Trouble in Paradise
Everything was dark.
Not just dark, but a darkness so complete that there was truly nothing to experience, devoid of any light, sound, or sensation. It was only the gentle stirrings of her own thoughts that reminded Twilight that she was conscious at all.
Sensation slowly began to return to her, but she soon found herself wishing it hadn’t. It was a dull yet powerful ache, a throbbing pain that covered her from the tip of her horn to the bottom of her hooves. For what felt like hours, she lay down on the soft surface, unable to even move a single muscle in her body.
Wait... soft?
Sure enough, Twilight realized that she was lying on something plush and soft. It was a feeling she’d recognized before, the pillowy texture combined with gentle moisture that she’d grown closely familiar with after obtaining her wings. Her eyes pried themselves open, and she slowly took in her new surroundings.
As she expected, she was lying on a bed of clouds. They were extraordinarily soft to the touch, even compared to other clouds she’d lied down on before, yet they supported her weight firmly. The clouds stretched out in front of her all the way towards the horizon, as though they weren’t objects in the sky but rather a replacement for the soil.
Slowly, Twilight crawled to her hooves, allowing herself to get a better view of where she was. She craned her neck upward, and found the sky above to be a clear shade of blue, without any sign of clouds besides the ground they stood on. The warmth and light of a gentle summer’s day shone brightly from above, yet despite that, there was no sun whatsoever to be seen. As Twilight took in a breath, she marveled at just how clean the air was. It was light, fresh, and clear, a million times clearer than any air she had breathed in Equestria. Letting it into her lungs brought a gentle, tingling warmth that spread throughout her entire body, soothing away any tension that remained in her.
She closed her eyes, breathing in as deeply as she could through her nostrils. A contented sigh escaped her lips. It felt... blissful. There was no other word she could even think of to describe it.
“Twilight? You okay there, sugarcube?”
The sound of Applejack’s voice snapped Twilight back to reality. She looked around and saw her friends standing beside her, but more than that, she had a good look at all the other ponies that were there, too. They appeared to be in some kind of park, dotted with trees and park benches, and noticeable pathways surrounding the field that were seemingly built from denser, harder clouds. A pair of pegasi were playing a game of catch in the air above the field, and various ponies could be seen trotting along the sidewalks. Their forms, Twilight noticed, were all very slightly translucent, and seemed to glow faintly all on their own.
The bliss that Twilight felt vanished, replaced with a yawning chasm within her chest as she came to a horrifying realization.
“I... I don’t know if any of us are okay, Applejack. I... I think we’re dead.”
Twilight’s friends all shared an look with each other, before turning back to Twilight. She could see the apprehension slowly crawling across their faces.
“Oh dear,” said Rarity, “you don’t actually think that could be true, do you? Discord said we’d only be visiting for a short time. You don’t think he... he...”
“We, uh, did kind of explode,” said Rainbow. “I’m no expert, but that seems like it’d be pretty lethal.”
“Maybe we should just ask Discord about it?” said Pinkie. “I don’t think he’d just go right out and do something like that, but you never know with him.”
“Ask me about what?”
A flash of light pierced through the air, and Discord appeared, hovering just above the endless cloudscape. The gentle glow of the sunless sky reflected off his teeth as he grinned.
“Discord!” Twilight called out. “What did you just do to us? I swear, if you just killed us, I... I...”
“Kill you?” Discord scoffed. “Why I never! I can assure you, every single one of you is still very much alive.” He paused for a second, his eyes drifting over to Twilight’s barrel. He leaned over, and Twilight leaned back as Discord stared at her through squinting eyes. “Although... now that I mention it, you might want to get that tumor of yours looked at if you wish to stay that way for long.”
Twilight’s eyes snapped wide open. “Wait, what!?”
“Anyway, now that you’re all here, you should be able to find your dear friend Fluttershy. We should probably get a move on, since—”
“Discord!” Twilight yelled. “What tumor!?”
