• Published 20th Sep 2017
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Memoir of a King’s Master Consort by Sir Spike - CrackedInkWell



A memoir by Spike the Dragon on his relationship with King Thorax

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12: Hangover

While I may not remember much of the drinking game, I, unfortunately, remember the morning after. As I was regaining consciousness, I did feel like as was dying at the same time. My head felt like somepony had swung an ax at it and just let my brain hang out, mangled. At the same time, my stomach felt as if I had accidentally swallowed acid and it was dissolving my insides. In my mouth, my tongue tasted something rancid while my nostrils smelled something that was trying to force me to puke.

“Spike?” a harsh ringing of my name bounced around my ears. “Spike, you okay buddy?”

My vomiting answered that question.

“Again?” another voice reverberates my sensitive head. “How can you stand the smell, Your Highness?”

I, however, ignored the voices and curled up in a ball, feeling my stomach as if someone punched it really hard. At the same time, I felt some cold and wet being placed over my head along with a hoof on my shoulder. “There, there,” a calm, soothing voice said. “It’s going to be okay. Relax, I’m here.”

From what few brain cells I had left made the connection that the one hanging over me like a desperately needed angle was Thorax. But as my eyes were throbbing in pain I dare not open them. And at the same time, all I could do was groan while he shushed me.

“Shouldn’t we,” the other whose voice was like sandpaper to my eardrums blasted out before Thorax shushed him. “Shouldn’t we get something for him?” he whispered.

“Just a wait for a while, let’s see what he wants.”

What I wanted? I preferred for him to snap my neck to end this sickly feeling that death is dragging me by the tail! Yet, Thorax didn’t move, patiently waited as he patted my neck. What I actually needed was that I didn’t suffer alone, and he was there by my side. Even to wipe away the bitter tears.

By the time I bothered to open my eyes, they stunned at the light of a cave that I couldn’t for the life of me recall how I got there. To which I quickly covered my eyes.

“Spike?” Thorax gently asked.

“Water,” I begged my throat completely dry despite all that I drank the night before. Mercifully Thorax urged one of his guards to fetch some and a few minutes later returned with a canteen of the stuff. I think I nearly choked on it as I was gobbling it down, but it was welcoming nonetheless.

“Do you need anything?” the Changeling King inquired.

I busted into tears, “I hurt everywhere,” I groaned. “Make it stop.”

“Do we have any migraine pills?” he asked his guards. There was a grim pause as the throbbing pain in my head threatened to burst out of my skull. “Ah… I got it, I noticed there were some willow trees just south from here. Go down there, scrape some of its bark and immediately bring it here.”

“Uh… willow bark? Your Majesty?”

“I know it’s a key ingredient to aspirin. Now quickly,” a buzzing of wings was heard in the cave before it faded away.

How much did I drink?” I muttered.

“Afraid that I wasn’t counting,” Thorax replied. “However, you did gulp down quite a lot of ladles before passing out from that game.”

How come you’re not like me?”

“Turns out that Changelings are immune to alcohol so it didn’t affect me as anyone else would.”

“Wished you could have warned me, ow…” I clenched my eyelids at the wave of agony hitting my brain.

“Same here Spike. Do you remember anything from last night?”

“No… What did I do?”

“Well apart of playing a drinking game that loosens your lips to the point you were pouring out things that I never knew about, you didn’t do anything harmful. Although… let’s just say that it does give me a few ideas what to do when we get intimate next time.” Another whine escaped my muzzle and the Changeling King sighed, “Spike if I knew what that game would have done to you I wouldn’t have you gone through it.”

“Do me a favor,” I said. “The next time if you see me about to take a drink with any amount of alcohol in it, don’t let me. Ever. I don’t think I wanna drink again.”

“If it’s putting you through this much agony then I won’t allow it.” At this time, I managed to crack open an eye, to see my blurry vision my coltfreind looking over towards the entrance of the cave.

Oh I wish he’d be here sooner,” he whispered in an apprehensive tone.

“What stinks in here?” I asked him. “Something smells really bad.”

“That happens to be your vomit,” Thorax grimaced. “Yeah… you’ve been doing that off and on. But hey, as long as it is out of your system, right?”

For several minutes, I didn’t respond as I stewed in my misery with memories of the previous night drifted back into my pounding head. There was one that came to mind that made me say, “I wanna move.”

“Sure thing, I’ll have my guard’s make a stretcher and we’ll-”

“No,” I interrupted him. “I mean… I wanna move in… with you.”

Thorax was paralyzed at these words. “You… are you serious?” I nodded. “Are you sure it’s not the leftover alcohol talking?”

No,” I growled. “I said I wanna move in with you. And yes, I’m serious; it’s not fair that we should travel from Ponyville to the Hive and back. We-We don’t get enough time with one another, your Queen is expecting and… I love you too much to stay far away.”

