• Published 1st Apr 2018
  • 23,744 Views, 749 Comments

How many lovers have you made today? - Sarcastic Brony



With things improving, Celestia is now interested in trying to court Anon but things are never that simple when it comes to Anon.

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What's come to pass

Anon drowsily opens his eyes. The soft glow of the moon fades in tandem with the rising sun. He looks over to his right and finds Celestia still snuggled up close, her head at the nape of his neck. He turns to look over at Luna, who’s nestled to his left, her head lying on his chest. Anon examines the ceiling as he watches the shadows around the corners dance and bend in response to the playful rays of morning light pouring into the room. It’s been two weeks since that night happened, the night he helped Twilight.

Anon remembers when he trudged back to Celestia’s room, exhausted over everything. How he explained to them the events of that night. To say the sisters were surprised would be putting it lightly. It took Anon the better half of a day to get across what went down with Twilight and it felt as if it took just as long for it to sink in for the sisters. The moment of truth came the day after, during breakfast. Twilight was there, and while Anon still felt sick around her, he now at least tolerated her presence.

He could see how happy this made Celestia and it filled him with the resolve to continue, even if his body protested. There were a lot of worries from both sisters, but Anon tried his best to alleviate those concerns. Celestia was easy enough, as she thought Anon only did this for her sake. It’s true that she was a big reason for why he decided to help Twilight, but she wasn’t the only reason. Luna also felt guilty over what she did and how it had inadvertently affected Anon.

Anon didn’t need to forgive her because he didn’t blame her. After everything was said and done, he felt it all worked out in the end and that was enough for him. He trusts Luna and he knows she only did it because she thought it was the right thing to do. Perhaps he didn’t agree with her methods and admitted that he didn’t want her to put herself at risk for his sake but overall he wasn’t mad at her. Tears were shed and hugs were had, as is pony tradition.

As for Twilight? Well, Anon doesn’t really know. They didn’t speak, barely made eye contact, and for the better part of the week, Anon has been busy helping Celestia with this upcoming festival. Twilight mostly talks to Celestia and leaves Anon be. At least he’s not a complete mess when she’s around anymore, so that’s a plus in his book. However, he can’t deny that he’s noticed an odd look from Twilight, as if she’s holding herself back for some reason.

What about the others? Anon hasn’t seen much of Spike. Guess he’s been spending a lot of time by himself to think things over about what he’s learned. Anon recalls briefly running into Spike once and Spike thanked him for being upfront with him and helping him back to the room. After that, he just left without saying anything else. Now, Blossom... Well, she’s still Blossom. Protecting from the shadows and asking for Anon’s help with paperwork whenever he’s available.

Bonbon and Lyra... Yeah, he hasn’t heard from them either. As far as he knows they’re still working at the store but he’s not sure anymore. He still thinks about them, and wonders often if he did the right thing. He knows he did but he hates that Bonbon had to suffer because of his choices. Anon lets out a sigh. It doesn’t matter. Everything is going better than before and that’s all he cares about. The sisters are happier than ever and the kingdom isn’t at war.

Things are a lot better than before, actually. Anon feels more at ease. He doesn’t worry about where Twilight might be or if something bad may happen. It’s weird for him to admit, but he’s enjoying the moments given to him. Even now, just being here with the sisters is nice. Hearing their soft, rhythmic breaths as they rest is calming. Just being with them is enough to make his day. He appreciates what they’ve done for him and helping them makes him feel as if he’s doing something right.

Anon can feel Celestia start to stir awake. She nuzzles into his neck slightly just before she lifts her head and gives off a yawn.

“Morning,” Celestia says drowsily.

“Morning.”

“You couldn’t sleep?” she asks.

“I slept. Just woke up early is all.”

“Mmm...” She rests her head on the nape of his neck again. “No more festival preparations,” she mumbles. “We can finally relax.”

“That’s good news.”

“What are you two doing up?” Luna growls. “Go back to sleep.”

“Sorry, but I’m already awake,” Anon says as he moves from both sisters and gets out of bed. “I’m just going to walk around for a little.”

“See you at breakfast?” Celestia asks hopefully.

“Yeah... Maybe we can do something together today? You know, the three of us?”