Discord pressed his hands against his hips. “Excuse me, didn’t anypony ever tell you that it’s rude to interrupt? Now, as I was saying, we should probably get a move on, the living aren’t at all supposed to be here. I can get away with it since I’m not strictly alive or dead, but the so-called Great Mare almost certainly won’t be happy to have you here right now.”
For a brief moment, Twilight felt her initial anger and shock dissipate. Curiosity dripped into the corners of her mind, until it began flooding into the very forefront of her thoughts. “Wait, Great Mare? Also, what tumor!?”
“Hm. You know, I’m honestly surprised you haven’t heard of Her,” said Discord. “But that’s not important right now. What’s important is—”
“DISCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORD!”
The voice came from on high, a noise so great and cacophonous that the clouded ground shook from its sheer power. Ponies all across the park scrambled in a terrified panic, fleeing outwards in all directions at a breakneck speed, until Twilight and her friends were the only ones remaining to be seen.
Discord’s pupils dilated to the size of pinpricks. “Oh dear. I believe that would be Her.”
All at once, everything went silent. The divine light that filtered from above dimmed, leaving all in shadow. The ghastly silence lingered as the shadows crawled over the landscape.
A great bolt of thunder descended from the sky. The clouds quaked with apocalyptic thunder, and the air crackled with static. Brilliant light exploded outward from the thunderbolt’s impact, enveloping everything in its blistering radiance.
When Twilight’s senses finally recovered, her jaw immediately dropped at what she saw. Standing before the group, glowing with an intense luminosity, was the largest being Twilight had ever seen. Her image was that of a white alicorn, standing at well over a hundred feet tall, each one of Her legs as wide and towering as an entire skyscraper in Manehattan. Her mane was a muted reddish brown, yet at once it seemed to burn with the fire of a thousand suns. Six brilliant wings of brilliant white feathers folded out from Her back, and on Her side Twilight could just barely make out a cutie mark of an inkwell and quill.
Discord gulped loudly, and craned his neck upward to meet Her piercing gaze. “Ah! H-hello, Epona! Fancy seeing you again! It’s been what, several eons?”
Epona’s eyes narrowed, and Discord flinched beneath Her glare. “Discord,” She hissed, “did you bring these living ponies into my domain?”
“W-well, I, uh...” Discord pulled at the fur around his neck, tugging at it as though it were a collar. “Y-you see, it’s actually a bit more complicated than that...”
“Discord,” Epona spoke, Her booming voice slicing through the air with the sharpness and strength of a thousand flaming swords. With every word, Her aura grew brighter and more potent, blazing with a heat and intensity that surpassed every star in all of creation. “Allow me to make one thing clear to you. I have only allowed you to wreak havoc in the mortal realm because my influence there is limited. But now not only do you come directly into the astral realm, you willingly breach the delicate boundary between life and death? Do you understand what sort of consequences you have invited by doing so?”
“Wait!”
In an instant, Epona’s intense corona flickered out of existence, the sound of Twilight’s voice cutting through Her fury. As Twilight stepped forward, She looked down to meet her, the white-hot fire of divine power in Her irises dimming into a warm, earthly bluish-green.
As she met the massive deity’s eyes, Twilight’s entire being trembled. Never in her life did she feel more insignificant, yet still her body filled with unbreakable resolve. “Discord, h-he... he just wanted to give us a chance to see Fluttershy again! S-she... she was one of our dearest friends!” Tears flowed freely from the corners of her eyes, pattering gently against the clouds. She knew that hiding her fear and desperation would have been fruitless. “P-please! Just... just let us see her one last time! I-I beg you, just give us a chance to say goodbye!”
Epona’s expression remained unreadable. For what may well have been an eternity, She simply stared down. All was silent, save for Twilight’s soft, gentle sobs.
Finally, Epona’s mouth curved upwards, into a serene, gentle smile. Her eyes glowed with divine light, and the light that radiated from Her aura took on a warm, soothing character.
“Twilight Sparkle,” She said, “you have no idea how happy I am to see you before me.”
