• Published 1st Oct 2017
  • 2,156 Views, 14 Comments

Even Emvoweling - ChibiRenamon

Rarity condemns Applejack's soul to Pony Hell. Romance ensues.

  • ...

Welcome to Pony Hell

Rarity was in the middle of pouring a cup of tea when an explosion rocked the library hard enough to knock several books out of their shelves.

"What was that?" Applejack asked, looking up from the blueprints of the planned expansion of Rarity's boutique. "Don't tell me something's tryin' to attack us."

"That would indeed be unfortunate," Rarity concurred and started to fiddle with one of the straps that held her summer dress together.

Applejack knew that she was preparing to take it off if a monster came in. You know you've become a capable fighter when you can worry about damaging your wardrobe in a surprise attack, she silently praised Rarity and smiled.

"Ah, I'm sorry," Twilight said and got up. "It's probably nothing critical, just some machinery in the basement not doing what I want it to do." She frowned lightly. "Unless it was that one... that'd be bad... Either way, no worries, you two, I'll be right back."

Applejack watched as the youngest alicorn left the table and headed into whatever lab she had set up in the basement of the Ponyville library. For long seconds, neither of the two remaining ponies spoke, and it became obvious that they were listening for cries of help. Relax, Twilight's fine. She probably has enough magic to teleport the entire library out of harm's way if she has to. Her eyes moved over to Rarity. The fashionista appeared to be completely at ease, but she knew her friend well enough to spot the small hints of anxiety in her body language. A part of her wanted to reach out and comfort her, to kiss her cheek and tell her that it'd be fine. Yeah, how about no. That sounds like a mighty fine idea in my head, but there is no chance that Rarity of all ponies is into mares, much less me. At best, she'd be weirded out. At worst, she'd shun me. She knew that her smile was about to falter - her blunt honesty was going to work against her. Think fast, girl. "So," she blurted out, "that must be a really uncomfortable dress you're wearin'."

"Pardon me?" Rarity asked sharply and leaned forwards. "Did you just call the future summer trend uncomfortable?"

Thank goodness. Friendly humor. Play it safe, engage in some light banter, let her do the talking. "Well, it must be mighty uncomfortable - ya tried to strip out of it at the first opportunity." Applejack smirked, and Rarity gritted her teeth, realizing that she had been had. Yes, very good! ...no, wait, hold on, did I just say strip? Did I just suggest that Rarity would strip for me? Why would I put Rarity and stripping in the same sentence? AND WHY CAN'T I PUT THE THOUGHT OF RARITY STRIPPING FOR ME OUT OF MY HEAD NOW? She wouldn't do that! She wouldn't lead me into a barely lit booth... in some night club... and strip for- STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!

Rarity hesitated visibly, and for a long second, Applejack was convinced that her sinful fantasies were about to be exposed. "Wouldn't you like that?" she suddenly asked, catching the Earth pony completely by surprise.

I... did she... what...? Applejack's eyes widened, but she forced herself to refrain from nodding. "Dress or no dress, you're you," she finally muttered after an awkward pause, "an' that's fine by me."

The two ponies sat in complete silence for the second time within two minutes. "I... I should probably put those books back." Rarity picked up one of the books that had fallen out of its shelf and waved it around with her magic. Applejack wasn't sure if the unicorn was actually as nervous as she was or if she was just projecting her own feelings.

"You do that," Applejack replied and vaguely pointed at the blueprints. "I gotta do... do the thing... with those..." Just... stop. You're a terrible liar, so why do you even keep trying?

"Right." Rarity gave her friend a slightly too wide smile. "Right."

During the next few minutes, Applejack did her best to look busy, but in reality, she was just staring at the blueprints of Carousel Boutique while its owner was filing away books. Let's just hope she's careful where she puts 'em. Princess or no Princess, Twilight's still the Ponyville librarian, and she takes her duties seriously. She allowed herself a grin. Just ask Rainbow Dash, who-

"FICKLESTITCH!" Rarity slammed a book shut, making Applejack jump.

"You okay there, sugarcube?"