Celestia smiles. “That’s a lovely idea.”

“Alright, see you at breakfast,” Anon confirms before leaving the room.

Once Anon is gone, Celestia looks down to her sister, who’s trying her best to fall asleep.

“Luna... I think it’s time,” Celestia shakily says.

“Time for what?” Luna murmurs, eyes heavy.

After a moment of silence, Celestia summons the courage to speak. “I-I want to try and court Anon.”

Luna’s eyes snap open at that. She sits up on the bed to properly face her sister. “Really?”

Celestia nods. “I couldn’t ask for a better time than now. Anon has done so much for us and now I want to offer him something no one else can.”

“If that’s what you want, then go for it,” Luna says with a grin. “Remember, you lay the groundwork; then I come in for the kill.”

Celestia blushes at that. “I still can’t believe we’re doing this...”

“Don’t worry, Tia. It’ll be fine! Anon is very understanding, and I’m sure he’ll be fine with the idea of dating.”

That makes Celestia wonder.

“I hope you’re right, Lulu.”


Anon seats himself under a tree and leans against it. Man, he feels exhausted. He definitely can’t shake his introverted ways. He likes being around the sisters and all, but there’s been so much going on with the festival preparations that it’s nice whenever he can get some time to himself. He hasn’t even been dream walking, instead opting to keep to himself. Luna has been busy too, as there were a number of things she was responsible for in this festival as well. So they haven’t dream walked together in a while.

Even with all the time that’s passed and the promise Anon made to Luna, he still finds his mind wandering to Nightmare Moon. It’s weird, there are just a lot of things about her that bother him. He’s not willing to break the promise on a hunch, but maybe talking to Luna could help ease his thoughts? Perhaps she would tell him more about Nightmare Moon? It’d at least help sate his curiosity.

Anon shakes his head clear of those thoughts. Why does he even care? Nightmare Moon did horrible things and she’s being punished for what she did... At least, that’s what Anon wants to believe. Luna and Nightmare Moon had shared the punishment on the moon. Now, she’s just trapped in that void forgotten and alone. She truly has no one. Anon knows how it feels to be alone, but that pales in comparison to Nightmare’s complete isolation.

Anon snorts. Why is he humanizing her? The things she did hurt Luna and she’s getting her just desserts... For all eternity. He hates this. When he thinks about her he can’t help but empathize and realize that she’s suffered far more than he has, far more than anyone ever should. Sure, Nightmare’s actions are what caused her imprisonment, but that’s beside the point. She didn’t seem like a bad pony and that’s why Anon keeps thinking about her. It’s why he wants to understand and form his own opinion of her, despite Luna’s instructions not to.

Anon was so lost in thought he didn’t notice the sound of a pony approaching.

“A-Anon?” says a quiet, distressingly familiar voice.

Anon freezes up as it registers just who the voice belongs to... That’s Twilight. He trembles a bit but otherwise stays in control of himself.

“Yeah?” He answers nonchalantly, trying to keep his cool.

Anon looks over to see Twilight. That hesitant look is still there, even as she uncomfortably glances around, searching for anyone who could be near. She returns her gaze to Anon and he notices she is unnaturally rigid, as though at any moment she would bolt and try to put as much distance between them as possible. Looks like she shares the discomfort he feels when they’re together.

“May I speak with you?” she asks.

He doesn’t like that idea. He doesn’t like being around her; actually he all around hates this situation, but despite the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach he’ll try to play nice... If only for Celestia’s sake. It’s a struggle but Celestia has done a lot for him and he’s returning the favor. Even if his body and mind are against him.

“I’ve got the free time.”

Twilight can’t believe she’s managed to run into Anon alone. For these passing weeks she’s wanted to talk to him. There’s something significant she wants to discuss with him and it’s not something she can speak of with anyone but him. Twilight approaches Anon, making sure to keep her distance to a respectable level. She sits down to get comfortable and notices how Anon fidgets some. She’ll have to make this quick.

“Anon... I wanted to thank you.”

Thank him? That’s an odd thing for him to hear. Why would she want to do that? He decides to keep silent and let her speak her mind.

