This story is a sequel to Returning Home
("sequel" but can be read on its own, without first reading Returning Home)
It’s a dream come true, when I find my way to Equestria, and turn into a little pony, a mare! This can’t be an accident. I must be in a story! The problem is, I know how these stories end. I’m supposed to learn the lesson that my old life was worthwhile after all, and return home. But Equestria is a wonderful, beautiful land, and the longer I live here, the more I fall in love with it. There’s nothing for me to return to, besides loneliness, sorrow, and eventually death, so can’t I just... stay here?
I just want to be the little pony!
Chapters (4)
The same story but with Rose's perspective?
8447874
https://derpibooru.org/1531743
By the way, why the definite article in "I just want to be the little pony!" in the description?
8449220
It's from the phrase uttered in dark corners of the internet "I wish to be the little girl." It's supposed to sound oddly specific, to make the speaker sound more sinister, and less like a flailing idiot.
8449425
Ah, huh; thanks.
Comments on Chapter 4:
"What are your counters made out of?"
Thanks! :)
And a neat answer.
I don't think I've ever really gotten why some people seem to have trouble with the idea of rock farming as an actual, literal thing in Equestria...
"reply to that persay, but"
"reply to that per se, but"?
The transition to the dining area seems a bit abrupt to me. And were Mr. and Mrs. Cake listening to the whole conversation with Pinkie, that they responded that quickly, or... what's going on there?
So Gummy usually lives downstairs? Or does he only use his tubquarium sometimes, despite it being reserved for his use most of the time? And if it's-- Ah! Wait, was that a singular "Your", referring to Pinkie's bathtub, specifically, not a bathtub for the house (well, home areas of the building)? And it isn't usually upstairs because it doesn't usually exist as a bathtub at all, instead being a tubquarium?
"this town, the Cake’s bathroom"
"this town, the Cakes' bathroom"?
"waving a hoof at the direction of a"
"waving a hoof in the direction of a"?
"lifting my arm up and hooking"
"lifting my right arm up and hooking"?
Ah, neat. One control for mass flow and one for mix ratio? Hm. Doing that with only two valves would require the mass flow valve to be downstream of the mix ratio valve (the design of which seems like it would be a bit more complicated) would have the hot and cold water lines connected constantly unless the mix valve was all the way one way or the other, and having one control actuating two valves upstream of the mix valve would require more valves and more complicated plumbing. And the mass flow could use a pair of simpler valves instead of one more complicated one. I wonder what particular design they went with? Not-Yet-Named-Rosy didn't seem to see anything odd (meaning, not fitting with her expected design) about the plumbing at first, but she may just not have been paying a tremendous amount of attention to it. Hm, though we also aren't told that the complicated parts aren't in a some sort of black box with pipes and controls entering and leaving but no clues to the internal arrangements.
Ooh, I wonder if this Ponyville has a district heating system?
"Mrs. Cake says seeming a little disconcerted"
"Mrs. Cake says, seeming a little disconcerted"?
"Just... stand around with other ponies"
"Just... standing around with other ponies"?
"up to her head an hooks the edge"
"up to her head and hooks the edge"?
"And just like that, my whole worldview exploded... again."
:)
8451915
Thanks! I do try.
Check the HTML source...
Should I make that more obvious?
Why does nohuman do this??
Well, yeah. Is that a problem?
No. No that's the problem with the human world. One control for both ratio and flow. It's the worst possible faucet!
Um... I suppose they could? Seems inefficient to pipe hot water all that way.
I AM THE MEME QUEEN
Thanks for your help!
8453624
"Check the HTML source..."
Ohh, you're planning to take more questions for readers and add those in? The transition looks abrupt because it isn't finished yet? :)
"Should I make that more obvious?"
I think it would be, while not vital, good, but I'm still blanking on how to do it.
...Actually... Might be as simple as "It’s usually Gummy’s tubquarium" to "My bathtub’s usually Gummy’s tubquarium"? That seems like it'd work; I'm not sure why I didn't think of it before.
"Why does nohuman do this??
"
I wondered that too, following reading the chapter. I'm guessing a combination of added complexity and a holdover from when the taps were entirely separate.
"Well, yeah. Is that a problem?"
It means that the hot and cold water lines aren't isolated from each other when the mass flow valve is cold. That might or might not be a problem, but it could have a number of effects not present if they were isolated. For instance, if a hot tap elsewhere in the house is open, it could draw water either from the water heater or from the cold water line through the partially open mixing valve, and seems likely to do some of both. Different configurations of open valves in the system, especially if any of them also break isolation, could result in varying water flows and thus water temperatures. There also might be a problem with hot water rising through the pipes and, since there's a loop, causing a current to flow.
"No. No that's the problem with the human world. One control for both ratio and flow. It's the worst possible faucet!
"
Oh, that's not what I meant. One control turns a rod that simultaneously actuates a mass flow valve on the hot pipe and a mass flow valve on the cold pipe; it's still one control for mass flow and mass flow only. The mix control then controls one or more mixing valves downstream of the mass flow valves. The system allows the desired control scheme while preserving hot and cold line isolation, but at the cost of some additional mechanical complexity.
"Um... I suppose they could? Seems inefficient to pipe hot water all that way."
It's not necessarily piping hot water, or potable hot water; the thermal transfer could be through well-insulated steam lines or hot water lines which connect with heat exchangers in the basements of served buildings. It is often possible to make up for the small loss through a well-insulated piping system with gains in efficiency from having a single, larger, more consistently-running and possibly better-tended heat source.
Ah, a relevant Wikipedia link, I think.
Not sure how well this fits this Ponyville, though. I just at one point took Spike's line about using up all the hot water in town and ran with it...
"I AM THE MEME QUEEN"
Oh, I didn't see a meme in that? Was it the "exploded twice" thing?
"Thanks for your help!
"
You're quite welcome! :)
8453638
I've actually been looking for someone selling a faucet system that replaces 2 taps for hot and cold, with 2 taps for ratio and flow. Absolutely no luck so far, though there are like... showerheads you can get with a valve to block the water at the end of the hose. Even those are annoyingly rare.
I'm pretty sure there are one-way valves more upstream of there, since my sink faucets never made a sucking noise.
Oh, I see what you mean. I suppose that might be a good idea?
H..huh. I guess it would literally be canon, then. Unless he's some kind of bath taking ninja, sneaking from house to house, emptying out everypony's water heaters.
I'm not the meme queen, but yes. Ever since My Little Dashie, I have been unable to resist making horribly executed blatant references to that annoyingly persistent line.
Welcome to what?
8453682
"I've actually been looking for someone selling a faucet system that replaces 2 taps for hot and cold, with 2 taps for ratio and flow. Absolutely no luck so far, though there are like... showerheads you can get with a valve to block the water at the end of the hose. Even those are annoyingly rare."
