25. Only a Minor Technical Glitch
Farmer Bruener Has Some Ponies
Only a Minor Technical Glitch
“Just as planned.”
― Yagami Raito, Death Note
- - - - ⧖ - - - -
Time: 6:00 P.M. Monday June 22, 2015
Location: Bruener Farm, Randolph, Kansas
- - - - ⧖ - - - -
“Mister Bruener?” The polite pony had caught Jon during one of his trips back and forth between the impromptu stage against the back of his seed warehouse and his house, since there always seemed to be something that he needed to do in the other place when he was in the one. The State Department had set up their organizational mess in a mix of the TV station vans and the Army communication vehicles that had displaced all of the RVs into yet another field, so he was starting to feel a little surrounded, outnumbered, and a visitor at his own home.
“Ah, Miss… Golden Harvest?” asked Jon, who was getting better at identifying the more common ponies around the farmyard. Some of them were still comfortably waiting in Randolph, mixed in with the townsfolk and enjoying a little less of the Fifth Estate’s attention than the supposed landing spot of the second alien portal, i.e. somewhere out in his back yard. “Can I help you?”
“Well, we’re going home soon, and you’ve been so good to us,” she started, nodding her head along with her words, which made her bright orange mane bob. “So a number of us wanted to give you a going away present. We hope you don’t mind.”
“Not at all,” said Jon. “There’s been more presents around here than Christmas. The Bricks have gotten that plumbing problem fixed in our new house, and my wife gave them my whole collection of DeWalt tools as thanks. Spike was interested in my son’s old comic book collection, and I haven’t even figured out where we stored the box yet. And…” He hesitated, but decided to ask anyway. “Do you have any idea why Lyra wanted all of the kids’ GI Joe and Barbie dolls?”
Golden Harvest shrugged. “It’s Lyra. If we wondered about all the things she does, we wouldn’t have any time left in the day. Anyway, it’s around the other side of the house. Since you had a garden, and your wife said it was okay, we went ahead and did a few things to make it work better.”
Once he came around the side of the house and looked, Jon had to wonder what ‘more than a few things’ would have looked like. Perhaps a greenhouse.
The stubby rows of okra plants had been transformed into four times as many rows, each of which was coming up in full bloom with tiny okra pods starting to set on like mad, while the tomato cages seemed to be much like zoo cages, holding back the vibrant tomatoes from bursting out all over the lawn. Peas, beans, and of all things, several thick rows of carrots occupied a section of ground that had not held anything more than scrubby weeds and a few stones, while the raspberry bush around the old mulberry tree had expanded enough to double its original space, plus some.
And all around the garden were little kneeling pads, or nametags, or colorful sprinkler hose holders, like Better Home and Gardens had assaulted his yard with an unlimited budget and a penchant for pastel paint. And a half-dozen pastel ponies looking expectantly at him.
“This is Junebug, and my cousin Carmel Apple, and Carmel, of course. And over there behind the dill is Holiday and Berryshine—”
“The pickles aren’t going to be ready for the going-away party!” called out the smaller of the two, a pale mulberry-colored mare who was almost nose-down into a clump of cucumber vines with the other pony gently patting her on the shoulder. “It’s all going to be ruined!”
“And Cherry Berry,” continued his guide, who then looked around. “Where’s Cherry?”
All of the ponies pointed to Jon’s old Montmorency cherry tree, which had just about been ready to harvest when the first pony had fallen from the sky. It looked as if the tree had been mostly gone over by now, but he didn’t see any buckets. He did see a darker mulberry-colored pony quite near the top of the tree, wrapped around one of the branches tight enough that he was concerned about prying her loose when the portal finally opened.
“She’s a little stressed about the way she got here,” said Golden Harvest in a low voice that should not have carried all the way to the tree-top mare. But it obviously did.
“I’m perfectly fine with flying!” she shouted from her perch. “Give me a balloon or an airplane or even a hang glider, and I’ll fly that thing anywhere! I’m not okay with falling! And I’m not coming down until Princess Twilight shows up right here and apologizes! Or I run out of cherries,” she added in an aside.
“That’s… um… impressive,” managed Jon, turning his attention back to the leafy garden. “But if all of you go home in about an hour, I don’t think between the wife and me, we’re going to be able to eat that many beans.”
