• Published 3rd Oct 2017
  • 1,338 Views, 79 Comments

Derp - PaulAsaran



Beige Beaker has a fulfilling life, with a loving husband, a darling daughter, and a promising future as a scientist. But then something goes horribly wrong...

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Chapter I

Beige Beaker satisfied herself with the little things. The two dozen samples safely ensconced within the chemical freezer, for example. There they would stay, to lie still as their tiny chemical chains slowed their dancing and went to sleep. Tomorrow she’d be back to kick them out of their cellular beds and get them to partying again in ways only amino acids could, but for now? Science had had its fun.

She stepped back and stretched her legs and wings in tandem, encountering another of her simple pleasures: popping joints after a long day hunched over science papers in need of grading and her own chemicals requiring ample study. Today had been a good one; she was sure they’d almost found the right acidic makeup to solidify the matrix at the right hardness. In a few months, they might be able to produce their first usable cloud.

“Those the last ones?”

She turned to the voice. The familiar face of Doctor Whooves smiled at her through his typically unkempt mane. “Should be,” she replied. “You got anymore papers to grade?”

“A few.” He shrugged and waved a dismissive hoof. “I’m thinking on leaving the kids in suspense, make them wait another day. I’m ready to clock out.”

“That makes two of us.” They trotted out the laboratory door, Beige pausing to take one last look at the place. No equipment left out, the surfaces cleaned of any potentially nasty chemicals, everything locked up. Her heart swelled at the sight of a pristine laboratory, as it did every afternoon at around this time.

Little things.

Ponyville’s secondary school was hardly the finest institution in Equestria. At least, not in terms of budgeting. The tiled ceiling was in clear need of replacement and the dents and stains covered the lockers lining the walls. At least the floor was clean, if discolored by decades of applied cleaning solution.

Nor was Ponyville the source of overwhelmingly bright students. Very few of the town’s youth bothered to go to school beyond Cheerilee’s small schoolhouse, and most of those who were ambitious enough to try went to more prestigious places, like Canterlot or Manehattan, to further their education. As such, the Ponyville Institute for Advanced Learning suffered from a lack of students and, as could be expected, a lack of funding from Town Hall.

“Miss Beaker!”

There were always exceptions. Beige felt a warmth in her chest at that familiar voice. She turned to find a young earth pony mare of perhaps sixteen trotting towards her. “Hello, Miss Grain. What can I do for you?”

Sweet Grain scuffed her hoof on the floor and studied the tiles, her cheeks blooming. “Um, I’m sorry, I know I keep asking, but… could I borrow the textbook again?”

“But of course you can.” Beige promptly pulled the requested book from her saddlebag. It had been put in last as always for exactly this occasion. “You know, you could always keep the book until the end of the schoolyear.”

Taking the textbook with gentle hooves, Sweet Grain shook her head. “But what if somepony else needs it? I’m not the only one whose family can’t afford books.”

Beige sighed and glanced around at the empty halls, catching Dr. Whooves’ patient smile. “That might be so, but you’re the only one who ever asks.”

Sweet Grain placed the book in her own bag with no small amount of care, much to Beige’s approval. “You never know when somepony will ask. Maybe they just borrow the books from their friends or do their homework together.”

Considering the grades of Sweet Grain’s classmates compared to her own, Beige seriously doubted that. No sense bursting the studious filly’s bubble, though. “Perhaps you’re right. Well, you have a good weekend, Miss Grain.”

“You too. Thanks again!”

Once the student trotted away, Beige turned back to Dr. Whooves. “That young mare deserves to go to a better school than this.”

He chuckled as they fell in step once more. “And miss the opportunity to work with our elite staff?”

“Yeah, ‘elite,’ that’s it.” Beige shrugged. “We make do with what we can afford, I suppose.”

“Don’t worry about her, B, she’ll be fine. Five years from now she’ll be accepting grants from some big-city cheese.” He bumped her shoulder with his own. “And you’ll have abandoned us to work in more esteemed places.”

She raised an eyebrow at him, then glanced around at the less-than-pristine hallway. “I dunno, Whooves. Will they see a Masters Degree or will they see that I had to get it remotely while working in this dump?”

“Oh, stop it. Your ‘fertilized cloud’ is a work of brilliance, and I am absolutely confident it will shoot you into the limelight.”

Beige felt a fire in her cheeks and averted her gaze. “Well, I’m glad you think so.”

He peered at her with a lone eye. “What’s all this humility I see? You’re as confident and proud of our work as anypony, so stop trying to pretend you’re not excited. This time next year your name will be household knowledge in Cloudsdale, and mine in Manehattan, if I do say so myself.” He took a moment to rub at his chest with a smirk.