Ah, sorry. Maybe you could build your own?
"I'm pretty sure there are one-way valves more upstream of there, since my sink faucets never made a sucking noise."
I don't follow, I'm afraid. Why would they? If they're open, isn't the path of least resistance out the tap against just about one atmosphere of air, instead of into the other pipe filled with higher-pressure water? I'm talking about if there's no opening to the atmosphere, just an opening between the hot and cold lines.
"Oh, I see what you mean. I suppose that might be a good idea?"
Well, it seems to give less scope for problems, at least.
"H..huh. I guess it would literally be canon, then."
Aye, it's kind of interesting, though I assume the show writers weren't really thinking about it much. I believe I decided that Ponyville's system was likely fuelled by wood gas, though I don't remember how much of that was based on reasoning that's not current coming back to mind and how much was just thinking it would be interesting and plausible enough. Of course, this Ponyville might use something different, if it has a district heating system at all.
"Unless he's some kind of bath taking ninja, sneaking from house to house, emptying out everypony's water heaters."
Hah! Not an interpretation I'd thought of! :D
"I'm not the meme queen, but yes. Ever since My Little Dashie, I have been unable to resist making horribly executed blatant references to that annoyingly persistent line."
Ah, thanks. :)
"Welcome to what?"
...Huh. What does that mean? "Thank you", clear enough: I thank you. "You're welcome"... you are welcome to give me thanks? Hang on, I'm going to try looking up the history...
Okay, so still not sure, but this might be the best source I found in my quick search.
The things we don't think to think about...
Also!
Comments on the Fallout Equestria story, Chapter 9:
"be awkward enough in of itself"
"be awkward enough in and of itself"?
"beyond, nor a God in pony form"
"beyond, nor a god in pony form"?
Huh. Kind of surprised Junktown has a dedicated construction worker. Maybe she got her cutie mark in it and makes it her primary job even if it's not her most frequently done one?
"One-eye Truffle said"
Hm. Maybe "One-Eye Truffle said"? I'm not sure.
"H-hear there’s s-some in Appleoosa too"
Huh. Interesting.
"at Littlepip with look of horror in her"
"at Littlepip with a look of horror in her"?
Coming back from the next chapter:
"Before she did, Littlepip built a bigger chalkboard to give some writing space"
"Before she did, Littlepip built a bigger chalkboard next to the first one to give some writing space"?
I at first missed that she'd added a chalkboard rather than replaced the old one. Looking back, I see at least one mention of multiple chalkboards after this in this chapter that I missed before, but I'd gotten the idea in my head here. Sorry.
And Chapter 10:
"She lifted that chalkboard, and she didn’t wipe it off. She carefully transported it back to the city, and took it straight to the general store!"
"She lifted those chalkboards, and she didn’t wipe them off. She carefully transported them back to the city, and took them straight to the general store!"?
"shoring the walls up are going to help against"
"shoring the walls up is going to help against"?
"by a lil’ yellow filly in a spacesuit"
Why does the font change on "yellow filly" and "spacesuit"?
Also, why is no one mentioning that the Yellow Ghost may have saved Littlepip's life, and may have already had something of an interest in her?
Huh. Surprised Hot Water hasn't already heard of Littlepip; I'd have guessed word travelled faster in a town this size, and she's not that inconspicuous/boring, the strange mute mare who wandered in from the wastes, talks with a pipbuck and goes around fixing things.
Oh, there are post-war Pipbucks? Interesting.
"He just looked really... sleek, and somehow exotic."
...Hm.
"Had a brown vest on wrapping his barrel and flanks"
Hmmm. :)
"was uncomfortably clise again"
"was uncomfortably close again"?
"up the big fat 2 on her"
"up the big fat P on her"?
...Deathcores take 50mm slugs to stop? And these are the only 5cm guns a quick search turned up for me; does he have a battle saddle that big, or is he going to be towing a gun cart?
...I mean, yes, in PH, we gave Deus 122mm and Steel Rain 120mm guns, but a: I believe Somber said at one point that he made them too big (not positive, but I think I remember that), b: Deus had heavy cyborg augmentation and Steel Rain had power armor, and c: both of them had high-tech/heavily-armed sources for their weapons. Here I'm not even sure if it's the Junktown armory instead of Hot Water's personal armory.
...Wow.
"going to Stable 2"
The font on "Stable 2" appears to be different.
Ah, that's why he hadn't heard of her; he just didn't know that he had. :)
Oh, and then she asks.
"If I’m such a legend"
The font is different on "legend".
"Hot Water smiled easy"
"Hot Water smiled easily"?
Huh. There's my imagining of this Littlepip's height adjusted down again.
(The first-ish description gave me the idea she was larger than average, then that got adjusted down to average, now down to a little smaller than average.)
"Didn’t he realize how gorgeous he is"
"Didn’t he realize how gorgeous he was"?
"And he thought... she was cute"
...And I think that that "she" may be a different size.
Ah, and here's that mention of the Yellow Ghost saving her!
"He was a... townsider, it seemed"
Why the ellipsis?
8453720
Wow, you just answered your own question! I didn't even need to type a single word!
...wondering why we're here, wondering why we're here.
They're also the town's dedicated demolition worker. Mulltitasking!
Junktown's actually completely moved locations a couple times, when better wells, or better defenses were found, or monsters started moving in. There's a reason it's a collection of ramshackle shacks, after all.
Thanks. That'd be good to stop being inconsistent about.
She's shortcutting her dialogue generator by filling in the blanks of canned phrases. It's supposed to indicate she's a little out of her element, conversation-wise.
Well... Hot Water did?
It was just the end of the world. No reason to let a little hangup like that get in the way of progress!
Did I ever specify how big Junktown was? It was awfully big in the original game, at least as far as towns in that game go.
Oh no, my clever ruse has been unveiled.
Why'd I have to go with two numbering systems? WHY
Caliber. I ment to say caliber. They're a little over 12mm and still Very Big Bulets
Maybe I should fiddle with that. She's supposed to be short, kind of stocky. Totally not a shetland.
"my name is lllppp"
Because the author's brain shorted out again?
8454293
"
"Wow, you just answered your own question! I didn't even need to type a single word!
...I'm very confused, sorry. How does the second apply to the first? And I hope I haven't offended you? From the rest of your comment and from general context, I'm guessing not, but this line in isolation has an opaque enough meaning to me that I wanted to be sure. Again, sorry.
...Hm. Having thought on it more after finishing the rest of the reply, is it just the path of least resistance part of that you were meaning? That seems like it would be a valid answer; it's the part about water flows that's confusing me.
"...wondering why we're here, wondering why we're here."
