• Published 23rd Sep 2017
  • 6,714 Views, 429 Comments

Repercussions - shallow15



After Sunset Shimmer is attacked and put into a coma, her friends try to figure out who did it and why. (Not an Anon-A-Miss story)

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Epilogue: Unwanted Attention

It was a few days later when Gardenia met Sunset and her friends in a subdivision a few miles from Canterlot High. The girls had taken two cars. Pinkie, Sunset, and Twilight had come in Maud's car, while Fluttershy had managed to borrow her family's minivan to bring herself, Rainbow, Applejack, Rarity, and most importantly, Rarity's wheelchair. They parked next to the curb a few houses down from Firecracker Burst's house. The girls piled out. Fluttershy opened the side door of the van. Rainbow and Twilight got the wheelchair out of the back and set it up.

Rarity unbuckled her seat belt, grabbed each leg and moved them so she could maneuver out of the van. “Thank you so much, darlings.”

“Uh... are you sure you don't want any help, Rarity?” Rainbow asked.

“Thank you, darling, but no. I need to be able to do these things for myself.”

Rarity pushed off with her arms and slid to the floor of the van, then transferred into the chair. She got her legs situated and wheeled her way around the van to the curb. She studied the curb and considered.

“I can help you with that, Rares,” said Rainbow. Rarity looked back at her and gave her a grin. She grabbed the wheels of the chair and shifted her weight back, raising the smaller front wheels up onto the curb. She frowned and rolled the back wheels forward. When they hit the curb, she changed her grip on the wheels and pushed forward, her biceps bulging. The wheels shifted up onto the curb and she pivoted the chair in a tight semicircle, the front wheels in the air, before bringing them back down to face her friends.

“Thank you, but I've got this, Rainbow,” she said, with a defiant grin.

The rest of the girls grouped on the sidewalk. Rainbow leaned over to Applejack.

“Is it me, or is she trying too hard?”

Applejack shrugged. “That gal's determined. Ain't nothing wrong with that.”

“Yeah, but, she's acting like this is all no big deal.”

“Is it?” Applejack folded her arms and raised an eyebrow.

“No! I mean... kinda? I dunno. It's just – “

“You're concerned that Rarity seems to be taking this way too well for being paralyzed, and she may be masking her true feelings about everything that's happened to her through bravado, and taking her physical therapy super serious and putting on an air of supreme confidence in order to disarm everyone and distract them from how she really feels?” Applejack and Rainbow let out yelps of surprise as Pinkie popped up between them.

Rarity looked over her shoulder. “Is something wrong?”

“Oh, Rainbow's concerned that your attitude is an elaborate fron—mmmph!”

“Nothing!” Rainbow said, as Applejack clapped a hand over Pinkie's mouth and dragged her off. “Just Pinkie being Pinkie!”

Rarity giggled and joined the rest of the girls as they headed down the sidewalk. Rainbow sighed and followed after them.

As they got closer to the house, Twilight put a hand on Sunset's shoulder. “Hey, you okay?”

Sunset shrugged. “I dunno. I know this isn't going to be good. There's no way it can be.”

“I know, but we're here for you, Sunset. All of us.”

“She's right,” said Fluttershy from Sunset's other side. “Whatever happens, we'll face it together.”

Sunset smiled, took each of her friends hands and squeezed. “Thanks girls.”

“There's Gardenia.” Fluttershy said, pointing. Sunset looked up to see the dark green girl walking toward them from the other direction. The two groups met in front of a well kept two story house. Sunset took a step forward.

“Hi, Gardenia.”

“Sunset,” Gardenia said. Sunset gestured to Twilight.

“You remember Twilight Sparkle.”

Twilight smiled and held out a hand. “It's nice to see you again. I wish it could be under different circumstances.”

Gardenia took her hand and shook it. “Likewise.”

Gardenia sighed and looked at the house, then back to the girls. “They're expecting us. You ready for this?”

Sunset grabbed her arm. “Not really. Are you sure they'll go for it?”

“Reporting Firecracker as a runaway is the easiest way to deal with the cops and anyone else who may start asking questions you don't want to answer,” Gardenia answered.

“Yeah, but if they don't agree to support that story after we tell them what actually happened, what then?”

Gardenia sighed again. “I don't know. You might have to go public.”

