8: Applejack, Anonymous
Applejack Anonymous
a My Little Pony fanfiction by Clavier
Chapter 8
Applejack, Anonymous
“Nuh-uh. Nothin’ doin’.” Applejack punctuated her statement with an indignant snort. She was sure that this was not a good idea, and she would have no part of it.
“Please? Please!”
It was unusual enough for Twilight to be awake early enough to catch Applejack in her home; this meeting was made more unusual by the request she was there to make. Her wide, violet eyes twinkled sadly, making her pleas almost impossible to ignore, although Applejack suspected that the effect was created with no small amount of magical intervention.
“Ah–”
The unicorn pouted, and her pleading eyes seemed to reach into Applejack’s soul as their misty fringes threatened to spill over with tears.
It was an insane request, Applejack was sure. If she went to the Institute while the group was meeting, they would tear her apart, figuratively speaking. Twilight had occasionally had some nutty ideas, but this one topped them. She wasn’t even sure what it was supposed to accomplish, let alone how she was supposed to avoid the nightmarish outcome that she was sure was more likely.
Still, looking into Twilight’s gaze, she felt something melt in her heart… quite probably a feeling created by magical intervention.
“Fine,” she huffed.
It took surprisingly little time to reach the Institute. In fact, she barely remembered the trip once she was there. It was like the town had pushed her towards the Institute whether she wanted to go there or not. Like there was a force of… quite possibly magical intervention.
The doorway stood in front of her. She didn’t remember it being so big. It towered over her, more like the ornate gate to a medieval castle than a door to a simple college classroom. All the windows were covered by drapes, and no sound came from inside. Maybe, she thought—or really, only hoped—nopony would be there. Twilight stood next to the door with a sly grin, and with a flash of her horn, it opened, groaning at the sudden movement.
Inside was pitch blackness. In spite of her trepidation, Applejack stepped through the precipice. She jumped as the door slammed behind her. Slowly, her eyes adjusted to the darkness, until a single figure, alone in the massive room, began to come into focus.
“… Twilight?”
Applejack opened her eyes. Her ceiling, illuminated by the rising sun, greeted her.
Another dream.
“Ah thought Ah was done with these…”
She pulled herself from her bed, stretching her legs and preparing for another day’s work. After taking a quick shower, tying back her hair and donning her favorite hat, she trotted down the stairs. Big Macintosh and Granny Smith were at the kitchen table, each with a bowl of porridge.
“Hey, Big Mac, what’s on the roster today?”
He looked up at her for a moment, brow furrowed, then shrugged, going back to his meal.
“Nothin’? What do you mean, nothin’?!”
He shrugged again.
Applejack’s grandmother looked up and smiled. “You’ve been workin’ too hard, missy! It’s about time you took a day off.”
“Well shoot.” She scratched her head. “The new trees?”
“They’re fine. You shouldn’t coddle ’em anyhow!”
“OK, OK, Ah get the picture.”
After a quick breakfast, she decided to head into town. It was a Tuesday, so she knew what some of her friends would be doing, but surely Pinkie Pie would have something entertaining they could do.
It didn’t take much time for the trees to be replaced by houses on her trot to town, but Applejack noticed something unusual about the streets and passers-by. At first, she couldn’t quite place her hoof on it. Something had changed, but she couldn’t see what.
A couple passed by, leaning on each other affectionately, and waved a friendly hello to Applejack. Then another, then a group of mares carrying shopping bags, and then another couple… She realized what it was that had changed: Ponies. It was a Tuesday, and the town was bustling with activity, like it would have been on any other day.
No, not like any other day. Ponies were pairing up like she’d never seen before, but Hearts and Hooves Day was still months away.
She reached the market, and scanned over the crowds. Again, it was almost like any other day, but not quite.
Pushing through a line to talk to the proprietor of a stand she was quite familiar with, Applejack found things in a state she’d never anticipated. Roseluck’s stand was barren of flowers, and the line of customers for it were clearly miffed by it, yelling and pushing each other to see the stand.
“What’s goin’ on here, Rose?” Applejack yelled over the din.
Roseluck hollered something inaudible back. Applejack shook her head and shouted, “What?!”
Again, Roseluck yelled something, but again, Applejack couldn’t hear it. Finally, the florist threw up her forelegs and shrugged. Getting the message, Applejack left the stand and continued towards Sugarcube Corner.
The path took her by the library, so she decided to peek in. After all, if nopony else was going to their little club, then maybe her marefriend would, ironically, skip it as well.
She knocked, and there was a loud thud inside. Concerned, she peered through the window, considering bursting in to see what had happened. Soon enough, Spike cracked open the door, rubbing his head. “What?”
“Ah was just lookin’ for Twi.” She leaned down, examining the bump on his head. “Um, you OK, sugarcube?”
