1. Oops
Farmer Bruener Has Some Ponies
Oops
"No one would have believed in the last years of the nineteenth century that this world was being watched keenly and closely by intelligences greater than man's and yet as mortal as his own; that as men busied themselves about their various concerns they were scrutinized and studied, perhaps almost as narrowly as a man with a microscope might scrutinize the transient creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water. ... Yet across the gulf of space, minds that are to our minds as ours are to those of the beasts that perish, intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic, regarded this earth with envious eyes, and slowly and surely drew their plans against us."
— H. G. Wells, The War of the Worlds
- - - - ⧖ - - - -
Time: 7:32 A.M. Central Standard Time, Friday June 19, 2015
Location: Earth. 39.417162, -96.754254 to be specific.
- - - - ⧖ - - - -
Jon Bruener was having a perfectly ordinary morning on his Kansas farm, at least until the first pony fell out of the sky onto the cab of his hay swather. That’s not to say that a normal day on the farm was totally without excitement, but a certain routine was a good thing in farming. A break from routine meant broken parts, accidents, insurance claims, or dealing with a bunch of bureaucrats who thought they could do a better job administering his acreage from a desk in the county seat than he could on the seat of a tractor.
Did we mention a pony had just fallen on top of his swather? We will get back to that in a moment.
From the time the first morning ray of sun had touched the dense green pasture, Jon had been at work, leaving behind a long trail of damp hay in a thick windrow to dry in the blazing Kansas sun by afternoon and be in a big round bale by evening. This was the longest day of the year, and that meant more daylight to get things done over the weekend before the whole spiral of paperwork at his ‘real’ job started again on Monday morning. Some years he made less per hour as a small farmer than he would have working in a burger joint, but farming still produced the small amount of extra money it had taken to get Nathaniel through school and into the Judge Advocate General Corps, and the rather sizable lump it had taken for his rather skinny lump of a daughter Claire to get a useless degree in, of all things, Marketing.
Don’t forget the pony falling out of the sky.
Still, it was freedom of a sorts to be out on the bellowing hay swather, turning waves of green grass into a neat windrow while singing along to the music piped into an expensive set of sound-damping headphones from his iPhone. Nobody could stand his singing at home, not even in the shower with the water turned up high and the door locked. Admittedly his octaves only had six notes, and he always had a certain disdain for the difference between sharps and flats, but enthusiasm trumped skill, and volume ruled them all, at least out in the fields where nobody but him could hear.
Yes, we’re almost to the pony. Well, ponies.
Jon had just finished the last of the edging around the field, leaving a twisty path of mown grass outlining the entire huge meadow like surrealist art as it dipped into draws, curved around gullies, and bumped over small hills, when something in the sky… flickered. He frowned at the sound of a loud popping noise while peering up into the few fluffy cumulus clouds drifting along in the sky, but the disturbance did not seem to be an unexpected rainstorm. He had just begun throttling the swather back to a halt so he could double-check the weather on his phone again when something slammed into the top of the swather with a horrible scream. A calf of some sort tumbled over the front of the cab and dropped into the swinging windmill of the moving reel before Jon could slam his foot down on the clutch, and the resulting screech of pain when the chattering cutter bar came to an abrupt stop on the baby calf’s leg drew an icy jolt up his back.
Slamming the throttle closed to the stops and switching the key off, he managed to keep enough presence of mind to stomp down on the locking brake before tumbling out of the swather cab, his phone in hand and cable dangling behind. A smear of red blood dripped from the cutter bar, much like the time in his youth when Jon had accidently cut the leg off of the family dog with a sidebar mower when the stupid mutt had darted into the way. This time, the creature he had hit was much larger, and was screaming in pain with a shuddering quiver that traveled down its sides with every bellow. The creature looked like a young calf at first glance, but now that he was closer, he could not believe his eyes or his ears. It appeared like some sort of miniature horse that somebody had dunked in pink and blue dye, but the huge tearful eyes nailed Jon’s attention to the ground, combined with the short pink horn protruding out of its forehead and the blubbering cries for its mother that it was screaming in short and quite distinct words.
He stumbled to a halt before ripping off his shirt and dialing the phone with one hand. Whatever the creature was, it was losing blood far too quickly, and he tried to be as soothing as possible while wrapping the shirt around the spurting wound and applying pressure.
