The Real Pony Ghostbusters

by Belligerent Bindlestiff

Now Hiring!

When they returned to the firehouse, Becky was standing in front of her desk, looking expectant of the news. “So do I still have a job, or am I going to have to update my resume again?”

Vay set down the trap and opened it, setting Slimer free. The ghost shook himself like a dog, thankfully not splattering slime anywhere.

Becky’s eyes grew wide. “Color me impressed.” She said. “but I thought you were going to keep ghosts in that ‘containment grid’ of yours?”

“Not this one.” Vay said. “He’s pretty friendly.” Swift scooped some slime from his mane and rubbed it in Vay’s face. “After some negotiation.” The unicorn continued.

“Nice place you got.” Slimer said. “Any food?”

“Yeah, after we cash the check.” Vay replied.

Swift gave a folded piece of paper to Becky.

Her brow quirked as she read the amount. “Now that’s helpful.” She replied.

“Well, it should be able to cover our base costs for a while.” Neutrona said, levitating a pen and notepad for her calculations.

“Yeah, this could have been a fluke.” Swift said.

Just then, Becky belched out a flame with a message. She looked over it and asked. “So are you going to be available tomorrow morning?”

////

It didn’t take long for news to spread about a group of ponies offering paranormal elimination services around the clock.

They found that many ghosts weren’t nearly as negotiable as Slimer and were forced to capture a great deal of spirits.

Stranger yet, were the shapes that the ghosts took, many of them hardly resembled anything equine. Some ghosts looked like spiders, some only a mist, but true to Neutrona’s research, they could all be weakened and snared by the proton stream.

As more jobs were completed, the company was slowly pulling itself out of the red, and they were able to get the word out further about their services.

Newspapers began headlining about the escapades of the Ghostbusters in the city. One Coco Pommel looked at her latest edition of the paper.

Sport Gear Stocks Soarin on Wonderbolt Endorsements

Ghostbusters Clear out Wharves

Secretariat Comet Passing by Soon

As she continued working on another series of dresses, Coco wondered if a certain pegasus would actual deliver on his promise.

////

Fan mail flooded the office daily. To Becky’s fortune, it wasn’t being sent through her dragon fire. Swift fed on the attention and set about taking interviews for papers and magazines. Though, it didn’t save him from Valence bursting in through the doors during the interviews to bring him along on a job.

He also loved the attention he’d gotten from the mares of Manehattan. There were plenty of offers for dates, but while he would have loved to go out with them, one fashion designer stayed on his mind.

By far, Nuetrona was getting the bulk of the love letters. All it took was a few photos of her in the paper to gain a fanbase that even Swift had to admit made him jealous.

She’d pick up a stack of envelopes, rifle through them, and then throw all of the ones with hearts into the recycling bin.

Vay wasn’t without romantic pursuit either. Either by too much study or by sheer obsession, work and pleasure collided on more than one occasion for Valence. A wonderful, wispy, pegasus mare would enter Valence’s subconsciousness on plenty of nights and would land on top of him in his sleep.

They’d whisper sweet nothings to each other and speak on many things.

////

Becky sat at her desk, interviewing a slew of ponies. Most seemed overeager just to simply be in the Ghostbusters’ firehouse. After each unqualified applicant, she only let out a “Next!”, each time, growing more frustrated.

One pony, a brown pegasus with a grey mane, brought out a camera and took a picture before Becky could even ask the first question. She glared at him.

The pegasus spoke, “Oh, I thought this was the line for tours. Sorry!”

The next applicant that sat sown was a yellow earth pony mare with a black mane, but before she could say anything, Becky had jumped the gun. “Next!”

“Now hold on a minute!” the mare said in protest. “You didn’t even ask me anything!”

“Sorry, we’ve just had a sea of unqualified applicants.” Becky said, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Do you have experience that we could use?”

“I served in the Equestrian Guard for ten years.” The mare replied.

“This job is more a scientific position.” Becky said. “What experience to you have with the world of the bizarre?”

“Served at the palace during the Discord incident.” The mare said. “Spent my time guarding the front gate of the palace as a potted plant.”

“What’s your name?” Becky asked.

“Firm Ground.” The earth pony replied.

The dragon called out to Valence and Swift Guess, who had just come in from a bust, trotting in exhausted.