Twilight’s ears perked up. She gently sniffled, letting the heavenly air of the Elysium clear her sinuses. “Y-you... you know me?”
“Of course,” Epona replied. “I was the one who first sculpted your soul from the aether, and sent it to the embrace of your mother’s womb. From the very beginning, I had great things planned for you.” Her smile broadened, and the light beneath her eyes twinkled gently. “But seeing you here today... I can see you’ve grown in ways even I didn’t expect. I cannot tell you how proud I am of you.”
“I... thanks?” Twilight’s wings twitched by her sides, and she rubbed her shin with a hoof. “I mean, I guess I’ve figured for a while now that some force of destiny had something in mind for me. It’s just... a bit weird hearing it come from an apparent creator deity, that’s all.” Epona’s face shifted almost imperceptibly, and Twilight immediately flinched backward. “N-not that there’s anything wrong with that! I, mean, I... Oh my gosh, I just offended a creator deity! I... I’ll probably be sentenced to an eternity of infernal fire!”
Epona raised an eyebrow. “Twilight...”
Twilight paid Her words no mind. Her breaths became shallow and quick, as the divine air rapidly pushed itself in and out her lungs. “O-or what if I end up with a sentence even worse than that? Like some sort of ironic punishment tailor-made to hurt me and everything I care for?”
“Twilight, calm down.”
“L-like an infinite library, where I’d have all the books I could ever possibly want!” Twilight continued. “O-only every time I’d even touch one of them, it would turn to ash before I could even see a single word!”
“Twilight, you must calm down,” Epona pleaded. “Living bodies aren’t meant to breathe the aether. If you hyperventilate, your soul could be irreversibly damaged.”
“A-and there’d be nopony else to talk to, nothing but me and an endless expanse books I can never read! I’d be alone forever!” Already Twilight’s head was becoming light, her newfound dizziness far outweighing the soothing quality of the air.
“Be calm.”
The command, spoken in the language of creation itself, echoed throughout the very fabric of reality. A soft, golden glow enveloped Twilight’s body, and immediately she felt her anxiety dissipate. She closed her eyes, and a slow, shuddering breath escaped her throat, her body shivering at the pleasant sensation that washed over her. “Oh, wow... that feels nice.”
Twilight’s eyes snapped open. She turned up to look at Epona, who stared down at her pitifully.
“Wait, you’re not mad?” said Twilight.
“You’ll find I’m not nearly as judgmental as some would have you believe,” Epona replied. Her face subtly shifted, lips curving into a pencil-thin frown. “That said, you and your friends still aren’t supposed to be here. Not yet.”
“Oh. Um...”
“Now you wait just a minute!”
Rainbow Dash’s voice cut in through the conversation like a knife. Despite the raggedness of her body, she stepped forward with unflinching confidence, wings flaring as she positioned herself between Twilight and Epona.
“Just who the hay do you think you are, telling us we can’t be here? Why should we listen to you, huh?”
Every hair on the back of Twilight’s neck stood on end. She zipped forward, and forcibly jammed her hoof into Rainbow’s mouth.
“Mmmph!” Rainbow protested.
Twilight’s body twitched as she forced out a weak laugh out of her lungs. “U-um, what she meant to say is, thank you for being so merciful and understanding, and not smiting us or anything like that!” Her eyes glided over to Rainbow, and she whispered out of the corner of her mouth. “Rainbow Dash, what do you think you are doing!? Do you have any idea just what kind of being you’re badmouthing right now!?”
With a loud ptooey, Rainbow ejected Twilight’s hoof out of her mouth. ”So she’s big and glowy. So what? I don’t care if she’s the most powerful pony in existence!”
“Except she is!” Twilight hissed. “I’m at least ninety percent certain at this point that she created the entire universe by herself! Do you have any idea just what she could do to us with that kind of power?”
“Well, I could hear the conversation you’re having right now, for one.”
Twilight let out a high-pitched squeak, immediately jumping backwards. When her mind caught up with her reflexive motion, she dropped down onto her knees, bowing her head. “Please don’t listen to her, Great Mare! S-she doesn’t know what she’s talking about! Please, have mercy on us!”