All of the ponies gave out a short laugh, with Golden Harvest tucking a part of her bright orange mane back and looking up at him. “Really?” she asked. “Twilight Sparkle getting her spell right the first time?”
“I’ve got my bits down on four tries,” called out Caramel Apple.
“She’s really good when she’s under pressure,” admitted Caramel in a masculine musical tenor that made Jon itch with jealousy. “When she’s got time to get all stressed, not so much.”
“Now stop it, all of you,” chided Holiday. “She’s a darling young mare. We wouldn’t be here without her. It’s not quite the location she wanted, but it’s a far sight from where you all would have been without her, right?”
“How many attempts do you have your bet on?” asked Jon out of instinct.
“Two,” admitted Holiday. “And I don’t mind the time off one bit. You humans have been nothing but polite, and our Scootaloo has been having the time of her life.” There was a rising of crowd noise from the impromptu stage in the distance, and Jon craned his neck to see what was going on.
“Come on, girls!” called out Holiday as she sped off in that direction, followed by the rest of the equine gardners. “That’s got to be Spike with Twilight’s announcement!”
Jon shook his head and followed along, after grabbing several of the pea pods for snacking. At least if the portal was a no-show, he would have vegetables for his guests this evening. Maybe the ponies staying at his house would like some creamed peas with fried okra and fresh green beans for dinner.
- - - - ⧖ - - - -
Time: 6:10 P.M. Monday June 22, 2015
Location: Bruener Farm, Randolph, Kansas
- - - - ⧖ - - - -
Years of military training had left Nick Comena highly resistant to boredom. That included two deployments to the ‘sandbox’ where being bored was highly preferred to the alternative, plus the training that was required to hold the treasured position of Lieutenant. As an officer in a public display, it was his job to prevent any underlings from likewise succumbing to the dreaded disease of sloth, or at least not anywhere the surrounding VIPs could see. Thus he found himself standing at a variant of Parade Rest on a little tuft of trampled grass in the very back of the Official Announcement Audience, wondering if he and the rest of the primary crew of Four-One could be replaced by some cardboard cutouts.
The ‘Birds of a Feather’ tendency of the military assisted in his thoughts. With all the other military branches around him, they were going to need a lot of cardboard.
“Hey, boss. You in?” Corporal Rick Frey ambled over with a red Solo cup full of ice water for his superior officer and arranged himself so his back was toward the television cameras, just in case one of them panned the crowd again and caught them being social. Each of the military branches had their own little cluster of Dress Uniform (Class A) peer groups, even the Coast Guard who had sent three of their officers down from Topeka. Just why the Coast Guard had an office in Topeka, Kansas was something he didn’t want to think about.
“Depends,” said Nick. “You deflecting a diplomat in my direction, or another reporter all hot to trot about my horse-girlfriend?”
“One of the ponies has been asking about you,” said Rick. “The reporters have been easy. The boys have just been looking at them like their heads are on backwards and asking, ‘Is this the same pony Lieutenant Comena met for about a minute back on Friday?’ Then if they ask any more, we tell them to go talk to Pumpernickel. We don’t hear any more after that.” Rick looked thoughtful. “Maybe he eats them.”
“Ah, there you are.” A smallish white pony mare with the most enticing violet eyes sauntered up to Nick and Rick, giving a little toss of her head in a forlorn attempt to get her golden blonde mane out of her eyes. “So glad to finally meet you, sir.”
“Lieutenant Comena,” said Nick, sticking out his hand and bending down a little. “And this is my loader on Four-One, Corporal Frey.”
“Sunspot,” said the cheerful mare, giving the outstretched hand a brisk hoofshake that betrayed the strength that Nick was starting to expect from her kind of pony. “I just have a few minutes, and I wanted to check something with you. In the event Twilight Sparkle doesn’t manage to open the portal to Equestria today, do you see any problems if her little ponies were to remain here for a week or two more?”
“That’s above my pay grade,” started Nick, “but if I had to hazard a guess, the locals would be overjoyed to show them around the state for months, and the President would do backflips of joy if he could get a photo-op out of it. Speaking for myself, the extra pay is pretty sweet,” he added, trying to put as casual a face on his words as possible. The pony’s name was not familiar, but there was something else… off about this pony, an attitude of altitude that you only got from hobnobbing with the rich and famous on a regular basis. Every word was crisp and pronounced with care, and her every step like a ballet. Maybe she was a dancer of some sort?