“Great.” Sunset looked at the ground. She took a deep breath and looked up. “All right, girls, let's do this.”

The group walked up to the front door. Rarity generated a crystal under her chair and levitated it off the ground. She looked at the group.

“Well, if we're going to tell them about the magic, we might as well make a good impression.”

Sunset gave her friend a small grin. She looked over at Gardenia.

“Let's do this.”

Gardenia nodded, and rang the doorbell. Sunset looked behind her at her friends. All of them gave her encouraging smiles. Sunset nodded. It would be hard. It would be ugly, and there was no guarantee Firecracker's parents wouldn't throw them out the second they told them what happened.

But, if nothing else, they would have the truth about their daughter's disappearance. And that was the real point of this visit. Sunset felt the love from her friends and used it to steel herself.

The door opened.


She walked through the halls of the office, her slim black suit looking elegant with every stride. As she passed the desks, conversations stopped. Interns got out of her way as she walked through the cube farm.

Bright red hair bounced over one eye as she made her way to the Director's office. Those who knew her reputation began whispering as she passed. She was the most infamous field agent current working for the Specialized Taskforce Overseeing Remarkable Matters. Her closure rate was twice as high as any other field agent in the organization. Who knew how many unnatural disasters had been averted thanks to her timely intervention.

Admittedly, the organization also had to file three times the amount of damage reports, expense claims, and official explanations to Congress since she had first been deployed in the field. But she got results, and that was what the Director cared about.

Hence, the meeting.

She knocked on the Director's door and stepped inside. The Director, a middle aged man with an impressive beard, looked up from his computer.

“Good, you're here,” He snapped, skipping the pleasantries. “Got something going on in Canterlot City."

"Yes, sir?"

“Well, there's been a whole crapton of weird happening out there of late. Used to be the usual, lights in the sky, mass hallucinations of flying sea monsters, crazy plant monsters. Y'know, standard Class Two bullshit.”

The Director tossed a file on top of the desk. She picked it up and began paging through the contents. “What's changed, sir?”

“Two mall rampages in the last three months. Really tall women doing really weird crap with lasers and wrecking stuff. But that's not all. Guess what all this has in common?”

She looked up at the Director briefly, then thumbed back through the various reports, news articles, and photos. She spotted the connection almost immediately. “Girls with horse ears and wings.”

“Exactly.” The Director leaned back in his chair and grinned. “Just the kind of Class Five stuff you're good at dealing with. I dunno what's going on out there, but we're gonna contain this nonsense right now. Get out to Canterlot City, find out who these girls are, and neutralize them.”

“They look like kids, sir. Teenagers.”

The Director leaned forward and gave his top agent a sinister grin. “That's why I called you in. Make this go away. Fast."

She tried to keep her brow from furrowing. "Sir, with all due respect, with minors involved, this could be a serious problem if things go public."

"And I want to know exactly what we're dealing with out there. I don't care how gunshy you are after that mess in Las Pegasus. I want this done."

The Director leaned back in his seat and smiled expansively. "And maybe, if you clear this up fast enough, I'll be able to give you what you've been asking for after all this time. Do I make myself clear, Agent?”

Senior STORM Field Agent Tempest Shadow closed the file, tucked it under her arm and saluted. “Crystal clear, Director Stormking.”

Author's Note:

Yes. I am a complete bastard for leaving you with this ending.

Yes, a sequel is in the works. No, it will not be coming immediately. I have a few other shorter stories I want to tell first.

This whole thing started when I was rewatching the first Equestria Girls movie and noticed that no one ever specified who the girl who ran against Sunset for Princess of the Spring Fling was, only referring to her as "that girl." I got to thinking about who she was, and what if she wanted revenge for whatever Sunset did to her. As I fleshed out the plot, I hit upon forgiveness as a thematic element, and the villain changed from being the girl herself to her girlfriend, as it seemed like a much better hook to hang the story on.

Of course, I was rather miffed when, having the first EQG movie on as background noise I was writing, I heard Rarity's line about wanting "Some sort of apology for last spring's debacle," which implied Rarity was the girl who ran against Sunset. I still have no idea how I missed this line before now, given how many times I've watched the movie. By that point, however, I was about seven or eight chapters into this thing and decided to push on through regardless.

