• Member Since 4th Jan, 2015
  • offline last seen 13 minutes ago

Damaged


Just a pon who likes writing. (Patreon)

Comments ( 64 )

Just a one-shot, my lovely readers. A poor zebra came to me asking to have his wonderful self applied to an alicorn vigorously. I agreed that I could probably do such, and that it would take a week. Then I wrote this in one afternoon. I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it.

—Damaged

Everything in this description just screams "read me read me read me!"...

8436881 Then you know what to do! :twilightblush:

Consensual drug use...

I think this is the first time I've seen drug use in a non-rape fic.

I'll have to give it a read.

mmmm good story

8437067
made me horny wish I had zebra alpha master to rp with

I like this. Wish it had a follow up chapter.

8437379 I am not closing the chat I had with Trisk about it. Maybe if I get more spare time in the future we can work on a sequel. The question is, who is next to get stripy?

Why would Zecora approve a drug that transforms the drinker into a Zebra, and not even tell Trisk that it did so? :rainbowhuh:

8437485 Or not bother to label potions that have two wildly different effects that are in the same bottles and are the same color? Or not specifically tell a group of ponies why they shouldn't be in a field of poison joke? Wise as she is, Zecora sometimes is a little obtuse.

8437554

musky scents, TF

I understand a lot of clop terms, but acronyms tend to give me problems.
Can you please elaborate on 'TF'?

8437883
Transformation: The physical change from one thing to another. An overwhelming majority of people who use that terminology would know it to be referencing a character undergoing a species change. (IE: Celestia into a Changeling, Rainbow into a Diamond Dog, etc.)

8437883
8437893
Yes, sorry. As stated, TF is for Transformation.

I NEED MOAR!
I have to wonder how Spike and the other ex-Bearers would react to Twilight's zebrafication.
What about the townsponies?
Or Princess Celestia, Princess Cadence and Shining Armour?

8437904 I am sure they would welcome everyone of her... stripe? :rainbowlaugh:

Wonder if the transformation only lasts until the birth? Hmmm...

This was wonderfully made, I enjoyed every second of reading it.:derpytongue2:

Aaaaahhh...just what the doctor ordered ;)

Mmmm very hot, great premise, things moved fast, but in decent clopfic way.

The sex itself could have been more detailed, getting more into the emotions, feelings and even actions, just, giving us more to really get into the scene with, but everything else was damn sexy, hot, and all of the UNF!

Twilight getting turned into a zebra slut is quite the neat topic. I wouldn't mind to see more of this! :rainbowkiss:

Good story, but I just would like to see if I understand this:

Twilight's still an alicorn, just a zebra alicorn now. The potion is potentially reverseable, so she could change back, she just doesn't feel like it now because OMG sex. Am I correct?

Dislikes are likely from people who see the connotations between "Dominating Zebra impregnating submissive pony" with "Dominating black man impregnating submissive white woman" but at the very least the motive isn't malicious as I've seen in similar fics nor is there any kind of race-baiting I.E. 'ZOMG you're so much bigger' so I gave this is a like. Although I only wonder what the commissioner actually wanted and if this met the criteria tbh.

Good story!
I wonder how many willing mares he will find in Ponyville. And maybe, once he sends word back home, some more zebra stallions will make visits to Equestria...

8439958
This comment has an quite unexpexted upvote/downvote ratio...

8440699 Twilight's control on her form she would not flex, just for the purpose of having sex. Important the new life it is to consider, before she turns thoughts to who undid her.

8440825 I dislike bad tropes, and probably the worst in the MLP culture is that of overly sized genitals. I chatted with my commissioner about several things, before presenting this story, and they seemed quite happy with it. The story gives a modicum of plot (actually around 1/4 of the story length is devoted to set up) that sets the stage not just for this story but for possible sequels. (They will, of course, require more plot to initiate.)

What I wanted to avoid: zebra coming in and taking over Equestria (if you want this kind of misogyny, just go read Fall of Equestria), the zebra (Trisk) being a "bad guy" (could have happened in any one of tons of ways, from him lying about the potion, to him using the potion to drug Twilight)

I hope I managed to make it fun, and to be perfectly honest I don't care about those downvotes unless they give me a reason for my story being bad (so far, none has).

8440895 The commissioner is pondering that right now. As for up/down votes, it looks like I have been visited by the downvote fairy in general here, it happens (definitely happened when I tried to satirize HiE harem fics). I can live with downvotes.

8440952
I'mma take that as a yes. That being said, this was a very enjoyable story.

8440895
Going from Princess to nothing more than a broodmare slut is quite a downgrade in both personality and character, and IRL if this was forced onto someone it'd be abhorrent. Throw in the factor she's become such a way due to another species being 'Superior' into the sack also conjures quite sordid imagery. That's my interpretation anyway.

8440985
Yeah, I felt almost like you did. While I can easily write off the "zebras are superior" as just a sexual fantasy, the way it went about having Trisk and Twilight getting laid felt too unrealistic for me to the point where it bothered me. I guess it comes from the fact that the only reason Twilight is agreeing to get bred is out of pity. At least, that's how I was interpreting it as I was reading, I'm probably wrong and it's just me.

