• Member Since 13th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen Monday

Balddog4



T
Source

After dating for secretly for months, Twilight and Rarity are engaged with one another. But then comes the hard part. Telling their close friends and family members about their love life. Will their friends and family support them or not. In any case hilarity will ensue during the course of Twilight's and Rarity's quest.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 5 )

Alright, so...

RarityXSparkle :raritystarry::heart::twilightblush: good ship.

Coming out to family and friends? Sounds like a lot of fun.

Being this a Romantic Comedy, all you need now are some good jokes and a cheesy mushy plot. And, of course, you need grammar.

It's too early for jokes and plot, but I can already tell that this grammar won't do.:ajsleepy:

Let's take a look at the first paragraph.

Twilight Sparkle rolled around in her bed as she slowly open her eyes. Yawning, she rubs her eyes, but she doesn’t get up. Instead she reclosed her eyes as she grabbed a hold onto something and nuzzled into it.

You start with the past tense (rolled) and switch to present (slowly open) in just one sentence. Then, it past tense again when she re-closed her eyes. This is a huge mistake!

Never change they way you're storytelling, unless you have a really good reason!

As we go on, I see that many dialogues are all in italic. You can do that, but I advise against it. Italic is supposed to be used only to emphasize few words in a contest. That way, you can really change the way others read that word.

The punctuation also needs some work. You have to trail one sentence into the other, ending it with a period only when you're finished with the purpose of that sentence. Also, the next sentence has to be somehow chained with the previous.

Or start a new paragraph.

Twilight blushed at the way Rarity pronounced the word “darling,” but she just quickly shook it off.

This isn't a dialogue, nopony is actually uttering ‘darling’ here. Don't use this "", use this ''.

All right, let me say one last important thing.

As much as I love writing this story

This? Up here? That is the most important thing. Don't worry about other's judgment or schedule, your own approval is the one that truly matters. I want you to write better, but most of all I hope you'll have fun writing.

rsy
rsy #2 · 1 week ago · · ·

:raritystarry:❤️‍:twilightsheepish:

why do I have feeling that like most of they friends will always knew the two been dating,

I'm going to take a guess that this is before Crusaders of the Lost Mark, otherwise Sweetie Belle would have already gotten her cutie mark. So this seems like it's going to be a good story, can't wait to see what happens next. Good luck in basic, I heard it can be difficult.

We're way past of the CMC searching for their cutie marks.

Twilight and Rarity should gather their friends all at once instead of going one by one.

Login or register to comment