“Nick!” Another one of his tank crew, Corporal Liam it seemed, was striding in his direction with that distinctly Army bearer-of-bad-news expression and a cell phone clutched in one hand. “Lieutenant,” he added once he got closer and practically shoved the android phone into Nick’s hands. “You gotta see this.”
“A little busy right now with our guest,” started Nick, although the expression on Liam’s face made him at least look at the phone in the sincere hope that it wasn’t yet another piece of pony porn from his Kansas City ‘marefriend.’
“The cellular internet here is blown to hell with all the people around,” continued Corporal Liam in a rapid patter, “so I got Mrs. Bruener to let me use their wi-fi password to upload a quick video of Lyra juggling tomatoes for my mother. She said the ponies up in Kansas City got into a fight with the FBI. The video has been all over the internet.”
“Holy motherfucking crap,” murmured Nick as he watched the low-resolution video. “That Rose guard just walked over an FBI agent with a taser. Made him shoot himself.”
“You ain’t seen nothing yet,” said Liam, who was practically dancing by shifting his weight from one foot to another.
A few minutes later, Nick had to agree. When the lights went out in the FBI office, he expected… well, it was difficult to say what he expected. Having the lights come on later to see men tossed around the room like dolls and one of them needing to be removed from the rafters was really not a great surprise. At least that poor crippled pony from the hospital seemed to be headed back in this direction, even if Nick had not seen her arrive yet.
“What fucking moron planned that disaster?” Nick rewound the video clip and expanded the scene, feeling at least token relief that none of the taser-carrying idiots were Army. That good feeling went away instantly when he felt the tug of a pony hoof at his pants leg, caused by the smallish earth pony mare that he had just plain forgotten about.
“Pardon me, sir,” she asked with a smile, “may I see that?”
He should have stalled, since the ponies were supposed to go home very shortly. Nick sat down in the grass instead and touched the playback. The smallish mare did not seem concerned by the fight, but actually giggled at the end where the guardspony was walking through the defeated FBI agents, checking for injuries.
“Oh, my.” Sunspot passed the phone back up to him, then helped Nick stand up. “Well, it looks like things are well in hoof. I had better get back to work. Thank you, Lieutenant Comena. Carry on.”
After watching the white mare head out through the crowd, dodging and weaving so smoothly that she might not have even bumped into a single one of them, Nick gave the phone back to his loader. “Liam, I thought ponies were about as weird as they could get. I’ve changed my mind. They’re weirder.”
“They certainly have their little idiosyncrasies,” said a sexy voice by his left ear.
Nick took a step backward when he turned, otherwise he would have been nose-to-nose with an African goddess, or at least what passed for one in the state of Kansas. Due to her gold-rimmed sunglasses, he only got a peek at her entrancing eyes, a pale blue in stark contrast to her dark features, and her subdued smile made his heart skip a beat. She most certainly was not one of the reporters, because the jeweled necklace and matching hairband she was wearing probably could have purchased a Lexus, the dark silk pantsuit would have purchased a chauffeur, and each one of those diamond earrings was probably worth a private jet. For a moment, he thought she might be one of the foreign diplomats or VIPs, but dismissed that idea because their attention was exclusively on the four-legged guests.
“I just wanted to meet the fine young man who has been in the news lately with that rather odd pony,” said the mysterious woman. “Good evening, Lieutenant Comena.”
Nick managed to make a stammering noise. Liam faded away in the direction of the rest of the tank crew, looking much like he was taking cover from social artillery fire. The dark woman ran one finger up Nick’s cheek, placed her hand against his chin, and turned his face to the left so she could look at his profile.
“A handsome military man,” she mused. “No wonder Goose has fallen under your spell.”
“We met for all of about a minute back on Friday,” protested Nick in reflex.
“And yet you made such an impact in that short time,” she purred, then gave Nick a gentle pat on the cheek. “Do be careful with her.”
By the time Nick was capable of sapient thought again, the dark woman was striding off in the direction of the diplomats, where the press and ponies were mixing in equal measure. In moments, she was lost to his sight, and when he turned to see where the smallish white pony had gone, there was no sign of her either.
“What in the world was that about?” murmured Nick, brushing his cheek and trying to place the elusive scent of jasmine that remained.
“Can’t say, sir.”