I'd been wanting to write an Equestria Girls story for a while, but my previous effort, "The Choice," rightfully crashed and burned and was subsequently deleted from this site when I realized it wasn't going in a direction I liked. So, when this one came along, I decided to make it a mystery/action kind of thing, with some scenes of character development for the Mane 7. One of my biggest gripes about a lot of EQG fics is that they almost exclusively focus on Sunset and Twilight and the other five are shoved into the background. (Unless shipping is involved which is a whole other can of worms I don't want to get into.) I wanted something which would give them all equal time and all help work towards the solution.

I also made the decision to deliberately split them up throughout the story, as the general pattern has been that all of our girls together is what's usually needed to beat the bad guy. I also like combining groups of characters together in different ways. This gave me the opportunity to do both.

I mentioned in the notes for an earlier chapter that I dropped hints pointing to Firecracker Burst as the woman in black. If you go back and re-read, you'll see several references to the theater and things associated with it. It's been said that acting is just "professional lying" and it turned out that worked for Firecracker, as she was a member of the Drama Club, so almost everything she said in her initial appearances should have been taken with a grain of salt.

I also wanted the story to end on a bittersweet note. So far, in canon, the girls have been lucky managing to reform just about every major villain they've encountered with the exception of the Dazzlings. (Early plans for this story were going to feature the Dazzlings and more from the Crystal Prep girls, but those fell through when I thought the story was getting overcrowded with characters as it is.) So I wanted to pit them against a villain who had no interest in reformation, only revenge, no matter how justified. And while the girls would be victorious in the end, it would come with them having to deal with the fact that you can't really save someone who doesn't want to be saved.

As part of that, I had plans for two of the girls to get seriously injured, but I had absolutely no idea who it would be until started writing the climax. I had originally thought it would be Rainbow Dash and Pinkie, but the new trick I had Rarity develop led to her getting the other slot.

For the record, I realize I may be portraying temporary paralysis incorrectly here, especially the circumstances that can cause it. Inspiration for this came from a recent storyline in Archie comics where Betty, after a car accident, winds up paralyzed but her spinal cord is undamaged, the paralysis being caused by trauma to her brain and her basically having to relearn how to walk again. If I have offended any readers by my portrayal here, I sincerely apologize.

(Oh yes, in addition to the actual sequel to this story, writing the dialogue for Rarity and Tough Love has inspired a side story where we'll look more in detail at Rarity's recovery and the things she's hiding from her friends.)

I enjoy putting little pop culture Easter eggs in my stories. In this case, there's references including, but not limited to: Saints Row, Wonder Woman, Littlest Pet Shop, and Jessica Jones.

While the personalities are all my own creation, I can confirm that Firecracker Burst, Gardenia Glow, Beachberry, and Pepperdance are all actual characters from the MLP toyline. Specifically one of the early waves of blind bag ponies. I also seem to recall reading somewhere that Firecracker was a background pony in some of the early seasons of FiM.

I started this story as a way to force myself to write something every day, and while I didn't hit every day due to life, I did complete this story, my longest one to date (which apparently has hit a word count that qualifies it as a novel), in just over two months, where other stories I've written with smaller word counts have usually taken up to a year or more to complete.

I hope you enjoyed it, and I look forward to providing you with more stories in the future.

Thank you for reading and commenting.

Comments ( 52 )

Did i say shit has hit the fan? While if i did it looks like more is on the way.

Oh, I liked that ending! I'd love to see the girls get involved with Tempest Shadow in a sequel!

thank you for this amazing and thrilling story.you really brought in to focus the dangers andthe consequences that happens with them. well done to you, and looking forward to more of your stories.

AAWWW I was kind of hoping that the agent was this world's Sunset.

Why in the heck did Sunset introduce Twilight to Gardenia and not anyone else? She already met Twilight, she said so in the last chapter.

8582944
Ah crap. You're right. I'll fix that later.

As for the other girls, Gardenia already knows who they are.

8582954 It's true that Gardenia was at the same school as them, but that doesn't mean they ever spoke to each other, but fair enough.

It's over? Awe man!

Really enjoyed it. Looking out for the sequel.

That sequel setup, tho'! Beautiful!

Can't wait for it.

This story was amazing and the ending though with tempest can't wait for part 2

Your chapter titles turned blue.

8622652
Came with the recent update to Fimfiction.

Wow! I have to say this was an incredible story. I applaud you for getting 47 chapters out in just two months. That is dedication.

