Princess Celestia's Side Trip To Aperture.

by Powerdrainer

What Does This Button Do?

Edited by Slayerseba and Clawder.

What Does This Button Do?

<<>><<>><<>>

With a familiar hiss, the elevator stopped on a new floor and the doors opened for Celestia.

As she stepped out of the elevator, she was momentarily convinced Glados had circled her back to the same room; circular, large display walls around. Though, upon closer inspection, she did not see the damage she'd inflicted before. Furthermore, there was now a straight path forwards, where there was first a flight of stairs before. The large, flashing arrows on the display walls, however, were more than familiar and Celestia chuckled quietly as she strode down the path before her.

The door before her opened, revealing to her the chamber and the puzzle that awaited her.

"Oh, now this looks interesting," Celestia hummed.

"Protocol dictates that at this point you are to be commended for doing a good job," Glados spoke up. "But you didn't, so I won't." Celestia, however, did not react as she stepped inside.

The room she'd entered was small, very much so. Little to no room to maneuver, nor was there any object, or button to interact with. There was a door to her right, however it was locked shut and with no discernible way to open it. Of course, this did little to deter Celestia, nor did she even acknowledge the fact the way forwards was blocked. No, instead her attention was completely captured by the large window left of the door; showing her the chamber beyond.

The chamber seemed to consist out of three separate areas. The first area was directly before her; a full level down. The second area was at the same level as the room she was currently in, yet no discernible path to it was visible. There wasn't any kind of wall, or barrier between the first and second area, but the difference in height made it all but impossible to reach the higher area from the lower, unless one could jump high enough, fly, or do magic. As it currently was, Celestia doubted she would be allowed to do the latter two. That left jumping, but she wanted to see if there was any other possibility before she would attempt such a feat.

The other possibility, assuming there was one, could probably be found in the third area. Assuming the locked door to her right lead her to this particular section of the room. But what she could confirm from her vantage point was that it was connected to the first area on the right through means of a small hole in a wall separating the two places.

Then, to her surprise, an orange portal flashed into being on the wall of the second area; yet it's surface did not reveal any passage through to some other part of the room. Instead, it almost looked like it was covered by a wavering layer of the same shimmering orange energy.

Her attention was promptly diverted by a mechanical hum and a small portion of the first area's floor dropped away. Then, to her growing curiosity, a metal rod slowly rose up from the ground. And attached on top to this rod was a most peculiar device.

Celestia gasped slightly as the device rotated ninety degrees to the left, and promptly shot a burst of blue energy on the wall. Then, to her silent amazement, a blue portal formed, and a passage was opened to the previously closed orange portal.

"I see you have noticed the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device, or Portal Gun for short," Glados intoned. "Though my common sense sub processor indicates it is an unwise decision to allow you the use of this device, protocol dictates that you, ENTER NAME HERE, are required the use of the quantum tunneling device for the continuation of these tests."

"Oh… fancy," Celestia said, not giving any indication she'd heard Glados and instead stood almost with her face pressed against the glass; hooves held on either side as she watched with rapt attention as the portal gun rotated ninety degrees to its left again, and fired a new blue portal on the wall; the previous blue portal disappearing as it formed.

An unidentifiable, garbled sound came from the unseen audio transmitters, yet carrying the distinct tone of Glados' voice. Then, as the sound stopped, the door to Celestia's right opened.

Noticing this. Celestia's gaze slowly slid to the open door, then back to the still rotating portal; a winning smile slowly growing on her face.

With a burst of speed and what almost sounded like a foalish squeal of joy, she ran through the door. Immediately, she'd encountered a stairs down and to the left, leading her to the third area she'd seen.

This area soon proved to be nothing more than a dead end; with only the small window she saw earlier, allowing her to see into the area with the portal gun, yet she was unable to enter.

Approaching the small, rectangular hole, Celestia peered through, staring directly into the barrel of the portal gun. A burst of blue struck her squarely in the muzzle.

With a shout of surprise, she stumbled back, hitting the wall behind her, and fell to her rump; scrunching up her nose while staring at it with her eyes crossed.

Gingerly reaching up with a hoof, she carefully prodded her nose, feeling if everything was still as it should be. Not feeling anything amiss, nor seeing anything unusual either, Celestia released a sigh of relief she didn't knew she was holding. Then, with rapidly widening eyes, she shot of to the left; narrowly dodging another burst of energy.

'Odd,' she thought as she stared at the newly formed portal on the wall.

