Barix123
Joined 23rd Aug, 2013 ·
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Pacing feels totally off to me... Story feels entirely incomplete too. We end the first chapter with the four mares running off towards SCC but then they're never mentioned again. On top of that, the scene with Fluttershy didn't really have anything leading up to it, nor any reason for it (Other than having a vore scene just purely for the sake of it?). I think this could use a lot more detail, and possibly several more chapters, before being called complete.
Do the mares make it to Canterlot? Did anything happen to Celestia and Luna? What, if anything, could be done to help Twilight? I feel like all those questions need proper answers and a full resolution.
8480986
You are most definitely right. If you want answers stay tuned for the next part.
8480990
You would be better having just made the 2 chapters here one chapter and then just adding more chapters to this rather then making multiple incomplete stories.
That can't be all
BTW I think Luna and celestia should also have been transformed into lamias as well