"Riley County Emergency, what is the nature of your—"
"Operator!" he shouted over the sounds of the sobbing unicorn. "This is Jon Bruener, and I need an ambulance out at Randolph around 400 Seacrest Road, just to the south of the intersection. I’m out in the hayfield and I hit a—"
He really didn’t want to say the U-word, but he was spared by a bright flicker and another sharp pop up in the sky that drew his attention, despite his frantic efforts to keep the blood-soaked crude bandage wrapped around the squirming creature’s injured leg. Another pony, this one a light grey with a blonde mane appeared nearly a hundred feet up in the air, only instead of plummeting to the ground, it spread wings and hovered while looking around in obvious panic.
Then there was another flicker and pop, and another pony without wings, who thankfully was caught by the first pegasus before hitting the ground.
"Operator," he said in just as clear and distinctive voice as he could to be heard over the whimpering unicorn, who was now holding onto his shoulder and sobbing in pain. "Send ambulances. And the sheriff. Send everybody on the emergency response team." He watched as the flickering in the sky grew and more ponies began to fall, not all of whom could possibly be caught by the winged ones.
"And hurry!"
Author Notes
(inline for E-readers)
Welcome to Manhattan, Kansas. In the center of the United States (plus or minus a few hundred miles), it will be the future home of several hundred ponies for an undetermined amount of time. Distinguished tourism locations nearby include Kansas State University and their famous School of Veterinary Medicine, as well as the home of the National Bio and Agro Defense Facility (NBAF) currently under construction for most of the last decade and planned for opening in 2021. (Yeah, at times it seems like they’re building it one brick at a time) Just down the road, we have Fort Riley, Home of the Big Red One. In the event that the earthlings are a little overwhelmed by a force of a few hundred little pony aliens, a full armored brigade of tanks and artillery supported by helicopters will be available at short notice. Since this is summer, K-State will not have the Wildcats football team to show off, or their basketball team (Yes, we have one. Shut up.) but the baseball team will be available, as well as intramural soccer.
That is, provided the small group of ponies is not immediately dragged off to some government laboratory somewhere. Keep watching. Author notes will be at the end of each chapter for the convenience of people who read their ponyfic using e-readers.
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First comment for the author. It's a complete coincidence that I'm throwing out the first unicorn for National Unicorn Day a day early from my normal posting sequence for April Foolishness. Honest.
Be aware that this story has been in the works for *four* blinking years. I originally wanted to publish it on the day it starts, but there were only two chapters or so at that time, so I pushed it to the back and doodled on it at times... and at times... and oh it's seventeen chapters. Heck. So I put it in the April Foolishness pile since it has some similarities to Harry Potter and the Little Pony Problem as in lots of ponies that need to go home, but without the wands.
The Bruener farm is fictional. That's just a piece of pasture right now. Or maybe the Mares in Black are blurring satellite photos, and ponies walk among us. Who knows? In any event, sit back and watch the clash of cultures from the most adorable alien invasion ever.
(And if you notice some of the chapters look familiar, that's because I've plugged some of them in my blog.)
Curious where this is going.
Man, Twilight’s going to really beat herself up over this one.
I too thought it was Dinky just long enough to remember said color scheme.
Looks like Jons daughters degree might come in handy after all.
Well, at least we won’t have DUPLICATE cmcs to deal with this time... on the other hand, they are full sized.
And I doubt this will go War of the Worlds... given the chaos ponies cause when being friendly, it will be SO much worse. I can’t wait!
I feel like I've been waiting for this literally forever.
I should really read the WWII one too since I was waiting for it to complete...
9557296 (FYI for Gentle Readers who don't know, this would be Equestria - 1940, which has Nazi's, dragons, batponies, more dragons, a red Cord roadster, changelings, and the most terrifying creature of all, Schadenfreude. )
Me home state! Can't wait to see what happens here!
9556952
Four years, huh? Well, it's an ambitious concept, so maybe you're ready to tackle it now.
Intrigued, will track.
I'll take one Ponies-on-Earth story, well done, a side of diabeetus, and hold the government labs.
This looks fun!
If I've learned anything on this site, Ponies and Football don't mix. Well, they do, but not in a way the refs can handle.
Oh dear. hope Aloe survives. And the pegasi realise theyre going to have lots more to catch so they can get the one they have down to the ground to get back as quick as possible?
So much for subtelty. Theres going to be so many emergancy vehicles by the time they dont take it as a prank, the OB units will have arrived, never mind the hawks. And the security surveillance drone from the base?
God, I remember years ago when you first teased this. Been so looking forward to it, so have an upvote and insta-fav!
Yet another to add to my 'read later' list.
Uff da, that poor man, that poor unicorn. 'tis a horrible way to meet, to be sure. Mr. Bruener is going to have some serious words for Twilight, once everything is sorted.
