Just a random guys that is writing a story feel free to check it out and add me on steam I'm not sure if I'll update my steam name but it will always have something to do with Soviet Pony
'Fire Tan' A former Red guard marks-mare finds herself in a post cold war nuclear Apocalypse world, after finding her former commander 'red shine' she finds her self in the midst of an invasion on USA mainland.
There are no Real Plot line besides my general idea because the story is by the reader's ideas and the OC owner's decision upon events.
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What I don't really understand in these stories is why would Soviet Union invade US?
I knew it, sorry lads I knew this might end up being an misunderstanding, the title was misleading and I thought people, would this this is a paralleled universe but it isn't, sorry for the miss understanding I just wasn't too thoughtful on the name, sorry for the disappointment.
Woah. What's up with all those deleted comments?
Why did you delete all those comments?
sorry about those comments, those were a mistake at the beginning of my story where I had it as 'Fallout-Soviet Assualt' it is my fault but I dont want the comments there to influence what people think, since this is not a fallout eq ripoff.
842 he made a mistake by calling it Fallout-soviet assalt
Guys, I'm not doing so well, Please give me some suggestion or criticism so I can make this story better.
the lack of other ponys surviving the bomb is a little far fetched their would be more survivors giving the distance because of the poisons not killing instantly. and they would all run for the bomb selter.
The Bombs in this case as I mentioned are SIMM instead of ballistic missiles in real life, they travel in sub light speed, reaching the world in less than quarter of a minute, they do not contain radiation, but the heat will burn not vaporize but burn the earth and the sudden discharge can kill anyone exposed at a surprising distance as the heat is increased with the mixture of both magic and that of a normal non dirty (basically meaning no radiation) bomb and most ponies were in their homes and the rest didn't have enough time to reach cover as only stone can provide cover. So that can explain why there arent many survivors, now the cities are a whole different matter, they are hit but the causalities percentage are much less than a small factory town's causality rates. If anyone has a better theory, let me know.
Sorry for the last few days that has gone without any updates, my grandma had some health problems and it isnt getting better, I feel better now so hopefully I'll resume normal update, BTW sorry for the quality in page seven, that page doesnt feel quite right, anyway thats my update, thx for reading.
if anyone is reading can you tell me if you guys can see the drawing I left in every page?
yeah
Hey guys any ideas of events suggestion or whatever could make the story better, please feel free to tell me, I want to make this story as good as possible so feel free to provide me ideas and suggestions. Thanks for reading guys
Guys I know this might sound stupid, but I want this story to be better please help me by providing any kind of suggestions, if your leaving a dislike that's fine, but I want a reason so I can improve and make it better, the whole point of this writing is so people can enjoy it but if you aren't its my fault and I need your help to fix it, so please again If there are ANYTHING that you can think of please tell me so I can fix it, improve it etc. Thanks again for reading my story.
Guys I understand that my writing skills aren't exactly good and its normal to receive dislikes, but please do provide a reason so I can change it or make it better, if you guys wont do it for me, do it for the people that will read the story after you.
Hello Comrade!
I've had the chance to look over a couple of chapters in your story, and from one writer to another, I'd like to share some thoughts. I'm no professional reviewer so what I've got are just my thoughts, given in the spirit of hopeful improvement.
First off, I think the title might need some clarification. I get the feeling you're trying to describe your story in the title, but it makes it confusing. Simple titles tend to catch my eye a bit more than some long complicated one. If you cut it down to Wars of Change, that might help in gaining interest. Use the long description to explain the setting of the story.
Second is the subject of the story. War stories face an uphill battle to start, since ponies are generally peaceful things. It can be done, but you're going to have to tell a pretty compelling story that gets people hooked pretty quick.
That leads to point three, and I think this is where you're losing people: a soviet invasion of the United States needs to take more than 427 words. It's like if I tried to catch your interest in World War 2 by saying Germany invaded Poland, then France, and then Russia, and then the Americans decided to show up. There's not enough of a hook, and you almost could just take the prologue and put it in as your long description. Give us something to be interested in, to make us want to come back. Really, it should be closer to 4,427 words. Expand on the initial invasion, and then the use of the SIMMs.
Also, most of your other chapters seem way too short. For a subject like this, you really need to add details to the events.
Fourth, I always think it's risky to let comments drive a story story. To me it comes across as a bit lazy, because the vibe is you want everyone else to write the story foe you. Implementing ideas from commentors in future chapters is fine, but you should be the one to control the overarching plot and theme. For example, in the story I've got gpu g right now my OC is forced to marry Celestia. If I let the comments drive the story they'd be all over the place in a sea of ever increasing chaos that makes no sense. I've loved and used some of the ideas people have suggested, but I still control the story's direction. I have defined my OC's personality and kept it to what I want, even with various suggestions on what he should do or say. Work out a plot for this, too. Where are you going, what's the end game? You are in charge. Be flexible, but know where you're going.
Last point I'll make is that, to me, this story isn't sure where it is. The main question I wondered was what happened to Equestria? Is this our world, but with anthro ponies, or is this in Ponyland? We have real world places mixed in with Equestrian places. How? Why? Did our two worlds merge? You don't want to overload the reader with questions. If it was me, I'd put it all in ponyland but make Equestria the U.S. and then maybe Yakyakistan as Russia. Since this has Anthro ponies, it's better to have it lean more pony than human (for me at least).
So there you go! Really, I think if you'd expand the world out, give us more details, thst would help out a lot. A good pre-reader or editor might be beneficial too, just take a look around in one of the 'I need an editor' groups and you'll find some help there.
Hope it helps!
!!!MAJOR UPDATE MAJOR UPDATE MAJOR UPDATE!!!
After talking to my friends (whoever that was on that day) about the problem of my story I had realized that the base for the story is horrible and that I have gotten off on the wrong foot, I would LOVE to repay the people who had supported me and liked my story you guys can feel free to come to my steam or account here to ask for a commission (that is if you don't mind my drawing, only been doing this for 3 weeks :P) Its the least I can do, I'm going to send my story back into a major reboot where I will add in more details and fix up mistakes and I will re-post it, I WILL BE BACK COMRADES! URA!
Wars of the Old World (A post nuclear interactive story) Is the official reboot comrades, I will refine all my previous writing and make sure I have improvements, (I hope)
You have sullied your hands with filthy parchments of heresy, writer. How do you plead?