“The night you helped me... I was lost. I couldn’t think or feel anything. Everything was gone and I was afraid of what would happen to me. That’s when you came. I know you helped me as a way of protecting Luna but I am grateful for it. That’s why I’ve kept silent about what she did. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.”

“Um... You’re welcome?” Anon says, unsure of how to respond.

“I know that there’s no point in saying this, but I want you to know that I’m sorry for what I did in Ponyville. I should’ve been there for you like Pinkie was, but I wasn’t... Not for very good reasons but I suppose that matters little now. I don’t expect you to forgive me but I still want you to know that I deeply regret everything that happened between us and I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused you.”

This is all getting a bit too weird for Anon. He’s doesn’t know what to say in return... She’s right, he’s not going to forgive her and her apology means nothing to him. However, she is trying and that’s a good thing, right? All of this is complicated; what he wants for himself versus what he wants for Celestia is the center of an intense conflict within him. So, he decides to stay silent.

Twilight notices how tense Anon has become. She’s not surprised. He doesn’t know what to say to her, not like she’d have the answers if the tables were reversed, so she decides to talk about one of the main reasons she wanted to speak with him. Something that’s been grating on her mind for a while.

“Anon, there’s one last thing I’d like to talk to you about.” She takes a moment to gather her thoughts as she tries her best to look him in the eyes, but every so often she has to avert her gaze before unsteadily returning it. “I-I’d like for you to help me with something.”

This is becoming too much for Anon. This has got to be the longest he’s ever spent near Twilight and it’s taking its toll. He can feel the sickness rising but he’ll persevere, if only out of curiosity.

“You want my help?”

She nods. “It took me some time to realize it, but you’re not the only one I’ve hurt. I want to make amends with those I’ve wronged.”

Hmm... This is somewhat interesting for Anon to hear. He thinks back on Gilda and her story about how Rainbow Dash turned her back on her. It’s not surprising to hear that Twilight has hurt others, but still, why would she need his help?

“Why are you asking me of all people to help you?”

Alright, Twilight feels as if she’s making some headway right now. Anon is at least willing to hear her out. She was sure he’d just ignore her or even walk away.

“Well, the first pony I’d like to speak with is Trixie.”

“You know Trixie?” He sits up slightly, lifting an eyebrow.

“No! Well, yes... It’s complicated.” Twilight dejectedly paws at the ground. “Do you want to hear the story?”

As much as he doesn’t want to be here, he can’t deny that she has his interest. So for now, he’ll stomach his revulsion and hear what she has to say.

“I’m listening.”


Celestia and Luna are in the royal bathhouse as they bathe, both deep in thought. Since they woke up they’d been thinking over various ideas for approaching Anon. Not many have stuck and as time goes on decent ideas have become few and far between.

“Is there no other option!?” Celestia finally cries, exceptionally frustrated.

“Just ask him?” Luna offers.

“I can’t just ask him, Luna.”

“Perhaps we are complicating things too much. Why not just be upfront?”

Celestia rolls her eyes. “Anon may be understanding but you know he’s easily spooked by new things. Especially when they are so brazenly thrown in his face! No, this must be broached delicately.”

Luna can’t really argue with that, as she has no idea how Anon will react to this situation. “I suppose you’re right.” She rests her head upon her hooves. “So then, dear sister, how should we go about this?”

“Why not just spend time with him as you would normally but in various romantic settings?” a new voice suggests.

“Well, that’s better th-” Celestia looks over to her right to see Cadance in the bath with them. “Cadance?!” Celestia blinks a couple of times, “When did you get here?”

Cadance chuckles at that. “I’ve been here for awhile. You two were so absorbed in your plans for courting Anon that you didn’t even notice me enter.”

“How much have you heard?” Luna asks, disturbed that she allowed herself to be so easily caught off guard.

“Just that you want to woo Anon.” Cadance flashes Celestia a winning smile. “I’ve known how you felt since the party. I’m happy to hear that you’re finally going after him.”

A blush explodes across Celestia’s face. “You knew the entire time?”

Cadance’s smile widens. “I have to say, your raw love energy for him is rather amazing... Have you always felt this way about him?”

This is odd for Celestia. Not only because this is her niece but because she’s never really talked much about love until just recently with her sister. This is all still new for her and she admits that despite all her years she’s slightly blind to the whole concept.