:)
"
"
I don't think that quote was quite accurate, ferret. :)
"They're also the town's dedicated demolition worker. Mulltitasking!
Junktown's actually completely moved locations a couple times, when better wells, or better defenses were found, or monsters started moving in. There's a reason it's a collection of ramshackle shacks, after all."
Huh, neat. Thanks!
"Thanks. That'd be good to stop being inconsistent about."
I don't think it was that inconsistent, but yeah.
"She's shortcutting her dialogue generator by filling in the blanks of canned phrases. It's supposed to indicate she's a little out of her element, conversation-wise."
Ah, nice! Thanks.
"Well... Hot Water did?"
He hadn't yet at the point I wrote that, as far as I saw.
"It was just the end of the world. No reason to let a little hangup like that get in the way of progress!"
"Presenting the new and improved Pipbuck Mark 4! Slimmed down with unnecessary features removed, the Pipbuck is now lighter and more convenient than ever!"
"...You took a metal plate, punched some holes in it for an old belt, and drew a picture of a screen on the front."
"The battery life is out of this world!"
"The battery is, one, already flat and, two, and I can't stress this enough, not actually connected to any wires. You put duct tape over the terminals."
"That's a safety feature! The new Pipbuck is also safer than ever before!"
"...Maybe there was a reason other scavengers hadn't looted those TV dinners."
"Did I ever specify how big Junktown was?"
Hm. I don't recall, I'm afraid.
"It was awfully big in the original game, at least as far as towns in that game go."
Right, but there's big relative to the other clusters of postapocalyptic shacks, and then there's big enough that most people don't actually at least know of most other people.
"Oh no, my clever ruse has been unveiled."
:)
"Why'd I have to go with two numbering systems? WHY"
:D
Hey, I'm glad you did. :)
The first chapter did specify it as P, though.
"Caliber. I ment to say caliber. They're a little over 12mm and still Very Big Bulets"
Ah, okay, yes. .50 slugs are still VBBs, but not towed-anti-tank-gun big. :)
"Maybe I should fiddle with that. She's supposed to be short, kind of stocky. Totally not a shetland."
Ah, short and stocky. Hm. Might be good to mention her height in the first description, then, yeah (though that seems to me like it would probably be enough). I read "stocky" there and imagined her with a sort of build one would more expect to find on an earth pony laborer.
""my name is lllppp""
(not trying to do the size in the quote here, sorry)
:)
"Because the author's brain shorted out again?"
Oh, sorry about that. :)
8454438
It's that I am totally incompetent in regards to plumbing design. You haven't offended me.
Stocky does imply short. It's a synonym for short that also implies "compact" and maybe a little dense. Anyway, it's easy enough to qualify a bit better.
8455057
"It's that I am totally incompetent in regards to plumbing design. You haven't offended me."
Ah, okay, thanks. :)
"Stocky does imply short. It's a synonym for short that also implies "compact" and maybe a little dense."
Hm. A dictionary just just pulls up has it as "broad and sturdily built". Synonyms: "thickset, heavily built, sturdy, sturdily built, heavyset, bull-necked, chunky, solid, dumpy, stubby, stumpy, squat; burly, beefy, meaty, hulking, strapping, hefty; cobby"
And the examples given are "he had a short, stocky body" and "a short, stocky man", and those "short"s would be redundant if short was included. Maybe the implication is a dialect thing?
"Anyway, it's easy enough to qualify a bit better."
Aye, I personally see no problem with being short and stocky, and the examples above would appear to agree that it's fine. Just not what I first assumed.
...
And I just realized that my first assumption of her as a big, strong mare is kind of what she gets in-universe. :D
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/9/13/97453__safe_artist-colon-mistermech_oc_oc-colon-blackjack_oc-colon-littlepip_oc+only_bottle_drinking_fallout+equestria_fallout+equestria-colon-+project.jpg
8455576
Just wanted to say that picture is absolutely hilarious. Thanks for pointing it out. I usually miss pencil sketches like that.
8456355
Hah, you're welcome. :D
Oddly enough this reminds me of the Narnia stories someway. Tracking.
8456745
I dunno where you made that connection. It's not like she's travelling to another world that's wreathed in snow, where she almost perishes were it not for the help of the friendly talking animals taking her in. There isn't even a lamp post!
Cringe
8456892
Look, just take the tracking and leave the connections to be my own.
8457018
Sorry to hear that. It was a sacrifice I had to make, to lend authenticity to the character, but I too find men's briefs to be pretty cringeworthy. So tacky, rough, and plain white!
8457140
Yes ma'am. Shutting up now.
8457179
Comments on Chapter 5:
"closer to to downtown"
"closer to downtown"?
"away everyone’s opthions that did not"
"away everyone’s options that did not"?
Huh. I had not heard the hypothesis that Prohibition was secretly driven by opposition to fuel alcohol. That one I'm pretty skeptical of, though I could believe that it was helped by someone with that in mind.
Nor had I heard that there was extensive pro-spark/anti-compression ignition propaganda from the interest of the refiners, but that seems reasonably plausible.
"Why Equestria use the same alphabet, the way they use the same language?"
Something appears to be missing from that sentence.
"who’s not the main 6"
"who’s not the Mane 6"?
"I’v kind of been hoping to ask"
"I’ve kind of been hoping to ask"?
Seeing them joke about butts, I suddenly found myself wondering, well, first what a yinglet in Equestria would be like, but then more generally what interaction between those two worlds would be like.
"Alright then, I’ll be sure to spend some time checking out pony asses."
There is surely no mixing of motives there at all.
...I am confused. Sea Swirl asks Protagonist (and now I'm wondering about MLP/Snow Crash) how Protagonist knew that Sea Swirl used to live in Baltimare. Protagonist replies that it was a lucky guess. But, um... didn't Sea Swirl just tell Protagonist? As in, in the previous paragraph she spoke in? Did different versions of the chapter run into each other here?
(Text:
"We barely had to wrapup in Baltimare.”
She gets a wistful look at that, so I ask her, “Do you miss it there?”
“Yeah, I guess,” she replies, then looks at me, asking, “But how’d you know I used to live there?”
“Lucky guess?” I reply uncertainly, “Honestly, I didn’t know, until you told me just now.”")
...Hm. Am I right in guessing that a lot of those adventurers don't come back? And not in a "they fell in love with the lands they explored and decided to settle there" way, though some of them may do that too. After all, especially with pegasi making aerial maps, it seems like a lot of adventurers flowing out should un-uncharted the east relatively quickly, unless the adventuring boom just started recently. Or the geography of the east keeps changing.
(And as for the southern jungles, well... presumably not everyone is as good at dodging darts and boulders as Daring Do.)
