• Member Since 5th May, 2015
  • offline last seen 9 hours ago

Jarvy Jared


Reader. Reviewer. Writer. Also now co-editor of the script for the fan project, Elements of Justice.

E

The milliner on March Street leads a simple life, tending to her shop and taking care of her goods. Her only company is her hats and the dusty shelves they inhabit. She has not had an exciting moment in a long while, and so expects nothing exciting to happen.

For the most part, she's right; until one day she isn't.


Pre-read graciously by the following people:
LightningSword
The Wandering Bard
DarkMaster0224
iiwriteponies


Featured on SA Reviews #124 and PresentPerfect's March 6th Fic Recs! Thank you for all the support!

Also featured on Equestria Daily!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 35 )

I love this story

8429916.


Your welcome

I got some good, early 20th century slice of life vibes, but it feels like there was something I was missing. Was there any connection with the mentioned 'front' and Moody's identity? I felt like there were headcanons here that I'm unaware of, and that a tincy bit more information was needed.

Moody has a comfortable life, with days that passes by in peace. Then comes some stranger that charms her and gets the stuff that Moody cares about the most, then after a cheap thrill, her life is back to normal, minus the stuff she cared about the most.

So the white mare is an allegory for marriage? Or narcotics?

8515625
I'd say the mare is more of an allegory to "catharsis" or "therapy," in a sense.

Does Moody live a comfortable life? A peaceful one? I don't think that's the case... ;)

8515680
Oh. Well, being a shop owner and not having to bother with customers sounds comfortable and peaceful to me. Then someone comes along and leaves with her stuff. I couldn't help but seeing it that way.

... Wait, is this another one of those stories about how you're an incomplete human being unless you sleep with someone and how having a 'partner' is the most important goal in life?

8515711

... Wait, is this another one of those stories about how you're an incomplete human being unless you sleep with someone and how having a 'partner' is the most important goal in life?

Er, no. Those exist?

8515816
Eheh, yeah. Half the fics on this site seems to be about that, and half the stories in any media too for that matter.

It's all about problems with spouses and girl/boyfriends, or 'getting the girl/boy'. It's so hard to work through your problems with your 'partner', but it's worth it in the end because it's... worth it... in the end... for some reason. I'dunno, they confuse me. Two people embracing and/or kissing always seems to be the climax, presumably because that's supposed to be the most important thing in life.

I'm gonna go write on a fic of my own; Being Single Is For Winners.

8515828
Well, this story isn't so much about a relationship so much as it's Moody's feelings. Take a look at the word choice used, and the mood. I'll leave it at that.

8515833
Oh, ok. That's good to hear.

Also, have a like.

8515838
Thanks! Your continued support means my kidnappers will continue to feed me!

8652405
Sorry for the very late response... but thank you for the positive feedback! I'm glad you found this story worthwhile. :twilightsmile:

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Well, that took a turn!

8774773
Did the PresentPerfect comment on my story? Have I entered an alternate universe where everything has gone awry? :derpyderp1: (I hope by your comment you mean it took an interesting turn, not a haphazard one!)

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

8774777
Definitely interesting. I think I wasn't paying close enough attention, because it caught me by surprise. I still enjoyed this! :)

8775084
I'm glad you enjoyed it as you did. Always a pleasure to make catch a reader off-guard in a good way.

Fascinating. There's a lot woven into the subtext here. The level of detail borders on the excruciatingly excessive at times, but it still stands as a thought-provoking puzzle box of a story. Thank you for it.

8776890
Thank you! I'm happy you enjoyed it! :twilightsmile:

Ok, that was truly beautiful. Thank you for it :twilightsmile:

8785768
You're very welcome.

Are the "dust-covered binds" mentioned twice supposed to be "dust-covered (window) blinds"?

8803004
Yyes! Thank you for catching that. That darn "l" always has a habit of vanishing where it shouldn't.

Impressive as hell. Great description. Great setting. Great teasing. FANTASTIC characterization.

...slightly terrifying ending.

Great job!

8860190
Thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :raritywink:

Quite fascinating. It appears this story has made it to EQD, and rightfully so.

Great work!

9012270
Thank you very much!

So... were they both chernglerngs? Or was she just feeding on her partner?