As her face pressed so low the ground that she could feel the clouds brushing against it, an unexpected sound crossed Twilight’s ears. She looked up, and to her surprise, saw that Epona was laughing. It was a bright, bubbly giggle, one that traveled through to the deepest core of her being, its gentle warmth spreading a fuzzy feeling across her insides.
“Wha...” Twilight could do nothing but gawk at the mirthful deity. Several words came to mind, only to escape from her as soon as she tried to speak.
“Twilight, please,” Epona said. “There’s no need for you to apologize on Rainbow’s behalf. She only means to stand up for those she cares about most. Wouldn’t you say that’s an admirable quality for a friend to have?”
“I... I guess?” said Twilight. “I-I mean, it’s just that we’re all so insignificant compared to you, I... I, um... w-well...”
“You’re afraid of me because I am powerful,” said Epona.
“I... w-well, uh... Y-you see...” Twilight stood in place, stuttering incoherently. Finally, she took a deep breath, allowing her thoughts to collect themselves. “...Yeah, it’s true. There’s no sense in lying to you, is there? I’ll admit, I’m... I’m kind of a bit terrified to be meeting you face-to-face.”
“As I thought,” said Epona. Her eyes glittered, and Her lips curved upwards, into a gentle smile. “But what if I said that you’re not as powerless compared to me as you may think?”
“I... what?” said Twilight. “What do you mean?”
“You are correct that I created this universe, and shaped it into what you know,” Epona replied. “And within the Elysium itself, my power is near absolute. But what fate befalls the mortal realm no longer lies with me. Though I crafted each of your souls with the intention that you would one day bear the Elements of Harmony, each of you have lived your lives on your own terms, learning and growing in ways that I never would have imagined. And as I said before, I couldn’t be prouder of you for it.“
“Oh,” said Twilight. “So then, our destinies...?”
“They are what you create. The forces of Harmony will guide you towards their desired end in subtle ways.” Epona’s grin widened, the heavenly light reflecting off of Her teeth. “And sometimes they might not be so subtle. But how you interpret them, and even whether you follow them at all, are ultimately your choice. The power to shape Equestria’s future does not lie in my hooves. It lies in yours.”
“Wow!” Pinkie cut in. “That raises all kinds of philosophical and theological questions! Does free will exist? If it does exist, then is it at all compatible with a supposedly deterministic universe? Even if we have the power to shape the future, does anything we do even matter? And for that matter, does it even matter whether anything we do matters?” As she continued, her voice quivered with panic, her breaths becoming quicker and more intense. “If perceptions can be fooled by hallucinations, then how can we know that we’re really in the afterlife and talking to God? How can we know anything, for that matter? I know that I exist, but what if I can’t even know that because I can’t know if my own thoughts really belong to me in the first place? What if the possible world we exist in isn’t the actual world? What if we don’t exist!? Somepony help me, I’ve gone too deep!”
Applejack placed a hoof on Pinkie’s shoulder, gently rubbing her back. “Easy there, Pinkie. Remember what Epona said about hyperventilating on them there aether?”
Pinkie took in a deep breath, her body steadying as she exhaled. “Whew! Don’t worry, Applejack, I’m okay now! I just thought about candy for a bit until I forgot what I was talking about.” She paused momentarily. “Wait, what were we talking about?”
“Something about how we’re in charge of our own destinies,” Rarity replied. “Though considering my own destiny literally grabbed me and dragged me by the horn, I remain somewhat skeptical of that claim.”
Rainbow rolled her eyes, snorting silently. She looked like she was going to speak for a moment, but then froze where she stood. Slowly, a manic grin crept across her muzzle.
“Actually... now that you mention it, if we really are in charge of our own destines, that might mean we can stay here if we want!” She turned her head upwards, and pointed a hoof at Epona. “And that means you can’t stop me from seeing Fluttershy again! Ha!”
