• Member Since 4th May, 2015
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Elu


A strange Russian guy writing weird pony fiction. I like writing things related to the culture of ponies. Like my work? Support me on Partreon if you can, link is on my profile page.

Comments ( 176 )

An excellent start, showing us how the 3 main parties are being affected by Sirius' suicide attempt. I'm surprised at what Luna did though, but I have to wonder now if the reaction through the door was just coincidence or if it was a way of Sirius' mind telling Luna to stay out. Either way, I look forward to the next chapter and how this story will unravel

Holy hell. That beginning was dark as fuck.

Huh. How... interesting.

Elu

8424475
Thank you. More will come soon.


8424530
It is.


8424610
That's true.


8424953
Indeed...

What a bright and fun situation Sirius is in.

A bit weird that not many ponies have been in a coma before but oh well.

Great start to the sequel :D

Until it was twelfth day since his suicide attempt, she didn't dare to even try to enter. But she saw that the door to his dreams started to disappear, and it greatly worried her. In fact, it horrified her. Such a thing occurred only on one occasion, and Luna wasn't happy to see it unfolding right before her very eyes. She was afraid she could do nothing but she could at least try.

This has been dark, but reading this passage it really seemed to set it in completely to rather pull the heartstrings. Yes, he is alive, but if the door is fading then his mind is literally at the point where it is slipping away into the dark void to be lost. I got to say that this is rather interesting so far and having read the previous story prior and how you stated you wanted to make it realistic over other fics then the reason that saves him I have no doubt will be written in a way that is well thought out.


Also because I fell this might be a bit fun to do I am going to make a prediction that when he wakes from it all the progress that was made in the last story would be all but shattered and he'll be back to square one in the relation with Icylyn, if not further back believing that it was nothing more than a lie conjured by the Princess of the night whom in his mind lost any and all chances to have even remotely gain any trust in SIrus's life span.

Well, it looks like the cavalry is arriving. I guess Iclyn would be the only one Sirius would trust enough to do this task, so hopefully he's not mad if Iclyn wakes him up through this method.

As a side note, I love how Iclyn picked up Sirius' curses. If I remember right, she shouldn't even know what they mean unless she knows English, since the two languages speak separately, unless Sirius told her what those words were of course. it's also amusing that Luna wouldn't have any idea what they mean either, all she would know is that it's strong language

Hm. A grim tone pervades this story so far.

That, however, is far from a bad thing.

Considering that, how would you feel if Wayne June narrated this?

Elu

8428402
Cursive was used for emphasis on words but they were still words of Commonlang. Sirius doesn't even use strong swears, and there has been not a single moment in the previous story when he said either "shit" "fuck" or anything similar.


8428814
His voice fits pretty well, actually.

Was there any swearing in Don't Look Inside? Because if not, this is the first time.

comatose is an adjective. Both times you want "coma" instead.

Elu

8429056
There was some here and there, but none ever came from Sirius. Such an amount of swears that Iclyn has said is unprecedented, I suppose.


8429461
Until recently, I thought that the two words were interchangable. Fixed.

So, I'm guessing the dark figure is a physical manifestation of Sirius' depression, the part of his mind that tries to end his life again and again. A side that uses anything it can to make Sirius feel worthless, dangerous, a blight. I feel as if Icyln is going to find that thing disguised as Sirius to either kill her or ward her out before she finds the real one.

Sirius is losing hope fast, and I don't blame him. With the condition he's in, both in the real world and in his mind, it's no wonder why he thinks no one is coming for him.

Now, I'm curious as to how far Icyln can explore his mind, if it's just the black void he's stuck in or if Icyln can travel anywhere in his mind. It would be interesting if we were showed human parts of Sirius' life through Icyln viewing them.

There have been several statements across both stories from Sirius concerning his fears of more Humans making their way to the New World.

I cannot help but feel you are foreshadowing something.