"You should see it, in the spring!"
Should that comma be there? Fine either way, but the meanings (or... more tones here, I suppose?) seemed different enough to me, though still similar, that I thought I'd check.
Oh, and here's something from Chapter 3 of Returning Home:
"Who’s name was... something."
"Whose name was... something."?
"I mean, it’s obvious that she would"
Why? Expectations from outside the world?
...Hm. And, um, sorry, but a dialog mismatch.
Here:
"Just pretend I’m not a princess, okay? Just—I moved here a dozen years ago, as a graduate student and a new librarian." "Just a librarian" "Just think of that, not what happened to me."
Returning Home Chapter 3:
"Just pretend I’m not a princess, okay? Just—I moved here a dozen years ago, as a graduate student and a new librarian. And I just—just think of that, not what happened to me."
"And beach parties? Just how far away is far away in Equestria? You can just take a trip to the beach, from the center of the continent?"
...Um. Well, not all beaches are on the ocean, Pony-Yet-To-Be-Known-As-Rosy...
"That is the last think anypony doesn’t know."
"That is the last thing anypony doesn’t know."?
And... another mismatch? But I think I remember the version in No Going Back from Returning Home, so maybe you changed Returning Home after I read that section but used an older version for this? Anyway:
Here:
"“That sounds more like a witch than a princess,” I have to reply, wondering if princesses are synonymous with witches in this universe.
Twilight just stares at me, blinking. Okay, did I say something wrong? “Did you just call em a witch?” Twilight asks. Crap!
“Not if you aren’t going to change me into a toad, uh, princess,” I reply meekly."
(Oh, also, "you just call em a witch?" to "you just call me a witch?", if you change Returning Home instead of this?)
Returning Home:
"“That sounds more like a witch than a princess,” the cream colored mare mused.
That got a chuckle out of Twilight, who said, “You know, even if you are far from home, it’s nice sometimes to have someone here who isn’t all worried about my princessness."
Oh for the love of Celestia, you two, just talk to each other! You're both even thinking of this as a story!
"It’s the only think I could find any joy"
"It’s the only thing I could find any joy"?
"and was carried her by mouth back to the"
"and was carrying her by mouth back to the"?
8471720
don't be thilly, thugar~
There's actually some support for that story. Not enough to prove in court, but Rockefeller was a strong supporter of the "temperance" movement, and ethanol refining was in direct competition with his primary cash cow. And it was during his funding campaign that a whiskey drinking congress suddenly voted to make refining whiskey illegal. There were no under-the-table bribes on record... but...
Anyway, I was using it here, to make Rosy look a bit irrationally negative about the human world... as an ironic twist, because she doesn't actually believe the story is true, and has other reasons to dislike her home. Also to make Applejack's namesake a bit more of a happy surprise for her.
That one I'm not quite as sure of, but he definitely profited more from spark plug engines. The original Model T was diesel, interestingly enough. No real information as to why they switched to spark plugs. The original engine could fairly easily run on kerosene or (natch) ethanol. Then car makers all just... started making nothing but petroleum-only engines. Far as I can tell, at least.
What you talk about? That sentence good, like mammoth steak!
Wow, that would be really stupid. Good thing that's not what I wrote, and surely no git revisions will ever reveal that I changed it.
I'm not... exactly sure how a Baltimare local would phrase it to sound like they did come back. "to and from" seems overly piccayunish. Maybe "to explore"
The uncharted east crosses gryphon territory, first off, and there's a huge ocean separating it from Equestria. Also ponies don't exactly have... highly accurate ways to measure their location, so a flying pegasi can get the scale or shape of the land wrong. Also yeah, things... get kind of weird out there. Incidentally, this is the origin of the word "cartographer" in Equestria, because the only ponies who could make relatively accurate maps could only do so from within pegasi pulled carts.
"You should see it, in the spring, In America!
Actually, those little slipups happen, when two people recall the same conversation. But yeah, that one is a little too much, now that I look at it.
Do they call it a beach party if it's just by the river? Well, Rosy's not exactly fluent in partying, or beaches.
I had to change it while finishing Returning Home, before even starting on this story. I must just have forgotten to upload the changes to fimfiction.
It's understandable for them to avoid talking about it, isn't it? Twilight wants Rosy's adventure to unfold naturally, and Rosy doesn't want ponies to know that she's genre savvy, in hopes it'll help her influence the outcome. I don't want to make it look like Rosy's just doing it for plot convenience.
Thanks for corrections... even though it kinda clutters up the comments section, and I had to write a program to format quotes and my replies with spoiler tags.
8472678
"don't be thilly, thugar~"
:)
"There's actually some support for that story. Not enough to prove in court, but Rockefeller was a strong supporter of the "temperance" movement, and ethanol refining was in direct competition with his primary cash cow. And it was during his funding campaign that a whiskey drinking congress suddenly voted to make refining whiskey illegal. There were no under-the-table bribes on record... but..."
Sure, sure, like I said, I can believe he saw an opportunity for an excuse, but the "temperance" movement goes back long enough, as I recall, that he'd have needed a time machine to be behind the whole thing. And if he had a time machine and the best he could do was a conspiracy against fuel alcohol, well, that seems kind of uncreative.
"Anyway, I was using it here, to make Rosy look a bit irrationally negative about the human world... as an ironic twist, because she doesn't actually believe the story is true, and has other reasons to dislike her home. Also to make Applejack's namesake a bit more of a happy surprise for her."
...Irrationally... ah. That might have come across more clearly to someone who disliked cars, and particularly the Cult of the Automobile, less than I do. :)
Though you did say only a bit, so, hm, actually, given the above, I guess that did work.
"The original Model T was diesel, interestingly enough. No real information as to why they switched to spark plugs./spoiler]"
Huh. I've not heard or found anything about that. How certain of it are you, and do you have sources? Wikipedia, at least, as a first investigation, doesn't have automobile-appropriate diesels being invented until 1932 at the earliest, some five years after the Model T ceased production.
"The original engine could fairly easily run on kerosene or (natch) ethanol."
That I've seen some debate on, but I can readily believe it.
"Then car makers all just... started making nothing but petroleum-only engines. Far as I can tell, at least."
Well, as I mentioned above, automotive diesels might well just have not been available until later, though their continued lack of popularity in the US vs. abroad is... a bit odd, it's struck me before. Gasoline definitely had competitors in electric and steam, though, that fell by the wayside.
"What you talk about? That sentence good, like mammoth steak!"
:D
"Wow, that would be really stupid. Good thing that's not what I wrote, and surely no git revisions will ever reveal that I changed it."