The voice was unmistakably one of the Equestrians, although it had a friendly James Earl Jones quality to it in the daylight. Thankfully for Nick’s nerves, this was a problem that he was far more willing to deal with. Optio Pumpernickel was drawn up next to Nick’s inseam, much like a well-trained Rottweiler, with that same grim expression that seemed to have been frozen on his face at the moment of conception.
His poor, poor mother.
“What can I do you for, Optio?” asked Nick. “Did Grace get stuck in Four-One again?”
“I checked there already. It is nearly time for Princess Twilight Sparkle to open the return portal, and we are unable to locate Specialist Grace,” said the stern batpony. “She is not responding to her communication system, and—”
“She’s in the house,” said Nick, getting out his phone and breathing an internal sigh of relief. “Said she had some last-minute research to do on the Bruener’s computer, so she probably tossed her cover to one side while typing. By the way, why do the military ponies always drag all their problems to me?”
The hefty dark pegasus made as if he were going to respond, paused to think for a time, then shrugged. “I suppose because you answer questions instead of sending us to somepony else or trying to duck the issue. You’re like a princess in that regard, I suppose.”
Nick hesitated with the intent of countering the accusation, but he had already hit speed-dial, so he just pushed speakerphone when Grace answered.
“What?” she snapped. “I’m busy. Someone has posted something wrong on the human’s internet, and I have to fix it!”
“Time check, Specialist,” said Nick, trying to sound as much like an officer as he could. “Princess Twilight is about to open the portal, and you’re nowhere to be found.”
“But… they’re wrong?” came the weak protest over the speakerphone, followed by a brief sigh and the sound of armor being put on. “I’ll be there in two minutes,” she continued. “I’m just glad we’re going home. Over.”
To the prim and proper unicorn’s credit, it was probably fairly close to the estimated time when Grace made her appearance out in the yard, slightly ruffled and smelling just slightly like sweaty horse. She briskly trotted up to Pumpernickel, gave the dark batpony a sharp salute, and asked, “Where’s Lucky?”
“Keeping out of trouble with one of the diplomats,” said Nick before his laconic four-legged counterpart could say anything. “Tank crew reported that Thermal took the kids across the road just after noon, and I saw Clover with them, so they’re not underfoot here. Wish I could have gone with them,” he added under his breath.
“Goose is bringing Widget back by the long route,” said Pumpernickel. He produced a flip-phone from under one wing and passed it over to Grace, who promptly flipped it open. “It seemed a fair precaution, since they were unable to fly back, and Claire Bruener has been sending updates whenever they stop to look around. Missus Bruener added me to the electron mail group when I asked.”
“Unacceptable.” The emerald-green unicorn’s stiff upper lip could have been turned to stone for as much emotion she put into her words. “The citizens are not prepared to return by Princess Twilight Sparkle’s portal when it is opened, and Goose’s charge is not here yet.”
“Goose,” said the dark batpony with just the slightest menace, “is making friends.”
There was an obvious context here that Nick was not catching, made only worse when Pumpernickel added, “She flew today. Indoors, and with a human on her back, but she flew. Missus Bruener sent her mother a picture of the three of them outside, all in some sort of cowpony hats.”
Both of Grace’s ears twitched, and Nick could see a tremor travel down her neck, across her back, and down to her flanks. With a sudden jolt, he realized that the officious unicorn was the subordinate, and Pumpernickel was above her on the chain of command. Not at the top, because Sergeant Hardhooves had that position, standing up near the front of the stage with Mayor Mare and Spike. Still, ‘Optio’ when fed into Google a few days ago turned out to be a Latin term that must have translated out by the Equestrian spell for the lack of any directly related English title. It roughly meant “Executive Officer in charge of something” and from the way Grace retreated from her position with less than perfect grace, he did not normally exercise that authority.
A big hammer, used only when needed. Like a tank. I think I like him.
“Just relax, Specialist Grace,” said Nick in his most soothing voice. “All of the ponies seem to have any souvenirs packed up and ready to go—” he could not help but look at the distant RV parking area where Trixie was negotiating furiously with what could only be the owner of a purple and white Winnebago “—or at least the ones they can carry. If Widget gets back a little late, I’ll bet the Brueners will spoil her rotten until that second portal that they’ve been talking about gets opened for the old mare up in Kansas City. Then they both can go home, just as slick as it gets. Nothing is going to go wr—”
Both of the ponies promptly kicked him in the shins, thankfully with enough restraint that his legs were not broken, just extremely painful, and Nick barely managed to avoid falling down.
