Princess Celestia's Side Trip To Aperture.

by Powerdrainer

What The Buck!?

Edited by Slayerseba, halusm, and Clawder.

What The Buck!?

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It was a dark and stormy day.

Well, not really. Truth be told, it was a warm and pleasant day; the sun was shining, birds were singing and ponies were going to and fro doing all kinds of things not important to this story. Though I wanted it to be dark and stormy, the weather team was rather uncooperative, and were less than thrilled by the idea of setting of a dark, and brewing storm in the middle of the city of Canterlot.

But still, a storm was brewing. Metaphorically speaking, that is. Damned pegasi.

Anyhow, it was a warm, pleasant, sun filled, dark and stormy day. And it was with a flash of lightning, which was in no way related to the tourist group taking pictures, that our attention snaps towards the tall, white, regal alicorn sitting on her throne with her well defined plot; envied by mares across the land and worshiped by even more stallions. And mares as well, though they would never admit it when you asked.

Yes, it truly was a diabolical day, even though Princess Celestia herself did not know it. Nor did anyone else for that matter. That's usually how that goes. Still, the Princess did feel rather miffed herself, even though she didn't show it. She had just finished yet another tedious session of day court, having to listen to her beloved, but often infuriating ponies with their strange, confusing, weird and sometimes downright rude troubles, and requests.

Sure, she gave them her trademark smile. But more often than not, her mind would wander off to the well stocked pantry filled with all sorts of baked delectables, just to take her mind off things.

For a moment, her mind focused on the image of the freshly baked, seven layered chocolate cake she knew was waiting for her and a small string of drool almost escaped her when, with a magical poof, a scroll popped into being.

For a moment, she stared at the scroll, surprised. But then she noticed the seal on the rolled up letter and immediately recognized who it belonged to.

She was almost beside herself as she gave a slight squee, not having received a letter from her former student in what seemed like ages and she pressed her front hooves against her cheeks in excitement as she grabbed the scroll in her magic before it could fall.

However, before she could even think about retrieving the letter and read it, the world around her seemed to grow still and gray; her magic having suddenly vanished, yet the unopened letter hung perfectly still in the air.

"Princesss Celestia," a slow, morosely toned voice spoke up from behind her and an earth pony stallion slowly walked into view; wearing a perfectly fitting suit, while levitating a briefcase by his side despite the lack of any magic to do so.

"What? Who are you? How did you get in here?" she demanded, trying to stand up, but finding herself unable to do so. And, after trying to use her magic, she found it not working either.

"Please, do not be… alarmed. I'm not here to cause distress. I am, however, required to keep you… otherwise occupied. There is a new development unfolding and my… employers would rather not have it for you to… interfere. Not. To. Worry, Princess Celestia. We have already found a care-tak-er who is more than, ah, eager for you to help her out with some, shall we say, research."

"Excuse me?" Celestia shouted, worried and angry. Both over her sudden powerlessness and the implications of what this strange pony was saying.

"Ah, yes, hmm. I would reckon that my words are cause for some… concern. But a mare of your capabilities should be more than able to go though this… unharmed." —A shimmer rippled the air behind the stallion and a strange, oval shaped portal with shimmering blue sides opened up; showing a pure white chamber beyond, with limited furniture standing on the room's side— "Good day, Princess. And mind the, ah, turrets." and Celestia suddenly found herself plucked from her throne and deposited through the portal; the shimmering hole closing behind her.

Celestia looked around in shock as the portal had closed behind her, unable to wrap her mind around what had just happened. Then a voice spoke up, coming from all around her, and was unnaturally warped.

The moment the mentioned portal opened, Celestia stood with wide eyes as she saw what lay beyond.

"... WHAT THE ACTUAL BUCK!?"

<<>><<>><<>>

For minutes, Celestia stood before the shimmering hole, staring with wide eyes at what lay beyond, trying to wrap her mind around the situation she suddenly found herself in. That in itself was already a feat; having experienced many things throughout her extensive life; quite a few of those things too surreal to even mention it in the history books.

For a second, the face of a well known draconequus flashed before her mind's eye.

This sudden memory also put what she was seeing into perspective, for as strange as it all seemed, the known laws of physics did still seem to apply. The strange hole on the wall notwithstanding. Realizing this, she slightly relaxed her stance.

"Huh," she finally vocalized, then took a slow step through the portal.

"Finally," the same warped voice made itself heard throughout the room. "For a moment there, I thought you had already ceased functioning."

For now, Celestia opted to ignore the voice, instead focusing on the confusion before her.

The room itself was large, identical in color scheme as the room the unknown pony had deposited her in, but nothing much out of the ordinary. However, what filled this room was anything but.