:)
...Ah, though I see that you or the software haven't changed it yet I must be seeing things in the chapter when I went to look at the new version. Well, I expect that that strange hallucination will clear up later. :)
(No rush if it was you, but I'm mentioning that in case it was the software without your knowledge; I see that the file as a whole has been changed.)
"I'm not... exactly sure how a Baltimare local would phrase it to sound like they did come back. "to and from" seems overly piccayunish. Maybe "to explore""
Well, it wasn't her lack of mention of a return that I worked from there. It's more looking at the number of people trying to extract Adventure, estimating the amount of Adventure available to extract, and concluding that Adventure is probably a pretty difficult and dangerous thing to successfully mine.
...And the current "to explore" version doesn't really change things for me, sorry.
"The uncharted east crosses gryphon territory, first off, and there's a huge ocean separating it from Equestria. Also ponies don't exactly have... highly accurate ways to measure their location, so a flying pegasi can get the scale or shape of the land wrong."
Well, yeah, but a bad chart is still a chart, and the ocean isn't an issue, since it's behind them once they arrive (And if they don't even arrive, well, they're still not being successful, are they?). And the gryphons presumably have some knowledge of their way around... unless, of course, this is a case of "Yes, you've lived here for thousands of years and had trading links going all the way to the coast, but you're not ponies, and therefore this land was undiscovered until we arrived! Also, we kind of drew our colony's border over there, so you owe us taxes now.".
"Also yeah, things... get kind of weird out there. Incidentally, this is the origin of the word "cartographer" in Equestria, because the only ponies who could make relatively accurate maps could only do so from within pegasi pulled carts."
Ah, neat. :)
"Actually, those little slipups happen, when two people recall the same conversation. But yeah, that one is a little too much, now that I look at it."
Ah, hm, that's convenient. :)
But, more seriously, I didn't realize that the narration style was that; thanks. I thought it was live but in past tense, as often happens because English. So I guess it's actually in the past to some degree? A full "actually being narrated by the character from later on", or something partial somehow? Or something conveniently undefined? :)
"Do they call it a beach party if it's just by the river? Well, Rosy's not exactly fluent in partying, or beaches."
:)
"I had to change it while finishing Returning Home, before even starting on this story. I must just have forgotten to upload the changes to fimfiction."
Ah, okay; thanks.
...I'm sure I remember commenting, while reading Returning Home, on the version of the text here, though. Did you change it twice, once to the version currently on FIMFiction and then back to this? Or was the "not if you aren't going to change me into a toad" exchanged moved somewhere else? Or am I really just misremembering?
"It's understandable for them to avoid talking about it, isn't it? Twilight wants Rosy's adventure to unfold naturally, and Rosy doesn't want ponies to know that she's genre savvy, in hopes it'll help her influence the outcome. I don't want to make it look like Rosy's just doing it for plot convenience."
Oh, no, no, it's believable and understandable, I think. Both of their motivations make sense based on their knowledges of the world. It's just frustrating! They could solve things so much more easily if they'd just sit down and talk frankly! But then there wouldn't be a plot of course. :)
So it's for plot convenience kind of, but through the natural action of the characters, the same thing that, with help from the mysterious spontaneous transforming rift formation, produces the plot in the first place.
"Thanks for corrections"
You're welcome!
"... even though it kinda clutters up the comments section, and I had to write a program to format quotes and my replies with spoiler tags."
Ah, sorry. Would you like me to move them to PMs, or something? You've not complained so far, that I recall, but I know some authors prefer not to have error spotting in their comments. Or is the spoilering the major problem, so this applies to chapters of other stories or not-yet-on-FIMFiction chapters of this story but not to on-FIMFiction chapters of this story? I'd personally prefer to have my comments public in case anyone else has something to gain from them, but you are, of course, the author, and the person most likely to read and gain from them.
8472832
Hardly at all. I had thought diesel engines were invented first. Wikipedia says that the first sparkplug engine was in 1882, and the first diesel engine was in 1892, so I guess not. Rockefeller was at the height of his power when the "Model T" came out, so I imagine he had a large role in removing the option to run the most popular engine with hemp oil. Actually, I think Rockefeller was funding propaganda against hemp as well as alcohol, trying to get it made illegal with stuff like "Reefer Madness." For all he was "religiously" anti-drugs, i sure never heard anyone say he funded an anti-opium campaign.
But I dunno. Really, it's just a story. Rockefeller got to write the history books, so there's not a lot of info as to what he actually did to gain power.
"I'm going to play on the swings!"
"Why are you saying you're never going to come back from playing on the swings?"
"What?"
Um... no? It's not in the past, and it's not live.
There's a difference between undiscovered and uncharted. Anyway in a thousand years, maybe the charts just crumbled from age.
OK good, I don't want to make it seem artificial.
Well, emails ideally. But I kind of want to keep spoilers and such protected by PGP or something. And you know how hard it is for me to get emails. So I dunno. It just seems kind of bad to post corrections for chapter 5 in the comment section of a story that has only been released up to chapter 2, even if you do so in spoiler tags.
8473419
"I had thought diesel engines were invented first. Wikipedia says that the first sparkplug engine was in 1882, and the first diesel engine was in 1892, so I guess not."
Aye, and I recall that there were also problems shrinking a diesel enough to be used in an automobile.
"Rockefeller was at the height of his power when the "Model T" came out, so I imagine he had a large role in removing the option to run the most popular engine with hemp oil. Actually, I think Rockefeller was funding propaganda against hemp as well as alcohol, trying to get it made illegal with stuff like "Reefer Madness." For all he was "religiously" anti-drugs, i sure never heard anyone say he funded an anti-opium campaign."
Sounds plausible, at least.
"But I dunno. Really, it's just a story. Rockefeller got to write the history books, so there's not a lot of info as to what he actually did to gain power."
Aye. Or, rather, there may or may not be, but it's hard to pick out what information is the information about what he actually did.
""I'm going to play on the swings!"
"Why are you saying you're never going to come back from playing on the swings?"
"What?""
Right, right, but it's not that that gave me the thought; it just didn't prevent it. Someone going to play on the swings doesn't mean they won't come back, but if twenty people shortly before them have said it and yet you can see maybe one actually on the swings, isn't it natural to wonder what happened to the others?
"Um... no? It's not in the past, and it's not live."
Oh. Huh. That's interesting. Yeah, Returning Home is past tense, but this one is present...
So... is it Twilight who's remembering, incorrectly?
(I'm trying to figure out the details of how your explanation fits, if that wasn't clear; sorry.)
"There's a difference between undiscovered and uncharted. Anyway in a thousand years, maybe the charts just crumbled from age."
Yes. Um. Sorry, perhaps the attempt at a joke clouded things. ...Though I'm confused here in general, I think, now?
The core of my thought was basically just that it seemed like the number of people involved in this suggested it was too difficult and dangerous to be accomplished by a smaller number.