“You woke me up.” He shook himself. “I mean, you surprised me! I, uh…” He flexed a scrawny arm, putting on a show of what little musculature was there. “I dropped my weights! That’s dangerous, you know, you shouldn’t wake me up—um, surprise me in the middle of a workout.”
Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Mmmmmmhm.”
Spike smiled sheepishly. “OK, I fell out of bed.”
“Oh. Err, sorry?”
“ ’s OK.”
For a moment, they both just stared at each other.
“So Twilight’s not here?”
“Nope.”
There was another awkward pause, while Applejack waited for Spike to try to start up a conversation, as he usually did. It wasn’t like him to be so quiet.
“OK, thanks anyway.”
“Bye, Applejack!”
Applejack flinched as the door slammed in her face, followed seconds later by his snoring coming from indoors. Clearly Twilight let him sleep in on Tuesdays, and Applejack had interrupted that. She chuckled to herself, shaking her head as she continued her original trip.
It wasn’t long before she had reached her destination and stepped inside. If the market had been bustling, then Applejack had no words to describe Sugarcube Corner. She’d never had to wind her way through crowds there before, and certainly had never had any problem finding the proprietors. Neither of the Cakes were at the counter, nor was Pinkie Pie, and she could hear a foal crying on the second floor.
“Hiya Applejack!”
Applejack turned her head to the right, where she’d heard Pinkie’s voice, but found only a couple enjoying a milkshake together.
“Real busy today, no time to talk!”
She turned to the left. Still no Pinkie Pie.
“If you want to make an order, you’ll have to wait in line.”
Now the voice was behind her. She turned around, and could have sworn she caught a glimpse of a pink blur, but nothing more.
“That is, if we had a line…”
The sound came from behind her again. Applejack spun around, but was still too slow.
“Tell ya what, if you find a line…”
She spun around again.
“… then tell me about it…”
And again.
“… because I don’t even know who’s ordering what anymore!”
Dizzy from trying to catch sight of Pinkie, Applejack fell mid-spin, hitting her head against the hardwood floor in the process. Momentarily dazed, she groped for her hat on the ground while watching stars dance above her.
“You should be more careful!” Pinkie chirped, stopping above Applejack with a bright smile in spite of the chaotic environment, or perhaps even because of it.
She was wearing Applejack’s hat.
With a glower, Applejack grabbed it and flipped herself back over. Clearly she wasn’t going to find something to do with Pinkie, but the state of Sugarcube Corner only heightened the day’s mystery.
“Just what the hay’s goin’ on here, Pinkie?”
Pinkie disappeared back into the crowd, only occasionally visible as a pink blur leaving trays of treats for customers. “I don’t know! Just busy I guess!”
“Do you want my help?” Applejack reluctantly asked, fearing a positive answer.
“No, thanks, I’m OK!” Pinkie replied. “Besides, all this business sure is good for… uh… business!”
Applejack sighed in relief. Without trying to find the pink blur again to say a proper goodbye, Applejack pushed back through the crowd and out of the shop. She stood at the door for a moment, unsure of how to make use of her day off. The only thing she could think to do was investigate what was going on. And the only way she could think of to do that…
She hadn’t expected her dream to be so prophetic.
Gritting her teeth, she started to the west. Towards the West Ponyville Institute of Geology and Mining. Towards the group.
Towards Twilight.
Along the way, she once again felt the undesired celebrity feeling she’d had for weeks. Everypony greeted her, everypony made pleasant remarks. Particularly the couples, of which there were more than ever. Why’re they all bein’ this way if they ain’t at the club?
Even so, they weren’t particularly disagreeable. They were merely friendly. Too friendly.
The crowds of couples became conspicuously thinner as she approached the Institute. By the time she reached its gates, there were no ponies to be seen, and the campus itself was barren but for the occasional student hustling between classes. It was pleasant to hear the clip-clop of her hooves instead of the cheery salutations of pony pairs.
She reached the Sedimentary Science building shortly. The drapes were shut, preventing her from seeing what was going on inside, so she pressed her ear to the door instead.
“Next on the agenda,” Twilight began, inside. There was the sound of papers shuffling, and a loud sigh. “Next on the agenda,” she quietly repeated.
Applejack cracked open the door slightly to see what was going on. All she could see from that angle was Twilight. Twilight stood at the stage, rustling through papers, beginning over and over again to announce the next item, only to shake her head and move to another sheet.
After a moment of watching that, Applejack peeked through the hinge of the door, through which she could catch a small glimpse of empty rows of seats. In one corner she could just make out the tip of Fluttershy’s tail, but it didn’t look like anypony else was present.
She turned her attention back to the stage at the sound of papers flying through the air. Twilight had thrown the whole stack, crying out, “Well if nopony’s here, what’s the point, anyway?!” She huffed, tromping off the stage and back out of Applejack’s view, and a few voices chuckled inside.