“Rainbow!” Twilight yelled. “Stop taunting God!”
“That’s okay, Twilight,” Epona reassured. “I actually don’t mind having somepony willing to confront me directly. It’s honestly quite refreshing.” Her smile soon faded, and the light above Her seemed to dim as Her lips curved into a frown. “That said, I still can’t let you stay here.”
“What!?” said Rainbow. “And why the hay not?”
“Because the boundary between life and death exists for a reason, Rainbow Dash,” said Epona. “It is not merely the boundary that separates the living and the dead, it is the boundary that separates the Elysium from the rest of creation. If you remain here long enough, that boundary that defines life will unravel, and my domain will directly collide with the rest of existence. I can’t afford to risk the annihilation of the universe I’ve created. If you wish to see Fluttershy again, you’ll simply have to wait for your time like everypony else.”
As Epona gave Her explanation, Rainbow Dash’s face went through a spectrum of different emotions. Anger became shock, shock became confusion, until finally she settled on a deep, powerful sorrow. Her ears lied flat against her own as she stared agape, tears forming in little pools beneath her eyes.
“I-I... No, that’s...” Rainbow looked away. She closed her eyes momentarily, sucking in a sniffling breath through her nostrils. She turned back up and glared at Epona, though her attempt at an unwavering stare was less than convincing beneath her reddened, tear-soaked whites. Epona returned her gaze, though there was not a hint of anger or indignation in the soft, celestial glow of Her irises.
Finally, Rainbow let out a sigh, lowering her head to the clouds. “I... I just... I just wanted to see her one last time. Is that so wrong?” When she looked up to face Epona again, she didn’t even bother trying to hide her tears. “I never had a chance to tell her how I felt about her! I-I could have said it at any time, but I wasted every chance I got! A-and I don’t know if she’ll ever know now! I can’t bear to live like this! Please, just let me speak to her one last time! Let me tell her that I love her! I promise I’ll go back right after that, just let me have this! Please!”
Tension and silence wove themselves thickly into the air. For seconds, if not minutes, Epona simply stared back at Rainbow, Her unflinching gaze remaining soft as Rainbow’s tears pattered against the clouds. Finally, She spoke.
“Thirty minutes.”
Rainbow’s ears jolted upright. She blinked rapidly, and stared back at Epona. “W-what?”
“Thirty minutes,” said Epona. “You have thirty minutes to find Fluttershy, and say what you wish to say to her. Afterwards, you will all return to the living world, with no memory that you were ever brought here to begin with. And as for you, Discord...”
A very conspicuous, Discord-shaped hedge nearby jumped several feet into the air. “Eep! I-I mean, yes, Your Godliness?”
Epona’s eyes narrowed. Her irises turned as dark as the night sky, and thunder rang through the air as the image of a lightning bolt appeared within them. “...I will allow you alone to keep your memories, but you are never to mention your visit here to the others, nor are you to bring any living ponies into my domain ever again. My influence in the mortal realm may be limited, but I can ensure that Harmony will find a way to punish you for your transgressions. Do I make myself clear?”
“Er... y-yes. Crystal,” said Discord.
“Good. Now then, I must be going. Your thirty minutes starts now.”
“W-wait!” Rainbow cried out. “What about our memories? You can’t take those away! I-if we don’t remember—”
“I’m sorry, Rainbow Dash, but that is the most I can allow you,” Epona cut in. “You have thirty minutes. Make them count.”
A great, brilliant light erupted from Epona’s horn. Then, in an instant, the Great Mare was gone. As Rainbow stared up towards the now unoccupied sky, Twilight approached her, and placed a hoof on her shoulder.
There was another, smaller flash of light, and Discord returned to his normal appearance.
“So,” he said with a grin, “it looks like you’re going to need someone to show you your way around.”
I’m not particularly religious myself, but this part of the story was something interesting to think about, in terms of the implications it poses.
Epona, for those who don’t know, is the Gallo-Roman goddess of horses. Who else but her would create an entire world of little ponies, after all? 