“Don’t use that phrase around Ponyvillians,” hissed Grace.
“It brings out giant stellar bears and Cutie Mark Crusaders,” said Pumpernickel with a shudder.
They were not supposed to sit down until the ponies had gone home, but Nick dragged himself over to a nearby empty lawn chair and collapsed to rub his legs anyway. The rest of his military peers a few feet away maintained a respectful social distance, perhaps to avoid getting kicked in the shins also.
“Jesus,” managed Nick while rubbing his legs.
“Sorry,” said Pumpernickel. Grace remained silent.
“You know,” started Nick once he got to the point where he did not need profanity, “if I’m ever deployed to your lovely country, I might not ever unbutton the tank. You say our world is crazy dangerous? This whole town lives on the edge of a monster-infested swamp, has god-level disasters sweep over it every month or two, and they’re still a bunch of cheerful, singing, bouncing…” Running out of adjectives, he just rubbed his shins for a while and watched the televised overseas politician projected onto the white-painted concrete of the Bruener seed warehouse.
After a certain amount of time where Pumpernickel remained perfectly immobile, much like a statue, Grace moved closer and made no objection when Nick scratched her behind the ears, keeping his hand low so if one of the TV cameras covering the event swung in their direction, it would be covered by her positioning and therefore not look too bad.
“To be honest, this is my first deployment where I’ve been scratching the ears of our allied military units,” he admitted. “You don’t want to know what kind of hanky-panky goes on between units in some of the places I’ve been.”
“Then you don’t want to know what has been going on in some of the RVs over the last few days,” countered Grace instantly. “I do not understand just why Claire Bruener takes such joy in implying you are somehow romantically linked with one of our Night Guard. You are completely different species, after all.”
“Troublemaking kids like to tease each other.” Nick inched his fingers forward to scratch around the base of her horn much like Grace seemed to want. “Thank God I don’t have any. Do you have any children, Grace?”
After a long, long pause that included cursory applause from the audience as one tele-projected diplomat on screen replaced another one, Grace managed, “We have begun negotiations in that regard.” It was so funny that Nick almost burst out laughing, made only worse by the way the immobile Pumpernickel ever so slowly pivoted one ear in their direction. In order to maintain his composure, Nick switched topics.
“I know you’re upset that the civilians aren’t all lined up and ready to go, ma’am. In this case, I think you need to sit back just like you’re doing now and relax. I served under a colonel once who told me ninety percent of leadership in a troublesome situation is just looking like everything is going the way it should.”
“The other ninety percent is planning,” she said.
“Yeah, like your town planned to be dropped into another dimension full of humans,” scoffed Nick. “They’re doing pretty well, regardless. I think if a town full of humans were dropped into your world, half of them would have gone through a mental breakdown by now.”
He took a moment to watch a barking pony gallop past, followed by a brown dog that was all big paws and floppy ears, then an older huffing pegasus with glasses and a form-fitting shirt who was obviously trying to get them under control.
“How could you tell,” droned Grace in what certainly was not a question.
“Shh,” cautioned Nick. “It looks like Spike is having a fit up there on stage.”
It was a fortuitous coincidence. The dragon was trying to get Mayor Mare’s attention, eventually winding up giving her a solid poke while continuing to gag and choke on… whatever he was doing. The ponies did not seem too concerned, although when the mayor grabbed onto the microphone and announced that Spike was having a brief fire issue since Twilight Sparkle had been sending so many updates today, and if anypony had an extra gem or two, she would be more than happy to pay them back later. A few colorful rocks later, the dragon finally gave out a weak puff of flame, and a scroll dropped onto the stage.
“Finally,” rasped Spike. He picked up the scroll and unrolled it while muttering something under his breath, then read for a short while as the crowd grew silent and the mayor held the microphone closer to him for the expected announcement.
“Uh-oh,” he said, and there was a solid ‘whump’ from all around Nick as every pony threw themselves flat, except for the military ones who were looking up into the sky and scanning for threats, and three young mares who had curled up around each other and were wailing something about the horror, the horror.
