You are a human named Alex, works as an assistant tailor in the Rarity boutique, as well as being a Handyman for his past work experiences.. As more than just his fair share gains.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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How do I know this story won't die after only one chapter?
Is English not your first language, because your grammer is particually bad. The biggest issues being basic sentence structure (especially with dialogue) and about half of the pronouns are incorrect. There were times where I couldn't tell who was speaking and who certain sentences were about, leaving me very confused. This needs to go through a proofread.
8435180
do not worry. this story is determined to continue it. hoping to find an editor to help me solve my writing problems.
8435617
in fact English is not my first language. and in fact I'm looking for an editor that can help me somehow. because with the translation on the site I am written in a different way and this as well as frustrating and confusing readers. thanks for being past.
You ever hear about the "pronoun problem" routine? Well, this story has it literally.
It has potential and I want to see more but, as a fellow writer that is at war with english grammar, trust me when I say, I understand. Believe me the fight of 'he she, her and his' is something I'm struggling as well.
My advice, after finishing a chapter don't post it right away, give it a do over. Trust me it helps to find at least half of the problems and, good luck finding an editor, they say its easy…but yeah its not always like that. I think its like fishing, its all in the patience
Bad gammer bleeds the eyes of the reader
8436966
I'm trying to improve. I accept constructive criticism and suggestions ..
8436431
thank you for your comment. neutral but direct without being excessive. I will follow your advice and in fact the issue of pronouns and a more difficult problem to overcome . thank you again for having responded and we will feel the next update !.
8438605
It was nothing, you see my story and would see the same problems happening multiple times, I try but it still a bit hard, and you are have something I still not sure how to construct, and that is clop, maybe at some point I might give you a private message asking for help into how to describe mares or make a good clop scene.
Keep on the good job
8438876
every help will be well received. thanks ^^. the new chapter is under development, but I'm going to publish some. following your advice.
8441071
That is great, wish you luck, you will see with just giving a look you will surprise how many mistakes pop up. And don't feel bad Albert Einstein had the exact same problem. He had a theory saying that all minds have horrible grammar because our minds think faster than what our hands can process so things like that are doom to happen.
what alex gonna do next?
awesome chapter needs a editor though
You keep getting mixed up with he his and him
I see what you're trying to do here, and while not wholly original it has merits and can be enjoyable.
That said however there are a few glaring flaws you need to work on. First you need to work on your grammar. It's atrocious here and makes it difficult to understand what is occurring.
Second you need to work on your pacing and depth of detail. Some places felt like there was tons of detail put into unimportant bits, where other more relevant pieces were glossed over quickly.
The good news is these can both be fixed with practice and an editor. All in all, a fine first attempt. Keep it up and you will do just fine
Not to be mean, but it seems whoever edited this also has English as their third language.
8445303
I just found a publisher who is currently correcting the first chapter. I hope to hear your opinion again for the next chapters and possible tips and suggestions for improving and enriching the story.thanks for being past.
8435617
I just found a publisher who is currently correcting the first chapter. I hope to hear your opinion again for the next chapters. thanks for being past.
Is it just me or why does it feel like a rewrite of special spa treatment: human edition? Some changes to locations but overall the same story..
8648047
The story of Alex is a bit like it. and in future chapters there has been a similarity but I have had permissions to Wolfman for some scenes / phrases.
But I hope history can interest you and follow it anyway.
Ilove it so far and can't wait to see wheres this goes.
A sprained ankle prevented him from walking for 10 days. I walked after breaking a hip in 5 places and losing organs after 12 days. What a pansy.
8648047
That's what I thought. Then again, it doesn't look that bad.
A strong start.