“I’ve finally got a qualified applicant.” Becky said. “Meet Firm Ground, military experience-“

“Great, you’re hired.” Vay said. “I’m Dr. Valence, this is Dr. Swift Guess, and our engineer is Dr. Neutrona. Ms. Becky, can you have Ms. Ground sign a contract.”

“You got it.” Becky replied and then burped another message. “You’ve got another job.”

The two Ghostbusters sighed, but Neutrona came down the stairs and offered to help.

“I’ll head out with her on this one.” Neutrona said as she began suiting up. “You’ll be briefed on our equipment. This will be an on the job learning experience.”

The two of them departed from the fire house.

Becky turned to Swift and spoke. “By the way, you’ve got company in your office. A griffon from the Anti-Necromancy Bureau.

Swift looked over with a scowl. “Can’t it wait?”

Becky then burped up a pile of messages. “If you’d like, you can take another job. I’ve been holding onto these for a while now.” Becky said and reached over for a bottle of antacids.

“I’ll talk to the pencil pusher.” Swift said and moved over to his office.

He saw the thin framed griffon pacing about his office, scrutinizing the disorderly state. He also saw that Slimer had hidden himself in the water cooler. Swift picked up his pace to distract the Griffon.

“Gawker Peck, Anti-Necromancy Bureau, Equestria to Griffonstone ambassador.” He offered a claw to shake.

“Dr. Swift Guess.” The pegasus replied, offering a slimy hoof, that Peck recoiled from shaking. It was enough for Slimer to sneak out of the office and head upstairs.

“So, you have a little paranormal establishment here.” Peck said. “And from the looks of it, there’s more than a little card shop here for tarot reading?”

“We help ponies having that are having spiritual problems.” Swift said. “Paranormal eliminations are to help convince ghosts to stop haunting ponies.”

“Cut the semantics. You catch ghosts.” Peck replied. “I’m here to find out what you do with those ghosts.”

“Well, if we did catch ghosts, they’d be put into a containment grid. Safe from the public.” Swift said.

“And I’d be certain that if that containment grid functioned properly. It wouldn’t be far off.” Peck said. “And I would assume that you’d show me that grid if I asked?”

“How about a drink?” Swift asked moving towards the water cooler.

“Sure.” Peck replied.

Swift poured a small cup from the cooler. The green liquid perturbed Peck.

“It’s a sample of our latest line of products. Ecto Cooler.” Swift said. “So, why would you want to see a containment grid?”

“I’m sure you know that when anyone starts amassing their own little collection of spirits, not of the drinking variety, it might be used for some unsavory practices.”

“Well, that would be a huge problem.” Swift said. “But how am I to know that a member of the Anti-Necromancy Bureau isn’t somepony dangerous and trying to conduct some sort of necromantic ritual?”

He smirked at the griffon. “Imagine, it’s the perfect cover! Your organization is always rooting out necromancy, what better way to find great sources of spiritual energy than by using the bureau’s resources to find them?”

Swift sat down at his desk, and noted the look of confusion and horror that Gawker wore. “You’re right. I’ve never thought of it that way.”

The griffon downed the drink and left the office. “Thank you, your theory was impeccable. We shall conduct a re-evaluation of our agents.”

////

Neutrona provided Firm Ground with a spare flight suit and proton saddle pack. The newcomer quickly donned it and noted how it didn’t cover her cutie mark of an armored pony with a shield. The two ponies had taken to trotting down the sidewalk to their next job.

“Nice to see Becky finally approved of somepony to get hired.” Neutrona said. “So what made you decided to join the field of paranormal investigation?”

“Served my duty in the guard.” Firm Ground said. “I was ready for a career change. Private business seemed like a nice shift at first, but sometimes it just felt so boring. And then I saw your ad in the papers.”

They rounded the corner of the street, more ponies taking notice of the Ghostbusters on hoof.

“I mean, I’m not in any mortal peril on this job.” Firm Ground said.

Neutrona looked at Firm Ground and waved a hoof in the air. “Well, there are some risks of curses and possession, but as of now, our company has seen zero instances of such.”

The two mares arrived at a Neighponese restaurant.

“I knew the address seemed familiar.” Neutrona said.” They reported something of a violent disturbance here-“ a chair came flying through the glass window.

Ponies came galloping out in a panic, and the mares entered the establishment.