"OK good, I don't want to make it seem artificial."
Right, that's not a problem. :)
I suppose it might be said that it doesn't make sense for Our Protagonist to be looking at things the way she is? But she's in a very unusual situation with a lot of charged emotions; I could see a wide variety of reactions to that from different people. I mean, even thinking this is a story, she could be thinking that it's one of those stories where someone's in a coma has to piece together the small inconsistencies to get back to reality, or that she's been abducted by aliens taking forms she's comfortable with to learn about her people. Or she could think that she's dead and was wrong about there not being an afterlife. Or that the ponies and Equestria are real, but this is all a sinister plot and the start of an invasion, with the ponies perhaps being behind the show from the start. There are all sorts of believable ways to react to this situation, I think.
Just kind of unfortunate that the view she happened to be using interacts so badly with the one Twilight is...
"Well, emails ideally. But I kind of want to keep spoilers and such protected by PGP or something. And you know how hard it is for me to get emails. So I dunno. It just seems kind of bad to post corrections for chapter 5 in the comment section of a story that has only been released up to chapter 2, even if you do so in spoiler tags."
...But, um. The things I'm posting comments for are all publicly released, just not here. You link to them from your user page. I'd not post spoilers like this for something sent to me in confidence, but I don't really see why it's problematic here?
...Would it help if the story being commented on and the story where the comments were left were different?
8473487
"A lot of people come to this park to play on the swings, because they're really fun."
"There's only one person on the swings though! What happened to them all?!"
I'm really not seeing the problem here, sorry.
I dunno. I wasn't there. and I do not seem to currently be there either.
Interestingly, coma patients never experience anything in the coma outside of rarely a feeling of floating in blackness. The brain isn't active enough to dream, apparently. Now a Plato's Cave scenario, that could be something worth considering...
fimfiction has thousands of readers and way better advertising, and funding than I do. Most people only see my stories here, I'm pretty sure. Think of it statistically... it's possible for anyone to have read that far, but not very probable, making it highly likely that someone here won't want to unspoiler your comments.
8474751
"
""A lot of people come to this park to play on the swings, because they're really fun."
"There's only one person on the swings though! What happened to them all?!"
I'm really not seeing the problem here, sorry.
Eh, might just be me, then. :)
"I dunno. I wasn't there. and I do not seem to currently be there either."
Ah, of course. :D
"Interestingly, coma patients never experience anything in the coma outside of rarely a feeling of floating in blackness. The brain isn't active enough to dream, apparently."
Hm, interesting; I did not know much factually one way or the other.
"Now a Plato's Cave scenario, that could be something worth considering..."
Aye. And a lot of different forms that could take.
"fimfiction has thousands of readers and way better advertising, and funding than I do. Most people only see my stories here, I'm pretty sure. Think of it statistically... it's possible for anyone to have read that far, but not very probable, making it highly likely that someone here won't want to unspoiler your comments."
And "then they won't unspoil them" isn't a valid answer because they're still getting in the way? I can see that. Though I'd also hope that people wondering what all the blacked-out text was might draw them to your website.
Well, since you didn't seem sure what was overall best, I suppose I'll keep going with the current system, unless I think of something better or you correct me misunderstanding your preferences or disclose new preferences? I don't know, it feels a bit off now, but the other methods have problems too, as you said. Hm. Well, let me know.
Comments on Chapter 1 of Nothing Bad:
And unfortunately, throwing a rock at the screen just results in needing a new monitor, rather than access first to the store and then to a police cell that's at least out of the elements.
"the real assholes are out there are the ones"
"the real assholes out there are the ones"?
"and my digestion, and myself."
I assume that what I think is a smaller font on "and myself" was deliberate?
"Did I mention I don’t look up at the stars much anymore, either? Two guesses as to why I do that."
Hm. "as to why I don't do that"? King of a tricky case, as the "that" could refer to either looking up at the stars or not looking up at the stars...
Huh. Turns out, Venus was the Pony Wishing Star this whole time! Part of me is imagining the planet saying to itself "Finally someone asks the right question! Seriously, humanity, I have no idea why this is my job either, but I've been waiting so long for someone to figure it out! Great, now once they start telling people, I can really... I sent them to Equestria. Shit. Real smart there, Venus, you could have waited, had them spread the word first, but nooo, you were so eager to do your job... sigh. Well, Jupiter, got any threes?"
...That kind of grew in the typing...
"That’d blend well I’d hoped once in my life, with the seaweed green mane currently cascading down around my neck and framing my vision."
That would blend well I had hoped once in my life... Not sure I'm following here, sorry. Is the protagonist saying that they'd imagined having this color scheme before?
edit a bit later on: Ah, I see so.
"Someone up there is looking out for me!"
"YEAH, THANKS, IF YOU CAN HEAR ME OVER THERE! IF YOU EVER MANAGE TO GET BACK TO EARTH, JUST SPREAD THE WORD PLEASE, ALRIGHT? I'LL EVEN PAY YOU FOR THE ADVERTISING IF, UH... I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'LL TAKE PAYMENT IN MOLTEN LEAD? OR SULFURIC ACID? GOT LOTS OF THAT!"
"and my lungs are behind me"
...Huh, neat. I mean, of course, but somehow, I'd never really thought about that before; the anatomical foreignness feeling hit me significantly harder on imagining that than the previous parts here.
"It’s um........ qiut walk of pony."
At first I thought that "qiut walk" might be one of those games where one has to pilot each limb of a walker with the keyboard (not that Time Turner would be likely to know what that was, but that doesn't mean our protagonist wouldn't say it at the moment :)), but google's not returning a result for me; I assume, then, that it's a typo (or something I'm even more unfamiliar with), but I'm not sure what it was supposed to be.
...Oh, and it's possible ponies can walk more or less from birth here, too, isn't it?
"had an hour glass, so I thought it"
"had an hourglass, so I thought it"?
"or think I’m some lost little filly wandering out all by myself"
Well, you know, they'd be right. Probably significantly underestimating the amount of lostness, too.
"flat against the side of my head"
"flat against the sides of my head"?
"Her short cut main has its"
"Her short cut mane has its"?
You realize what you're getting yourself into here, right, Skybrook-with-the-blank-flanks? :)
"blue in color despite not being painted"
...Huh.
...Smooooooth. Waay to make a first impression there, Skybrook; and here I thought the most awkwardness in this introduction would come from Scootaloo enthusiastically wanting to talk to you about the Crusaders (or whatever they're called in this universe).
...And... huh. There really was a method to her madness! :D
"Scootaloo facehooves, and says"
"Scootaloo facehoofs, and says"?
"It’s vaulted doors and arching windows are"
"Its vaulted doors and arching windows are"?