"I'm fine, no worries." Rarity replied, not sounding fine. "I just... I just nearly dropped an old book." She laughed nervously. "Twilight would probably throw a fit if I damaged one of her books."

They both chuckled at the thought. Applejack looked over her shoulder to maybe engage in some more banter, but she hesitated when she saw that Rarity was staring at the book she had nearly dropped, apparently lost in thought. It was indeed an old book - in fact, it looked like the perfect stereotype of an old book, mostly thanks to its heavy leather cover and the embossed letters on it.

The only thing distracting a bit from the look was the giant pentagram on the cover.

Don't go and start making virgin sacrifices, Rarity. She immediately scolded herself for such a silly thought. Of course she'd never do such a thing - it's probably impossible to wash blood stains out of ceremonial robes. She sniggered quietly at the mental image of a distraught Rarity interrupting some ritual because she got her robe dirty.

Rarity suddenly pulled over her saddlebags with a flick of magic. "I'm sorry, I need to go," the unicorn muttered, and Applejack could have sworn that her voice had cracked. She stuffed the book into her bag with far more force than was strictly necessary. "Something came up. Be a dear and tell Twilight I checked out a book. I'll return it quite soon." A brief pause. "And we'll look over the boutique expansion tomorrow."

Applejack raised an eyebrow at her friend. "Is everything alright?" She frowned when she saw Rarity's face. "Are you cryin'?"

The unicorn quickly wiped her tears away, smudging her make-up. She motioned Applejack to stay seated after the latter jumped to her hooves in alarm. "I'm awfully sorry, darling. It's... personal. But don't worry - everything will be right as rain! I promise!"

She's lying. What happened? Did it have something to do with that blasted book? Applejack barely kept all those thoughts to herself - she knew better than to force herself into another pony's private matters, but at the same time made a note to check back in tomorrow, just in case. "Fine," she finally conceded, "but promise to call me if you need help, okay?"

For a moment, Rarity seemed to consider staying. But then she turned away and headed to the door. "Of course, thanks for being such a good friend."

"Yeah," Applejack whispered and sighed once Rarity had left the library. "I'll always be your good friend."

Hours later, just as the sun was being guided below the horizon, Applejack arrived at home. The explosion apparently hadn't been too bad - Twilight had given her an explanation about magical versus mundane explosions, but in the end, Applejack had mostly just smiled and nodded. She had mentioned that Rarity headed home early with a book, but left out details about the nature of it. Something had told her not to mention the whole pentagram business, at least for the time being.

"Hey," Big Macintosh greeted her just as she was about to walk up the stairs to her room. "Had fun plannin' the expansion?"

"We... got sidetracked," Applejack replied, trying to decide how much to tell her brother. Let's just keep it to the facts. No need to freak others out.

Big Macintosh frowned briefly. "We talkin' about savin' the world here? Or about you gettin' lost in your dear Rarity's eyes again?" He dodged her kick with practiced ease and chuckled. "Did you read her your poetry?"

"Come upstairs SO AH CAN THROW YA OUTTA THE WINDOW!" Applejack snapped, her drawl worsening as she became more agitated.

"So that's a no, then?" he called after her and laughed when she replied with a stream of profanity that would have made King Sombra blush.

When she had vented her frustration, he joined her and gave her a quick hug. She leaned into him, only now realizing that she was hoarse and trembling. "I keep imaginin' signs that she might... ya know... "


Always with the fancy words. "Yeah," she whispered. "But I'm just imaginin' things."

"Says who?"

"Says the mare who isn't goin' to break a beautiful an' important friendship apart just because she's imaginin' things."

He groaned quietly. "She's a young lady, just like you," he said. "You're only makin' this harder than it really is by puttin' her up on a pedestal."

Her laugh was a lot harsher than she had expected it to be. "You're wrong - Rarity is a true lady. I'm just a farmer who occasionally plays dress-up. She is a creature of beauty and grace. Bearer of the Element of Dignity."

"...I'm pretty sure it's the Element of Generosity," Big Macintosh said after a brief pause.

"Well, look who just graduated with honors from the Colonel Unnecessary Corrections University!"