“No, not that!” said Spike with a waving gesture from one clawed hand that shook the scroll free of a few drops of something sticky. “It’s just there’s custard on the scroll, and that means Starlight has been helping with the spell, and that means she’s having trouble with it because Twilight doesn’t like to ask for help. It’s probably nothing,” he added while reading.
“That’s good to hear,” said the mayor, standing back up and moving smoothly to the center of the stage. “Now, when the portal forms, I would like you to all form an orderly line without any pushing or shoving. I’m certain the Princess has customs waiting for us on the other side, so that means no agricultural products such as fruits or vegetables, and any seeds will have to be surrendered to the Royal Agricultural Division for examination. This is your last chance to get photographs of your human sponsors, and—”
“Uh… Mayor?” said Spike, still looking down at the scroll. “Twilight can’t get the portal open until at least two weeks from now, our time.”
The mayor said something in the musical pony-language that Nick was certain could not be repeated in polite company.
There was a very long silence over the accumulated ponies.
Then a bright red blur as Sizzler jumped straight up, declared “My roast!” at the top of his lungs, and darted in the direction of the old Bruener house, closely followed by a small brown colt wearing a propeller beanie and making remarkable speed for his size.
“To Azeroth!” he shouted. “Hang on, fellow warriors! We shall raid the depths of the citadel, and Archimonde shall fall! For the Horde!!”
The mayor watched their departure, blinked once, then turned back to the waiting crowd.
“Looks like we’ve got a few weeks to spend here. Any suggestions?”
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Published while watching the episode of the week. Cool.
The ponies deserve a break. After all, they're not the first fuzzy singing creatures who need a vacation.
Luna? Celestia? What are you doing here?
Oh hey Celestia, hey Luna, when did you two get here?
I love the Warcraft reference near the end of the chapter. Do you play or at least know about Warcraft?
Oh....oh you poor dear...
Those finely tuned Ponyville reflexes at work.
No, no, it's pronounced "Raito" but it's spelled "Tsuki" and no that doesn't make any more sense in Japanese but I assure you that it's as true as anything about a fictional character can be.
That one was crazy when they got here, which makes it even more terrible timing.
Maybe now that kidnapping was shown to be a bad idea, they'll actually ask if anypony wants to see the capital? And then everyone involved gets slapped across the back of the head when that actually works?
One wonders what else the Crusaders have tried in order to get their threat rating on par with giant star bears.
9810229
Just imagine if Luna becomes enamored with Nick too.
Button picked Horde.
I am disappoint.
Starlight Glimmer, huh? Guess that means that this is post-season 5, or between seasons 5 and 6 then.
9810229
And Celestia saw the video of Goose and Rose passing the FBI's backsides back to them. How embarrassing! But yes, just a meeting between horse princesses and Tank Princess.
9810237 Played since beta, on the Khaz Modan server now, with Kancat my gnome mage as my main (and far too many other dinking with characters to really get geared up)
9810234 Oh, no. They were never here. Pay no attention to the alicorn behind the curtain.
9810240 Tragically, introducing the internet to a perfectionist is much like having Tony Montoya keep track of your coke stash for a weekend.
9810248 Hey, I just know it from the Wiki. And Topeka would be a great idea for the kids. There's all kinds of museums, tours of the capitol dome and the history of Kansas, and... where did the kids go? (A: The World-Famous Topeka Zoo)
9810267 Goose has dibs. Even if she's not going to admit it.
9810273 They always seem to do better in PVP.
9810276 Post Twilight Sparkle's Magical Play Castle in Ponyville, pre- Winged Spike With Authentic Flapping Action
9810289 Celestia? Oh, not her. Nope, never. Why in the world would she want to check on the displaced population of Ponyville, who are going to be another few weeks in Humanworld?
9810273
Tauren are probably why. Minotaurs are familiar stuff to an Equestrian fantasy gamer, after all.
9810229
Enjoying their retirement, judging by the fact that they've done literally nothing up to this point.
9810341
Yeah, it gets worse when you consider that the mechanics of her home dimension would give physisists conniptions.
"What idiot wrote this!? Here, let me fix it: the Sun goes around the Earth... "
9810365 I do have a sketched out spot where one of the ponies in charge asks the General something on the line of "I understand your world is having some warming issues. If you like, I can talk to Celestia and she can nudge it a few hundred or thousand miles a little further away from your rather odd sun. I'm sure she wouldn't even charge for it."