Applejack softly shut the door, making sure the latch didn’t click loudly enough for anypony to hear. It was an unusual circumstance, even for her. Everypony was supposed to be here, to her chagrin. Instead, they were in town, in numbers greater than ever, falling over each other like the air was an aphrodisiac. Meanwhile, her marefriend was presiding over a meeting of nopony.
The realization hit Applejack like a sack of potatoes: She had grown so accustomed to this strange group, it seemed strange to watch it fall apart. And yet, for it to fall apart was all she’d wanted for weeks. Becoming accustomed to it was not something she was going to accept.
She knocked on the door.
The laughter stopped instantly. After what felt like far too many seconds for something as simple as answering a door, she ignored the lack of response and opened it herself.
Inside, at the table where lunch was usually served, sat Twilight, Fluttershy, Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Bon Bon, staring at the door with varying degrees of confusion. Unsure of what else to do, Applejack smiled uncomfortably and waved.
The assembled ponies broke their stare with the door to stare at each other. Then they turned back, staring at Applejack. Then, back to each other. And once more, back to Applejack.
Twilight was the first to break this pattern, smiling meekly and waving her in. Applejack took a few slow steps inside, and soon the rest of the small party was inviting her just as jubilantly. She sat down at the table with the others.
“Sorry to barge in,” she apologized, “but things are a might odd out there. Thought maybe y’all’d know why.”
“Odd?” Rarity inquired. “How so?”
“It’s like Hearts and Hooves day. Everypony’s… well, everypony’s got somepony else.”
“Is there something wrong with that?” Twilight asked.
“Well, no, ’course not. Just… odd. Plus, nopony’s here.”
Rainbow chortled. “Well duh, with you gettin’ all smoochy wuvvy-duvvy with Twilight, why would anypony stay here?”
Twilight Sparkle and Applejack blushed slightly, glancing at each other for only an instant before looking away. The rest nodded along.
“Speaking of,” Bon Bon chimed in, turning to Fluttershy, “I hear you’ve been… ‘getting on’ with AJ’s brother.”
The pegasus pulled away from the table, allowing her pink mane to cover her now-red face. “Oh, well, yes, we’ve been… talking.”
Rainbow’s eyes widened. “Talking?!” Fluttershy slunk further away from her noisiness. “You’ve been dating for two weeks!”
“D–dating? No, we’re just friends, we’ve–!”
“Fluttershy, I saw you two making out two days ago!”
“Well, um, we only do that a little bit…”
Rainbow laughed, drawing Fluttershy back towards the table again. “Do you only kiss most of your friends ‘a little bit’? How come I’m not in on this deal?”
“B–but we can’t be dating,” she stammered, leaning against the table and staring at nopony in particular. “He’s so… big.”
Applejack veritably glowed, a reaction mirrored by everypony else except for Rainbow Dash and Bon Bon, who were laughing so hard they had to hold their sides, wheezing with each breath.
“I didn’t mean… I mean, I don’t know, but I… oh my…”
Applejack cleared her throat, urgently trying to change the topic. “So what y’all are sayin’ is, this little club you’ve got…”
The group exchanged glances. With a smile and an exaggerated flourish, Twilight summoned a gavel into existence and banged it against the table, announcing, “I hereby bring to a close the final meeting of Applejack Anonymous.”
Applejack furrowed her brow in confusion and looked at the others. They all looked as puzzled as her. “Applejack Anonymous?”
Twilight’s smile waned sheepishly. “Um… I thought maybe the group could use a name.”
Fluttershy scooted closer to Twilight and spoke low, but not quite quietly enough to not be heard. “Twilight, you realize we’re not anonymous, right? I mean, we could change some rules, but if this is the last meeting…”
“OK, OK, I was just trying something, the group doesn’t have to have a name!”
The group laughed together once more, and Applejack slid closer to her marefriend.
“So, y’know what this means, right? If there’s no ‘Applejack Anonymous’?” Applejack was growing increasingly excited with each word.
Twilight shook her head.
“That means there’s nothin’ special about us anymore!” Applejack announced, practically jumping. “We’re just two ponies!”
“Oh…” Twilight frowned and her eyebrows drooped. “Is that… good?”
“ ’course it’s good! And y’know what else this means?”
The unicorn didn’t even bother to shake her head this time; the fact that she had no answer was perfectly evident in her expression.
“It means you’ll be free later today.” Applejack grinned and made a small wink.
The rest of the group caught on more quickly than Twilight, each smiling and nudging each other in turn. Slowly, Twilight’s own smile returned.
“Pick you up at seven?” Applejack asked with a sly grin.
Twilight nodded.
That settled, Applejack decided it would be best to not return to town; she’d had enough crowds for one week. She took a long route to avoid downtown, winding through Ponyville’s residential streets. Unlike the town proper, the neighborhoods were mostly empty. In that sense, it wasn’t unlike any other Tuesday.