“I believe so. I have always cared for Anon but recently it’s grown to be something… different. A feeling more intimate. It’s thanks to Luna that I have become more aware of what it is I feel.”

Cadance looks over to Luna. She appears to be somewhat ill at ease, as if she doesn’t like Cadance being here. She’s probably embarrassed.

“So you were the first to discover how you felt?”

Luna tenses. “Yes, my captain made it clear that what I was experiencing was the feeling of love.”

“Is this the first time you two have felt this way about anything?”

The two sisters nod. While they’ve both been close to others, their hearts never fluttered then the way they do now when they are around Anon. However, as Luna starts to think about this entire situation, she finds herself questioning something.

“Cadance.”

“Yes?” Cadance turns her attention to Luna.

“You know we both love Anon?”

Cadance furrows her brows, pondering where Luna meant to go with this question. “Of course. Again, the love energy from you two is so potent. It’s almost painful to be around.”

“So, you understand we intend to make a herd with him?”

“I’m no prude, Aunty,” Cadance responds with a chuckle. “I’m all for you both sharing your love with one creature. Love is complicated and I’d never condemn you for wanting to be happy. It makes sense, considering the circumstances.”

Luna remembers what Anon told her about Cadance. She’s still somewhat upset by that but she can’t deny that Cadance has nothing but the purest intent in mind. Considering she’s young and in love with her own partner, perhaps she could prove useful?

“Why?” Celestia chimes in. “I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but don’t you have other business to worry about?”

“I’m done with my training for the most part.” Cadance then feels her smile fade a bit. “I’ll be honest. I feel a bit guilty about some things I said to Anon during his party.”

This is news to Celestia. “What did you tell him?”

Cadance’s eyes sorrowfully fall to the surface of the water. “I told him that Twilight was in shambles and he should forgive her. I was insensitive to him and his plight, all because of what I wanted for Twilight.” Cadance drags her gaze back up to Celestia. “I’m sorry for not having listened to you, Aunty... I should’ve kept my muzzle out of it.”

Cadance hangs her head low, but is surprised when she feels her aunt wrap her wings around her and pull her to her chest.

“It’s alright, Cadance.” Celestia whispers. “I know it must have been hard to see Twilight in so much pain.” Cadance’s eyes water as she remembers that night Twilight and her talked in the park. “However, things are better now, are they not?”

“They are.” Cadance nods.

Celestia leans back and brushes away Cadance’s tears with a wing. “Come now, there is no need for tears.” She smiles warmly at her niece, Cadance returning the smile with cheer. “So, you wish to help us court Anon?”

Cadance brings her hoof to her aunt’s. “If you would allow me.”

Celestia looks over to her sister. “Luna?”

Luna just sighs as she shakes her head. “Fine. I guess we could use the help.”

That mood in the room lightens immediately as Cadance takes a second to compose herself.

“Very well, so where do we begin?” Celestia asks.

“How about you tell me more about Anon?” Cadance confidently replies.


That was an interesting story for Anon to hear. Well, interesting isn’t the word he’d use. Upsetting is a pretty good word to describe what Twilight told him. Trixie is a lovely mare and hearing about how mistreated she was in Ponyville angers him. Sure, she’s eccentric and egotistical but that’s what a magician is supposed to be. The fact that she was blamed for what two stupid kids did is absurd! Not to mention that her home was destroyed and no one so much as blinked.

“I know it’s horrible.” Twilight says, attempting to calm Anon. “This is why I have to talk to her. I’ve done so much wrong and now I want to make things right.”

As much as Anon hates this... He can’t speak for Trixie. It’s her decision whether she wants to see Twilight or not. Might as well take a page from Blossom’s book.

“I don’t know where she lives but I do know she visits my shop often. You’ll meet her there sooner or later,” Anon proposes.

Well, that should be that but Anon notices that Twilight’s still sitting here. Not only that but that hesitant expression has reappeared as she rubs one forehoof over the other. This can’t be a good sign.

“I... um... I was wondering if you would come with me? As a favor.” she asks.

That was the very last thing Anon was expecting to hear from her. It’s one thing to be this close to her for as long as he has but now she wants him to accompany her on this quest of amends? What could she possibly be thinking?