And the end of that chapter... but I see that there's a new chapter of Magnificent out, so... on to that, I guess!
Comments on Chapter 10 of Magnificent:
"with maybe a cup of soup and a flat soda in my stomach"
Where did the soda come from, and what about the water?
"no denying that Sunset’s done to you"
"no denying that what Sunset’s done to you"?
Huh. And now arises the question: Is this the same "Twilight Sparkle" as before, was the previous Twilight Sparkle actually Sunset Shimmer in disguise (Or are those both true?), or is something else going on?
"and between me and the princess"
Singular? Hm. Just Twilight thinking mostly of Celestia, or something else?
"sure we could restore your form"
"sure we could restore your forms"?
Also, should that be "we can restore"? Though I wonder if "could" is more accurate to what Twilight's actually planning.
"Princess Celestia, Princess Luna and I figure out how"
"Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and I figure out how"?
Oh, and now there are multiple other princesses...
(Actually, was the previous singular instance just a typo?)
"Because I’m not as big as a person. It was easy to deny, with the ponies I’ve met so far, thinking on some level that they were just giant ponies."
...I'm confused here. If what she's denying is how small she is, how would thinking she's... giant, but... smaller than humans... um. Yeah, confused, sorry; I'm not sure how to even formulate the question.
...Uh. So... is Meadowsweet's old name supposed to be Andrew or Aaron? I believe I commented on this last chapter, but looking back, you don't seem to have replied to that one, and both the original Aaron instances and the later Andrew instances both still seem to be here. Hm.
...Given the way things in this story go, though, I can't be sure that's a mistake rather than a plot point (or a mistake on Meadowsweet's part that Twilight can't contradict, either because she doesn't know or she's not supposed to know). :)
...Gee, speciesist against changelings much, Meadowsweet?
Sure, it's fine having sex with a manipulative magic user disguised as a pony as part of an evil plan if they're just a different pony, but if it's a changeling with the evil plan, even if your experience at the time was exactly the same, suddenly it's all icky?
"“You’re basically the reason every human ended up like this, just saying,” Twilight says chidingly with a roll of her eyes, “People might not appreciate that.”"
...
"So it is VERY IMPORTANT that you stop the ponies around you -- yes, like you, hello over there, could you scoot a bit closer -- the ponies all around you that THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT. Yes, if they found out that THIS MESS WAS THE FAULT OF YOU, THE EARTH PONY MEADOWSWEET, IN FRONT OF ME RIGHT NOW, they might SHUN HE- YOU AND PREVENT US FROM FOILING SUNSET'S BRI- EVIL, EVIL PLAN! So you should definitely not let that information slip, okay?"
"going up against Sunset. ,” Twilight says"
"going up against Sunset,” Twilight says"?
"This can’t be the fake Twilight, because she’s helping us so much, and the fake one has no reason to do so at all."
...Soooo you forgot Movie Sunset's plan to raise an army on Earth to conquer Equestria with, I'm guessing? I mean, I've not even seen the Equestria Girls movies...
"I’m working on hammering together some boards at one point, to make another wooden training dummy for ponies to practice on, imagining it were Sunset."
[looks up at previous comment]
Yep, a fake Twilight definitely would have no reason to keep you in an isolated rural location, safe from the government forces that want to capture and hurt you, while presenting herself as your savior and having you train for combat, promising you new bodies and a trip to a beautiful new land if you do what she says. That sounds entirely above board!
"But I can wail at nails as"
"But I can whale at nails as"?
"teratomancy"
[looks up related words]
...Huh. Are you sure that's what you mean? Or did I miss a meaning?
(If it gets changed, there's a later "terasolo..." and "Teratomancers" as well.)
"it trying to alterate you blindly"
"it trying to alter you blindly"?
Ah, yes, the question of whether this version of ponies menstruate.
"continuing to delicately levitate the axe against the grinder.”"
"continuing to delicately levitate the axe against the grinder."?
"She was too afraid to say approach anyone"
"She was too afraid to approach anyone"?
"I plea, stepping close enough"
"I plead, stepping close enough"?
Thaat's not how you get to Equestria!
pffff
help
I loooove the anatomical foreignness feeling ♥
Look at the first letters of that phrase.
Well...
It's blue wood, or as it's commonly known as bloo—*shot*
Right, just like she acts towards all the other blank flanks in her school... when?
Naw, town hall is actually a bunch of doors and windows with no actual building associated with them.
I meant in terms of calories, and I guess I should mention they had her drink some at some point.
Hm.....
Well, it wasn't supposed to be, but I guess it seems that way.
I'll try to make that clearer. It is a pretty sloppy writing of the things.
Heh heh heh
She screamed like a girl the last time there was a cockroach in the house.
Meadowsweet just kind of skipped to the part with the mane 6 ponying up.
Yep, she's a veritable saint!
Swing a... whale at them? That makes even less sense than wail!
Or maybe Twilight missed a meaning. Though... I'm tempted to call it transmogrifimancy, but that seems like too much of a mouthful.
It's alteration, so you alterate people, right? Right?
8487695
(You seem to have forgotten to tag that as a reply, but I found it anyway. :))
"pffff"
"
"help
Yes, that was kind of inspired. :D
"I loooove the anatomical foreignness feeling ♥"
:)
"Look at the first letters of that phrase."
...qwop?
[googles]
Ah, okay, thanks! Where did "qiut" come from, though, if I may ask?
"Well..."
Ah. :)
Well, you know it could still technically be a foal's walk, just with a much, much, much narrower window before they figure it out.
"It's blue wood, or as it's commonly known as bloo—*shot*"
:)
"Right, just like she acts towards all the other blank flanks in her school... when?"
Well, she already knows them; Skybrook is new. I may have been modelling wrong, though, yes.
"Naw, town hall is actually a bunch of doors and windows with no actual building associated with them."
No matter what Fluttershy said or how cheap it might have been, Mayor Mare couldn't help regret hiring Discord to do the renovations.
"I meant in terms of calories, and I guess I should mention they had her drink some at some point."
Ah, thanks.
"Hm....."
Hm......... :)
"Well, it wasn't supposed to be, but I guess it seems that way."
:D
"I'll try to make that clearer. It is a pretty sloppy writing of the things."
Thanks.
"Heh heh heh"
Oh. :D
...I have no idea what exactly it is, but still, :D.
"Meadowsweet just kind of skipped to the part with the mane 6 ponying up."
Ah. :)
"Yep, she's a veritable saint!"
:)
"Swing a... whale at them? That makes even less sense than wail!"
[shrugs] It's what my dictionary says, though. Apparently it comes from "wale", but I can't really see how, given that none of the meanings the dictionary list for wale sound like that.