"Say, Glados… You didn't, by any chance, change the rotation speed of the portal gun so it would shoot another one of those blue blobs at me while I was sitting down?" She asked.

"Changing the parameters of this course would be a violation of protocol," Glados replied readily.

"I see," Celestia replied, not convinced as she saw the portal gun rotate, stop, then return to aim at the spot she'd just sat a moment ago. A new burst of energy hit the wall, and the portal reformed on the same spot it already was.

"No, really," Glados informed her. "Repeatedly aiming the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device at destructive elements is an essential part of this facilities testing program in an attempt to reinforce desired behavioral patterns, while also discourage any undesired behavioral patterns already present. Your participation in this most important test will be invaluable for future test subjects to come."

Rising back to her hooves, Celestia gave an unreadable expression to the nearest camera. Then, as she proceeded to step through the portal, it closed.

Raising an eyebrow, she looked back at the portal gun; seeing it had rotated ninety degrees again and opened a new portal on the wall outside. However, it took the better part of two minutes before Celestia even realized the device was moving again. This time at an incredibly slow pace.

"Patience is also an intricate part to complete these tests," Glados informed Celestia before she had a chance to comment.

"Is that so?" Celestia said. She then sat down, took a moment to find the most comfortable spot and looked at the camera. "Well then, do you know any good jokes while we wait?"

"I do, actually," Glados responded after a short pause. "Implementing joke in three, two, one." What followed: a tall mirror slid down from the ceiling and Celestia was able to see herself. "There you have it. Isn't it funny?... No, it is not. This clearly shows the worst joke to have ever existed. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Oh, I don't know," Celestia replied smartly, slowly standing up and stepping closer to the mirror. "In fact, I'd say this is one of the best looking jokes I've seen so far," She then slowly moved her hind body into view, focusing on her rump. "Not bad at all."

The mirror quickly fell down through the floor.

"This joke is stupid. Just like you."

"Well, you're the one who came up with it," Celestia said simply, smirking ever so slightly.

"With the recorded mental capacity currently on record, I doubt you would be able to do better," Glados taunted.

"Well, why don't we put that to the test, hmmm?" Celestia grinned. "Knock knock."

"..."

"Knock knock," she said again.

"..."

"From what I can see, it's still some time before I can continue… Sooo, knock knock."

A heavily warped sigh crackled the audio emitters.

"Who's there?" Glados groaned.

"Ton."

"Ton, who?" Glados asked reluctantly.

"Fifteen Hundred Megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Butto-" Before Celestia could finish, a blue burst of energy shot through the hole in the wall, and a new portal opened for her.

"Well, would you look at that. Time really does fly when you're having fun," she chuckled and quickly stepped through the portal.

Stepping out on the higher level of the second area, Celestia calmly, but eagerly walked to the edge; seeing the portal gun rotating normally again.

Grinning, she dropped down and eagerly approached the device; the glint in her eyes almost reflecting off the portal gun's gleaming white casing. And now, with the device only a leg's distance away, Celestia diligently studied the object from all angles as it rotated before her.

As she had already noticed, the device's casing was a reflective white; the same metal as pretty much everything else in this strange complex. But the portal gun's interior construction was made of black coated metal; extending out of the oval shaped casing into a wide barrel, of which she already had the unfortunate pleasure of receiving a face full demonstration earlier. There were three thick wires connecting the casing with three pincer like prongs surrounding the barrel, as well as more of the white metal covering the lower portion. There was also a glass tube in between the barrel and casing, which glowed with a portal blue light. The same color light also shone from the casing through a circular indentation on top; a black, slightly imbedded line splitting the casing in half.

With her curiosity piqued, Celestia used her magic to grab the portal gun from its mounting; the supporting rod retreating back into the floor the moment the portal gun was removed.

Now surrounded by a golden glow, the portal gun levitated before Celestia at eye height and she slowly spun the device upside down so she got a better look at the gun's backside, which she had noticed seemed hollow. This, however was quickly disproven, as she saw something she surmised was used to take hold of the device. Which also revealed a secondary purpose of the casing as some kind of guard for the appendage one was supposed to insert. This, obviously, was of no concern to her. What was, though, were the two buttons she saw within the portal gun's grip hold.

"Oh, and what do these buttons do?" She wondered and used her magic to press one of the buttons.

With a surprising amount of force, the portal gun jerked up as a burst of blue energy fired from the device; impacting on the ceiling before dissipating without any effect.