If you die there, you will die here

Just like in Canada

But much like Rosegfx said, I believe the figure is a creation of Sirius' mentality, his self-destructive, depressed, and very angry inner self. What it says is what he thinks of himself, and it represents what would be left without the few pleasantries within his mind: a hollow, wholly negative being. That is what he will become if he gives in, or if any of us give in, for that matter.

THere are so many predictions I can make, but going dark I think that Icylin will not come out of this unscathed. If she wasn't already mentally scared from seeing Sirus stab himself then her time within his mind will probably do it. There is only so much the mind can take before it snaps, and Icylin -- her innocent nature and how she is portrayed, or how I am interpreting her -- will be pushed to that point of no return if not past it.

If we are going to go into a physical sense then I think that at minimum she would get cuts and bruises; however, on the extreme side, I see her suffering a disfigurement like Sirus suffers in the leg to going as far as to losing a limb completely.

Elu

8434388
Sirius is indeed suffering a lot right now. Basically being robbed (or robbing himself) of all those things he wished for dearly would certainly make anyone lose the will to live.


8434450
It may or may not be true.


8435963
It makes sense.


8436511
It would be completely dumb and unrealistic for her to endure everything. While there are some strong people, those who haven't seen or even heard of suicide before would snap easily.

Kinda waiting for Icyln to admit she raped Sirius cause her estrus got to her.



Think that was my biggest gripe with the first story (other that the RAPERAPERAEP that Sirius kept going on about yet we never saw why). I'm willing to accept that ponies are freer with their feelings than humans and all, yet she asked him to have sex with how many times? She knew he was uncomfortable with showing affection, even feeling like he could love her, yet she skips holding hooves and kissing to go straight to "FUCK ME NOW!"

Elu

8441575
She wasn't in estrus when she had sex with Sirius.

Also, he isn't a type of person to go down without a fight. Raping him would be very hard. Besides, he was holding himself back with Iclyn, she just helped him go forward and gain confidence.

Overall, it was completely consensual.

8441617
Heh. HAHAHA.



If you can't handle holding my hand/hoove, why would I expect you to be comfortable sticking your penis in my vagina? I mean, you made a fucking point about how uncomfortable Sirius was being affectionate AFTER the sex scene. There's putting the cart before the horse, then there's that.


While I suppose being emotionally defunct would make it harder to coerce him into having sex, rape isn't always about physical force. Roofies and emotional blackmail AKA "If you really love me." spring to mind.

Elu

8441689
The thing is, he was unsure if Iclyn would like him in a physical way. Sirius also doesn't like public show of affection but he doesn't mind if it's private.

He's completely new to that sort of thing and thus is shy.

Hm... For once, I'm at a loss. I see that Icyln can interact with his memories without it actually affecting his memories (probably.) But I'm at a complete loss as to why she can do that. My only solid guess would be that the shadow creature of Sirius' mind is allowing her to speak with Stas as an attempt to;
1. Show Icyln the true Sirius and hope it would make her abandon him as it would cause Sirius more pain
2. Use these memories to get Icyln to lower her guard so the figure can attack her
3. Trap Icyln in Sirius' mind indefinitely, hence why she thinks they're so lifelike
4. Use this so Sirius gets mad at Icyln for invading his mind and memories
5. In my opinion is the least likely, is that these will have an affect on Sirius' mind and what Icyln is doing is akin to mental torture

Please Continue

Also, get better soon

Didn't expect a story so soon, hope you get well soon, Gentleman!
As for last chapter's query, well, it could be a number of things.
Stas displays severe depression (obviously), anger issues, possible MPD (with the pale revolver-using side of his mind, though I suppose that may be more of a story construct), and a sense of regret.
You've mentioned rape a good number of times, and Stas seems to react stronger to that than some of the other evils mentioned. This leads me to believe he was either the victim of, or somehow bore witness to it, and he possibly believes it was somehow his fault.
I've also got another theory that he was the one to actually commit rape at some point,
and he hates himself (and by that, human nature) because of it, but I think this less likely.