Applejack shook her head with a victorious smirk. Any former Tuesday. Now that was all behind her. She’d won!
Now with a skip in her step, she continued on her way back to the farm. She was almost disappointed when the rows of trees began, if only because she had nothing left to do. While she wasn’t one to allow her family to command her to do anything, they were correct: There was really nothing worth doing on the farm.
Or maybe not. There was one thing she always could do. Even on a Tuesday, if need be.
For only the second Tuesday in her memory, Applejack loaded and harnessed her trusty apple cart, and began pulling it into town.
Somehow, the strain of the multiple trips into and out of Ponyville didn’t get to her. She may not have been skipping into town towing the cart, but she was certainly smiling when she kicked it open and began hawking her wares.
It was a good day for business. Apples certainly weren’t roses, but her assortment of pastries made quite an impression on the crowds. She’d nearly sold out by lunch, and had to spend her lunch break baking more—a task which Pinkie Pie was happy to let her do at Sugarcube Corner under the condition that Applejack help there too.
She returned to the stand, carrying with her fragrant, fresh-baked apple treats. It wasn’t long before a line started to form at her stand.
“Hiya, Sturdy!”
Sturdy Foundation was at the head of the line, wearing her work gear, with belts full of tools carefully arranged about her waist and hooves unabashedly caked in mud. She nodded a silent hello while her eyes wandered to a fresh-baked apple pie.
“Good to see you, y’know, out and about on a Tuesday,” Applejack continued, voice dropping somewhat.
Sturdy raised an eyebrow. “Where else would I be?
“Y’mean… you’re not…”
“Not what?”
Applejack put a hoof to her head. “Never mind. Pie’s on the house. Thanks for helpin’ with my cart.”
Sturdy cheerfully took the pie, balancing it carefully on her back, nodded a silent goodbye, and left.
Applejack’s stock emptied quickly, as her various pastries turned into afternoon snacks. The line continued into the afternoon, but eventually died down. As the marketplace clock approached six, she readied herself to pack up as the last customer in the market approached the stand.
“Lyra, it’s good to see you.”
“Hey, Applejack,” the unicorn replied. “Two fritters please.”
Applejack smiled crookedly. “Two?”
Lyra pointed behind her, where Bon Bon was sitting on a bench, waving eagerly at them. “I told her I didn’t trust her around you, so I’m buying the snacks myself.”
Aghast, Applejack gawked at Lyra with wide eyes and hanging jaw.
For a few seconds, Lyra held her gaze. Then her lower lip began to quiver. Applejack closed her mouth and narrowed her eyes knowingly, and Lyra lost her composure, bursting into laughter. “Gotcha!”
“OK, OK, everypony’s a comedian.” Applejack rolled her eyes. “Three bits.”
Lyra shuffled around in her saddlebag, then chuckled to herself. Instead of pulling out bits, she pulled out a very familiar-looking hat, and put it on, fumbling awkwardly to make it fit over her horn.
Instinctively, one of Applejack’s hooves went to her head. Her hat was still there. “What in tarnation–?”
“Ya like it?” Lyra asked, her voice lilting near laughter.
“Like it? It’s my hat!”
“I find it helps Bon Bon, y’know…” Lyra tilted her whole head in an exaggerated wink.
Blushing furiously, Applejack stammered uselessly, “Ah– uh– wha– y–”
Then she noticed that Bon Bon was laughing hysterically on her distant bench. Applejack huffed and tapped a hoof impatiently.
“I got you again!” Lyra almost fell over with laughter, but managed to dig out her bits and pay her due.
Hefting her bit bucket with one hoof, Applejack judged that it had been a good business day. Her stand was almost as heavy with bits as it had been with apples. Still, evening was approaching, so she started packing up.
She was leaning over to put away a barrel of apples when a whistle from behind her startled her into bashing her head against the stand.
Turning her head, she saw the culprit and groaned. “Candy Mane…”
Saying nothing in reply, the mare grinned and bobbed her eyebrows. It took several seconds for Applejack to realize that her posterior was dangerously within Candy Mane’s gaze, but when she did, she spun around so quickly that she had to close her eyes and hold her head to stop from getting dizzy.
“I preferred the kissing booth.”
“Yeah, Ah’ll bet you did.”
Candy Mane reached out and held Applejack’s head by the cheeks, in spite of the farmer’s objections. She leaned in, and Applejack leaned away.
“Twilight’s a really lucky pony, you know.”
Applejack stopped, allowing the fear to subside. “Ah… Thanks.”
She was pulled into a quick hug, then let loose, to watch her former admirer trot off happily.
It had been a good day. But now it was time to have a good evening.
With a swift kick, she closed her stand. Deciding that she’d walked back and forth too many times that day, she left it in the market; Ponyville was a safe town, there was no reason not to leave it, and her next stop was the library anyway.