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This story just got ninety three times better.
No, really. I loved the interactions with Epona, the comical pacing, the philosophical implications and Pinkie's rant (altough now I'm not sure about her sanity or if she really is that simple and her mental power is subconcius, or if she is conciously thinking about deep existencial phylosophics, and fakes a persona because she knows that she can't mantain her friends if she doesn't... I have oficially gone too deep.)
Also, the explanation about the difference between planes kind of makes sense.
You have become one of my favourite writers on this site.
Is it wrong that my first thought here was "Superintendent Chalmers!"?
In any case, definitely one of the nicer demiurges I've ever seen. Always noce to see a god with a sense of humor, especially one who can laugh at herself. Now to see if the group can track down Fluttershy.
I guess Epona won't let the ponies remember Elysium because living mortals aren't supposed to know what happens after death. Nonetheless, if all but one of the main characters forget what happens, it's like it never happened for them, which means they don't learn anything, which makes me wonder why I should get invested in what Dash and her pony friends get up to. We might as well just focus on Discord since he's the only one that matters in this tale. I'm sorry, but making your main characters forget what happens in their story is almost as bad as the "it was all just a dream" ending.
Edit: I should add that I think the biggest problem is not so much that the characters are going to forget, but that this revelation came so early in the narrative. I think that's what's really putting me off. The ending has been given away, so now I'm wondering why anyone is even bothering.
But maybe I'm too cynical and jaded.
8784400
While I appreciate the attempt at criticism here, I don’t think I can agree.
First off, I don’t believe it would make sense in-universe for a benevolent deity to avoid mentioning the very important detail “hey, you’re not going to remember any of this,” especially not one when Honesty is a characteristic that deity had personally made to be integral to the harmony of the world. Epona would likely see it as cruelty to omit that information.
Secondly, the claim that “you know what will happen” is... not true. You don’t know how this is going to work. You can probably make some kind of guess, but unless you can read my mind you can’t really “memory loss” plot point will end up working in practice, or how it will actually play out in the end. You’re making a lot of assumptions about how the characters may or may not be impacted that I don’t really feel are justified.
8784570
It's not so much a criticism as a personal turn-off. I just don't like the timing or the way that the future memory loss was revealed in this chapter. In order for me to keep going I need to know why the characters would bother to find Fluttershy other than simply killing time, but that hasn't been explained, yet. Why would they do something they know they're going to forget?
8784586
How can you be sure that I wasn’t planning on addressing this exact point, though? Again, I feel like your response is jumping to conclusions about where this story is going.
CLIFFHANGERRRRRR
Oh well at least there's another chapter
Okay, I am officially a massive fan of your portrayal of a classical Graeco-Roman afterlife. You perfectly balanced the different aspects of
FausticornEpona's personality. I honestly wouldn't mind if the real God was actually like that.Lol. The Fausticorn has arrived.
Gosh, I want heavenly air to clear my sinuses! That's some good air!
Dafuq? Is she braindead? This is how you get smote.
Wow, those are the absolute most sensible words ever spoken.
I can think of a few
Sliepnir from Norse mythology?
Hm. There is as always the issue... IF she has created all that is there... she EXPLICITLY made it to work like that... Why does there need to be a passage to the "living" world [even though the MLP one is WAY more happy than the real one] and then go on to live forever in the Elysium? Why not just START with the Elysium so no one has to get through that suffering? What possessed Epona in doing that?
11328073
Life is dynamic and capable of growing and changing. Almost by definition, that’s what it does. But the Elysium, while pleasant, is also an extremely stagnant place in part because nothing there is “alive” in any real sense.
A creator deity that wants their children to be able to grow and develop into their own isn’t going to be able to get that from a realm of eternal stasis. There are a couple throwaway lines about “archons” in this fic and I never really fleshed them out, but they’re specifically named after the entities in Gnostic religious traditions to emphasize that they are rigid, inflexible beings. As beings who spend their entire existence in the Elysium, likely don’t even have true free will the way beings born in the living world do