The mare nodded back. “Then allow me to help you.” Her form flickered.

That suggests the mystery mare who resembles Fleur is a bug pony.

Eyes, usually blue, cracked open; and flashed green. A mouth opened, revealing fangs at the corners.

And this suggests Milliner mare is also a pony roach.

I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to be getting from this. Did she get turned into a chernglerng? She'd lost a former lover, and hooked up with a love-stealing monster for a one-night stand and is now a monster herself? Does this imply that one-night stands make you a monster?

There's too much vagueness. I can twist it in far too many directions.

9014832
I understand your confusion. I would advise you less to focus on the supposed thematic elements of the one-night stand itself and more on where the mare and milliner end up by the end of the story.

The vagueness was intentional, though. This story was an experiment in iceberg theory, where not a lot happens on the surface, but a lot more happens underneath. If this was effective in that endeavor is up for you to decide, though.

9014984 I tend to like something a little more solid.

Even "L'Etranger" had a trick to what was taking place that was clear once you realized the book's title was the ultimate clue.

9015663
Then perhaps you can take some comfort in knowing that, in solid terms, this is a story about the milliner on March Street?

I'll give you at least this, too, a simple and consistent fact throughout: only one of the ponies is a Changeling.

Hey there. I had this review typed before we realized you were already posted in the group, so here is some feedback from a fan.

First Impressions

Well it looks like your average run of the mill slice of life, but your last one surprised me, and the synopsis is actually quite well constructed. We’re going to see a bit of excitement appear in an otherwise ordinary pony’s life, and I think that sounds quite nice. It’s all in the presentation after all. Even ignoring the EqD and SA feature I have high hopes for this one.

The Good

The first scene is one I think many can relate to, which is inarguably a good thing in any slice of life story. You have a poetic narrative voice that lends itself very easily to similies and metaphors, but is not so florid as to be repulsive. This certainly adds to the mood in a way few authors have been able to recreate.

The Milliner’s characterization is refreshing. Without naming her, you give her a personality, desires, dislikes, and preferences, and a monotonous outlook on life. Bleak, in fact, as the story moves on. This is a prime example of show don’t tell, as you never once mention how dull she feels her life is, but I can feel it, in the way she describes the air, to the dusty confines of her shop. Everything is beautifully laid out in dull monotony. You did end up naming her halfway through, but the moment was well chosen.

Kudos for describing her appearance without making it feel like the story paused just so that you could.

I liked the little fling of romance at the end. By that point in the story, I had cheered because it felt like she needed that. This was the excitement we’d waited for.

Eyes, usually blue, cracked open; and flashed green. A mouth opened, revealing fangs at the corners.

I must applaud you. I actually dropped my drink when I read this line. The set up in the beginning is perfect, masked by the description of bloodshot eyes. I tend to skim ahead by accident sometimes, so I was all set to begin typing about the contrast provided here, which is still excellent, but this punchline right here is what I would call a masterstroke. I never even saw it coming. Well done.

The Bad

I can find nothing significant to criticize.

Nitpicks

It has been some time since I read a story I could find no fault with, and yet this one feels somewhat empty. The emotions linger on the tongue without much flavor, as though to reflect the Moody's starving nature, and yet when we reach the end, they do not intensify, but rather remain just as they were: Tasteful, but somehow lacking. I apologize that I cannot begin to describe how this might be fixed, but I also notice that you write at a level beyond my own, so perhaps I simply lack the eyes to see it. In any case, This story gets easily a 9/10 from me.

9068957
Ah, thank you for the kind words! Once again I apologize for the mishap with group posting. I'm not sure how I managed to submit it twice, but that's on me.

I'm glad you enjoyed it, though, and am equally glad you found the twist shocking enough to warrant a mention. This story was a real treat to write, I assure you. And it always makes me happy to see it stimulate someone's mind.

As for your nitpick, I do see where you're coming from, and that, I believe, is also on me. It didn't occur to me after writing this that there could have been some mood "change," either in emotion or in intensity. It is an interesting observation, what you've pointed out, and though I also don't know the word for it, I assure you it is valid and credible.

Once again, thank you for reading!

A somewhat creepy little piece, but I learned what a "fascinator" was (and a few other things)!

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