Inside, they found the ghost of a pony wielding a samurai sword. He was chopping up tables and whatever he could find.

“He’s going to destroy the restaurant!” the proprietor, an earth pony mare in a kimono said. “You’ve got to stop him!”

At the moment, the light blue ghost was content with dicing up the furniture.

“Has it always been here?” Neutrona asked.

“No, it only showed up when we debuted an old family recipe for fried rice.” The businessmare said.

“My family’s recipe was better!” the ghost yelled, and turned his attention their way.

Neutrona fired a proton stream, staving off the attack.

“Isn’t there some way we can solve this peacefully?” Firm Ground asked.

“Some ghosts can be reasoned with, and co-habituate with ponies well.” Neutrona said.

“I WILL DESTROY YOU AND YOUR LEGACY!” the apparition roared.

“Others have to be dealt with quickly before things escalate.” Neutrona said and fired another stream, but the ghost used his sword to keep the charged particles at bay.

“I’d been looking forward to an earth pony joining us.” Neutrona said. “ The pack you have has been equipped with neutron wands to be equipped on your fetlocks to fire the proton stream from.”

The ghost was pushing back the stream.

“Flick the switch on and fire a stream at the ghost!” Neutrona said. “And don’t let the streams collide!”

Firm Ground did as instructed and sent a charged stream of proton particles at the ghost’s openside. The stream latched onto a hoof of the ghost, distracting it and allowing Neutrona to wrangle his other hoof.

The ghost swung with its sword at the streams and severed them.

“Neutrona, hit him again!” Firm Ground said. And another proton stream flew at the ghost.

He readied to block again, but Firm Ground shot a stream that grabbed the ghost by the hoof once more. She tugged at the stream to slam the ghost, knocking the ethereal sword away.

Neutrona then snared the ghost by its other hoof once more and threw down a trap. “Don’t look!” she said just before stomping.

The ghost was then pulled in with a satisfying beep following the trap’s closure.

////

Having acquired another check, the two Ghostbusters made their way back to the fire house. Neutrona was busy looking over her notes, her attention back to her studies now that the job was completed.

“So, was that a usual job?” Firm Ground asked.

“Usually there’s more slime.” Neutrona replied. “Nice work with disarming the ghost.”

“You pick up a few tricks in the guard.” Firm Ground said. She looked at the other mare, who hadn’t been looking at her the whole time. “Are you always this engrossed with your work?”

“It’s some research I’ve been trying to complete for one of our clients.” Neutrona said. “The name Zuul has been eluding us for some time now, you’d think it have been in the Z section of our materials.”

“Oh hey, that sounds like a name from one of the stories I came across in my undergrad years.” Firm Ground said. “Yeah, I think it was when we were studying Hooftite and Sumareian civilizations. I studied history by the way.”

Neutrona levitated her notepad down and brought out a pen.

“Zuul was a minion I believe.” Firm Ground waved a hoof in the air as if to jog her memory. “Related to some old deity called Grazer.”

“Well, that certainly explains a lot then, we thought Zuul was a more prominent figure.” Neutrona said as she and Firm Ground went inside the firehouse.

Valence was waiting for the mares to meet him in the basement to demonstrate the containment grid.

“So this is where we store all of the vapors, entities, and slimers that we trap.” He said.

Slimer floated from behind the Ghostbuster. “Hey!” the ghost exclaimed.

“Except him, he’s friendly.” Vay said. “Our containment unit is made of varying materials that help insulate the ghosts from escaping. From rare metals to special crystals from the Crystal Empire.”

Valence took the trap from their latest bust and moved it into the receptacle on the grid. “It’s as simple as pulling a few switches. In the end, a green light means the trap is clean.”

“In addition to her first bust, Firm Ground has also given us some headway into our case with Coco Pommel.” Neutrona said.

The three of them made their way out of the basement and towards the second floor. “Great, this stuff has been bugging me for a long time.” Vay said. “Though that means Swift will want to be the one to deliver the news.”

Author's Note:

Special thanks to FanOfMostEverything for coming up with a horse name for the Destructor's Equestrian form.

Comments

[Shifter489]

“Gawker Peck, Anti-Necromancy Bureau, Equestria to Griffonstone ambassador.” He offered a claw to shake.

Gawk Pecker. Nice one.