• Member Since 21st Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen 11 hours ago

StormLuna


Comments ( 11 )

Finally, a female Anon story! I get so tired of them always being males having their way with a female character.

You should try 'Annie' instead of Anonya
Or just Anon, really, because Anonya was... wow

8432915

Yeah Annie could have worked but I liked how Anonya sounded. Regarding just using Anon, that is what is used with all the ones involving males and it would make me feel like I gave a boy's name to a girl and perhaps confuse readers into thinking she may be a he.

All that experience, and this is what you have given us? If this is the quality of your most recent work, I shudder to even think about looking at anything older.

It really isn't the grammar, for once. To me, this story just feels so awkward and out of place. Don't even get me started on the pacing. Good grief. At least you're trying, so points for that, but, you're not gaining this one, singular and insignificant follower.

8433159
I agree, and her plan sucked big time. i perfer her to pay soem real conqunces for her actions.

Awesome work. Very...visual.

8435146

Thanks, I did my best to make this one visual and it was very fun to write.

Very interesting read, my friend. Great work! :twilightsmile:

8441672

I'm glad you like it, it was quite fun to write.

Ok so several issues with this story;

1. Rushes as hell, I would have loved to see this story flushed out and dragged out better.
2. To much exposition, show us just how much Sunset is loved and show us through events why it infuriates the reader.
3. Terrible protagonist that was being basically a rude c:trollestia:t “oh your getting more attention than me I’m gonna right you” I get that it’s high school an that stuff happens (believe me when I was in High School I saw that shit everyday it’s very annoying)
4. When writing a 2nd Person clopfic it’s important to NEVER divulge the gender and I can here the comments “Ya well we are tired of always seeing the guys get the characters” fair point and I can see the argument but most stories involve the words; Them, They, You, etc... they use genderless terms and I can also hear another comment “oh well these clip fics always use cock, shaft, balls, dick, etc...” this does not mean it’s a male. People please remember that Transgender people and intersexs people (those who have both genatalia) are a real thing.

See a proper 2nd person writer uses gender neutral pronouns that way Everyone can feel involved weather you be male or female. Which leads to my next comment “Oh well i don’t have a penis so I can’t connect to this character because blah, blah, blah” Your reading a clopfic about a world where MAGIC is a everyday thing. Believe me a female reader suddenly having a dick of their own isn’t a story isn’t as assanign as you assume.

I’m short I couldn’t enjoy this story as everything felt forced upon me. However, I will not be an asshole and condem this fic it does get a thumbs up, a favorite and a fair 7/10 because effort and heart was put into this story but it need to be redone and flushed out better. That being said StormLuna don’t give up and keep writing.

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