"Captain Unnecessary Corrections University," he unnecessarily corrected her before engaging in a brief staredown to see who would crack up first.

A staredown which Applejack lost. As usual.

The two siblings laughed together for what felt like minutes. "Ahhh, thanks, I needed that," she conceded and gave her big brother a quick hug.

"No problem," he replied. "Jus' take it easy and don't fret too much, okay?"

"Fine." She headed to her room. "It's just confessing my love to the most perfect, fancy and refined pony ever, no need to fret," she added under breath and sighed.

Applejack woke up with a start. It was dark outside; even the moon was hidden behind a few clouds. Everything was peaceful and quiet. Well, aside from whoever was apparently using a battering ram on their front door.

"APPLEJACK!" the invader screamed. "APPLEJAAAAAAAAACK!"

The gears in her head were moving slowly, but her brother was already barreling down the hallway. "Ah'm comin', yeesh!"

Should I check it out, too? She gave her pillow a look. He can probably handle it. I can prolly go back to bed and just- She froze when her brain finally put a face next to the voice. RARITY!

"WHERE IS SHE!?" Ponyville's fashion expert screamed when she saw that it was not Applejack who had opened the door. She was looking horribly disheveled, at least by her own standards, probably because she had not even combed her bed mane before running all the way across Ponyville in a complete panic.

"What in tarnation?" Applejack's tone was somewhere in the grey area between sleepiness, panic and aggravation. "Rarity, what's-"

She stopped talking when Rarity threw herself at her. "Oh thank the heavens you're alive I thought I had lost you to Pony Satan we must undo the curse because I love you even though you'll find this crush inane and I don't blame you but your eternal soul is on the line and I dreamed that you died from a heart attack and then it would've been too late to save you-"

Right, she thought and gave her brother a look. This is gonna be one of those nights. Rarity seemed to drag on her shoulders, apparently coming down hard from her adrenaline rush. "Whoa, easy!" Applejack gently dropped to the floor alongside Rarity, holding her carefully as the unicorn had apparently used up whatever strength had driven her so far.

"I must find a way..." Rarity gently stroked Applejack's cheek as she started to lose consciousness. "Your name... has too few vowels..."

"...wait, what?" But it was too late - Rarity was out like a light.

"She okay?" Big Macintosh asked quietly and gently touched her neck, presumably to check her pulse.

"Not sure if 'okay' is the right word here, but she's breathin' and doesn't seem to have a fever or anything." Applejack adjusted her position slightly, making Rarity mewl in her sleep. "Poor thing must've had the mother of all bad dreams."

"Should I set up the guest room for her?"

She frowned. "Actually, I'm not quite sure how we'd get her there, especially since..."

She tried to let go of Rarity, but the sleeping unicorn let out a high-pitched whine almost immediately. "Apple... jack... don't..."

"Yeah, I think it'll be easier to just get a blanket or two here," she told her brother and gave him a sheepish smile.

He raised an eyebrow. "I think Granny Smith warned us of clingy marefriends," he quipped. "I think she also had something to say about sleepin' with your marefriend before the first date."

"Remind me to break your legs later," Applejack grumbled and rolled her eyes. "Also, she's not my marefriend."

"That's funny, because I could've sworn that I heard her sayin' that-"

"Just get those darn blankets."

Big Macintosh had of course made a valid point. Crazy rant or not, Rarity had just said that she loved Applejack and that she had a crush. She didn't mean it, Applejack told herself even as she wrapped a leg around Rarity's side from behind. She's just... she's just had a bad dream, and tomorrow morning she'll tell me that none of that actually meant anything and that I should keep my silly ideas to myself. She sighed. "Why're you playin' with my heart like that, Rarity?" she asked quietly and let her head drop to the floor.

When Rarity woke up again, the sun had already been raised. "Wha-" She stirred slowly at first before trying to jump to her hooves. "APPLEJACK!" she yelled before realizing that strong legs kept her pinned to the floor.

"My name works jus' fine without havin' to shout it, you know?" Applejack replied, slightly grumpy after having spent the last few hours waiting for the unicorn to wake up. Cripes, how does one sleep for so long? Can't even remember the last time I got to sleep in until way past sunrise.