8440985 I would point out a few things:
1. Once not engaged in the roleplay of a dom-sub scene, Twilight was in no way messed up in either personality or character.
2. She knew everything Trisk did going into the situation. He was as honest as he could be about what he knew of the potion. Zecora not telling something everything they should know? Heck, like that hasn't happened before...
3. There was no sense of a zebra being superior in any way. They are a different species. For the potion to have made a pony mare capable of carrying a purebred zebra foal, of course it made them into a zebra.

Ultimately, you seem to have brought a lot of baggage into the story. This is the first story I have written containing any zebra but Zecora, and though I didn't write Trisk as having the same speech pattern as Zecora, I hope I didn't portray him as anything but honest and a little in awe of Twilight (until the aforementioned roleplay in the bedroom started).

8440895

It does. But I guess that is also the case because a lot of downvoters somehow found their way into the comment section here. :ajbemused:

8441697 Yet none have cited how or why the story itself urged them to downvote.

All that I have gathered so far is that if I do sequelize this, I best show quite explicitly that Twilight isn't being mind effected outside of the initial effects, and that the transformation isn't permanent.

8441725

Yup. Of course that is no guarantee that such downvoters stay away. Sadly some people seem to practically target some stories. I experienced this myself with different topics ranging from a Genderbent Male getting Fucked by Futas to Fall of Equestria stories. :ajsleepy:

8441752 It doesn't help that I have acquired what I call "downvote fairies" along the way to where I am at the moment. People who got so repetitive in their unwarranted negative feedback that I had to block them, only to then find out that every single one of my stories gains a downvote (but not a view). Such followers are nothing if not dedicated to their salt.

8441766

Downvote Fairies. Didn't know such a thing existed. :pinkiegasp: Certainly good to know that such people exist. Though they are really not the kind of fan one would wish for. :facehoof:

8441834 One of them was so devoted they looked through dozens of posts, some up to a year old, making sure to downvote each one. I was a little touched that someone felt that strongly about what I write. :twilightsmile:

8441836

Heh. That's a great way to see things! :yay:

Also wondering why the chapter was named "Take a Lickin'" instead of "Take a Dickin'". I mean, there was no licking involved after all. :rainbowhuh:

8441874 There was! When Trisk licked up Twilight's plot, from the base of her vulva all the way to her dock. :twilightsmile:

Twilight took her licking, and a lot more. :twilightblush:

8437893 Celestia into changeling is done over and over but Dash into Diamond Dog?

What the fudging madness is this?

8442633 I have turned Rarity into a Diamond Dog before, and into a timber wolf.

great story is there a sequel buried deep in that amazing mind of yours

8442892
Yes. A sequel would be great.. There is an entire town to breed after all ..And Zecora has some things to explain.

I'll still give it an upvote because it's well-written and I'm a fan of your work (and to balance out the downvote fairies), but I feel I should still clarify that this was outside (if only barely) my kinks and, frankly, made me a tad uncomfortable. Likely some carry-over from that problematic "zebra-dom" tag on my part.

8445250
Upon further self-reflection, I'm pretty sure most of my misgivings come from that zebra-dom tag, especially considering how similar this story was to some of my cloppy fantasies.

8445290 I really tried to distance myself from it, and I promise any sequels that may eventuate will be sure to show just how central to the bedroom the dom-sub play is, and that nopony suffers from any lasting mental effects.

8442704
a possibility for y Zecora doesnt always explain everything...it doesnt rhyme...

So I had some trepidation, given my past experience with "zebradom" but since the spoilered tag assured me it was consensual, I proceeded.

I liked the contrast between Trisk's bedroom behavior and his normal self - in anything, Twilight is dominant over him normally. It's actually quite adorable - I loved how nervous and apologetic he was before and after. The actual domination isn't something I enjoy that much (and since I'm a straight sub, if I'm going to see it I prefer it to be mild femdom, anyway), but at least he wasn't violent. I expected a mental comment from Trisk about how he preferred influence domination over physical domination... and that's something I prefer as well, when the dom has such influence over the sub that he doesn't need to get violent, or even all that physical.

Meanwhile, other people are clamouring for the rest of Ponyville to get bred in a sequel, I just want to see Twilight and Trisk's dynamic. He really is adorable to read, and I'm curious if he's going to end up falling in love with Twilight, or something else long-term...

8452574 Thanks for giving it a shot. :twilightsmile:

Very well written story, Damaged, I enjoyed it a lot.

I do worry though, is this going to turn into a story full of That zebra getting with other mares down in ponyville? It seems that every clopfic involving Zebras lately have been domination and cockold related and that makes me sad a bit.

8458911
Been seeing a bunch of "zebradom" lately myself. It strikes me as such an odd thing to fixate on... why combine the two so often? Perhaps I should write my own zebra clopfic... either with femdom (so much zebradom seems to be maledom, for some reason), or maybe just some fluffy clop.

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