You did a pretty amazing job with this. The way you gave all the characters plenty of focus throughout. Plus, I liked the concept that even though the girls have their magic and are practically super heroes, there will be times were they won’t be able to save everyone. While I usually like story where everyone survives and the “villain” is given a second chance, I have to say that I really loved reading this.

And I’m definitely looking forward to the sequel. It’ll be interesting to see how the girls handle being hunted down by Tempest and this STORM agency.

Amazing work, man!

The pun struggle is real.

Loved the story!

Awesome story. Looking forward to the Agents of S.T.O.R.M. spin-off/ sequel.

This was realy good , thank you.

8745779
Then allow me to direct you here!

Holy crap, I have never read a fanfic this long in one day! Not to mention this is the first one I've read in EONS. WOW. Try not get lost, I'm following you now! =P

Wish you could include a bonus about someone chewing out Gardenia's parents for kicking her out, which is kinda like gross negligence on their part.

8759437

A little hard considering what happened to them.

8759500
Must've skipped something by accident. What happened?

8759513

From "End Run"

“Don't you think I know that too? Why do you think it took me so long to get back to the bitch after I accidentally put her in the coma?” Firecracker's face became cold. “I took care of them once I figured out how to do what I wanted with the magic.”

8759535
Ah... So nothing of value was lost.

Is the main villain named Cosmo?

I have absolutely no trouble saying that this was 10x better than the actual movies.

I have finished this story. And I must say, this has been a ride.

I had my suspicions since one of Pinkie's first interactions with the initial suspects. That changed when I thought I had spoiled myself by seeing someone mention Fizzlepop Berrytwist and saw her tagged involvement with the next story. I'm glad to say I was correct in my initial assumption early on.

This leads me to something I noticed while scanning comments. I noticed a lot of people were very vindictive and aggressive about the ultimate mastermind, and were reveling in her defeat. While I'm glad our girls are safe, I'm sad the villain was defeated in such a way. I believe that, given the chance, people can redeem themselves. Whether they let you give them that chance, though, is entirely up to them.
I am, quite frankly, appalled by some of the comments I've seen; a good example being Admiral Q. Ponyform. I would like to remind all who happen to see his comments that it's an attitude like his that started this story's conflict in the first place, and I would advise using him as an example of how not to think.

With that out of the way, I am happy I read this story, and I will be jumping into the currently available sequel very soon.

Comment posted by Speedy Silverstreak deleted May 4th, 2018

8905377
You do realize they may have just found this story, right? I'm deleting your comment because of The spoiler.

wow
this was a trip!
loved it! :D
but with that ending now im even more worried than before!

8927866
Glad you liked it! Don't miss part 2!

8928308
i will after i take a break XD

Let's go ^^ (sorry for my English).

Usually, if a story is really good and I have nothing to talk about, then I'm just putting into favourites, saying it's a great job done and that it is worth it.

So far, that's what "Repercussions" is for me, but it has something truly special (in my opinion) that made me think about how much it deserves a place in my Top 3 of all fictions I've ever read.
I don't know if you'll find it interesting, plain or boring, but that's the reason I loved reading it.

As The Albinocorn and much more, everything I've read or I'm reading from you is so worth waiting, entertaining, being better and better after each chapter.

What really made me appreciating your story and praising it, is that it kept me into a state of dreading, suspense and hype extremly high, from the final sentence of "Saturday Morning IV".

At this moment, I forgot everything I knew about EqG, other stories, etc.
Even a fiction is where anyone can share creativity, I thought anything could happen from "Six".
Even that one of the Main 7 could be the one to die, and it was difficult to not think so when most of them were injured all along the battle.

Tell you what, I didn't stop reading not even one chapter or took a short break, to stay focused. I was literally sweating about how things were escalating at this point.

I know what I explained seems rather simple after knowing that all the girls "survived", but if you want to understand better my point, I thought this :

When you're watching a movie in a theater, sometimes you are surprised by (could be anything) a fact, an unexpected character that shows up, etc.
For example, when Red Skull appeared in Infinity War or Maul in Solo : A Star Wars Story, I was so excited and glad to see them.

It's not excitment or happiness I felt while reading the last chapters of "Repercussions" but as I said, dread, suspense and hype, being into the story and keeping up with deeply.