Rarity jumped slightly, clearly not having expected Applejack to be this close. She craned her neck a little bit and blushed when she saw Applejack's strong legs hugging her sides from behind. "...ah..."

"Is it finally safe to let go of you?" Applejack asked, trying to find a middle ground between sounding annoyed and signalling that she hadn't exactly minded spending the night hugging the pony she loved.

"It's... yes, I suppose it is." Rarity slowly got up before stretching carefully. Applejack tried not to stare. "I... I'm sorry, darli-... Applejack."

Oh? She's avoiding that word now? Applejack raised an eyebrow, and her heart skipped a beat as she considered the reasons for this. Does that mean that the word suddenly has new meaning for her now? She had agonized for hours whether or not to accept that last night's words had been more than just a delusional episode for all ponies involved, and also whether or not to finally voice her own feelings, consequences or no consequences.

"About last night... what I said... you are probably thinking right now that I'm..." Rarity struggled to find the right words.

Applejack took a deep breath. Here goes nothing. Let's see how well I know Rarity and her buttons. "Insane?" she filled in, making note of the way Rarity flinched. "A freak? A deviant? A corruptor of innocence?" Every word was carefully measured, pushing without breaking, borrowed more from Rarity's language of drama than from her own background as a farmer. She slowly moved towards her until they were practically standing cheek to cheek. And now to hit a softer note and see how she responds. "Afraid to tell the mare you love how you feel? Scared that she is going to reject you?" Before Rarity could voice her confusion, Applejack gently nuzzled her neck, causing the unicorn to gasp and shudder. "Still hopelessly in love?"

"Oh heavens," Rarity whimpered and leaned into the touch, and Applejack silently rejoiced, all stress and anguish built up over years evaporating within that one moment. "Please don't let go... please, oh please... let this touch last forever."

"Granny Smith warned me of clingy mates, but I don't think she meant it that literally." Big Macintosh won't mind if I borrow his snark for a moment, will he?

Rarity huffed in faux indignation, and Applejack took that as a sign that they had successfully moved back to more familiar territory, at least for a while. "How come you are so nonchalant about this, anyway?" she finally asked and took a step back.

The Earth pony just rolled her eyes. "Your dramatic confession was about eight hours ago, so I've had some time to think. The hard part was decidin' whether or not you were serious or just lost in some crazy hallucination."

Rarity took a moment to process this. "I'll admit that my confession was... a little bit on the unusual side-"

"In the same way that you are a little bit into fashion, yeah."

"-but I'm happy that it at least broke the ice, so to speak. And I promise I will court you properly in due time, but..."

"Is this about this 'Pony Satan' business? Somethin' about vowels?" Applejack raised an eyebrow.

Rarity gave her a sheepish grin. "Let's talk about this at my place. I have something to show you."

It was the pentagram book. Of course it was the pentagram book. Now that Applejack got a better look at it, it looked even worse than before. She frowned at the three words embossed at the top of the cover:


"O...kay," she whispered before her eyes moved to the bottom of the cover.



"Oh, it gets so much worse," Rarity assured her and laughed in a slightly deranged way before opening the book. "Blah... blah... by opening this book, you have prepared a gateway to Pony Hell, and your eternal soul shall be subject to its law... blah... and every living creature that was within the same room as you has become subject to the same laws... blah... blah.. after dying... blah..." She kept flipping pages, as if looking for more interesting passages.

Come again? "Uh, Rarity, shouldn't you be a bit more concerned about this whole Pony Hell business? Especially about the part where you just made sure that we both end up there?"

Rarity looked up and into Applejack's eyes. "I already condemned our souls to Pony Hell yesterday when I opened the book in the library, so it's not like this is a new development, don't worry."

"Ah, that's okay, then."

When she heard Applejack's sarcastic tone, Rarity sighed. "That's why I left in such a hurry - I figured that I'd read through it to see if there's a way to get us out of this situation. There's a whole bunch of lore to go through, but it's mostly unimportant beyond the general cultural significance," Rarity was sounding a bit like Twilight on a good-slash-bad day, and Applejack wasn't sure if she liked it or not. "There's apparently this place called Pony Hell, ruled by a fellow called Pony Satan."

