After dying in a plane crash a human awakes in ancient Saddle Arabia, as "Coin Smaug" a fan-made version of the terrible dragon from J.R.R. Tolkien's famous book series Lord of the Rings,
Becoming a savior of a kingdom running out of gold, a dark unicorn who wishes to bend all to his command, and then ending up thousands of years into the future after a battle against said dark unicorn??
Hopefully I don't end up turned to stone like everyone else, uh B-Kitty why are you grinning like that?
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Attention: Celestia, Luna and Main Six will not be in story until a long time, as OC's and other characters will be used as I do not want the "character and main show characters friends early/instant" as most stories do it and can be annoying.
I am giving OCs and background characters the spotlight.
I am looking for OC's to use in this sory as I cannot provide so many.
No alicorn/mary sue OC's are accepted as they have no place here.
Preferably colt/filly characters for story later on.
Sex tag for sexual humor as some character will at time be immature and make those sort of jokes.
I fucking love this just from the description
considering this is your first story, the pacing is surprisingly alright, but it is quite lacking.
otherwise, I love the prospect of a coin sized Smaug, female-turned-male at that (I do agree that there isn't enough of that around), and hope this is gonna continue as long as it can and get better along the way
Thing of note.
"I am the First Person"
"You are the Second Person"
"She is the Third Person"
This is a FIRST PERSON story, not a Second Person one.
You should remove the "2nd Person" tag.
I almost skipped reading this story specifically due to that tag.
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Tho im not a fan of female turned male.
'Coin sized Smaug'
Talk about burning a hole in your wallet.
Usually it's the other way around with gender changing, so it's already interesting.
loving this more and more, but word of advice, don't overdo it with the "introducing; some iconic species of dragon or epic established dragon" it gets a lot more difficult to write this well the more of that that you add
Gonna be honest wish he stayed female because now I wanna see smaug x nightfury
You just remind me that the movie Smaug is technically a Wyvern, not a dragon, which makes me sad. This story, however, seems like fun, so I shall emotionally sit at neutral until I finish the next chapter.
[edit] While I don't have an OC, if you're looking for some more dragons, you might look into the Dragonriders of Pern series. The series has a built-in reason as to how one might end up over there, and could provide a neat change in perspective.
After dying in a plane crash(,) a human awakes in ancient Saddle Arabia, as "Coin Smaug" (use a - or parentheses { ( } here) a fan-made version of the terrible dragon from J.R.R. Tolkien's famous book series Lord of the Rings, (replace the comma with: a period if you used a -, or a parentheses { ) } then a period)
Becoming a savior of a kingdom running out of gold, a dark unicorn who wishes to bend all to his command, and then ending up thousands of years into the future after a battle against said dark unicorn?? ( Took me a sec to figure out what you were saying) (you might want to try something like "Read along as "coin smaug" becomes the Savior of a kingdom running out of gold, does battle against a dark unicorn who plans to bend all to his command, gets caught off guard as they are unwittingly thrown into the future, and attempts to prevent themselves from being turned into stone.")
Hopefully I don't end up turned to stone like everyone else, uh B-Kitty why are you grinning like that? (Remove this sentence)
Attention: Celestia, Luna and Main Six will not be in (the/this) story until a long time... ("Until a long time" is a little clunky, "for a long time" or "much later" fits much better)
..."character and main show characters friends early/instant" ( this is a bit confusing to read, you might want to try "the main character and main characters of the (MLP (optional)) show becoming friends very quickly")
I am looking for OC's to use in this s(t)ory as I cannot provide so many.("so many" is a bit awkward, "enough" might fit better)
Sex tag for sexual humor as some character(s (if multiple, otherwise replace "some" with "a")) will (, or -)at time(s)(same one you used before at) be immature and make those sort of jokes.
You had a few minor Grammer mistakes, but the biggest issue is that in the first part you switched between third person and first person without any transitions or quotes. You need to stick to one style. It doesn't matter if it's first or third person, people enjoy continuity (with the exception of discord).
However, the story is looking interesting. So keep doing what you are doing, but do it at your own pace.
hmm....
wonder if tiny Smaug can tunnel through rocks?
make some tunnels to sneakily travel around?
and HTTYD dragons eat lots of fish, right? and are good swimmers, i can see Zyon living near a lake
Sometimes being small helps.
That doesn't sound like reptile anatomy at all.
Bad Dragon depiction. (don't search that)
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Well I don't think think readers would want a proper description on my characters gender change, that would be weird and I did not feel comfortable adding in that stuff, the sex tag is adult humor not..that stuff
I hope you understand why I did not add the stuff that makes me uncomfortable (like seriously I'm under the age of 15)
As for the crashes when going down from the top, its mainly because Smaug's scales are hard as diamonds and being a human just before would make one clumsy and unused to the sudden change of body structure, I mean anyone would be highly clumsy and uncoordinated with a sudden change your original body was not designed for.
Anyways just wanted to explain and hope you like my story so far (if not that's your opinion and I'm fine with that)
Oh my god my heart shattered reading that, babies shouldn't die...
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Why does it make you sad?
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Woah seriously? Honesly I was feeling sadistic when I wrote this, I didn't know I would make someone cry.
*silently cheers*
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Well I didn't cry but I did feel really sad
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Because I forgot my trivia, and apparently he's referred to in the books as a Wyrm. So after looking it up I'm wrong and sad for another reason.
MORE!!!
This is Good shit.
Saddle Arabia? It's a good story and I like both smaug and nightfuries but I absolutely Despise Gender bend stories.
Keep up the good work!
Sm-au-g...
I like the idea, but the grammar is just too far below a level I can ignore and still enjoy the story.
Try reading this sentence out loud. It may help you get a feel for what's going wrong.
Generally, one places commas and full stops in prose in around the same places that one would naturally pause when saying them aloud. I'm not an English teacher or anything, but reading back through your work out loud and listening to if your pauses match up to the punctuation may help. Also try to make sure it actually makes sense.
If nothing else, go look up the writing guide on this site under the "Help" tab; or simply google commas.
I hope you improve in time, but don't feel bad for writing, either way.
I am deeply interested in where this story goes and also interested in possibly aiding this story as a proof reader/editor. As others have mentioned the grammar could use improvement. But, all in all, this story has potential to become something amazing.
-Sincerly, The Laundry
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I felt this was needed.
I found a Coin-sized dragon writing prompt that reminded me of this.
Keep up the good work.
:)
You know, I think I'd love to see how this goes just from the premise alone. However, I'm rather hesitant to bother starting considering chapter length is so short and this hasn't been updated in months.
this would be awesome animated XD
Is this dead?
aawww.. I just came across this story, read it, then got discouraged when I saw it was last updated two years ago. Sad dragon is sad. >:
Thats is sooooo cute!!1
Nooooooooooooo
Is it dead?
Is the author dead?
Another story with promise, dropped like a sack of puppies and kicked down hill.