The first thing that Celestia noticed were the raised platforms near the far wall, each supported by a single, but broad metallic cylinder underneath. There was also an orange glowing dotted line connected to each; running over the floor, walls, and even the ceiling; all leading to someplace else.

Following one of the lines, Celestia found it led towards a large, red, circular, slightly raised platform big enough for her to stand on.

Focusing on the second dotted line, she saw it led towards a similar platform as the one she just saw, except it was placed firmly on the wall.

The third line, however, she lost sight of half way through the room as it followed a corner down into what seemed to be a complete drop off, bisecting the room and disappeating out of sight.

Not stopping there, there were several elongated, gleaming white ovals standing on three black legs and a glowing red circle embedded at the center front of these ovals from which a narrow laser was emitted.

Looking further, she took notice of what seemed like a door. A circular door, with a strange symbol portrayed on it and yet another of those orange dotted lines coming from the ceiling.

"Huh?" She said, now taking notice of the small pedestal near her, made of the same gleaming white metal she saw throughout the room; with four vertical, slightly blue glowing lines running the length. The top of this pedestal was angled forty five degrees and a red button rested on top of it.

Stepping closer, she inspected the pedestal, trying to deduce its purpose amidst the entirety of this bizarre chamber; realizing it, too, was connected with one of those dotted lines.

"Well, buttons are there to be pressed," she said to herself.

"Wow, incredible! It took you a whole eight minutes to figure out you need to press the button," the warped voice cut in before Celestia could say, or do anything else. "No wonder you're the Princess."

Celestia looked up towards the general direction she felt the voice originated from; single eyebrow raised, not impressed.

Choosing not to reply and try to get more reactions from this strange individual, Celestia looked back at the button, and pressed it with deliberate slowness.

What followed was a smooth hiss and Celestia saw the orange dotted line had changed color to a glowing light blue. Turning towards where the sound came from, she noticed a large glass cylinder extending down from the ceiling; a gleaming white metal cap on the bottom and an iris of the same material build within. Said iris was also closing with the same hiss which drew her attention to this cylinder; and a heavy thud pulled her focus down to the intricately designed cube now lying on the floor.

"And what have we here?" She wondered as she approached the cube, giving it a slight push with a hoof. "Oompfh… Heavier than it looks."

Taking a step back, she lit up her horn. Or, at the very least, she tried.

It was with quite the surprise, she realized her magic did not work.

"What? What is going on?"

"You are currently experiencing the effects of Aperture Science's nullification field. Designed to nullify any and all outsource devices and or capabilities which would influence testing results. Do not be alarmed. The field is completely harmless," the voice told her; followed immediately by a new voice, this one a stallion who spoke with a hurried pace.

"Side effects after interacting with the nullification field may include: dizziness, nausea, unusual hair growth, possible build up of bodily gasses potentially hazardous to yourself and others in the room with you, and an itchy nose."

Celestia stood frozen for a moment, again looking towards the general direction she believed the voice to originate from.

"... I see," she finally said, wrinkling her nose a bit as it started to itch.

Stepping away from the strange cube, she slowly moved towards the drop off bisecting the room. Stopping near the edge, she casually looked down; following the orange dotted line into a new room much further down.

"Too deep to jump," she noted, flexing her wings. "Tell me, this suppression field, does it also affect my ability to fly?" She asked aloud.

"All outside capabilities not approved to be used within the testing chambers are disabled," the voice replied. "Furthermore. Previous test subjects were able to clear this room in half the time you've been standing there. Simulations show this is mostly the result of you being slowed down by the greater than usual weight of your posterior. Might I suggest you reduce your calorie intake. Your test results may improve… drastically as a result."

"... I beg your pardon?" Celestia replied, shocked.

"Please continue with the test. Not only would your contribution further our scientific understanding, but as a bonus you would also gain the exercise you obviously need."

Celestia stood with her mouth open.

"Gawking, although an understandable reaction to the scientific marvels to be found in this state of the art facility, is not required to complete this test."

Celestia slowly closed her mouth and promptly sat down, refusing to move even an inch.

"I see you are unwilling to cooperate," the voice said after several minutes had passed.

"And this surprises you?" Celestia said with well practiced calm. For as rude as this disembodied voice was, she was hardly the worst she had ever dealt with. "I was brought here against my will by an entity I am most certain is not one of my little ponies. Then I was brought into this room by you, without a clue what to do, or the ability to use my magic. And then you mock me for any action I take and insult me based on my 'posterior' as you said it. And just for the record, my flank is highly praised where I'm from."

"I see. Oh well. I guess I will have to give this cake to a more willing participant."