9810345 And that's different from their normal behavior how?
9810344 He'd certainly get a kick out of the charging and the stomping racial bonus.
9810267
I tend to think of Estee's level of the Crusade. Which is a reign of destruction so bad that eventually even the CMC stopped itself in utter horror at what they'd been doing after multiple interventions.
"Uh-oh" is Ponyville is right up there with an engineer saying "Huh, That's Interesting". Things have probably just gone horribly wrong, best to take cover.
9810229
Vacationing and teasing the locals, what else are a pair of mischievous powerful pony prankster princesses gonna do?
9810267
Not entirely sure, but tree sap is certain to be involved to some capacity.
9810341
Cool, which expansion are you in?
imgs.xkcd.com/comics/duty_calls.png
9810345
How is that any different from usual?
two more weeks their time. Please remind us, what is the temporal differential between Earth and Equus?
Aaannd the army knows. Because of viral Youtube videos.
That's going to cause some phone calls...
I have one pressing, must be answered, potentially catastrophic question that could upset the civility and humor of the ponies.
Does Lucky's diaper bag have enough diapers for all the foals?
Umm, who is moving the Sun and Moon in Equestria?
I’m guessing this is a different Cherry Berry. I’m a little disappointed.
I see Celestia and Luna? are checking out the human dimension quietly i wonder if Twilight's delay is due to spell or Celestial design?
Nick's comments here remind me of my favorite description of Equestria. "It's a candy coated death world where the average human transported there would have all the survival prospects of a snowman in death valley at noon on the equinox."
I like the pony language described as musical and lyrical.
The ponies constantly throwing themselves on the ground at uh ohs is still funny.
9810365
I imagine humans would be the same jn Equestria with controlled stellar bodies, plants that reproduce by turning you into them and everything else.
9810374
I look forward to that discussion about the sun especially if it's Celestia affer the fact "Oh by the way we rearrnagrd your system a little so you wouldn'thave that silly heat problem from your sun, such a nice old stallion."
9810657
Yep that wont end well for the FBI.
the CMCs : Can we go to Six Flags?
Lucky: *pops up randomly* "Well." *briefly shuffles a random piece of paper back into a folder marked E.P.* "No, you are absolutely right. We couldn't have possibly planned for this."
9810341
especially with at least 3 ponies back home that can move the sun and Moon and it translating to maybe a day or 2 on the other side of the portal.
...balls of fluff.
That's one way to cope with stuff like that.
9810927
That description is much funnier than you probably expected because I've been reading an original /r/HFY story named The Deathworlders.
(The story basically embodies that dynamic, but with humanity playing the ponies and all the other species in the galaxy playing the humans. I think you see why that description might be amusing in that context.)
9810344
Honestly, I am not surprised IN THE SLIGHTEST that Button Mash signed on with the Horde
9810626
We believe it was about three to one, earth slower.
9810720
Probably Discord
9810237
Classic is out and I am LOVING IT
Someone from Wakanda?
Where is this from? I feel like I should kniw this.
9811578 Of course Button Mash would find 'World of Warcraft'. I'm only stunned that they managed to get him away from it to go home.
9811573 Hello, Princess Luna. Checking up on your Night Guard?
And there's Princess Celestia.
Horde? Son, I'm disappoint
Oh those two troll horses are going to have oh so much fun. I wonder if any of them will actually contact authorities. Most likely not, since the idea is never contacting again once granny goes back.
9811553
That's good. Have fun!
a picture of the three of them outside, all in some sort of cowpony hats.
Ok artists! How much more inspiration do you need!
9811416
Never was a big man of MMOs mostly because of repetitive grind. Not making fun of WoW thought. I can understand why people would like it
I think your title needs a spoiler warning, because I KNEW this was coming. And now we get to see the full aftermath of that failed FBI fustercluck, in all its not-so-gory detail, from both perspectives. And I am going to enjoy every schadenfreude-laden second.
9813619
🤔😕😵
Looks like someQ quietly dropped a beacon round the back so that intelligence and security could be assured, while setting up a major distraction so that the locals can feel smug that though the aliens have all this supernatural magic they keep bumbling around with it as if they have no idea and its relatively harmless?
Whats the equivalent of Bletchley Park in Equestria?
OK the story is going on for several more chapters. woooooooo hooooooo more pony on earth.