Elu

8466036
Thank you, and I will.


8466335
Thank you.
Sirius could very well have MPD due to the events he's gone through. He definitely has severe depression and anger issues.

As for rape, you are completely right and he has experienced it in one of the ways you'd mentioned.

This is so dark, but I can't stop reading.

Please continue

"Oh, you are so sure?" the voices asked sarcastically. "You can always see for yourself."
And then a cut to a car crash scene?
You've got me intrigued, and I can't tell if my current predictions are less or more dark than what you've got in store. Only time will tell.

Well
Gonna admit, not entirely what I was expecting.
Sirius' reasons for a lot of his current problems make sense now, I'd hate myself too after that.

This is so dark I don't know why I keep reading.
But my curiosity for where this goes is too great so keep going.

Elu

8483288
It's not just a reason for his self-hate, it goes deeper than that.

8483300
It might or might not get darker. Though, there are way darker stories out there.

But there can't be dark without light.

Gawd... this is getting edgier than Shadow the hedgehog and that's saying something!.
:ajbemused:

Not saying its bad thing...

Elu

8483662
Edgy is when someone tries to act tough and offensive to be recognized and noticed. Sirius doesn't fall under that category. He acts like he acts because that's the way he lives, and such a way was influenced by his past, which obviously wasn't too bright.


8487006
I will, but I would like you to actually comment on the story and how it goes, not encourage me to continue. I'm not planning on stopping until the story is finished naturally.

8487483
Sorry, just sort of a thing i do with everyone

Luna could bring in Anastasia to his mind. He would probably let her in.

Elu

8490696
It was mentioned that he locked his mind tighter after Iclyn got in. Tryin to open it again would most likely result in irreversible severe brain damage, which would make Sirius a vegetable.

The music wasn't my type of thing, most organ-like music is a bit grating on my ears, but I can tell that it fit the scene and was well composed. As for the drawing, a great rough drawing, though my only nitpick is the sword. From the picture, I can see half the cross guard is gone for no reason, unless that half is meant to be missing, and I can't tell whether the blade is missing it's point or if it's stuck in the ground

Elu

8491382
Well, music is subjective. I find pipe organs very beautiful.

As for the sword, it was mentioned in the previous chapter that a part of its crossguard is gone. As for the tip, it's in the ground.

8491398
Ah, guess I wasn't paying much attention .-. strange, I usually dont miss details like that

Elu

8491446
Well, that detail doesn't seem significant enough to be remembered, and our brains like to optimize their storage constatly.

As Spooktober 31st gets closer, this become much more fitting.

She could see nothing behind e forest, and only a lone asphalt road was going through it, just a few street lights present.

Missing a couple letters.:twilightsmile:

Pfft, it's like a video game, the chocolate bar raised her "Health Bar" which in this case would be Faith/Determination. Dunno why my mind went straight to that analogy.

Now, if and when Icyln drags Sirius' sorry ass out of this coma she's gonna need to take up psychology, because I doubt that ponies have therapists. Sirius needs a lot more help than I thought at this point .-. the events that have transpired in his life are sure to leave deep scars in his mind that I don't think affection and support from one or two other people will mend

Problems must be solved. Sometimes, it can't be done alone. [h]

It seems you failed to catch the "horizontal rule" thing :P

Elu

8497688
The chocolate could indeed be a health item.

As for Sirius, he thinks he needs just one person. He was doing pretty well with Iclyn until he found Luna's letter.

Ponies have therapists but they aren't as common or as needed. Obviously, Sirius will get no help from them since they're not experienced with human psychology, and he doesn't trust strangers.

"...It hit him hard." the woman sighed, stirring the pot. "I hope that he'll make new friends once he goes to school again. He could use some sympathy and udnerstanding, and I'm afraid I can't give him everything he needs." she paused for a second. "I... I've not been feeling well as of late, to be honest. I just hope he'll be able to live his life by himself someday." she turned to Iclyn. "Andrey's gone... Someday, it will be my turn. I want Stas to be ready for it, to take responsibility for himself."

understanding is misspelled :P

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