How I felt isn't given to any story here, yours is the only one that managed to feel as a movie until now.

About "In The Days That Followed"; quite strong feelings, and seeing how broken some characters are during this aftermath, it was pretty intense.

Also, "A is For..." is THE story that made me craving for stories about Sunset experiencing nightmares after the Fall Formal, and each girl sleeping with her to support her.

Chapters in "Full Circle" are great in this kind of stuff too, as I'm fond of this story.

I'll talk about Borrowed Time (nothing bad, I already love it, but how I'm seeing it, with the facts in Smash and Grab).

Keep going with your actual stories, take as long as you need, because I know how amazing they'll be and as I'm saying to everyone, it will be worth waiting.

Thanks a lot for your work, I've been satisfied so far and will be for everything else.

EPic story with excellent battles and emotions detailed out!

Comment posted by Admiral Q Ponyform deleted Jul 5th, 2018

9026299
Strike three. You're out.

Comment posted by Admiral Q Ponyform deleted Jul 5th, 2018
Comment posted by fanreader999999 deleted Aug 10th, 2018

This story had a fairly strong start, but as I read through it I found my interest lessening and lessening. The basic problem is that the pacing is way too slow. When reading chapter 25, for example, I thought to myself "these recent reveals probably would have been more interesting to me if they had been given about 15 chapters earlier."

There were some interesting ideas, but ultimately the pacing dulled my interest in it too much. If it had been half the length, I think I would have liked it more.

Man, this was a really good time. You did a great job keeping the story together. The plot was coherent, the pacing was on point, and the characterization solid. On top of that, you threw in a random sequel hook that didn't actually feel terribly out of place. I think I'm supposed to be mad at you for that, but whatever.

I'm looking forward to reading more stories in this series!

One of my biggest gripes about a lot of EQG fics is that they almost exclusively focus on Sunset

I fail to see the problem here :duck:

I just swallowed the story whole and it was an amazing thing to do! You are a good writer and the suspense was never broken, which is something I don't see often enough.
Now to the little things I found amazing:
I loved how you used Rarity's magic as a transportation device, and I was more than happy that someone else finally found the potential in Fluttershys powers. The end was great and to have an extra gouverment facility that deals with magic is brilliant.
Also, you mentioned my favourite kind of cake as an ice cream flavour (the only bad thing is, that my country has neither the cake nor the ice cream flavour for sell anywhere)
I'm looking forward to the rest of the story, and no one can expect me to answer calls for the next few hours of doing so. Have a good time and keep up this great work :twilightsmile: :heart:

9681076
Lols Don't worry happens to everyone

Well this was a worthy binge read and I'm glad I caught the villian early.

Wow that was a ride and a half. I liked the characterisation of all the girls a lot, it was cool seeing them have to deal with that decidedly more mature threat, in a way that seemed reasonably natural to the feeling of the source material. Do feel that nothing else being said about Gardenia's parents was a bit odd but oh well. I suppose I'll need to read the sequels now... :duck:

Oh man. This took me two binging sessions to get through this story and I'd say it was well worth it.

I like how so much of this story flowed together so well. There were moments in the story where some chapters were going on simultaneously and others that went back and forth in the story's timeline but it all still worked out. I was able to follow along in the story and understand when one scene happened in comparison with another.
The only time the flow of the story struck me as odd was when AJ and Shy reached out to Sunset. The scene made since but it felt like the chapter told at Sunset's perspective happened a chapter or two too early in the story. Still, when the scene was revisited from AJ and Shy's point of view I was able to put together when in the timeline it was occurring.

The flow and pace of the action and mystery worked out well too! Rarity and Twilight did well to connect the dots and the other characters had these amazing points of inspiration or realization that made you realize that this was a challenge but it was still possible for them to overcome. And Pinkie's huge connection which would normally be deus ex levels of unfair made perfect sense for her. After all, if she can make a scrapbook of every citizen in Ponyville, she can easily make an encyclopedia of people from one town with the help of internet and other technology.

I know I'm late to finding this story and I wish I could have been present when it was being updated! You did great with this! Thank you for giving me something amazing to read before college hits me like a truck. :rainbowlaugh:

Well done! This story was absolutely amazing, it was well written, had some clever ideas, just the right amount of drama and action, and had amazing cliffhangers that made everyone super excited and interested to keep reading. This is exactly what I look for in a story!

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