On the way, since she was still early, she stopped once more at Sugarcube Corner, which had closed for the day. The Cakes were more than happy to have her assistance in cleaning up, whether she offered it or not, and before she knew it, it was nearly seven. She snuck out quietly, towards the library.
It occurred to her only after knocking that she wasn’t exactly dressed for a date, what with her not being dressed at all except for her hat. When Twilight opened the door, Applejack was relieved to find that her date was dressed the same. Twilight closed the door behind her, and took her place at Applejack’s side.
“So, what now?” she asked as they trotted through town.
“We never did finish that first date,” Applejack replied with a wink.
Twilight grinned and followed along.
As it turned out, finishing their first date wasn’t a particularly good idea. La Maison sur le Coin was, unsurprisingly, completely full of couples, to the point that tables intended for large parties had been reassigned to serve multiple pairs and the line of amorous ponies going out the door reached the end of the block.
Luckily, neither Applejack nor Twilight were particularly attached to the idea of a fancy meal in an expensive restaurant. Unluckily, the other options didn’t seem much better: Twilight’s favorite Coltenese place was full, Applejack’s favorite bakery was downright packed, even Subhay had no room.
After an hour of increasingly frustrated—and increasingly hungry—wandering, Applejack decided on a better plan. Well hay, Ah can cook. It’ll be late, but late dinner’s better than no dinner. She started heading towards Sweet Apple Acres.
It didn’t take long for Twilight to catch on. There weren’t too many other places that Applejack could have been heading towards in that direction anyway. Together they trotted towards the farm, wordlessly smiling together in the waning sunlight.
Applejack worriedly went through the possibilities in her head. Everything she could make seemed unsatisfactory. Sandwiches were too informal, she didn’t have time to roast vegetables, she had nothing in stock that could be fried; altogether, she feared it was going to be a rather bland dinner.
She was so lost in her thoughts, she didn’t even notice that Twilight had stopped until the unicorn loudly cleared her throat. Turning back, Applejack found that Twilight was looking over a small hill, nestled amongst the apple trees. The family had never bothered to plant there as the ground was hard and uneven, but it was a nice spot. Still, Applejack had no idea what Twilight’s interest in it was.
In a flash, the top of the hill was adorned with a checkered picnic blanket, candles and a small tray of corn burgers and hay fries.
“Twi, you really are amazing.”
Twilight just smiled and trotted up the hill, and Applejack joined her. She took one of the burgers in hoof and poked it nervously. It wasn’t every day that she was offered food summoned by magic, after all.
“It’s just a corn burger, Applejack…” Twilight reassured.
Reluctantly, Applejack took a bite.
Her eyes went wide. She finished the rest of it in one bite, followed by an unladylike mouthful of hay fries. “Twi,” she mumbled through a full mouth, “thith ith inhrehihull!”
She was lucky that Twilight carried little pretension from her youth in Canterlot, as she joined in with equal vigor. Soon the meal was gone, and the pair lay together on the blanket. Twilight watched the moon rise; Applejack watched Twilight.
When the stars came into view, Twilight pointed to the sky.
“That’s the Big Dipper.”
“Uh huh.” Applejack wasn’t looking up, but Twilight didn’t notice.
“There’s Orion’s Belt…”
“Uh huh.”
“And look, it’s dark enough out here to see Sapphus Mannis! That one represents–” She stopped when she looked over at Applejack, and noticed that the farmpony wasn’t looking at the sky. “Oh, I’m sorry… I’m being boring…”
“No you ain’t, Twi, you’re just bein’… well, Twi,” Applejack explained with a grin.
They shared a silent moment, gazing at each other before Twilight spoke again. “Applejack?”
“Yeah?”
“A while ago, you asked me why…” She looked away and her voice became meek and low. “Why I love you…”
“Yeah?”
She scratched the back of her head timidly. “So, um, why… why do you…”
Applejack stopped her inquiry with a kiss. They leaned into each other, pushing together as their tongues and hooves explored with increasing courage. When it ended, Twilight looked down bashfully, but wore a small smile.
It was the same small smile she always had when she wasn’t concerned with the trivia of life, but was allowing herself to enjoy its pleasures. She wasn’t planning anything, she wasn’t going down a “perfect date” checklist, she was just enjoying the time. And so was Applejack.
“That’s why.”
⁂
“Hey, Apple Bloom?”
“Howdy, Sweetie Belle! What’s up?”
Startled, the filly shrank into her multicolored mane under the completely harmless scrutiny of her fillyhood friend. She squeaked, “Can we talk?”
Apple Bloom barely even noticed how uncomfortable her friend was. “ ’course, Sweetie Belle!”
Sweetie Belle shrunk even further away, barely audible, but managed to mumble her plea. “Y–you like me, right?”