For a moment, Celestia looked up at the ceiling with wide eyes. Then, as her gaze drifted down again, a massive smile grew on her features, doing Pinkie Pie proud.

Excited, she pressed the second button, bracing herself for the expected kick of the portal gun. However, this time nothing happened.

"Huh," she hummed, eying the button critically. "This button fires the blue portal," she said to herself, glancing at the aforementioned portal on the wall. "So, does that mean this button is supposed to fire the orange portal?" She then looked at the orange portal on the level above.

Looking around, she located the nearest camera and stepped closer.

"Glados. Am I right with my assumption?"

"Despite the lower than average intelligence recorded among all test subjects you have demonstrated to possess, you have correctly deduced the function of the two buttons of the device designed to do one thing and one thing only. Congratulations, you must feel real proud of yourself… In fact, I'll put a gold star on top of your record, right next to the comment of how you're a terrible individual."

"Then why does one of the buttons do not work?" Celestia asked simply, not responding to Glados' insults.

"Despite your track record and the higher than eighty six point seven three percent chance of you being responsible for breaking the portal device, the device is not malfunctioning as of yet. The secondary firing button has been disabled for the duration of these tests, until sufficient progress has been made, and noticeable improvement can be detected with the use of the portal device as well as Aperture Science equipment."

"Well, that does make sense," Celestia said. "Anything else I need to know?"

"The Portal Device is designed to create and place portals on any white surface that is immobile, flat and large enough. When the device is fired, a colored projectile will be emitted from the barrel. If the projectile strikes a valid surface, a portal of the corresponding color will be formed. If a portal of the other color is already placed, these two portals will be linked. If a portal of the same color is already placed, it will be closed and the new one will be used instead, limiting you, enter name here to the use of only two portals at a time. Nothing will happen if a portal is shot at an enemy or other object. The glass chamber and a light on the top of the device will glow with the color of the previously placed portal. Do note that these intradimensional gates have proven to be completely safe, the device, however, has not," Glados informed her.

"Do not touch the operational end of the device. Do not look directly at the operational end of the device, like you already have. Your physical condition shall be closely monitored. Do not submerge the device in liquid, even partially. Most importantly, under no circumstances should you Bzzzpt," a sudden burst of static over the auditory system, which Glados controlled, cut off whatever she wanted to say.

"Should I do, what?" Celestia asked, looking at the camera.

Glados didn't answer.

Rolling her eyes, Celestia stepped away from the camera.

"Politicians, Artificial Intelligences, they're all the same. Using big words, but saying nothing at the same time." She stopped, and looked back at the camera. It was affixed on the wall. A white, flat, and large wall. A devious glint shone in her eyes.

Aiming her portal gun at the camera, she pushed the button and a blue burst of energy fired from the device. It struck the wall just below the camera, and a portal opened. Yet the camera remained, but with no wall to support it any longer, gravity took hold and the egg shaped eye of Glados fell to the floor. Then, using her magic, Celestia brought it up to eye level.

"Hello, is this thing still on?" Celestia asked, smiling at her own reflection in the lens.

The mechanism behind the lens refocused, almost aggressively so.

"Deliberate destruction of Aperture equipment will not be tolerated and will be taken in account during the evaluation of your overall performance. Penalties may include a full withdrawal of your financial compensation, mandatory participating in the turret live fire exercise, cleaning up after the mandatory turret live fire exercise, or a bad grade on your record."

"Well, then it is a good thing I didn't damage this camera of yours," Celestia quipped back, staring deeply into the lense; forcing it to refocus from her close proximity. "See, still works."

"What are you even planning on doing with that?" Glados asked flatly.

"Oh, I haven't decided yet. But I'm sure it will come in handy," Celestia replied enthusiastically. "Now, let's continue, shall we?"

Firing a new portal on the nearest wall, Celestia created a passage back to the second area and stepped through. From there, she quickly moved to the door out of the room. Again, there was an elevator, but this time there was also something else. Something she hadn't seen before.

A strange field of energy was projected between her and the elevator; patterns in this field almost giving it the look of rippling water.

Surprised, Celestia stopped an leg's length from the field; inspecting it carefully.

"Glados, what is this?" She asked. Glados didn't answer.

Frowning ever so slightly, she carefully prodded the field with the tip of the portal gun. Then, when nothing seemed to happen, the full device passed through the field of energy.