Thorax blinked, “When do you want this done?”

I don’t know…” I muttered, wondering what’s taking the guard so long to get some tree bark. “Soon maybe… But not right now… Right now isn’t kind to me.”

Hurry up,” Thorax said to himself, looking anxiously at the cave entrance. “Does Princess Twilight know that you want to do this?”

Not really,” I hissed as a migraine was getting intense. “At least… Celestia this hurts… I wouldn’t think she would object to it. She knows that I have grown up, and I wouldn’t exactly move out of the blue without a reason… That, and I have a place to go to with a plan. I guess that moving in with you probably would make sense as I see the Hive as a second home.” Thorax put a hoof over his chest, but I added. “Besides… knowing her, she wouldn’t allow me to go someplace on my own without having someone of good standing being nearby. And I think you’ve pretty much fit the bill.”

“Your Highness,” a voice interrupted. “The willow bark as you’ve requested.”

I don’t think I remember him coming in, but the Changeling King grabbed the pieces of the bark and instructed me to just chew on it, don’t swallow. So after stuffing it between my teeth, I started nibbling on the stuff, and to be honest, it tasted terrible. But after a while, he was right, the pain I felt all over my body was ebbing away. As I chewed away, my migraine, stomach ache and nausea was fading away to the point where I was able to move without having the urge to vomit.

Once I was able to sit up I asked him, “How’d you know about the whole willow bark thing would work?” I asked as I spat the mulch from out of my mouth.

“You can thank Shining Armor and my curiosity for that,” he explained to me. “I remember during my time at the Crystal Empire, I walked in Shining swallowing a couple of pills and I asked him what it was. He told me it was aspirin and when I inquired what it’s made out of, he didn’t know. So I ended up looking it up to find that the chemical that makes up for those pills came from willow bark.”

I blinked, “So you just remembered that trivia?” he nodded, “You know, your memory really amazes me sometimes.”

“Thank you, are you feeling any better?”

“After chewing on tree bark, surprisingly yeah,” I stood up, trying to avoid the vomit on the floor and walked out into the sunlight to get some fresh air. “By-the-way, how long did you stay at my side anyway, while I was making such a mess back there?”

“All night,” he responded, “And yes, it really stinks back there. But I endured the stench because I know that by the time you wake up, you would need me.”

I hugged his neck, “Thanks for doing that. Now I suppose we should find Ember and tell her that we’re leaving.”


“You know,” Thorax told me as we were flying back to Ponyville. “I’m rather impressed that you’re willing to take this next big step in moving.”

I shrugged, “I think that it was inevitable, from what little I can remember last night, Ember had suggested that I should just go ahead and do it.”

“Really? This was Ember’s idea?”

“Eh… kinda, sorta – she pointed out that I’m pretty much independent enough as it is and there’s practically nothing stopping me from doing so. Besides, I have grown to like the Hive and Queen Lavender is probably going to need all the help she could get by the time those little guys come around.”

Thorax flew underneath me, flying belly up as he was facing me. “Are you sure that this is what you want? I mean, as much as I welcome the very idea of it all, do you think you’ll have regrets in moving from Ponyville? After all, I know for a fact that you have friends there like the Crusaders, Twilight’s friends, and even Big Mac.”

“That doesn’t mean that I can’t just pop by now and then to say ‘Hi.’” I pointed it out. “Look, I know what you’re getting at, and yeah, it might take some time for me to get into the mindset that when I move into the Hive, I’m not visiting there, but living there. But you know what? This won’t be the first time that I moved from someplace else. Heck, I was originally born in Canterlot and later on moved to Ponyville. While grant it, that move was out of my control, this time, I have a say in where and, more importantly, with who I’m moving in with.”

After flipping over until he was flying beside me once more, he pointed out: “You still haven’t answered my question from earlier.”

“Which was…?”

“When do you want to do it? I mean, I can help you do it right now if you wanted to.”

“Well yeah… but I still would need to talk with Twilight first and after that, try to get all my things together. Considering that my stuff is more or less spread throughout the castle, I would probably need a month or so to find and probably compromise with her on what to take with me.”

He nodded, “Fair enough. Still, my Changelings will be looking forward to having you move into the Hive, but me most of all. So by the time you get back to Twilight, I’ll be counting down the days in which we’ll give you an official room of your very own. And who knows,” he glanced over to me.

“Perhaps I’ll install a secret corridor in which you can visit my bed chambers as much as you wish.” Then he winked at me.

I chuckled at the thought, “Well slow down Signore Casanova, we’re in the open air with your guards nearby. I think it’s rather rude to give them a sex show if they didn’t want to see it in the first place. Not to mention of scaring whoever happens to look up and risk of something falling on them.”

He rolled his eyes and grumbled, “Oh you’re no fun.

We both laughed at that.