"Those are silly names," the Earth pony blurted out, and Rarity nodded enthusiastically.

"Rulereign was indeed blessed with magic power and scientific insight, but not with the ability to find good names," she agreed. "Let's get to the fun part."

About a quarter into the book, the list started. Each entry had a number, and each one was a law to determine whether or not one's soul indeed ended up in Pony Hell. "Do any of those help to us?" Applejack asked.

Rarity held up notes she had apparently taken yesterday and shook her head. "Unless you're actually a stallion or weren't born on a day ending with '-day,' no."

"...don't all days end with that?"

"And here we thought that Twilight was the scholar," Rarity teased her, and Applejack rolled her eyes, realizing that Rarity, just like Big Macintosh, had probably spent a lot of time bantering with a younger sibling.

"So how long is-"

"There are three hundred rules," Rarity interrupted her without looking up. "This book is really what it would look like if Twilight ever became evil: a science essay, reckless use of magic and a huge list."

Applejack gawked. "Three hundred rules, and NONE help us?"

"I didn't say that," Rarity corrected her and dropped the book in front of her before tapping a specific point on the right page.

#283: If your full name has an even number of vowels, you are safe and will not go to Pony Hell.

Applejack frowned and did a quick count. Her name had three vowels, which meant that she was still not safe. "I suppose I could change my-"

Rarity patiently tapped the next rule.

#284: The number of vowels among all creatures who are currently being judged must remain the same at all times, or no creature is deemed safe, disregarding any other rule.

Okay, hold on. She counted the number of vowels in Rarity's name to see if she could "borrow" one from her. Two vowels. She's safe, so she can't give me one of hers. Although... "Wait, does the 'y' in your name count?"

Rarity tensed up visibly and clenched her jaw, staring at some point on the floor. "N-..." She suddenly smiled, although she still didn't quite meet her eyes. "Yes, it counts. We both have three vowels, so we have to shift one vowel from one name to the other. There is, however, the next rule, which we will somehow try to work around, even though-"

Is this what I look like when I'm trying to lie? "Rarity," she whispered, trying to keep the anger out of her voice, "I want you to look me straight in the eyes and tell me again that it counts."

After a deep breath, the unicorn met her eyes... and froze. Applejack could see tears forming and barely resisted the urge to back off. "The 'y' in my name..." The tears were starting to flow freely now and Rarity suddenly lowered her head. "It doesn't count," she finally admitted.

Applejack replayed the conversation in her head and cursed under her breath before pulling the sobbing Rarity into a tight hug. "Did you just try to save me from Pony Hell by takin' my place?"

"I'm sorry!" Rarity cried. "But it has to be this way!"

"You're not going to condemn yourself!"

"I got you into this mess! And I will do anything I can to get you out of it!" She suddenly changed course: "But it's not like it matters for now, anyway. Check the next rule."

Applejack slowly ended the hug and wiped away her own tears, not sure when she had started to cry in the first place. "This discussion is not over," she hissed before checking the book again.

#285: Only members of one family may go on one name change form.

"Seeeeee?" Rarity was sounding oddly triumphant for a pony whose plans of self-sacrifice had been sabotaged by a stupid law. "We're not members of one family, so we can't change our names in one action, thus violating number 284!"

Applejack blinked and read the rule again. Then she looked at Rarity. Then back at the book. Then back at Rarity. "That's it?"

"What do you mean, that's it?"

She opened her mouth to reply, but then frowned. "Before I tell ya, I want to make it clear that you won't use this to change your vowel count. This is just... hypothetically speakin'."

Rarity narrowed her eyes, her despair replaced by the fierce determination Applejack fell in love with so long ago. "Like you said, this discussion is not over."

"Fine." Applejack huffed angrily before calming down. "There is a way for us to be of one family." She waited for any hint of realization and smirked when she saw none. "Lemme give ya a hint: it involves love and rings."