“Sure Ah do, you’re one of my very best friends!”
“I l–like you too, Apple Bloom.”
With a guffaw, Apple Bloom tried to quell whatever spirit of terror had inhabited her trembling companion. “Well Ah’m glad.”
“I like you… a l–lot…”
~fin~
That’s it! The end! Didn’t wrap up the loophole you wanted wrapped up? Then I guess you’ll have to write your own sequel!
A lot of people have asked in the comments how I write so quickly and consistently. The simple answer is that I don’t. If you look in my blog, you’ll see that I asked for prereaders and editors for this story on the 19th of August, 2012 (sorry if I didn’t respond when you asked… I ended up mostly finding people by other means after that more or less fell flat). That was posted when I’d finished the first draft of the first chapter. I released the first chapter shortly after finishing the first draft of the last chapter, i.e., this one. So if you thought your comments were strongly influencing the story… err, sorry, they weren’t 
. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate your commends to no end, but… well, it’s so, so much less stressful this way. You have no idea. I recommend it for literally everyone.
On that note, I do have some ideas floating around for a new story, so if anyone is interested in pre-reading or editing a story that won’t even have chapter one written until some arbitrary point in the distant future, PM me.
Thanks again to the list below, and thanks to everyone for reading even if the shipping didn’t go the way you wanted it to. Friendship is Magic and such!
Editor: TheNitroPony
Cover art: Mr Snowpony
Prereading: Jackie, Gold and Mr Snowpony
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Personally, I liked this story better back when it was all comedic with everypony having obsessions with Applejack and such.
Then it turned to shipping between two specific characters... now, while I usually have no problem with this, I did not expect nor desire such an outcome from this fic. I wanted it to be more comedic, which it was in the earlier chapters, but then it just got to being sappy romance. I enjoyed the few tidbits here and there, especially involving the CMC, but overall... the first few chapters, yes. The latter... nah, I could go without.
But still, you have my thumbs up.
That certainly was an interesting read.
I am looking forward to your new stories!
2313784 2313808
First two comments after posting the final chapter are “I liked the first chapters more” and “I liked the last chapters more”. Welcome to the Internet, everypony
overall, a nice clean way to end the story. Was a fun ride, be proud of writing it because I was glad to read it.
......Still...couldn't help but think of the possibilities.....sigh, shut up brain.
Excellent work
Aww. A bit lacking in closure for Dash there! Everyone else seems to have gotten someone~
2313822
…
2313826
Exactly! She's left there all alone, unless I totally missed something!
Clearly, there needs to be a sequel where Dash gets in on the TwiJack love!
2313847
Wow, you just have no compassion at all for poor Rarity. Even when I try to cleverly sneak her into my reply, she gets the cold shoulder.
Tsk tsk.
2313860
Dang, you noticed?
Rarity can get somepony else! Also, I totally can't see RariDash working :P
TwiAppleDash however...
and so ends AA... the cycle begins again with SB and AB though. Thus the circle of life is complete
A nice ending; I particularly like how once everypony had to stop pining after Applejack, they realised that they had what they wanted under their noses all the time!
AB: Honest hard work, right?
AB: Uh... is this 'bout sex? 'Cause ya know we live on a farm an' ah already know that stuff?
That was an awsome story filled with humur and suspense. I am sad to see it end. It was really really fun to read. I look forward to whatever story you plan on doing in the future. (As if the ending was some kind of clue.)
Haha! Applebloom! Must run in the family. I wonder if Granny Smith had the same problem in her youth. Probably one of the more enjoyable bits of the chapter. The other was the pun, "Subhay" in place of Subway.
A wonderful ending to a wonderfully crazy story! I loved every bit of it and would pay several bags worth of bits to read more like it! Just something just as insane and implausible. I think the reason this story appealed to me is that I see little or no appeal in applejack and it would always make me laugh out loud when she got all that unwanted attention. It made me ask, "Why?!" with a snicker or seven, but it was probably the funniest and most heartwarming story I've read in a very long time.
As a writer, I've been told that my stories would be better if I added more detail. I enjoy how you establish your story with less blocks of detailing text. It's just so much simpler and much less of an eye-sore. It takes skill to illustrate a story with fewer words, and you surely have it. I'll try and see if there's anything I can learn about it from your stories. Hope you don't mind it I use them for tutoring.
Sad to see this end, but it was a good ending. This was an interesting story idea, and I love what you did with it. This is probably my favorite TwiJack story, so thanks for the wonderful read, looking forward to your next story.
so the last bit... i'm not a fan of crusader x crusader so i didnt like that part
otherwise perfect story for in my opinion.
2313874
I like that far more than I should. Though not as much as
2313815
Like ALL the chapters!
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m76u0mkWrE1qmuzxw.png
I should be ashamed of myself.
I am not.
Well now, this sure is odd, I wonder why...