Her wing swept up to lightly whack the back of his head. “Careful there. Let your head get too full of hot air and I won’t be in Manehattan to fly you back down.”

They shared a chuckle, him rubbing the back of his head, as they stepped out of the school entrance and into a bright, warm spring day. The sun peeked through the sparse clouds, making Beige wince and shade her eyes with a hoof. She paused and turned to look up at the two-story structure, one of the largest in town.

She couldn’t help but smile. “Y’know, we complain about it a lot, but this place hasn’t been all that bad. Had Headmaster Fantasy not given our research a chance, we may never have gotten off the ground.”

“Don’t forget Mayor Mare,” Doctor Whooves added, turning to look as well. “She’s the one who convinced the town to fund the school in the first place, and that includes our research.”

“Yeah… I guess we owe her one.”

“Make that a lot of ones.”

They stood in the street for a short time, staring at the school building. Beige wondered if she’d still be here in five or ten years, or if her research would finally catch the attention of one of the Royal-League schools out there. She couldn’t deny that getting tenure at a major university would be a dream come true, but… she supposed it wouldn’t be so bad staying where she’d grown up.

Dr. Whooves’ voice interrupted her thoughts. “You think Pipette will go here?”

Taking a moment to shake off her thoughts, Beige gave a noncommittal shrug. “Maybe. She might not even want to go to college.”

“You could be in another town by the time she’s that age.”

“Perhaps.” Beige turned to him, unable to keep a bit of hope out of her voice. “Hey, how’s that saddle coming along?”

A grin slowly grew on his lips, and she could have sworn there was a spark in his eyes. “Don’t worry, I guarantee it’ll be ready by her birthday. After the adjustments we made last week, it’ll fit you like a glove.”

Beige’s own smile threatened to split her cheeks. She felt something tickling her stomach, and imagined it was a small litter of puppies playing around. Her wings flapped as she danced from hoof to hoof. “I’m gonna take my little filly flying. This is gonna be the best first birthday ever.”

“Well, I do have my moments.” He raised his hoof and she promptly bumped it. “Anything for you, my dear.”

“Oooh, I can’t wait to use it!” Beige hopped once, twice, and was in the air on the third one. She flew a small circle, giggling like a foal. “I can just see it. The look on her face when Mommy takes her into the clouds!” She flipped in the air and hovered over him, kicking her legs in a little midair jig. “Maybe you can make her some wings when she gets older. Oh, yeah, that would be amazing!”

The doctor coughed into his hoof and shook his head, though he still held his smile. “Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves. We’ve still got a fertilizing cloud to finish before we start on big projects like giving unicorns wings.”

“Don’t give me that.” She set her hooves to her hips and leaned over him with a smirk. “We both know you can do whatever you set that clever mind to. Why the hay are you working at this dump, anyway?”

His cheeks glowed at her words and he promptly averted his eyes. His ears tucked back as he muttered, “I-I had my reasons, okay?”

“So I’ve heard.” She’d long given up trying to pull that nugget out of his skull, but it never hurt to ask. She glanced at the sky and regained her grin. “I better go, Chip will be expecting me. See you tomorrow?”

“As always.” He waved her off. “Say high to Pipette for me.”

“You got it.” With one last wave, she spun in the air and flapped for home.

Beige flew low, flitting just above the town. A giddiness came over her, and she playfully dropped down to touch rooftops as she passed. It was a game she had enjoyed as a foal, one she’d grown out of long ago. The idea of playing it with Pipette had her giggling like a crazy pony. She ignored the looks the ponies below were shooting her. It was not like they could understand the electricity surging through her just then.

She couldn’t get home fast enough. Just the image of Pipette in her mind had Beige impatient to arrive, so she abandoned her silly game and flew higher. She leveled out a dozen or so feet above the rooftops and peered through the wind. Her home would be just above—

“Whoa!”

The world had split in two! Beige fanned her wings in an effort to slow down as the sky twisted in one direction and the ground in another. Before she even had a chance to make sense of this, she began tipping wildly sideways.

On instinct, she shifted her wings to account for the change, only to find herself going into a barrel roll. Or at least, she thought it was a barrel roll; with two worlds spinning in wildly different directions, she could be flying straight at the ground for all she knew! Panic tore at her mind. Her wings ached from how hard she flapped, but she just couldn’t get her flight path under control!

What was up? What was down? Was that the horizon on her left, or was she supposed to be paying attention what she saw on the right?

She screamed as a building flashed past, so close she felt the breeze of its passing. She could barely make out ponies in the streets, watching the scene with expressions of confusion and horror.

“S-somepony, help me!”

She barely had time to register the tree rapidly growing in one eye before the world erupted in pain and darkness.