Rarity gave her a puzzled frown, but then everything clicked into place, and her jaw dropped. "I what you and I did you just I mean-" She took a deep breath. "You want us to get married?"

"Well, not right away, but it would be a-"

Rarity squealed and threw herself at the struggling Applejack. "YES! YES! A THOUSAND TIMES YES!"

"Would ya get off o' me!?" Applejack protested, but Rarity saw her smile. "I ain't marryin' nopony before the first date!"

"That can be arranged," the unicorn purred, still lying on top of Applejack. Then she held up another stack of notes with her magic. "Ah, how unfortunate that these ponies never had your pragmatic-and-yet-romantic insight."

Applejack took one look at the notes and inhaled sharply. "What the hay is that?" she asked, trying to keep her voice even.

"Oh, those are notes that had been tucked into the back of the book," Rarity explained, unaware of the degree of Applejack's mood shift. "Some ancient ponies who also fell victim to this book. Here, look."

Braverain confirmed that, back in Rulereign's day, only the following letters counted as vowels: A, E, I, O, U. Suddenly, "Aruruhirh Cometvoyager" and "Anahecd Coldzephyr" don't sound like such great names anymore.

"Really tragic. If only Aruruhirh had thought about marrying Ana-" Rarity yelped when Applejack roughly shoved her aside and grabbed the note. "Excuse me, but we need to establish some ground rules about how to end a good cuddle. There are-"

"Ah know that hoofwritin'!" Applejack snapped, her drawl returning in full force. "Oh, she is SO DEAD." She stormed out of the boutique, her eyes scanning the clouds.

"Dearest, what are you talki-"

"RAINBOW DAAAAAAAAAAAASH!" the Earth pony roared at the top of her lungs when she finally spotted a rainbow-colored tail dangling from the edge of a cloud.

"I'm not deaf, you know?" Rainbow Dash shouted and lazily hopped down from her cloud before sailing towards them. "What's so-"


Rainbow landed neatly in front of them, clearly unimpressed by the threats. "Okay, look, if this is about that one rain cloud yester-" She froze when Applejack held up the pages. "Holy smokes, you found my notes!"

"Wait, why're you lookin' relieved?" Applejack asked, righteous anger quickly replaced by confusion.

"Please tell me you also found the book!"

"If you're talking about Rulereign's book, then yes," Rarity replied, trying to make sense of the situation.

"Thank goodness! I had misplaced it after the last session at the library, and Twilight said that if I didn't find it again, we wouldn't be able to break that stupid curse at all!"

Rarity furrowed her brows. "That's... not what the book says, I think?"

"Yeah, but Twilight's the Game Master, so she gets to decide how stuff works, and you know how she gets about books and rules. Boy, she was really mad when I told her I had lost the book she had written just for this game. All the work she had done just to curse me and Fluttershy for trolling her campaign, and then I lose the stupid thing."

"Game," Rarity echoed, staring straight through Rainbow Dash. "This. Is. A. GAME?"

The fastest pony in Ponyville was remarkably slow on the uptake. "Well, yeah, Donjons And Dromedaries. You know, the game you two never really got into because-"

"I DECLARED MY LOVE FOR APPLEJACK BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T KEEP TRACK OF YOUR GAMING PARAPHERNALIA?" The unicorn was trembling with rage and probably a bit of shame.

"Whoa, whoa, cool your-..." Rainbow hesitated. "...wait, you finally confessed? About time! It was almost sad how you two kept mentally undressing each other whenever you were in the same room without actually taking the first step."

Applejack and Rarity exchanged embarrassed looks, but then both mares smirked in perfect unison as they wordlessly hatched out a plan. "Well, yeah, I suppose we're gonna start datin' today," Applejack said.

"And we will celebrate not just our love, but also our intellectual victory since we also solved the puzzle of rule 285," Rarity added casually.

Rainbow Dash blinked wildly. "You guys what? Seriously? You found a way around that dumb rule?" She flapped her wings in excitement. "Tell me!"