“Why?” He asks, voice low and drawn out.

Twilight gets why he’s hesitant. The last thing he wants to do is be alone with her after what she did in Ponyville, but she has a good reason for why she wants him there.

Twilight rubs a foreleg against the other, her gaze resting squarely on the ground. “I don’t want to do this alone. I know you hate me, but... but that’s why I need you. Even if it hurts me, you’d tell me what I’m doing wrong.” She looks to the grass as she digs her hoof into the dirt. “It hasn’t been easy since you helped me. Not even before then. Everyone trots carefully around me, treating me as though I’ll break if they say one negative thing.” She then peers into Anon’s eyes. “That’s not what I need right now. I want to become better. I have to become better. Even if it hurts.”

Twilight wants him to help her because he’s capable of hurting her? It makes sense to some degree but Anon isn’t too sure about this. If he agrees, he’ll be alone with Twilight. If he denies her, then who knows what could happen. She could become worse. Or perhaps it won’t matter either way. Then there’s Trixie... Does Anon really want to leave her alone with Twilight?

Anon runs a hand through his hair, unaware of the sweat breaking from his skin. Dammit, he doesn’t want what he suffered to happen to anyone else. Even if there’s only a slim chance of something happening again, that there was a chance at all was all the reason to be wary. He doesn’t like this but it’s something he must do. Then again, it never hurts to have a little insurance.

“As long as Blossom is with me,” Anon concludes, his tone brooking no argument.

“Blossom?” Twilight tilts her head slightly in confusion.

Blossom falls from the tree Anon was leaning against and lands beside him. Twilight jumps back in fright as she didn’t expect another pony to be there... Wait a second. As Twilight eyes this pony, she instantly recognizes her. It’s the thestral she ran into once!

“Captain Blossom,” Twilight whispers.

“You knew I was here?” Blossom asks Anon, ignoring Twilight.

“I always know when you’re around.” Anon then reaches over and flicks her nose. “Also, stop coming into the royal bath house. It creeps me out knowing you’re there watching me.”

“When the sisters aren’t there I have to protect you. Especially when you’re at your most vulnerable,” she asserts with a smirk.

“At least take a bath with me. It’s a lot less awkward.” Anon then turns to Twilight. “This is Blossom. She’s my personal guard.”

Twilight’s eyes rapidly flick between the two. “How long have you been there?”

“The entire time,” both Blossom and Anon answer.

“Oh...”

“I’ll only entertain your favor if Blossom can come,” Anon declares, deciding to get back on track.

Twilight fully understands why Anon would do this yet she can’t fight the embarrassment from having another pony hear what she plans to do.

“I-I’m alright with her coming.”

Anon glances at Blossom. “You good?”

Blossom shrugs. “I just follow you. If you want to help her then that’s your business.”

Anon leans against the tree again and closes his eyes for a moment.

“I’d like some time to reflect on this. Even with Blossom on the table this is rather out of the blue for me.”

“I understand. I have a few other things I’d like to take care of before leaving the castle anyway.” Twilight stands up. “Send me a message if you accept. We can talk about what to do after that.”

Without another word, Twilight leaves Anon alone with Blossom. The guard watches Twilight leave and makes sure she’s gone before turning her attention to Anon.

“You going to take her up on that favor?”

“I don’t know, Blossom.”

“This for the sisters?” she guesses.

“A little, but you heard Twilight’s story... There are others out there and I don’t like the idea of leaving them alone with Twilight.”

Blossom feels a large smile grow on her face. She crouches down low and suddenly pounces onto Anon’s face, hugging the panicking human and burying his face in her stomach.

“Oh, you!”

“Blossom get off me!” A muffled voice shouts past her fur, Anon attempting to peel the furry nuisance from his face.

“You’re so cute when you care about others!”

Anon tries to get Blossom off his face but she’s really strong. He just falls onto his back in defeat, lying on the grass. He’s disgusted by even the idea of being with Twilight for an extended period of time, but knowing Blossom will be there calms him... Man, he needs to consider whether or not this is worth doing. Then again, does he have a choice?

Author's Note:

It's finally here! I hope you guys enjoy the epic continuation of the "How many-verse".