"... Cake?" Celestia said, more eager than she'd intended; ears perking up just a bit.

"Of course. All test subjects will be presented with a cake upon completion of their tests."

"Didn't you just tell me I need to 'reduce my calorie intake'?" Celestia asked, suspicious.

"You do," the voice replied matter of factly. "But protocol dictates all test subjects are to be awarded with financial compensation and cake for their efforts in helping us further our scientific understanding."

Silence.

"... What kind of flavor?" Celestia asked suddenly.

"Fla… vor?" The voice repeated with a clear hint of confusion.

"Yes, what kind of flavor?" Celestia repeated. "Chocolate, strawberry, lemon, or maybe a combination?"

"... These kind of details are of no importance to the tests," the voice finally replied back.

"Oh, but I disagree. Either you tell me what kind of flavor I can expect, and then I can decide if it may be worth my time. Otherwise, I'll just remain seated right here—" Celestia said, wiggling her rump side to side to make herself more comfortable "—and try to think of a way back home. So, I'll ask again. What flavor?"

Silence.

"Well, I'm waiting!"

"...Chocolate…" the voice eventually said, slowly, almost as if it was reading the word from someplace, not truly knowing what it meant or was. "... Fudge… with whipped cream… Four layers."

"... Only four layers. That hardly seems worth the effort," Celestia said, indifferent, lifting a hoof to look at her reflection in the polished gold of her horse shoe.

".... And banana frosting," the voice added with noticeable annoyance.

"Banana?" Celestia said, freezing mid motion, then slowly lowered her hoof down to the ground. "Well, you had my attention. But now you have my curiosity." Rising to all fours, Celestia walked back to the strangely decorated cube "So, what exactly am I supposed to do?"

"The goal of these tests is for you to navigate these chambers using intelligent problem-solving to solve the puzzle presented to you, while avoiding any of the non lethal obstructions."

Celestia raised an eyebrow over the pronunciation when the non lethality of these obstructions were mentioned, yet chose not to mention it for now.

"And how would I do this? My magic is disabled. So is my ability to fly, apparently. Nor do I particularly understand the purpose of everything in this room. Do you by any chance have a manual for me to read? It would be most appreciated."

"And here I thought we were finally making some progress," the voice sighed out in irritation. "Very well, don't move." It instructed, and the room suddenly started shaking.

Looking around in surprise, Celestia watched with a sense of awe, even if she didn't outwardly show it, as the room came apart; the walls, floor and ceiling all pulled apart by small arms, and she immediately understood the segmented nature of this chamber.

"You can reshape this place at will," she said with a hint of admiration.

The voice did not answer and Celestia remained standing on the small piece of floor still remaining as the room around her reshaped itself.

When the process was done, she found herself standing in a small passage; blocked from behind, leading her into a small, square room; a glass cylinder extending down from the ceiling, with one of those large, red, circular platforms directly underneath. There was also one of those orange dotted lines connected to the glass cylinder, which led her to the pedestal with button almost directly before her.

"Here we go. I designed this testing chamber based on the… skills you've demonstrated so far."

Again choosing to ignore the voice, Celestia instead pushed the button.

With the same hiss as before, the metal iris opened and the same, or similar cube fell down and onto the red platform. A button, Celestia quickly deduced, as the weight of the cube pressed it down and the door slid open.

"Congratulations. It seems your button pressing abilities have not deteriorated in the last ten minutes. Please exit the chamber and enter the elevator which will take you to the next testing chamber where you will continue with your tests. For science."

"No, not for science," Celestia corrected. The voice did not reward her with any form of response as she stepped on the glass tubed elevator; the door smoothly sliding shut behind her, and the floor quickly dropped away as she ascended. "For cake."

Comments

[Dr Freaky]

This is the first chapter and already its... so beautiful...
:flutter cry:

[Kichi]

A very good chapter... Science is not important, but Cake is important.

[Emtu]

8475176
If it was Twilight, she'd be all for doing it for science.

Hell, she might even get along with Cave,

[Kichi]

8475617 Lucky for us, Celestia have more experience and know that work is toxic.

[NintenDOS]

The cake is a lie
The cake is a lie
The cake is a lie
The cake is a lie

This has been a ratman announcement

[WorldWalker128]

For a moment, her mind focused on the image of the freshly baked, seven layered chocolate cake she knew was waiting for her and a small string of drool almost escaped her when, with a magical poof, a scroll popped into being.

Great, now I'm feeling inspired to write another YTP-style fic involving Michal Rosen stealing Celestia's chocolate cake.

[Powerdrainer]

8656773
Happy to hear my work is an inspiration.

[Crystonian]

I hope Celestia finds out soon that the cake is a lie