"Or maybe Twilight missed a meaning. Though... I'm tempted to call it transmogrifimancy, but that seems like too much of a mouthful."
I did wonder about that first one...
I'm not sure if transmogrifimancy is that much of a mouthful for a technical term (and maybe it was shorter in the original language), but you may still have a point.
"It's alteration, so you alterate people, right? Right?
"
:)
8488235
Whoops... I keep doing that.
Try pronouncing it phonetically.
They're born able to walk, but not very good at all. So it is actually pretty much like that, just smaller with bigger heads and baby talk.
Everyone assumes the CMC are gonna get evangelical because they were to Apple Bloom's cousin, but I don't necessarily agree.
8488388
"Whoops... I keep doing that."
Eh, it's alright, though I do hope it doesn't lead to any being missed.
"Try pronouncing it phonetically."
Hm... "cute"?
"They're born able to walk, but not very good at all. So it is actually pretty much like that, just smaller with bigger heads and baby talk."
Ah, thanks.
"Everyone assumes the CMC are gonna get evangelical because they were to Apple Bloom's cousin, but I don't necessarily agree."
Righto, then.
(ferret means that question in the author's note, by the way; readers, please submit questions of your own. :))
8490787
People read author's notes?
8490938
Well, um. I think they do, at least?
For another question (I was trying to see if I could think of more for you/the story), maybe ask her what she's baking? Could potentially segue into more questions about the pony diet, though off the top of my head, and not knowing just how the conversation will go, I'm not sure how well that extension would fit in the immediate circumstances or with the larger required timeline of information acquisition.
edit:
8490938
Just checking, but did you miss this one? Sorry about the poke, but I wasn't sure what the lack of reply meant.
Maybe question about there alphabet this could be used to help along with twilight.
The other important quastion is how is goes in the future the problem is she no nearly nothing about the world and the question is how useless is the knowlegde from the old world.
Maybe this knowlegde could be for something good like present the idea of internal combastion engines or a other key piece of our technologys, but it would be good something that not exist or is only a theoretical idea.
Gah! I'm awake! Still alive here, honest!
Yes... Twilight Sparkle. Her. I still have not forgiven her for how much of a... a... monster she apparently is. Poor Rosy doesn't know what she's in for...
8513588
She's definitely become something of a beast. She'll be your friend forever though, and one of your greatest allies, if you can get past her intimidating power and lack of social graces, and reach the pony behind the princess.
Hmm, this story seems to skirt the line between teen and mature. Very much so. Seems to me that describing the sensation of your vulva pressing against the floor is a bit more mature than teen. Maybe? I mean, I love the inclusion of this intimate and awkward sensation, as it shows just how different out protag has it. It's just had similar thoughts when, in the previous story, Pinkie witnessed a pony, who I won't mention the identity of, being plowed hard by another pony and just kept on going. Another inclusion that really worked, if a bit strong for teen.
So, my point is that I think raising the rating to mature would allow more moments of our protagonist discovering her new body. More awkard moments, and strange and new sensations, without you having to try and sensor it to keep a teen rating. Although, raising the rating to mature would make people assume this is a clop fic, but that is the price to pay sometimes for getting intimately familar with a main character's daily life.
Anyway, I really have been putting this chapter, and the next, off for a bit. Kind of been psyching myself up due to how much I hate the version of the mane six in this story. Great and well written, sure, but them being well written only makes me hate them more. That said, I look forward to learning about the friends and adventures our poor protagonist has outside the horribly tinted-views of the mane six.
Okay, that shower scene was adorable. It feels so good to see our protagonist get everything she's ever wanted. Just... happy. Almost makes me jealous: if I didn't know what strife awaited her, of course!
I think I'm really starting to enjoy your writing.
8537581
I might have to upgrade the rating later, but I don't think it's too bad now. She's certainly not anywhere near emotionally ready for something like that for quite a while. Should I just substitute a euphamism there? I'm actually a pretty poor judge of where the line is, as far as sexual discrimination goes.
It would. Unfortunately, the protagonist doesn't even yet realize how insecure she is over that sort of thing, and it takes well... Fluttershy, before she can even begin to open up to that sort of discovery. So, I wasn't going to rate it mature if the character wasn't really comfortable with doing that stuff herself.
There's also the fact that I'd lose readers because people don't read Mature rated fics. I barely have any readers as-is. Thanks for the sentiment though, because I know at least one of you wouldn't jump ship!
Really, I should just publish that ridiculously lewd story I've been working on, though.
No rush. I kind of skipped the last update, and the one before that... haven't been writing this story all that quickly, unfortunately.
8538155
The scene fits too well to replace. Having it at that level of detail let's us get into the character's head a lot more than a simple euphamism, in my opinion. Getting to experience her raw reactions to her new body in a non-sexual, but still detailed, manner allows us to feel her awkwardness, excitement, and sheer novel sensations as she gets used to herself. Just leave it as is, and if anyone important complains, such as a mod or whatnot, then you could add a euphemism.
Although, I am the type who wouldn't mind getting an even deeper look into her daily life as she experiences herself, even in topics others might want to avoid. Not even talking about the sexual changes -- an equine anus is shapped much differently than a human anus, so that might honestly be just as novel a change as a sex change. It's much more pronounced and 'there', so it would be more noticable in daily life, especially when trying to clean yourself in the shower or using rhe, ahem, toilet (that aspect is something even I would like to avoid, at least in a detailed manner: yikes!) Very awkward indeed! So take my suggestions with a grain of salt: I am hardly the average reader. A second opinion would greatly help I think.
8538155
Oh, and that story you linked? I'd read it. Seems interesting, if in need of a bit more editing.
8537600
Her fondest dream was to take a horse shower!
Glad you're enjoying it.
8538768
An equine hoof is probably the most novel thing about changing into a pony. Either that or the tail. I've seen a lot of horses that don't have a pronounced "ponut" especially the females, but I'll definitely consider mentioning what she sees there.
8538780
Yeah, I usually go over the chapter one more time before putting it here, so chapters that make it here tend to be better edited, but it's really tough to get everything straight. I'm kinda all on my own here. Thanks for checking it out!
Pinkie Pie taking care of Rosey really is adorable.
Though I have to ask, is this going to proceed past where the previous story stopped? Because it ending with none of the mane 6 making things right and leaving her to be regarded as an evil villian despite how "sorry" they felt was an absolute downer.
8876045
Sorry it felt like a downer. Though this story is a requel, it's sort of supposed to at least put in perspective what the M6 were going through to do such things. Iiiif I could just write the darn chapters that is.
I don't have plans to take it beyond where the previous story stopped, but I'll definitely consider it once I get there. Unlike Feeding Problems, I actually enjoy writing this story
which is why I can't write it.