad for you because your coat is thicker than ours for all that flying you never do.”

“Hey!” Scoots fluffed up her chest and splayed her wings. “You take that back!”

“Girls....” I squirmed.

“Well, it’s true.” Diamond didn’t quite sneer, but her face made Scoots and I flinch.

“Girls….” I ruffled my wings and tried again.

“Aww, come on, Diamond. No reason to be so snippy.” Apple Bloom stepped between us all. “I mean, unless ya want us calling you on yer own past problems.”

This time Diamond flinched, briefly glancing at me before shrinking under Scoot’s glare. “Sorry, Scootaloo….”

“Whatever,” Scootaloo huffed and walked towards the counter. “Hey, Pinkie! A round of six extra hot chocolates on DT’s tab!”

“Already on it!” The baker was a whirlwind of motion even when standing still—juggling six mugs even as she cleaned them.

Did she… did she have six hooves?

Two for juggling, two for cleaning, and two for standing? Maybe she was just floating behind the counter.

“Sorry about that,” Sweetie mumbled to me as we all headed over to a table. “I know their arguing can be a bit…”

“Yeah…” I agreed, not needing to hear the rest.

We sat in the corner booth, shivering and silent. Our faces ranged from thoughtful frowns to scowls as the frigid misery from outside howled against the walls.

“Well, if you’re all gonna be like this…” I squirmed as I fought to free my wings from my side. “All together now, troops!” Extending my wings out, I managed to stretch them around everypony and pull them into a huddled mass.

“Ah! What are you doing, Night?!” Scoots wriggled.

“Besides pulling a muscle?” I shifted slightly to try and ease the tension in my back. “Well, I’m sharing all our body heat so you’ll all stop moping.”

“I’m not moping!” Diamond huffed.

“Oh, yes you are,” I growled, showing all my teeth. “And, as your platoon leader, I’m ordering you all to stop. Let’s just relax and tell stories if we can’t play outside.”

“Make me!” Scoots wiggled some more.

“I can, and I will!” I felt a painful twinge as I pulled everypony in closer.

“Bite me!” She continued to resist, leaving me no other choice.

Stretching my neck out, I nipped Scootaloo in the ear.

“Ow!” Scoots stopped to look at me for a moment before giggling. “Okay, really? Alright. Alright. I’ll behave.” She squirmed into a more comfortable position. “Freakin’ bat ponies.”

“That’s thestrals!” I squeaked, pulling everypony closer still. We all shivered in much more companionable silence until the hot chocolate arrived.

“Oh, you’re all just the cutest little—” Pinkie squeed, a slight bit of foam at her mouth.

Wait. No. That was just whipped cream.

“Here you go!” Six mugs—frothing with cream and sprinkles—were set before us. Pinkie quickly pulled a camera out of her mane and snapped a picture. Pronking away, she somehow failed to spill a single drop of her own mug, all while humming Hearth’s Warming carols.

“How is she so…” I trailed off.

“It’s Pinkie.” Apple Bloom took a sip of her drink and I felt the warmth of it radiate from her to me. “Just don’t worry about it.”

“She’s just so… Pink.” I sipped my own hot chocolate and hummed, wings almost fluttering.

“Hey! Careful with the wings!” Diamond huffed. “You’ll let the heat out!”

“Sorry.” I grinned. “This hot chocolate is just so good, though.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t matter if you slip up!” she sniffed. “Your wings make a great blanket, you know?”

I giggled. “Yes, Diamond, I know.”

“Good.” Diamond leaned into me. “Because starting today you’re our official wing hugger. I swear, we could probably sell these at school.”

“Please don’t.” I squirmed slightly.

“Mhmm…” Sweetie stared into her mug. “Definitely better than normal hugs.” She looked to Scootaloo. “Why is this the first time I’m getting one?!”

“First off, hugs are sappy. Second, have you seen my wings? I don’t have wings the size of elephants like Night here.” Scoots buzzed her wings in irritation, and I snorted at the ticklish sensation.

“Snerk!” Scalding, bubbly hot chocolate sprayed from my nose all over the table. “Ahahahaaah!” I thankfully avoided searing anypony other than myself.

“Ow! Oh, that burns!” I massaged my muzzle with both my forehooves. “Give a little warning before you do that, Scootaloo. Scoots?”

The pegasus grinned mischievously.

“Don’t you d—”

My growls devolved into howls of laughter as I tried not to spill more hot chocolate.

I failed most spectacularly—showering all of my friends thoroughly—and several hours later we left Sugarcube Corner hot, sticky, and grinning like loons.

My wings were cramped as Tartarus, and there were a few spots dotting my coat where the fur had been yanked out when we pulled apart, but I couldn’t help but laugh.