Okay, you had me on the WotW quote. I'm definitely tracking this one.
In all honesty, that's probably my favorite "classic" novel.
An excellent start with immediately unburying and then reburying the lede with the falling pony. I hope that unicorn is okay, by the way.
Oh, this... this looks to be good.
Was stationed at Ft. Riley once upon a time, and got to know Manhattan fairly well. This is gonna be good :)
9557346 I've lived 99% of my life within 50 miles of where I'm sitting right now. A little frightening, sometimes. I still can't be given directions by street names.
9557590 9558571 Oh, my readers would kill me if I let Widget die. Or get kidnapped off to the other end of the country while the rest of the ponies get portaled home.
9557836 The Jeff Wayne War of the Worlds, 2CD set is the most awesome piece of music/dialogue/everything ever.
9559178 Been here since 1980. Amazing how much has changed, and how much has stayed exactly the same.
Congratulations, you now hold the record for the longest intro quote I've ever seen!
Also, I noticed an oddity. Based on my experience in industrial facilities, I would have expected him to hit the emergency stop button when Sweetie fell into the chomper. The way it's written here makes it sound like there isn't an E-stop which is odd because even gas stations have to have them.
Oh they will be...
As soon as it's open that is.
The tone of this story, it's just, delightfully perfect!
I love it!
Damn, a few paragraphs in and already we're into the gore!
This repeated joke is a delightful hook to break up your intro exposition. I really liked it.
9561228
You just gonna ignore the fact that he brutally and accidentally amputated his family dog?
9568779
Accidents are accidents. Power tools are not toys. If it was the dog's fault, then this poor farmer had little choice in the matter. You make it sound like he's a serial dog-delimber.
Unicorn: Falls into a farm
Farmer: You are trespassing on my property and on this planet
9568779 Obviously, you've never put up hay. I'm including a video for those non-farmers. If that looks dangerous, it is. You see, dogs are dumb. Rabbits jump out of the grass when a sickle-bar mower approaches. The cutting edge of a sickle-bar mower is under the grass, and you can't see it. Neither can dogs chasing rabbits. Moral of the story: Never let dogs be around where you're cutting hay. Or ponies.
9571394 Yep, exactly.
9571504 I harbor no doubts as to what would happen if something fanged, clawed, and carnivorous had fallen out of those portals. The *average* number of guns a farm family has in this area is around six. Then add in Ft. Riley next door.
Okay.
That's fine as long as no one can hear you scre... I mean sing.
Ouch!
9556952
Me: *looks up for reasons only to dial a number at random*
MIB: "Mares In Black, we don't exist. How may we vaporize you today?"
Me: "Was that a joke?"
MIB: "Nooooo."
Me: "Whatever. We have a code Rainbow. No killing unless necessary."
MIB: *looks through Procedure manual* "Code Rainbow, code Rainbow. Ah, here we go. "Man who may or may not live in Kansas may have discovered the truth." Are you sure I can't vaporize him?"
Me: "No. SOP requires an observe and study approach to a code Rainbow and that is what you are gonna do."
9571504
Eek!
*Looks up at the sky* OH MY GOSH, MY DREAMS CAME TRUE!!!
Reading this brings back a lot of memories. I miss Kansas.
Given the unicorn is crying for her mother...Diamond Tiara is who I assumed that to be. And while she can be a bitch, she really doesn't deserve that.
9737133
Diamond Tiara is an earth pony. I wonder if it was Dinky Hooves?
I take issue with calling the 19th of June the longest day of the year. It was Sunday June 21st of that year.
9723682
Come back then. We Kansans and Manhattians will welcome you back with open arms.
Coming to this very late, but I applaud the humorous way you built suspense. The whole delay I’m thinking, “I hope none of them fall in blades or get sucked up in the PTO.”
Excited to dig into this.
Bring all the ambulances. The fire brigade. Hell, call FEMA cause shit's about to go down.
9557836
Wells is one of the people who arguably invented science fiction. He wrote the first
Alien Invasion story
Genetic Engineering story (Food of the Gods)
Animals into people (Island of Dr Moreau)
Time Machine story
Armored Vehicle warfare ("The Land Leviathans")
And a million other people wrote better stories on every idea he ever had.
9571593
Let me put it this way. It is believed that as little as 300,000 years ago there were possibly as many as 9 more or less human species. Today there is 1. This was achieved with (at best) bows & arrows for weapons.
& yeah farming is the 8th most dangerous job in the USA, 26 deaths per 100,000 workers (2013)