Oh dear.
Oh no, not you too!
Aaaaand... CUT.
Well, I'm not sure how to feel about this, but it was enjoyable.
The end- oh no- it's happening all over again. Well, you know what they say, history repeats itself.
I liked it
But I was wondering if dash would get with someone lol
2313874
Yer jest biast. D: Raridash can work, just not as well as Appledash.
(Then again, Rarijack is best.)
2314500
Bah! Bah I say!
2313784
I'm inclined to agree. The entire reason this story got so popular is the premise, and about halfway through the premise starts to set up a ship instead of setting up comedic situations. And then, after that, it seems like it's going to set up a conflict, but that peters off too.
I'm not saying I disliked the ending--good moral about not getting hung up on one
personpony, and all that--but the earlier chapters go in very different directions from the ending.:shrug:
Nice job with this!
But you just HAD to tease us with the foal con...
2313784
I respectfully disagree sir! I thought the relationship moved a little quick for my tastes, but I thought it was interesting seeing some of the conflict that came from everyone wanting her at once.
I'm a little confused on the importance of that dream, but other than that I loved it. It's funny in the right places and romantic in the others and I really like it.
My god the way this chapter just wound down just bothered me so much. It's not because it was bad, but because it was so good! Through the entire chapter, I just had this feeling, like, "Oh my god, everything is done and over and this is how it ends and this story's not going to continue any more after this," and I didn't want to read the end because that meant that it would have to end.
And that made me sad. It was a good, satisfying kind of sad though, like the sunset on the best day ever, or an extended goodbye.
Anyways, onto the story itself, I wouldn't want for it to have ended any other way, but I still would have liked if the later chapters remained true to the story's initial premise. It's understandable that the focus shifted onto Applejack's relationship, but there seemed to be such a defined point at which the story's aim switches that it feels somewhat jarring. Of course, you always could have included more to ease that transition, but for what it's worth, the story is great as it is. My only real problem is that Applejack totally should have gotten together with Rarity.
But seriously, this is good. Thank you so much for writing.
You have made a God fearing Christian read his first lesbian shipfic ever. Congratulations, have a cookie.
i36.photobucket.com/albums/e18/Nasuye/Group/Have_a_cookie.jpg
Now I would usually put all of my thoughts on a story at this point, but luckily for me I don't need to type as many of my likes and dislikes on this fic because this guy, 2313784 did some of it for me.
The description of the story and the shenanigans early on was what really kept me here throughout the entirety of the fic. When the story progressed between Twi and AJ, that's when this fic just became an average story. I just didn't feel real chemistry between these two at any point in the story. Even the ending was kinda 'meh', IMO. She kisses her, and that's why she loves her. That's all well and good early in a relationship, but they had virtually no conflict to go through to end up together aside from their personalities. And even that was considered the biggest hurdle in this story. In real life, relationships like these don't last 'till death do they part.
If I were to rate this story in its entirety, I would give it a 7/10.
The first four chapters 9/10.
The last four, 5/10.
Note: I still 'liked' this and will keep it faved
2314354 I don't know why, but I just got a grin when I read that paragraph. It's cute to me.
Nice work with this story. What was the plot hole? I missed it.
and so it ends with the way it began. now thats a good way to end a story.
Really loved this story, start to finish.
I really enjoyed this fic. It definitely changed directions but both parts were exceptionally well written and paced. Expect for this last chapter. While it is a fitting end to the story, with the club closing and all (which was a great scene, btw) I still feel like all the little wrap ups of the side plots with the apple cart were rushed and unsatisfying. I feel like the plot with Twilight's magic was very interesting but completely unresolved in a satisfying way. It just seemed to... go away.... All and all while I approve of TwiJack I just didn't see a well developed relationship in this (not that I am one to judge, my own fics are complete crap in this department). Certainly not because of bad writing. Because there's really none of that in this fic at all. Just mostly lack of content. It really just feels like the ending should have been a chapter later or so.
Still, a great fic. I do not regret any of time I have spent reading this. I just wish it had the strong ending it deserved.
Also. Subhay. I just... why have I not seen this one before? Ha! It's genius! Do they sell Five Bit Hoof Longs? Does Jared Fogle have a pony form? Just... Subhay.
Subhay! *snicker*
Story over, huh? Good run.
I see one small flaw in your plans however, plain as day and clear as the morning sunshine:
Got any reason why this happened to conveniently show up as a possible additional one-shot/story? Hmm?
Sorry, but I'm also in favor of the early chapters. The crazy premise made me laugh out loud repeatedly at the sheer absurdity of it all and AJ's strange yet totally believable discomfort.
The last chapters, however, were an average shipfic. Not bad, but not really good, either. Mostly because of all the potential conflict you left on the table by having Twilight be the first, last, and only pony to spend any romantic time with AJ. This would have worked a lot better, I think, if AJ dated two or three other characters first (and either dash or Pinkie totally as a joke) and then finished on Twilight. I really think you missed an opportunity for true greatness here, and that saddens me.