"Aruruhirh and Anahecd just have to get married, then they-"

"-can swap a vowel around because they're of one family! That's brilliant! I gotta tell Flutters!" She moved to higher altitude to look around the village. "HEY, FLUTTERSHY!" she finally yelled, oblivious to the two grinning ponies on the ground. "MARRY ME!"

Applejack winced as she witnessed the first surface-to-air missile launch in Ponyville's history. Fluttershy moved so fast that she was barely more than a yellow blur as she snatched Rainbow Dash out of the air and tumbled to the ground with her. "YES, I DO!" The normally timid pegasus paused briefly. "I MEAN, I WILL!" she corrected her reply to better fit Rainbow Dash's proposal.

"That was terrible of us," Applejack whispered and nuzzled Rarity's cheek even as Fluttershy pressed her lips onto Rainbow's. The weather pony briefly struggled in confusion, but then returned the kiss.

"Oh, please, dear, those two were at least as bad as us, probably," Rarity replied mischievously. "Now, let's head to the library - I believe we have to work a few modifications into the boutique expansions."

"...second bedroom?" Applejack asked, trying not to sound too bold.

"Bigger bed, darling," Rarity replied and bit her lower lip.

Author's Note:

What a rush! I only realized two weeks ago that this contest was going on, and I decided to join because I needed some motivation to get me into the writing mood again. Sure, Rarity's not my number one choice for a main character, but I love a challenge.

The idea for this fic actually came to me while trying to write another (far too ambitious, given the time and space constraints) entry for this contest and had originally just been one character poking fun at her: "Yes, Rarity, and you also once believed that you'd go to Pony Hell because your name had a certain number of vowels in it."

The original first draft for this fic had actually been from Rarity's POV (because, well, Rarity contest), but by the time I reached the final scene, I realized that it'd work better from Applejack's POV because that would deprive the reader of proper context for Rarity's midnight meltdown. So I did the crazy thing and rewrote the entire fic nearly from scratch despite the looming deadline. (The scene I miss the most after this change is the dream that causes Rarity to freak out, mostly because it meant cutting a lengthy rant where Rarity mocks Pony Satan's general looks. I probably could've slipped it into this version, but I was already way too close to the word count limit, so it had to stay cut.)

Credits and influences

The name "Pony Hell" comes from this old joke. "Pony Satan" just followed naturally because I fail at naming things.

All non-canon names (aside from "Pony Hell" and "Pony Satan") were generated over at Seventh Sanctum using the Evil Name Generator ("Rulereign the Hellbound"), the Cat Being Namer ("Braverain") and the Elf Name Generator ("Aruruhirh Cometvoyager" and "Anahecd Coldzephyr" - I love those names, they're so terrible XD)

Comments ( 14 )

A MLP community interview podcast thing, apparently! I only learned of them through this contest (I'm really not as active as I'd like in the fandom, so tons of stuff flies under my radar), so I can't really say more about it, unfortunately. You can click the contest link in the description to get to the group, or you can just check out the podcast for example on YouTube.

The transitions are rather abrupt, but aside from those, a hilarious read. Thank you for it.

Thanks for the kind words! The contest had a 5,000 word limit, and the fic in its current form clocks in at 4,959 - I wept for every word and non-essential scene I had to cut.

Huh. I guess this was some kind of speedwrite?

But Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy both have an even number of vowels (not counting the "y")?

Yes, but their in-game characters' names have odd vowel counts, hence Rainbow's note lamenting the fact that the "y" doesn't count.

Oh, got it, that makes sense.

This is why my Ponesian Hippogriff OnO character is named Hoaalohakupa'a Moliakalaniikeola

Author Interviewer

"FICKLESTITCH!" Rarity slammed a book shut, making Applejack jump.

This is amazing.

This whole thing is amazing. I'm glad I'm not the only one hanging on to stupid jokes from 2011 to write stories about. XD

I think I got a third of the way before I had to drop it. The dialogue feels...very stiff and awkward.

Uh, that was a bit crazy.

Still, if you want to get more views, you might want to think about adding breaks in between scene transitions.

I love the concept of people confessing their love to another while tryng to break a curse that is actually just a part of a D&D campaign someone misplaced

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