Pulling the portal gun back, Celestia studied it carefully. Then, confident it hadn't done anything that would be cause of concern, she took a bold step through the field.

The energy washed over her, her regalia,the portal gun and the camera. However, only she and the portal gun made it through the field.

With a burst of energy, the camera and her regalia disintegrated; leaving nothing behind.

Jumping back in surprise, Celestia frantically patted her chest with her now bare hoof.

"Wha… what happened?" she asked, worried.

"Do not be alarmed. You just experienced the Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which will dematerialize any objects and items not approved to leave the current testing track, as well as any illegal items in your possession which may interfere with these tests," Glados informed her with a noticeable smug undertone. "Please be advised that a noticeable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol, but is an unintended side effect of the Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which may, in semi-rare cases, emancipate dental fillings, crowns, tooth enamel, and teeth."

"I beg your pardon? You mean to tell me my regalia is-"

"Dematerialized, yes," Glados finished. "Reduced to nothing more than free floating molecules, which you're currently breathing in. Isn't that nice?"

"Actually… it is," Celestia said after a moment's pause.

"Wait… what?"

"It is," Celestia repeated. "Do you know how long I have wanted to get rid of those things; to just toss them at the side and not worry about my 'royal appearance' as so many of my little ponies seem to do. This… this is actually quite the relief; like I have been set free… Thank you," Celestia beamed.

"You're glad your insignificant artifacts have been destroyed?" Glados asked, unable to believe it. "All you organics do is form illogical bonds with inanimate objects and overvalue them because of it. My logic processor indicates you should be devastated by the loss of your overvalued jewelry."

"Oh, not me," Celestia chuckled. "In fact, they were modeled after the regalia my doll used to have when I was a filly. And my parents thought it was adorable when I started wearing them myself, so they made a real set for me when I growed up. Though I can't say I know exactly what the look on my face was, my parent's reaction spoke volumes," she revealed.

"..."

"Luna still teases me about it from time to time," she added with a slight pout.

Deep down in Glados' core, several important components of her logic processor sparked and sputtered.

It took her a while to snap out of her stupor and by the time she'd addressed the issue, and redirected her processes to an undamaged cluster, Celestia had already entered the elevator, and was on her way to the next testing stage.

"I'll admit, I was not expecting that."

"Ah, Glados. How nice to hear you're back," said Celestia as the doors slid open. "Now, let's see what you've come up this tim- Oh," she halted mid sentence as, instead of the same room with display walls she was expecting, she instead found herself in a new testing chamber. "Well, this is different."

Stepping through the short passage, Celestia looked around this new testing area; a glass wall blocking her direct path, but allowed her to walk past it on the right. One of those large red buttons was placed on the ground before this glass wall, with another of those dotted lines running over the floor, leading to the locked door. And there was a closed orange portal located directly next to the big red button.

On the right side of the room, there was a glass cylinder from which she knew another one of those cubes was dispensed; hanging above a significant drop down. And as she approached the edge, the cylinder opened on its own and the expected cube fell down, alongside something else. Something rather unexpected and musical.

Jumping down the drop off, Celestia spread her wings to slow her fall. Once down, she moved towards the musical object, picking it up with her magic.

It was slightly oval shaped; cut in half and flattened. Made of the now overly familiar white metal, with a black center. Within this center, there were several intriguing details. The first being a display showing the time. A small green light glowed right at the bottom of the base, while on either side, there was a small metal cap with numerous tiny holes in them. It was also from these caps Celestia could hear the music coming from.

"And what is this?" She wondered as she slowly rotated the device. "A music box?... No, not exactly. Oh," she suddenly realized. "This must be a radio. Something else my ponies are working on… but I have never seen a radio this small." Looking at the radio, then her portal gun and finally up at the camera high above, Celestia nodded appreciatively.

"Whoever it was that made you, they are technologically much more advanced than we ponies are."

"You only realize this now?" Glados said with mock surprise. "... Amazing. It would seem it is not possible to lower your estimated intelligence level any further. Congratulations. You've just set a new low."

"Well, I guess things can only go up from here," Celestia added in jest, firing her portal gun, opening a passage back up. "And there you go," she said as she grabbed the cube and placed it on top of the button; the door opening with a hiss.

Stepping through herself, the radio hovering by her side alongside the portal gun, Celestia moved for the exit with a playful sway in her steps, humming along with the radio. However, she soon stopped mid stride, shortly after exiting the room, as she encountered another of those Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grills.