Especially because your craftponyship is wonderful. You're an amazing wordsmith, and I eagerly await your next project.
I feel like I'm supposed to give this an analytical and smart review for the entire story, but I'm going to be honest, my entire hour before getting onto FimFiction was reading all the parts with Grawp in Harry Potter #5, so all I can say for now is that this was one of the funniest fanfics and...yeah...also, if I PM you about editing, does that mean only grammar and spelling, or content as well?
2313822
Well if I recall Pinkie is still free...
Damn those sexy Apples! Temptation fruit the lot of them!
everypony loves the Apple family
2316617
anything but PinkieDash!
And the cycle begins again...
I couldn't wait for this last chapter but now I'm sad because it was the last LAST chapter. The idea of this at first seemed a little crazy but you worked it out really well. I hope whatever you move onto next is just as fun and creative as this.
Next up, "Applebloom Anonymous"
Thus the cycle continues...2317992
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͆̈́҉̜̟ͅG͙̺̜̏̓̈̍̆̓ͧL̠̩̺̤̗̗͆́͠O̝̱̲̱̼͠Ṟ̺̮͉̺ͯ̂͂̚͝Y͚͐̒͌̈͝ ̳͔̲̇ͯ͒T̬̞͎͍̗̓͢O͑̅̄ͩ́ ̠ͮͪ͊A̖̪͚P͙ͯ̊̅P̢̝̰̙̫͋L͍̘̬̍̍̊̑͡E͇̬̭̫̫̭̝̋̈͊̄̍̚B̴̮Ļ̎̋̈͊̽͋̽Ö́̈́͛͌̀O̵̖̱͎̲̻̞͐ͫͦM̹̰̝̮̈̍ ͓̫̠̣̼̳̈͌̀̔̌ͯ̈́̕A̛̦͇̞̬͙̟̽͂̆̈́̔̇N͉̜͎̅̍͗͂̈́N̞̩̺͍̜̠̻̋ͯ̃̽O͋͛N̖̪͑ͯ̅̎ͬ̔Y͔͕̺̘͇̖ͬ̐͐̌̋ͧ̚M͕̜̲̖͕̗̆͌ͪ̊ͩ̍Ȯ͉̟̝̙͌́U̵̟̮̰̭̩̞͎ͮS̩̒ͥ
Well written, with an excellent premise and a very satisfactory conclusion.
This deserves five out of five moustaches, five out of five yays, a favorite star, and my thanks for such an entertaining story!
Great fic! I thought it was all good.
Good story, nicely wrapped up.
2313784
Agreed. I don't have a problem with the overall goal of having AJ shipped with Twilight, but the relationship wasn't paced well enough. One chapter we see Applejack fussing over the Applejack Anonymous club and the next we see Applejack trying to kiss Twilight and suddenly realizing she's in love with her. It did not feel planned out at all. A more gradual progression, build-up, and greater foreshadowing would have made the transition easier to digest, otherwise, it just feels sloppy and lazy.
HAHAHA! That ending.
My opinion on this story as a whole: YES!
Well, it was an entertaining story, but I have to side with those who preferred the earlier chapters. I was fine with the shift in tone to focus less on the comedy and more on the romance, but the resolution just came far too quickly and easily.
Fluttershy's portion probably bugged me the most. After seemingly spending like half her life pining after Applejack, she suddenly switched gears so quickly that the story called her and Big Mac a couple after a single hour-long conversation. FlutterMac is fine as one of the outcomes, but that was just...guh, waaay too fast and simple. Did Fluttershy and AJ ever even speak to each other again after 'Shy snuck that kiss? Rainbow and Rarity were both left drifting somewhat unresolved, but that's preferable to flashing into a different romance too quickly to believe.
And then the support group overall, pretty much everypony just accepted it and moved on as soon as AJ picked someone? Why were they in that group at all if it was that easy to get over her? The situation with Lyra and Bon Bon was the only one that actually got addressed effectively, really.
And last, it kind of annoyed me that the instant AJ revealed to Twilight that the feelings were mutual, they immediately shot up to Twilight's bedroom. It was vague exactly how far that went, but it just kinda felt like it cheapened the romance a little by implying the physical aspect of the relationship was by far the biggest thing on their minds. Give it at least a day or two, anyway, after sorting through those other issues that came up after that.
So basically, all that really amounts to were pacing problems, starting at AJ and Twilight's first date. Everything before that was fun to read, and the portions of the rest that weren't rushed were entertaining as well. Annoyingly, that means my comment is extremely disproportionate, because this is mostly griping, while I enjoyed most of the story. Well, just pretend I included a bunch of good things too, because it's harder to say anything specific about those parts.