Not feeling like losing her new radio, Celestia instead chose to look around for another way to the elevator on the other side of the field.

For nearly ten minutes, she looked for any possible path past the shield, with no results. But then, quite by accident as she leaned against the passage's wall, she found what she was looking for.

With a sudden lurch and a shout of surprise from Celestia, part of the wall swung inwards like a door.

Taking several large steps, Celestia managed to catch herself before making a close encounter with the floor. Righting herself, she looked around in surprise and intrigue, realizing she had found a way off the designated path.

"Oh, backstage entry."

"Wait, where did you go to?" Glados called out; unable to see what happened due to the lack of a camera in the hall leading to the elevator and the cameras back in the testing chamber all hanging at an disadvantaged angle for her to catch a glimpse of what just transpired.

Glados patiently waited for an answer for a whole fifteen seconds, observing the testing chamber and adjacent elevator rooms simultaneously with her cameras. But when no answer was given and the infuriating mutant equine failed to show up on any of her live feeds, a groan of irritation reverberated through the core room which housed her physical being.

The large device that was Glados swung around on its ceiling mounting; her one yellowish eye narrowing as she observed the active display before her.

Of course it was not really necessary for her to look at a display, considering she was connected to the entire facility. But I, the author, didn't feel like writing how Glados stared around into space as she sifted through the data, as it reminded me too much of myself when procrastinating far too often while pretending not to notice the other chapters of my fics I still need to finish.

"Now where did you go to?" Glados wondered, forcing the testing chamber Celestia had cleared a moment ago to come apart. Yet as each panel, super button, cube dispenser and other object were removed, a certain lack of an overly destructive equine could not be ignored.

Celestia, however, didn't notice anything of the commotion when the previous room was dismantled; the path she found leading her to a true maze of metal mesh stairs and walkways, swirling glass tubes full of all kinds of cubes and all kinds of things she couldn't even begin to identify.

Unfortunately, even off the beaten path, she soon found out her magic didn't work even here; the same with her ability to fly.

This was regrettable, as she truly wanted to move to some of the higher and lower placed walkways and find out what marvels awaited her there. Still, this didn't mean the path she was following lead to nowhere. Quite the opposite, in fact.

Following the path before her, each step clanging slightly on the metal mesh, she made her way over to a dilapidated room; its circular door partially open, yet gave way easily when she used her magic to gain entry. A bit too easily, as she soon discovered. With a loud 'CLANG' the door broke away, and fell to the floor with an even louder 'WHAM'.

"Hello, is anypony in here?" Celestia asked, carefully stepping inside, illuminating the area with her glowing horn.

Looking around the clearly forgotten and dust covered room, no one had been here for a long, long time, and with deliberate slowness Celestia ventured deeper inside; carefull with each step she took, the ground littered with papers, coffee cups, and other items. There was also some furniture; tables mostly and some worn seats, all shoved roughly aside to one place or the other.

"What happened here?"

The tomb like silence which had settled down over the room provided no answer; not even the sounds of machinery at work from outside the chamber managed to penetrate the rapidly becoming eerily quiet place and each step Celestia took sounding louder, and louder, while the radio had stopped playing without notice.

But then, as she slowly looked around, the glow of her horn briefly illuminated something written on the wall.

Focusing her magic, and stepping closer, Celestia took a closer look.

*CLANG*

Celestia reared back in shock, horrified. The portal gun and radio falling to the floor as her magic faltered and failed. For there, written on the wall in crude letters, was something so despicable, so diabolical, so truly horrific, only the worst of the worst kind of individuals would be able to utter these words without fear, or remorse.

Comments

[Kichi]

"Politicians, Artificial Intelligences, they're all the same. Using big words, but saying nothing at the same time." 

And don't forget Catalonia independentist...

P.S:

The Cake is a Lie

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

[NintenDOS]

I see Celestia has become aquainted with ratman then.

[WorldWalker128]

"Well, then it is a good thing I didn't damage this camera of yours," Celestia quipped back, staring deeply into the lense; forcing it to refocus from her close proximity. "See, still works."

"What are you even planning on doing with that?" Glados asked flatly.

"Oh, I haven't decided yet. But I'm sure it will come in handy," Celestia replied enthusiastically. "Now, let's continue, shall we?"

Meanwhile, in the variation of this universe in the multiverse where it was Molestia who was abducted.....
-
No, I won't go further than that, don't worry.